Snape ran to her bed and spent the rest of the evening hiding under her sheets. She was mortified that Lily surmised what she considered one of the worst experiences of her life, and had the gall to spout all that love and acceptance nonsense.
She punched her pillow until the feathers started to come out.
She woke up early in the morning to find some objects to enchant. She turned them into mice and finally tested Sectumsepra. It was glorious.
She thought the matter had been settled. While she hadn't bothered telling James that Lily knew their relationship was a farce (she knew she'd have to explain how that happened), Lily was nice enough to play along.
James wasn't as obnoxious as before. Instead, he made the time to walk with her to class, or he would sit with her in the library and they would exchange notes. Snape would invite Lily to study with them, and she was unusually quiet. Usually, Lily tended to prattle about the subject at hand, but she seemed to hardly look at her book at all. She would just sit and observe.
Occasionally, James's friends would stop by to say hello and Snape couldn't help but smile as she saw a poorly hidden scrape, or a black eye. She was still meeting the Marauders on a weekly basis to spar, and while she was getting a decent fight from them for the most part, she enjoyed the times when she could trounce them.
Her proudest moment was when Black conceded the fight, asking how she had modified a Sheild Charm. Initially, she refused to give away her secrets. It didn't take long for one of them to try to reverse engineer the spell, so she decided it might be better to show them to prevent any potentially fatal accidents. Much to her surprise, they were more competent at Spellcrafting than they let on, and while she'd never admit it, she learned a few defensive spells from them as well.
Mostly, things had settled into a new normal with an uneasy truce. No one discussed their discomfort at the arrangement, and everyone pretended that they got along.
So when Mary MacDonald showed up to ask if Snape wanted to take a walk with her by the Lake, she really was taken aback.
"Did Lily put you up to this?" Snape asked, but Mary's grimace seemed to be enough of an answer
"You think she'd mind her own business." Snape muttered. "All right, let's go."
They paced silently for a while, trying to think of what to say.
"You know, Lily might have suggested we have a chat, but I wanted to talk to you," Mary spluttered.
Snake glared at her. "Why? I don't think it benefits either of us. You and I have nothing in common otherwise, and I don't think this thing should be some sort of bonding activity," she spat.
"This isn't easy for me either, Snape. I don't want to be known as that girl. And despite Lily's best intentions, I think her efforts to help me made more people aware of what happened to me than I'm comfortable with. I mean, I'd have preferred it if you hadn't known, no offense. But it happened. And no one else is going to really understand what we felt." Mary put her hands in the pockets of her robes and shivered.
The wind was buffeting across the lake, causing the frost to land on their faces. The weather was in its transitional state, alternating between snow and rain. At the moment, the snow had turned to sludge as the trudged through the lakeside.
Snape closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to center herself. She exhaled.
"Did he put you under?" Snape asked. "He did that to me."
"Yes," Mary confirmed. "I never knew the Imperius felt so well, like it did. I thought it would be more painful."
"It helps lull the intended target to they don't try to break it." Snape explained. Mary nodded.
"You were always so clever Severa, you know so much about defense." Mary commented. It seemed more like a complaint than a compliment. Snape tried to outpace her, but Mary slowly jogged along to catch up, huffing slightly.
"Fat lot of good it did for me. I knew my theory well, but I wasn't able to fight it off either. I prided myself on that. I might not have looks, or friends, but I had my cleverness and my magic. If I couldn't fight off the Imperius, then what do I have?" Snape wondered.
"Stop that," Mary replied fiercely. "You have plenty of things to be proud of. And many trained wizards can't fight it off. That's why it's an Unforgivable in the first place."
Snape stopped pacing and Mary finally caught up. She turned to face her, and stared into Mary's eyes. She resisted the urge to look through her thoughts. It would have been helpful to find a motive for why she was trying to act so sympathetic, but there was no point. Snape was at her wits' end and feeling exhausted.
"He told me you enjoyed it," Snape replied offhandedly, disarming the other girl.
"He said that?" Mary muttered, horrified.
"I didn't believe it. I think he used it as a tactic to upset me. It didn't work." Snape replied. She assessed the other girl, trying to find out her angle. Was she trying to get her to humiliate herself?
"I...reacted that's true. But I hated it. It felt wrong, like my body had betrayed me." Mary replied, hiding her head in her hand. Her voice was shaking.
Snape frowned. She wanted to hate Mary for making her talk about this. Despite herself, she was feeling sorry for the other girl.
"Have you tried blocking your emotions? It's a good first step towards Occulmency."
"Occulmency?" Mary asked curiously. "Isn't it rather difficult?"
Snape nodded. "Extremely. I'm not going to lie, most people are unable to learn it, but the basics are simple enough. And when you feel that you have control of your mind, you have control of your body. It's actually quite liberating," she admitted.
Mary's eyes widened. "Could you show me?"
Snape gave her an appraising look. "No, I'm afraid I can't. But you could take a look at The Mind and The Matter, it's a good primer for laymen. It's guided exercises, meditation. It's mostly useless, but there's some good points for beginners. If you can handle that, maybe we can talk about it another time."
"I'll definitely take a look," Mary replied excitedly. She grinned, "You know Vera, maybe Lily was right about you, you really aren't that bad once you open up."
Snape gave her a withering glare. "I'd prefer not to be called Vera, and I hope you don't make me regret this conversation."
Mary gave some half-hearted goodbyes and left Snape to her own devices. Idly, she kicked some stones into the lake and wondered if she was allowing herself to become weak. She'd have to work on that somehow.
As Winter turned to Spring, the students were increasing in their frenzy as it was closer to exams.
While Snape wasn't the type to turn herself into a nervous wreck over OWLS, she had increased her study schedule, barely taking the time to talk to her acquaintances in Slytherin. It seems spending time with Lily and having a fake boyfriend was a full time occupation.
"Study any more and you'll be cross-eyed, I swear."
Snake looked up from her textbook and sighed. It seemed she had to humor Regulus again.
"You'll understand next year, and I'm sure you certainly won't be as charitable as I am."
It was once again breakfast. Why did Regulus have to ruin breakfast of all meals? She flipped at page and took a bite of toast, ignoring him.
He sat down next to her, and seemed to enjoy the sight of her ever-deepening scowl.
"Have any plans for the summer?"
"Yes, the family and I are visiting our villa in Biarritz," Snape replied sarcastically.
"Splendid! I love Biarritz. Great place for surfing," Regulus replied, grinning.
"Your point, Black?" Snape asked.
"Oh, it's just Black now? Well I hope you aren't going to spend the whole holiday getting a tan, Mother says they are for the Nouveau Riche. Stay a while on our sceptered isle."
Snape raised her eyebrow. "Where did you learn that phrase?"
"I've heard of Shakespeare, Vera."
"Not you too. One more person calls me that and I'll throw this book at them."
"You wouldn't. And I think it's only fair that I get to call you by your vulgar Muggle diminutive if my brother gets to."
"For the record, he doesn't."
"No, you let him call you worse you minx." He winked and she did throw her book at him. He cast a quick Immobulus.
Regulus laughed and looked over at the Gryffindor table, which seemed to take no notice. "Careful Vera, you don't want to make your beloved jealous. And if you abuse me so, I might rescind my invitation."
Snape cast an Accio to retrieve her book. "An invitation to what exactly?"
"Mother's insisting on hosting the bridal shower for Aoife Rosier and she wants me to attend. Since you're her classmate, I've convinced her to add you to the guest list." Regulus explained.
Snape frowned. "Why? What's in it for you?"
Regulus picked her toast off her plate and started eating it. She glared at him.
"It's not like you were going to eat it," he responded. "Maybe I'm asking you because I enjoy your company?"
Snape gave him a skeptical look.
"And maybe my brother's been forced to attend too and I know he'll try to pick a fight with you if you show up." Regulus replied.
"Then what makes you think I'll go?" Snape asked.
"Because you'd want to do the same, and the ensuing chaos would make the whole social season worthwhile." Regulus exclaimed triumphantly.
"As tempting an offer as it is, I'd have no way of getting to London." Snape replied coldly.
"I forgot to you lived in the middle of nowhere. Leave that to me. So are you going?"
"Can I bring Potter?" Snape asked, hoping the idea would rescind her invitation.
"If you can convince him to go, which I doubt you could."
Snape scowled, and returned to her textbook, abruptly ending the topic. She still had so much to review for Transfiguration of elemental states.