14 – Isobel
A storm brewed outside and the clouds that had been around the entire day darkened. I had a feeling that the crimson that had splattered on every visible surface would be burned into my memory for a large part of the eternity that I supposed I would live. My thoughts involuntarily jumped to Lexi, who had lived for several centuries and hadn't expected her end the way it had sought her. Maybe I would get lucky as well and be spared the misery of experiencing something even more painful than this in the decades that still awaited me.
It was hard to imagine what could trump my current luck but there was not a single doubt in my mind that it was indeed possible.
The brave smirk was frozen onto my face but my limbs twitched out of their own accord in nervous anticipation. "I'm not sure whether I specified the location, where you weren't allowed to kill." I told him warningly yet patronizing as a parent would speak to his child when he broke another kid's toy, for example, or when he stole sweets even though he knew he was not allowed.
Using this tone of voice in this kind of situation must be a first and it seemed utterly grotesque to me but I was trapped in a precarious dilemma. The normal reaction would have been to completely lose it and scream at Simon for being such a heartless monster but the truth was that it wasn't his fault at all. I could hardly blame him for losing control over something he hadn't been taught to understand. Maybe he wasn't a cold murderer, maybe he would regret this very soon.
No matter what happened I would be there for him and guide him in whichever way I could. I cared too much for him to give up on him now. In the last 24 hours I had been completely devastated when I had been convinced to have lost him forever and now I was finding it hard to cope with the fact that he was not entirely lost to me after all.
Any second now my carefully balanced mind might snap and I could feel myself teetering on the edge of a horrible emotional abyss and I could see no end to what would expect me when I finally fell into it.
Of all the terrible things that had been thrown into my path, this was the most unnerving and straining event yet and the most horrible part about it was that I had no way to estimate what would happen next. I could imagine a thousand different courses of action that Damon would take if I confessed my churning feelings to him but I could not come up with one realistic scene that would follow up this new cruel twist of fate. Did I actually believe that all involved beings could come out of this unscathed? The broken bodies on the floor were proof enough that that couldn't be the case.
"Well, I couldn't do it at the kindergarten. Odds were that someone would escape and alarm the town with stories of blood drinking demons in the form of children. That wouldn't go well with the rule about not exposing us." He exclaimed calmly as he picked himself off of the floor and walked over to me to take my hand. "What's next? What will we do now?" He asked excitedly and my mind felt like a complete blank.
"We are going to need to dispose of the bodies." I whispered faintly and had a hard time putting on an act for Simon. The last thing I needed right now was for him to run out on me and indulge on another small killing spree. I needed to be able to control his environment and keep him from doing further harm to anyone close to him, spilling more innocent blood. "No, we can't simply do that because Jane knows you left with the two other kids."
My mind was trying to come up with a solution to the issues at hand but it was growing hard to concentrate as my feelings raged through my body like a hurricane, mostly despair mingled with absolute helplessness and fierce protectiveness towards the child that clutched my hand. He wasn't supposed to be a part of my vampire life.
He had been the exact opposite until now, a reminder of what my human life could have been like and what loss felt like as a human. The pieces just wouldn't fit together in my mind and my hands started shaking so I pulled it out of Simon's grip so he wouldn't become suspicious and rummaged in my pocket for my phone.
"Are you calling the police now?" He asked me with wide eyes that mirrored only a spark of the fear that was settling in my gut like a cold weight.
I stared at the display and inwardly cursed myself for my weak attempt at a diversion. My fingers were still trembling as I skimmed the list of my contacts, my finger hovering over the call button when I found Damon's number. It was an obvious choice to call him first, especially after he had offered his help earlier on, but I hesitated. My eyebrows knitted together as I realized that I couldn't bring myself to call him. There was no guarantee that he could help me at all and he was occupied at the moment with the task of finding John's accomplice. There was no use in bothering him with my problems since he couldn't physically be here to come to my aid anyway.
With mechanical movements I went over to the body of Simon's uncle and hoisted it across my shoulders. I thrust my phone back into my pocket while balancing the weight on my back and nodded towards the phone on the kitchen counter. "You're going to call the police. Tell them that you were unconscious and aren't sure what happened when you came home with the other children but you remember that someone knocked you out. Be convincing, get a little hysterical and creative." He bobbed his head in calculated silence and an admiring smile crossed his face that made my insides twist and turn uncomfortably. There was no way out of this without causing some damage but I couldn't simply stand by and do nothing. There could be no logical explanation for the disappearance of these three people but with the amounts of blood smeared around the place, the police would have to assume that they couldn't have survived the carnage.
Maybe the explanation would be that some robber or serial killer broke into the place but there wouldn't be any valuables missing so it would seem unlikely. Maybe they would suspect Simon's uncle of being a pedophile and kidnapping the children. Maybe Sheriff Forbes would see the telltale signs of a vampire attack and not ask Simon too many questions. No one would even take into account that he had done this.
My head swirled with possible outcomes of this scenario and I stood before the backdoor unsure of what to do next. I would go to some secluded place in the woods, maybe find a cave to burn the body in. Burying Simon's uncle would be too much of a strain on my soul and like Vicki he could still be found and then the entire process would start all over again. Should I also hide the bodies of the children or leave them here to be found? I shut my eyes tightly against the images of their bloodied bodies that flashed before my eyes. I had to leave them, I decided, because there was no way that I could burn the bodies of children to get rid of the evidence.
I felt like pieces of me were cracking away and that I would soon be crumbling beneath the burdens of caring for others. "I have an idea." Simon exclaimed happily and in his mischievous grin I saw the very boy that I wanted to protect and the reason for me to keep on pushing forward no matter what it cost me. "I'll tell them that I hid in the cupboards when a mysterious dark man grabbed one of the others when we got here. He dragged my uncle away and I'll act completely hysterical and frightened, babble about vampires and demons. They won't take me serious anyway." He noted with a nonchalant shrug of his tiny shoulders.
"Sounds alright to me." I admitted and the tiredness was clear in my voice, so I added. "Next time, we'll have to be a bit more inconspicuous, okay?" The wry smile on my face felt out of place and I felt as if it couldn't be me that was speaking but somehow I was holding up better than I thought I could.
He frowned at first and I feared that he wouldn't take it well if I limited him in his actions any more than necessary but I had to draw the line somewhere. Panic threatened to overwhelm me as I imagined Simon turning his back on me and disappearing like Lee to be on his own. I couldn't bear to lose another person dear to me like that. His face relaxed into a guilty smile but it didn't calm me down at all like I would have expected, it was actually freaking me out. These kinds of mood swings couldn't be healthy for a child and I was at loss considering how I would be able to deal with him when he was this unpredictable. "I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. I've left quite a mess and now you're stuck with cleaning up after me. But I couldn't resist, the blood was singing to me and it pulled me in. I couldn't resist." He repeated earnestly and I bobbed my head in acknowledgment, having expected something along those lines.
"It's okay. We'll talk about this later. You go on and call the police and I'll take care of the body." I instructed him calmly, adjusting his uncle's position on my shoulders. "Just don't get into any more trouble. Please." I pleaded with him softly and I could sense that my carefully placed mask was beginning to deteriorate.
He hugged my waist and I flinched involuntarily when the blood on his arms stuck to my clothing, tainting me alongside him. Still, I wrapped one of my arms around him and gave him a gentle squeeze, pulling back again when the corpse threatened to tumble off my back.
"I don't feel hungry right now so I think that won't be a problem. You'll come get me though, won't you? Wherever they'll take me you'll come, right?" His eyes shone with a desperate edge as he looked up at me and I succumbed to his tearful eyes quicker than I could have imagined. He needed me and I would hate myself even more if I let him down than if I burdened myself with the task of covering up after his occasional mess. At least I hoped that this wouldn't become my daily routine.
"Of course, I will, Sim." I assured him with a hopeful smile and he nodded in encouragement for me to leave and I complied, kicking the back door out of its hinges in the process.
I felt horrible to be leaving Simon behind but I didn't see any other solution right now and we had talked through our plan and it would only complicate matters further if I were to be found at a fresh crime scene. Simon was on his own and maybe he would prove himself as a reliable partner by sticking to the plan. It might just help to calm me if I knew that he would do what was necessary without going on a rampage.
My pace quickened as my frenzied emotion ran wild in my mind. Fear, fury, sadness and utter desperation battled for dominance and the only thing that kept me going was the memory of the Simon that had last introduced me to his parents. The Simon that trusted me enough to reveal how much he truly missed them. The Simon that had sang along with me. The Simon that had pretty much plucked me off the street and given my life a new perspective. The Simon that had kissed my cheek with his small, still warm lips when I had left him alone with Harper.
Tears started rolling down my cheeks at the crystalline clear memories and I worked mechanically when I came across a hidden cave, just big enough for me to crawl inside and push the body of Simon's uncle inside. I started sobbing the moment my gaze swept over his ruined face and I completely lost control over my body. I was shaking all over with sobs raking my body the entire time as I collected firewood and made a fire via friction.
I dropped onto the ground before the cave, not caring that the flames licked at me and burned my skin here and there. My suffering mind could no longer register physical pain. My sobbing ebbed away with the fire's embers with the scent of burnt flesh hanging in the air and the sound of my sniffling was the only disturbance while silence and utter motionlessness enveloped the nightly forest.
I had lost count of all the reasons that I could no longer hold back my tears and I was too exhausted to grasp a single thought. Everything seemed to be swirling around me at such an extreme speed that I could no longer keep up. When I was with Simon it was easy to keep it together because I would only hurt him if I couldn't keep myself in control. I couldn't stand the idea of him having to deal with his transformation alone and I had to take each step extra careful or otherwise I would be scaring him off faster than I would like. But he wasn't the only person I had to deal with.
Stefan was reeling out of control, Damon was as volatile as always and his behavior was bound to hurt me sooner or later, I hadn't talked to Harper about the matter of Simon and we hadn't talked about our relationship at all and then there was Jeremy who I hadn't seen in quite a while and all the drama was beginning to become too much. All I wanted was to be far away from things and be able to deal with things at my own pace or ideally have less to deal with in the first place.
But I couldn't leave, there were too many relationships in which I had gotten involved and now I had done exactly what I hadn't wanted. I was completely caught up in the mess that represented Mystic Falls.
A sudden wave of complete exhaustion pulled me under and I curled into a ball on the forest floor, no longer registering the crunching of leaves beneath me and the smell of smoke that hung in the air. All this would have to wait until my mind could regenerate, I could no longer take in anything at all. All my senses were weakened and all images that flashed in my mind were blurry and confusing and I just wanted it all to go away.
The blackness of the night became a darkness inside of me and the nothingness took me away from all the pain and misery around me.
When I woke up I felt incredibly sore and weak and it took me a while to find a reason to actually get up and going. Simon. The police must have taken him to an orphanage or something similar. He was my responsibility and I needed to get to him as soon as possible but what would happen next?
I cringed at the thought of asking for Damon's help because I didn't want him involved in my issues with Simon, those were mine alone to deal with. The only person that I would commit to helping me would be Harper. We had gotten Simon into this mess and he was going to be the one to support Simon and me as I attempted to help him adjust to his new lifestyle.
It seemed quite ironic to me that I should be helping someone adapt when I was still such a newbie to all the blessings and curses of being a nocturnal creature.
My eyes bulged in realization and I flew through the forest only to stumble and fall. "Damn." I cursed when I registered the parched, burning sensation in the back of my throat. Once again, I had neglected my feeding habits and now I was weak and that made me evolve into the klutz that I had been as a human. There was no way that I would be able to get back to Mystic Falls in a hurry even though that was just what I intended to do. Simon needed me. It was the only clear thought that I could fabricate as the sun slanted through the canopy onto my scratched skin.
I frowned at the slowly healing marks on my legs and jumped when my phone started vibrating in my pocket all of the sudden. "Damon, what's wrong?" I asked anxiously, taken aback by my hoarse and scratchy voice. Right, I had been crying half of the night and hadn't used my voice since then. No wonder that I sounded like a depressed chain smoker.
"Um, not much?" He spoke slowly obviously fussed by my obvious stricken being. "What happened to your voice? Wait, are you crying?" He spoke and the uncertainty that tinged his tone was almost endearingly sweet but I wasn't in the mood to acknowledge his concern for me.
"I'm alright." I spoke quietly and Damon clicked his tongue in distaste at the obvious lie but didn't say anything else, for which I was thankful. Where would I begin to explain my current situation? I didn't want to put my misery into words.
"Anyway…" He began calmly and hesitated for a moment, having to rearrange his thoughts for a second. "Just for your information, Simon's at the boarding house and your little stunt is all over the papers. They closed down the kindergarten so you don't have to worry about being late." He joked unconvincingly and I would have rolled my eyes at his foolishness if I wasn't so stunned by his news.
"I don't know what to say, Damon." I breathed and stuttered on. "How did you convince the police to let Simon go?" Maybe this wasn't the most obvious question or the most important I should have asked but I could only think about Simon and how terrified he must be.
"With my lavish personality of course, ever-persuasive and debonair or so I've been told." He joked around sarcastically with his usual arrogant self but he switched back to a serious manner just as fast. I was almost proud of the fact that he knew this was important to me but then again, I knew his cautious manner wouldn't last. Sooner or later it would escalate. "I convinced the deputy that he was my long-distance cousin or something like that and Sheriff Forbes came to my aid as well, saying that the boy would be better off with the Salvatores than in an orphanage or foster family."
Moments of silence ensued while images swirled through my head from yesterday's acts of violence, the vermillion that covered the walls, the smoke of the rising flames and the all encompassing dread that filled me when I thought of talking the next step that would only lead me down deeper into the depths of misery that would soon engulf me. Panic flared and my voice broke when I spoke again, quietly. "Thank you."
I snapped the phone shut before I had to hear more of his snarky remarks or even worse, hear something that almost sounded sincere. Somehow I found that even harder to bear than his usual conceited self. If he really cared for me, in what position would that leave me? I pushed away the thought and shook my head in irritation. There were more important matters at hand. Simon.
My hike commenced in a slower pace because I was badly nourished and felt weak. My glance fell on my phone again, thinking about the conversation I had led with Damon and my forehead creased in irritation. Some unknown number had called me a few dozen times and I briefly wondered who it could be until I read the text from Jeremy, informing me that Anna was trying to reach me and how I was doing, whether I was still alive. Same old there even though Anna's secret agenda puzzled me. There were more important matters at hand. Simon.
I felt so weak that it was the only thought that I could manage. Always Simon.
It was late afternoon by the time I reached the boarding house in Mystic Falls again. I had attempted to hunt some animal blood but I was simply too weak to keep up the chase and I was not very experienced at chasing wild animals in the first place so I failed quite desolately.
My vision swam with dark spots and I was swaying dangerously when I reached the doorway. My fingers dug into the wood of the frame as I tried to take deep breaths to stop the world from spinning. Needless to say, I was incredibly dizzy.
I still managed to get inside and I would have broken out in complete panic if I hadn't been so drained when I took in the empty room before me. Where was Simon? My worries from before struck me dully and I found myself searching for a pile of ashes somewhere or the slightest hint of charred skin in the air. Simon shouldn't have a daylight ring and his lack of mobility would be bound to set him off in his volatile state of mind. Yesterday the overcast had protected him from permanent damage but that would only mean that his frustration would be that much greater when he realized he couldn't go outside.
There was no time for a thorough search and I sensed no obvious movement throughout the house so nourishing myself to full strength would be the only rational thing to do before taking up my new role as Simon's guardian. I leaned heavily against the doorframe once I managed to tumble down the stairs clumsily, having to catch my breath for a moment.
Something felt off when I entered the storage room with the cooler that held the life essence that kept me going and would keep me strong enough to chase after Simon if that was indeed necessary. The whiff of an opened blood bag alerted me of someone's presence and it should have been no surprise to me to find Simon dipping his hand into the cooler to retrieve second or who knew how many helpings of this new discovered delicacy. The relief that washed through me was so powerful that I was frozen in place for several moments even when Simon's attention was directed to me and I should have gotten my act together for his sake.
I couldn't control my limbs or my emotions in that moment. My body stood still while my head wheeled, trying to grasp the chain of action I was experiencing. I tried to reminisce why I was so overwhelmed but fact was that I had not expected such a mild situation. I had expected catastrophe, more bloodshed, death. I had expected everything to go wrong again just like it always seemed to be doing lately. My fatalism was like a constant sinking feeling in my gut. It was beginning to become the background music of my life and it was not to my liking at all.
Simon's face scrunched up in disgust and I was snapped out of my reverie, anxious for what was going on in his not to completion developed mind, that would eternally stay this way. "How can people live on this stuff? It's not even warm. It doesn't compare to the real thing at all."
My steps took me around him as I circled him cautiously to help myself to some blood. The satisfactory feeling that fulfilled me was thrilling when I finally tasted human blood again and new strength flowed through me like positive energy. "It is in fact the real thing, Sim. There's no real difference." I tried to convince him but I was rather sure that my words wouldn't reach him and it wasn't my intent to lecture him. That would only lead him further away from the life and moral code that I found acceptable. "Mostly, it's to stay inconspicuous." I informed him with a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders. In rapid succession I finished six blood bags and it terrified me that I still felt the need to feed in the back of my mind. A predator could not turn off his instincts but one could learn to master them and that was what I would have to teach Simon even though I was at loss when it came to ideas concerning how I would undertake this feat.
It would be far from easy, which to me sounded like a mild understatement that was closer to an utter lie than to an exaggeration of the truth. The entire situation still seemed so impossible and shocking to me that I felt completely lost in the act of trying to make the pieces fit together. I felt like I was trying to choke the flames on each tree while the entire forest burned, it was futile.
"But where's the fun in that?" Simon asked with wide, innocent eyes. His blue orbs made it hard to believe that he had already murdered his own uncle and two children. It was a crime I had also committed but not as despicably as performing it on either my own blood or non-adults. A line Simon had crossed with ease in his first week after being created. The entire concept was hard to grasp and it did me no good so I focused on the situation at hand instead.
My mind took me back to a dark alley with an angelic woman wearing platinum blonde hair and an infectious smile. "It's not always about fun. Just because a person is powerful enough to live without rules doesn't make it alright to break them on purpose. There's no need to lose all your manners just because you're a vampire now." My voice rose in volume with my aggravation and I looked down at him sternly with my hand thrust onto my hips, feeling overly motherly and imperious. Simon looked as peeved as any reprieved child should look but I was moving on thin ice and he could snap at me any moment and then he might be lost to me forever.
"Okay, I get that. But I still don't understand how it all works. How am I suppose to control myself when the blood is singing to me so sweetly? I knew that I shouldn't kill those people but I couldn't stop myself once I had decided to do it anyway." He explained rapidly, flexing his tiny fists in obvious frustration, and I could understand that the temptation was simply too much for his young mind but I still had to keep him in check somehow.
A sad, compassionate smile filled my face with worry for the young vampire. "I understand. We'll have to practice somehow." I told him calmly and the gears of my mind kicked into full throttle, considering how to train him effectively and, most importantly, how to do this in the quickest way possible. So many possibilities but none seemed realistic to me. Most of them included abducting the small child before me to some other place, where we didn't have to face questioning but disappearing would cause quite the opposite to happen.
Simon's small, trembling voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up at him in shock as he whispered. "I'm sorry, I caused you so much trouble, Miss Grayson. I don't know how I could do that to my playmates and even to my uncle." His voice shook with horror and in the blink of an eye I had my arms around him and intently watched the emotion in his eyes. I gently stroked his back to encourage him to go on. He had to face his emotions. If he couldn't handle this, how was he supposed to survive the months of adjustment that still followed? "But I didn't feel anything." Desperation now tinged his words and he sunk into my embrace, hiding his face in my shirt so he could keep talking. "All my feelings felt so far away like the real Simon was down in a well but I felt so powerful at the moment that I didn't care." His hands dug themselves painfully into my skin as he gripped me tightly and I held him as he kept sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't want to be a monster!" He cried out and grief tore at my heart so violently that it should have been torn apart in that very second but it held and the newfound strength surprised me. He needed me nevertheless and I would be there. No matter what chasm we would fall into.
This must be how people felt like when they were truly in love. This must be how my father felt about my mother. This must be how Lee felt about Lexi. This must be how Damon felt about Katherine. This must be how Elena felt about Jeremy. It was threatening to tear me apart. I had never felt so much in such a small amount of time and I wondered how long I would be able to go wing it as it came. At some point, I would have to stop, take a look back and deal with the mayhem I had created and the decisions that would have lead me to that spot in the future. Maybe then, my heart would break but not now. Not today.
Many tears later, darkness had fallen on Mystic Falls and Simon and I were wandering through the woods aimlessly. I decided not to hold back on him, not to give him a break because he would turn on me if I didn't tell him everything now. Instead of waiting for him to find out about compulsion, I was putting out a speech in the style of Uncle Ben. With great power comes great responsibility and that crap, I had never liked Spiderman. Being turned into a superhero by a spider was almost as unrealistic as a horde of vampires living in the sleepy town of Mystic Falls inconspicuously. But who was I to judge? For all I knew this arachnid episode would leave me with the same fate as Peter Parker's relative. Dead, but at least my sacrifice wouldn't go unnoticed and it would save an innocent soul in the process. That wasn't the worse way to go.
Bad enough that Simon had already killed his own uncle to no effect and a soft voice in the back of my mind told me that that was an ill omen. But the murmur was easy to ignore when I looked at Simon's intent face. At least he was listening to me attentively, that didn't mean that he would exactly hear me but it was worth a try and it was a starting point. We all had to start from scratch as a vampire and I was going to have to make this work.
"Who taught you all this?" Simon asked absentmindedly, still trying to sift through all the information I had given him. My doubts rekindled inside me and I wasn't so sure anymore that Simon could handle this, that any child would be able to handle this.
I shook my head to clear it again and refocused on Simon's question. I had to get a better grip on myself for his sake. "At first, I raged completely out of control and lived the life of a vagabond hunter for months. When I started roaming cities for some human company I encountered two other vampires, one turned recently like me and the other practically ancient. They took me in and made me turn everything back on and with their help, I gained back as much of my humanity as possible. I'm very grateful that I met them." I ended my recount of past events on a wistful note, which didn't go unnoticed.
"You always seem so in control, I wouldn't have thought that you were such a killer once." He said with a grotesquely childish voice as he talked of my past crimes. "What happened to them? Can I meet them?" He asked eagerly and his curiosity amused me but also reminded me of the pain Lexi's death had wrecked upon my soul.
"That's not possible." I snapped rigidly but immediately softened my voice again when I saw his round blue eyes. "She was killed and I don't know where her partner is at currently." I don't know what I had expected to happen after Lexi's death. Losing Lee forever hadn't been a thought that had crossed my mind at the time but it seemed to be the truth.
"I'm sorry." He said and took my hand in his small one as we paced through the woods. I nodded at him, unable to form words because of the lump in my throat when the sudden buzzing of my phone startled me.
I didn't let go of his hand and clumsily got it out of my pocket, answering. "You ready?"
"On my way." Damon said curtly and the call disconnected again, making Simon frown up at me in confusion but I only shook my head.
"You'll see. I told you we would have to practice your control and Damon is going to help us tonight."
We both sat down on the forest ground and waited patiently for him to arrive. When he did, cradling a young blonde woman in his arms, I felt squeamish inside at the sight of the unknown woman's unconscious form but this needed to be done. I cast Damon a grateful glance but he seemed distracted and annoyed. A whiff of perfume wafted from his clothes and my heart gave a squeeze as my mind very vividly imagined what activities I was keeping him from but I tried to hide the disappointment I felt. There was nothing going on between us so there was no reason to be jealous or feel inferior since I seemed to be unworthy of his attentions. With a stab of guilt I thought of Harper and on a whim attempted to call him but his phone was mysteriously disconnected. I would have to take care of that later. My to-do list seemed to be getting longer by the minute, one step at a time.
Simon looked up at me with a perplex expression on his freckled face and a laugh escaped me despite myself. "Don't look so worried. Nothing will happen to you as long as I'm around." I hadn't meant my words to sound so fierce but my emotions got the better of me. I really was planning on protecting the boy at all costs and I wasn't sure that I realized yet what that decision meant for me.
Damon laid the body on the ground and took to standing silently in the background while I kneeled next to Simon. "What do we do now?" His childish impatience leaked through as he took in the woman's neck, zoning in on her jugular veins. He looked like he was about to pounce on her but I was determined to keep the situation under control. We had to start somewhere and make his feeding habits acceptable, not completely violent.
"First, you need to relax. You're too eager, there will be no killing tonight. Just listen carefully. Hear her breath, the rush of blood in her arteries and the pumping of her heart. Before you can drink from a person, you have to find a victim so sharpen your senses." I felt like a teacher, lecturing him like that and his legs wobbled in anticipation but he still closed his eyes and tried to comply to my orders. I was glad that he was trying to follow my line of thinking.
"Her heart's slow." He remarked, leaning his head sideways as he listened.
"Because she's sleeping. Now I'm going to take you somewhere else and I want you to find her again by using your enhanced senses." He groaned but otherwise didn't complain.
Our practice ensued for an hour or so and Simon was getting more and more agitated. His focus was getting better but his impatience was now getting the better of him and I knew I couldn't continue this for much longer.
"We're getting there, Sim." Damon took my call and sat, propping the woman's body against his chest. I couldn't interpret the look in his eyes and could only describe it as blank. Simon grasped my hand nervously and I felt a taste of his newborn strength through his trembling hand. "You can do this." I encouraged him but stopped him once more when he lowered his face to the woman's neck. "But you'll have to stop as soon as I tell you to." I said sternly and anger flashed over his face for a second, followed by insecurity. I had the odd association that a vampire child throwing a tantrum would be a very horrible thing indeed but I had to focus on the situation at hand.
Damon and I showed him how to properly puncture the vein without making too much of a mess and he hesitated before he gently placed his lips against her neck. His fangs elongated and I could hear the faint tearing sound when he bit into the skin and started sucking.
The woman's eyes snapped open and her grey eyes were wild with fear as she gasped in pain. Simon's gulps became greedier and she started shrieking but that didn't stop him. "Simon, stop." There was no reaction and her shrieks became gurgled until they softened into a helpless moan. "Stop!" I shouted at him but it was hopeless, he had lost control. My hands curled around his skinny arms and I jerked him off the woman just as her eyes rolled back in their sockets. There were two neat puncture wounds on her neck and a slow trickle of blood oozed out, momentarily making my concentration waver.
My grip on him loosened and he was on her again in a second, pinning Damon to the ground beneath her. I wrapped my arms around his middle and pulled hard. "I said, stop, Simon." A spark of panic leaked into my speech as he resisted my strength but I was still older and well-fed so I managed to pull him off again and Damon took several steps away from us, dragging the seemingly lifeless form with him. The dull thump of her heart reassured me that she was in fact not dead but she was still dangerously pale.
Simon struggled against my grip and snarled, hissed and growled at me, desperate to break free. It was hard on me to see him this way, I could have never imagined this scenario to ever become real, but I hadn't expected anything else so I wasn't really taken aback that much. That made it easier to get a grip on my own emotions and therefore gain back control over the situation. If I panicked, I wouldn't be able to help him. "Simon, get a grip." I said coolly and continued when he still kept thrashing. "Feel your body, Simon. You're not actually hungry, this is bloodlust taking over. Take deep breaths."
After another few minutes of struggle, he finally gave up and was too exhausted to keep up the fight. I flipped him around and saw the veins pulsating around his eyes dying down again and a look of utter defeat passed across his features. He wrapped his arms around my middle and his head hung down, pressing onto my shoulder. "I failed you." He mumbled sadly and I shook my head, jostling him.
"No, Sim. That's why we have to practice. While you can't control yourself it will be better for you to stay at the boarding house and only leave with one of us." I crooned, threading my fingers through his hair gently. We didn't have a daylight ring for him anyway so he didn't have a choice either way. But this was I hoped that he would accept that it was also the best thing to do.
"Yeah, I guess so." He agreed with a big yawn and settled into position in my arms.
We walked back to the boarding house in silence, Simon dozing as I carried him. "You're so quiet." I remarked and the exhaustion was evident in my voice. "Thanks for your help, I wasn't expecting it." I told him honestly.
A snide smirk crossed his lips. "It doesn't come without a price." I rolled my eyes at him. Of course, he couldn't just simply be nice about it. That would mean confessing something like true companionship and that you actually cared about someone enough to get them a life blood vessel in the middle of the night that was meant to be practiced on by someone else.
"What's your price?" I asked warily, waiting for some suggestive remarks but nothing of the sort came. Instead he produced a small velvet bag. "What is that?"
"Some invention from Elena's relative, Jonathan Gilbert." He handed it to me and I had to stop walking to balance Simon while I accepted it. "I need you to safe keep it for me. There are other vampires after it, for example Elena's mother, and…"
"I don't want to hear it." I cut him off, pocketing the bag anyway. "Wait, Elena's mother? No, don't answer that. I'll do it but I'm too tired to get involved into your issues as well. With my luck, I'll find out one way or the other whether I want to or not." I said bitterly and he looked at me with concern but decided to spare me his snarky self for the moment. How pitiful I must be when even Damon Salvatore held back on me.
"Just hold on to it for me for a while. Please." He scoffed, his arrogance returning to him again in the blink of an eye. "I don't want it falling into the wrong hands." He added after a moment's thought and I nodded absentmindedly, not wanting to consider what that actually meant. I hoped the danger I was being exposed to wasn't too large but maybe I would simply trust Damon for once. I was too tired for suspicion at the moment and couldn't get myself to care really.
We walked through the night in silence, both brooding to ourselves and I realized that I was extremely grateful for Damon's presence. He didn't push me for answers, he only invaded my private space to tease me and in a bizarre way I could count on his cocky, sarcastic ass more than on anyone else's to be there when I fell. Even if it was only to laugh at me before he offered me a hand to pick myself back up. I could have never imagined him taking up such a large portion in my life when he first turned me as a cold-hearted, impulsive monster.
We reached the house and Damon adjusted the pillows on the couch so that I could rest Simon's sleeping form on it. An endearing smile spread on my face as I tucked him in and watched the small movements of his chest as he breathed in and out. In his sleep, he seemed just as peaceful, at ease and vulnerable as any kid his age should be. Whenever he was awake I found it hard to wrap my head around the concept of a vampire child. A sudden thought gripped me that this might be my only chance at being a mother or at least the closest I would get. How had my life come down to this?
I was a socially shunned hermit taking care of a newly transitioned child and my only friends were either not communicating with me, too young to understand my issues or had a fable for dramatics close to that of psychopathic killer.
I ran my hand through my hair in exhaustion and nearly jumped out of my skin when Damon spoke to me again. Even though his velvety voice wasn't exactly loud I had almost forgotten that he was still in the room and I hadn't expected him to keep me company any more than he needed to. "You look like hell." A startled chuckle escaped my lips at his blunt statement and I was quite touched by his concern for me.
There was no reason for him to be attached to me, I was no Katherine or Elena to him, more like an occasional partner in crime. But still, he somehow expressed that he cared about my wellbeing. He wouldn't ask how I was doing, he would simply observe and comment what he was seeing and wait for me to tell him what I wanted to tell him. I must have been staring at him for several moments without answering because he looked like he was about to make a rude remark as he raised a skeptical eyebrow. I would give him a real reason to question my sanity.
The honestly most happy smile that I had felt on my face for some time appeared and I could see his utter astonishment when I wrapped my arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank you, Damon. I'm so glad I met you." I whispered gratefully and buried my face in his smooth hair.
It took him a second to return my sudden act of affection and sarcasm was thick in his voice but also some other kind of emotion that sounded a lot like pleasure. "Are you messing with my head, my love?"
"Not intentionally." I said calmly and let go of him again. His hands were reluctant to leave my waist but I still stood incredibly close to him as I tried to explain my surge of emotion. "My life might not have gone as planned but through all the drama, I almost forgot how much happier my vampire life is compared to my first one. You might not have intended it at the moment but you still gave me something like a second shot at life, which I am quite grateful for."
He waved his hand in mock disgust but the self-satisfied smile was still plastered on his beautiful face when he spoke. "Now don't go all soft on me. It's scary, I'd rather infuriate you constantly, that is something I can deal with much better." He distanced himself from me and I was almost put out with his abruptness but he returned with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, gesturing for me to sit. We hadn't spent an evening drinking together in what felt like forever. The traditional toast to misery had been put off for some time even though it was more than appropriate with the current situation at hand.
I swirled the content in my glass but didn't fell like emptying it at all since my head was already swimming with everything going on. With a careful sip, I tried to become more at ease and enjoy some quiet moments with Damon but when I was around him I constantly felt on edge, like I always had to be on my guard to not get hurt. "Can I ask you something that you're probably going to get mad at me for?" I asked with a frown, staring hard at my hands without looking up to see his puzzled expression.
"Shoot." He said with a wickedly amused glint in his eye.
"What's the first thing you planned on doing after opening the tomb, assuming it would have gone as planned?" I asked him absentmindedly, reliving the moment underground where I had seen his crushed face and felt his heartbreak.
He visibly stiffened and I immediately regretted asking because I didn't want him to burst on me like the delicate bubble he was when it came to the subject of Katherine. "Where did you come up with that crap?" He asked angrily but otherwise he seemed quite in control.
I sighed and emptied my glass in a swift movement that seemed too well practiced to me and reminded me of Damon and his unhealthy drinking habits. It wasn't exactly immoral as a vampire since all it did was quench one's thirst but it made me thoughtful as to how I was spending my free time or rather wasting it. "Well, you mentioned Elena's mother turning up and that left me thinking how I would react if my mother would turn up again, practically from the grave." I explained wistfully, trying to imagine what Elena must be going through right now with her own flesh scheming against those she loved.
"So I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" He asked with a lopsided grin and the corners of my lips curved upwards despite myself. His careless manner somehow soothed my nerves right now and it was relaxing to have someone before me who wasn't a constant brooder like I was but acted on intuition.
"Alright. If I could have my mother back the way she was when she was alive, I guess that we would search for my father and try to mend whatever's left of our family. Other than that, I think I wouldn't do anything extraordinary. I would be completely blissful if I could see her smile once more and build up her life without the pendulum named cancer swinging above her head. Just seeing her complete and healthy would be the best thing that could happen." I murmured thoughtfully, thinking about how broken she had been at the end. There was only so much strength that one person could put up and I had seen her brave act crumble a few times, which was incredibly heartbreaking and not the way that I wanted to remember her but the images of her in the hospital bed were burned into my mind infinitely.
"You never told me much about your family." Damon mused, leaning towards me subconsciously.
"You never told me much about yours." I countered and he chuckled, a warm sound that I could have relished on if it hadn't only lasted a moment.
"Fair enough." He turned thoughtful for several moments and I waited patiently, incapable of guessing how difficult it was for him to open up to me. I would have never imagined it to be possible but he proved me wrong yet again and I felt guilty for underestimating his character. "I don't know what I would have done if Katherine had actually been in that tomb. I guess with Stefan out of the picture and in wonderland with Elena, I would have finally wanted Katherine for myself. That she would finally chose me after all this time that I've spent searching for a way to get her back. But I guess I was foolish to believe that she loved me the way I loved her." He grumbled and his eyes seemed far away, his mind wandering to times where Katherine had been all he needed to be happy.
"Are you mad at her for staying away?" I asked quietly, fearing that I was pushing limits that I couldn't afford to break.
"Furious." He breathed and shook his head as if resurfacing from a dream. "And on the other hand, I'm not. She must have had her reasons. Just like Lee." He noted and I wasn't so sure whether the two could be compared but I understood what he meant. I couldn't be mad at Lee for abandoning me, I only wanted the best for him even if that wasn't me or rather my friendship.
My eyes focused on Simon's sleeping form and I nodded my silent agreement. "It doesn't matter when you're willing to do anything for someone you love dearly. They could cut your heart out and you'd still have a smile on your face and would want to offer more." I said solemnly, a flash of memory tainted in crimson rushed through my mind but I pushed it away knowing that it was irrelevant. I had made my decision and would go through with it and stay by Simon's side no matter what happened. He needed me more than anyone else on this world.
"What will you do with the boy?" Damon asked cautiously, refilling our glasses.
My eyebrows pulled together and worry creased my face into a mask of anxiety. "I'm not sure. I can't leave him." I said determinately, clenching the glass in my hand to its breaking point. The one thing that was more painful than seeing Simon like this was being without him. My transition had been my second shot at life and I hoped beyond all pessimistic thoughts that maybe I could improsve on Simon's current situation as well. Even though it was quite a different matter, he had been torn out of his human life way too early.
"I feared as much." Damon said dejectedly and placed his hand on my shoulder, making me twitch but I stayed in place. "He's going to be the end of you. You won't be able to teach him control the way you attempted to tonight. I only went through with it for you to see it yourself. It will only be a matter of time before he turns on you and you won't have the guts to do what it necessary." I did not like the turn of this conversation at all. I knew that it was going to be hard but I didn't want to hear that it would be impossible.
"And what is that?" I asked warily, dreading the answer even before Damon's lips moved to from the words.
"Kill him." He deadpanned and my insides felt completely cold and numb. I flinched away from him and stood across from him in a second, seething with unconcealed hatred.
"Never." I snarled at him but his expression stayed as unmoved as before. How could he be so heartless? "He's only a child. I'm well aware of the fact that it won't be a walk in the park but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power for him." My anger flowed right out of me and desperation swelled in my chest along with the tears in my eyes. "I must stay with him. I have to help him. I have to…" My voice trembled and tears threatened to fall from my eyes when Damon nearly collided with me, holding me to his body and running soothing hands up and down my back as I tried to keep myself from sobbing.
"Avery." He whispered calmly. "Breathe in, breathe out. I don't want to watch you cry over some boy, the only tears I want to dab from your cheeks should be for me." He joked halfheartedly. It was more a strangled cough than a laugh that came from me but he successfully kept me from crying. He sat down and pulled me down next to him so my legs were across his lap, my head on his shoulder and his arms encircled me. I felt much better when he held me like this, it was like a safe cocoon and it somehow felt homely to me.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough to lose him. I don't know if I'm strong enough to live with him. Do I seem mad to you already, because I'm not so sure about my sanity anymore?" I asked and felt numbness take over for a second, my body overwhelmed from all the emotions I had felt in the last hours.
"You seem fine to me." He assured me and threaded his hand into my hair, stroking my neck tenderly. I didn't know when the last time was that he touched me so boldly but it didn't bother me either. It seemed to me like my phobia had indeed improved around him. "I wish that I could convince you to give up before you get seriously hurt but I know a lost cause when I see one so I'm hoping that I can keep the collateral damage to a minimum for you."
"You got my back, huh?" I scoffed in frustration. "I don't want you watching out for me like a big brother. I actually thought that you wouldn't care about what I did with my free time. I'm not dragging you into this." I had very conflicting emotions - to tell the least - when I imagined Damon helping me out with Simon. This was somehow my mess.
He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm just telling you that you're not alone and that you don't have to be afraid to ask for my help but be like that, lone wolf. I'm still telling you that your compassion is going to get you killed if you don't have someone around you, who is going to bring you back to reality. Not everyone is as good as you are." He murmured, softly. I couldn't believe how absolutely convinced he was that he would forever have the role of the bad brother. Maybe he thought he was balancing a scale but I found that hard to believe when I kept seeing glances of the goodness inside of him.
"Good?" I choked out and laughter bubbled up out of nowhere and it felt good to let go of my worries for a couple seconds. "Well, thanks. Weren't you the one who couldn't stand being called the better man and now you're pulling that number off with me?" I shook with laughter and Damon's grin widened when I couldn't stop. Inside this safe bubble, I felt like I could let go for a moment and it was glorious.
"Maybe you are going crazy." He amended with a devilish glint in his icy eyes and his obvious joy made my skin tingle.
"Maybe I am but I'm not alone." I teased him with a quick flash of a grin.
There we were, just two maniacs laughing about how stark raving mad the world was. How else was one supposed to stand all the madness, unfortunate events and mythical creations out there?
When I woke up my neck was killing me and I was completely disoriented as I took in my surroundings. This wasn't the living room. I jumped up and rushed towards the nearest wall, whirled and stared down at Damon's bed with what would have been a hammering heart. In the process of my escape I had flung Damon's arm into his face and he groaned unhappily before noticing my absence with an amused chuckle. "Calm down, my love. It's not like I shagged you last night and it's beginning to be offensive if that's your normal reaction to sleeping in my arms. Some women would kill to be valued in such a manner, especially by me, of course." Damon had carried me up here to cuddle up against me? The world was mad, absolutely crazy.
"I'm sorry." I breathed, attempting to relax but it only increased the numb feeling that was spreading through my being. Was I flicking the switch on my humanity or had I simply felt too much in the last days? I wasn't so sure and even worse I couldn't get myself to care. All I wanted was out, to be unaffected by all these issues.
"Whatever. Wait, where are you going?" He nearly yelped when I turned to leave the room. I was having an out of body experience, it was as if my body moved of its own accord.
"Don't know, don't care. I need to be alone." I sighed and went downstairs with Damon eyeing me oddly and following me around. I set the guitar onto the table and left a note for Simon that he could play with it if he liked while I was out and that he could call me if he needed anything. After emptying a couple of blood bags and still feeling famished, I changed into dark green jeans, a crème colored top with a waterfall décolleté and pulled on a black cardigan before heading towards the door, obviously in a rush to get out of here.
Damon hovered at the door, evaluating whether he should accompany me or not but deciding against it. A small smile graced my lips and I turned around for a moment to show him my gratitude but he had already disappeared inside the house again. I shrugged off the wave of eagerness that overcame me to be near him, to help him, to show him that he was greatly cherished but he would only push me away, I was sure about it and right now I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain that rejection would cause.
My aimless walk through Mystic Falls took me to many places that I no longer belonged to. There was my old apartment that reminded me of my useless life as a junkie, the kindergarten that was a symbol of my failure to lead a human life and protect those mortals close to me, Jeremy's window, another person I had neglected because of supernatural activities and the Grill that had swallowed way too much of my precious time. Where had my life lead me up until now? I felt like I was going nowhere and didn't belong in this town. Sometimes reflecting on your own life could be just as painful as a stake in the chest.
My utter loneliness was threatening to break me down when I came across a familiar metal fence adorned with flowers and vines. With relative ease, I weaved through the stones as if they were real people, keeping my respective distance from each and never touching any one on purpose. It wasn't even that peculiar since each gravestone represented a once living and breathing person so why not show a little respect even though the actual people might have decayed into nothingness long ago.
I pretty much dropped to the ground in front of my mother's grave and didn't know what to do at first. The guitar was being guarded by Simon at the moment and I usually had it with me whenever I came here but now I didn't even feel like singing for my sweet mother. The life just felt completely leeched out of me.
An image of an endearingly smiling Damon crossed my mind and I involuntarily felt a wave of hope and happiness surge through me but it wasn't the tide of an oncoming tsunami, more like a short summer rain that left you refreshed but just as well left you rather quickly. He was there, it wasn't completely hopeless but I was well aware of the fact that depending on Damon for your emotional balance was a very tricky game to play and to be on the losing end was highly likely. On the other hand, I couldn't discredit him of what he did for me even though he could be a completely insufferable beast at times.
A twinge of guilt ran through me like a cold shudder down my back. Harper. He was the one who was supposed to cross my mind whenever I felt lonely and lost and it simply wasn't the case. All this time, I had been well aware of the fact that Harper was a delusion that I was leading myself to believe. There were, of course, feelings involved but in the end, I was still taking advantage of him and this was a status quo that I was not willing to uphold. It would cost us both our contentment and it wasn't fair. He might have said that it would be enough if I returned to him but that shouldn't be enough for him. He deserved more.
At the same time, I was completely terrified to be on my own and Damon was not a prospect for the near future and on top of that, I wasn't even sure if we would ever stand a realistic chance at all. So should I simply go on as before and allow Harper to make me as happy as was inhumanly possible? Or should I finally admit to myself that he was simply a crush and that I wasn't actually in love with him?
My head felt like it would combust at any moment and I gripped it between my hands in an attempt for release but clenching my muscles against the confusion only made it worse and panic was about to set in when I let my hands fall into my lap again. Slowly, I let each thought glide right out of me and emptied my mind the best I could by concentrating on my breathing. The only sound I heard was the air that rushed in and out of my lungs. Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. For a few moments, I let my entire universe consist only of the sound of my breathing and it was extremely calming. It was the first time that I felt tranquil and serene for some time and I banned any doubts from my mind about how healthy that must be.
My eyes fluttered open and for a disorienting moment I wasn't even sure why I was resurfacing from my moment of meditation but then I felt the vibrating of my phone against my thigh and sighed, allowing myself a moment of weakness. I answered the call and turned my constant control back on that took over my thoughts and my physical reactions, no more sighing, no more agitation. I had to be on top of things if I wanted to get things done properly on my own and that was after all what I intended to do.
"Yeah?"
"I need you to come over."
"Damon." I stated mildly. "And where would that be?"
"Elena's." He answered, obviously distracted and he couldn't see me roll my eyes.
"Of course." I couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice and inwardly chided myself for the slipup. "I'll be there in a moment."
I was already getting up and racing through the trees when Damon anxiously asked. "You still have what I gave you, right?"
"Yup." I chimed and chuckled cheekily. "No need to get your panties in a bunch. I'm not exactly unreliable."
"I'm the one that's supposed to get your panties in a bunch or something along those lines so don't get so impertinent on me, lady." He growled, jokingly.
I nearly choked and scoffed at him. "You're calling me impertinent?"
He chuckled on the other end of the line and I could just imagine how his eyes shone in amusement and his eyes crinkled up at the edges. "I'm glad you're better, what's the sudden change of heart? Have you finally decided to be my devilish accomplice?"
"Hardly." I answered fast and continued a bit more softer to not hurt his ego. "I told you I just needed to be on my own for a while. Not everyone enjoys getting into other people's faces and I personally prefer being on my own occasionally."
"Hard to comprehend." He mused playfully. The light banter with him had kept my thoughts from registering what I was about to do but I was glad that talking to Damon could sometimes just be that simple.
"I bet." I said and shut my phone in a smooth motion as I arrived at Elena's house, hearing Damon make a sound of exasperation that I had simply hung up on him. With a confident half smile I stepped inside and tried to keep my hands from shaking. Wasn't this exactly the kind of meeting that I had wanted to stay away from, the kind of events that I didn't want a part in? Here goes nothing.
Hearing that Jeremy had been kidnapped and that Isobel wanted the mysterious invention was shocking and seeing Bonnie perform magic only made the entire experience more surreal. I had heard of witches but I hadn't actually known what it would be like to actually encounter one and it spooked me to know that witches could practically make something out of nothing even though they were ordinary, mundane humans. How were you supposed to shield yourself against that sort of danger?
Knowing what the device was actually for was scary as well and it felt like it had burned me in my pocket when I heard that it was some kind of mass destruction apparatus against vampires. Sometimes ignorance was bliss. We arrived at the meeting point with Elena up front, flanked by the Salvatore brothers and me trailing behind, feeling completely out of place.
"Have you come to bring me what I desire?" The black haired beauty named Isobel spoke and shudders ran through my body and soul at her cold tone and I eyed Elena's reaction carefully, wondering how hurt she was because there was no doubt in my mind that she was bleeding internally due to her mother's condition.
"Yes." Elena answered curtly and there was only a slight waver in her voice. "But I'm not giving it to you until you let go of Jeremy."
"He's been dropped off at your doorstep in this very moment." There was no reason not to believe her when she spoke with such confidence and her self-assured manner confused me. How could someone be so in control that even the feelings of your own daughter were always at arm's length?
I phoned Elena's home number and Jeremy answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Jeremy, are you alright? Did they hurt you?" I asked anxiously and I could feel how all eyes were on me for the moment and squirmed at all the unwanted attention.
"Yeah, sort of." He said weakly but his voice sharpened as realization hit him straight in the face. "You're one of them, too, aren't you?" He asked accusingly and I visibly flinched at his harsh reaction.
"Yes, I am." I answered calmly, relieved to no longer have to keep secrets from him but also anxious for him because this would only mean more trouble for him. I knew a bit about vampire trouble by now and it wasn't very fun.
"I hope you're coming over tonight. I'm not sure I can forgive you for not showing your face more often." He huffed and I smiled at his nonchalance. I shouldn't have expected anything different from pure and sweet Jeremy but it was hard for a human to accept that supernatural beings existed and I wouldn't have blamed him for hating me.
"I'm glad you're safe. And so is Elena." I added quickly, seeing her longing gaze.
"Elena." He grunted, angrily. "She can go to hell for all I care. She lied to me."
"And I didn't?" I inquired, painfully. The line cut short and I stared at my phone for a moment longer, trying to comprehend how hurt Jeremy must be through this betrayal. He deserved to be furious with us for any amount of time he needed to realize that we were only protecting him.
With Jeremy's safety proven, Elena moved towards her mother to hand her over what she wanted. She stopped before her and stared her down and I admired her bravery even though it was a delicate thing and could easily be mistaken for foolishness. "Thank you." She said after handing over the prized device and Isobel rose an elegant eyebrow in question. "For being a complete disappointment. This way the memory of my real mother won't be tainted."
Heartbreakingly, Isobel's face remained cold and elusive and I wondered whether I would want my mother back if I knew that she would be like this. She would exist as a completely different person but at least she would exist at all and being mad at someone who was never around was sometimes better than missing someone you would never see again.
"You're welcome."
"How could you be so sure that Damon would give the device to me?" Elena asked curiously and my body froze at the prospect of the answer to that question. How could she be so foolish to ask? Everyone knew at least subconsciously why Isobel could count on Damon practically handing the device over to her. A device that coul kill us all.
"Because he's in love with you." Isobel stated simply and I watched Damon's muscles clench and Elena's face fall in surprise but Isobel just went on jabbing at them as my heart broke for the millionth time this day. Of course, I had known but hearing it spoken aloud was always a different matter. "Let me just tell you that you will be condemned to a life of misery as long as you have one Salvatore brother on each arm. Katherine was smart enough to free herself from their grip before it was too late but we all know you're not Katherine."
Isobel turned and disappeared with her bodyguards and Elena just stood there, completely immobile. Stefan eyed his brother warily and Damon was looking nowhere in particular. His gaze met mine fiercely and I thought I saw guilt flash in those icy eyes of his before I stepped up to Elena, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you home to your brother." I murmured softly and she nodded absentmindedly, looking utterly shaken. "We'll leave these two to have a chat amongst brothers." I spat out sarcastically and led her away from the two ever quarreling brothers.
"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" Elena suddenly spoke up after we had walked in silence for a while, letting the stillness of the night wash over our beings like gentle waves on a beach. I was still a bit shaken but I had in under control because I had known all along that this moment would come. I just didn't know what would happen next.
"Excuse me?" I inquired, perplexed by her sudden viciousness. I really hadn't lead any sort of conversation with Elena but this one was already amusing me.
She threw her hands up in the air and raged on. "You're of the same opinion as Isobel. That I'm ruining my chances at a happy life by getting involved with Stefan and Damon." She didn't wait for my answer. "But I love Stefan and only him but I can't just push Damon away. He needs someone to be his friend and that's what I intend to be." She said firmly and I smiled at her despite myself.
"I didn't say anything to contradict you." I stated with a crooked smile. Maybe Elena was just intent on seeing an enemy in me but I could hear her sincerity. It doesn't make her actions any less foolish but I could understand.
"But you're looking at me with absolute pity in your eyes and you think that this isn't going to end well anyway, don't you?" She asked, a bit more in control of herself now that she had vented out some of her pent up emotions.
"I'm not really involved in your relations so I have no way of knowing that." I shrugged it off even though that was exactly what my pessimistic mind thought of her love triangle. History was repeating itself and everyone was closing their minds to ward off the truth. "But I feel sorry for you because it's better to have no mother than to have someone like Isobel. Or it's better if your mother died." I said bitterly, offering her a piece of information about myself to distract her from her other question and because I hadn't exactly been easy on her since we met.
She was just a human caught up in supernatural happenings and she was trying to cope as best as she could. She was bound to make some mistakes and I was in no position to judge her for it. God knows, I had enough issues to fill my own book and set it upon the shelf next to hers. No need for hard feelings between us.
"I'm sorry." She said with feeling.
"Thanks. I'm sorry, too."
"Thanks." She said sheepishly.
"Well, if you want to hear my advice I would probably say that you have to take one step at a time otherwise you'll go crazy. As long as you can look back on your day and you still recognize yourself in the mirror, everything's alright because in the end, you're the only one that has to live with your decisions and it doesn't matter what Isobel or whoever says. Bottom line is that they're probably just trying to manipulate you."
She stepped inside the house thoughtfully and was met by a furious looking brother of hers. "Jeremy." She said in relief but it shattered when he didn't let her embrace him.
"Don't touch me. You lied to me." He hissed at her and I don't think I had ever heard him so angry.
"Jer…" She said softly and I felt for her when Jeremy nodded towards me and raced up the stairs.
I went to follow him but not before whispering to Elena. "He'll come around."
Jeremy was sitting on his bed and I could feel the dark waves of anger and despair rolling off him in waves as I sat down next to him. He didn't speak so I started explaining my side of the story to him. "Vic and I were turned on the same night. She stayed here and I fled since I had nothing binding me to this town and I needed the time to adjust to this new life. Don't fool yourself, Jer. Vic wasn't the same anymore and I probably should have been as dead as she is now as well because I was just as volatile and out of control but I got lucky." I said bitterly and expected him to snap at me for being such a coward but he hugged me close instead.
"I'm glad you're alive. Don't be stupid." He chided me and I smiled despite the bittersweet feelings inside of me. A movement at the window made us both jump apart. It was Anna and tears were streaming down her face.
"My mom's dead." She managed to choke out and Jeremy was right there to take her in his arms and comfort her. She sobbed in his arms and her desperate hands dug into his shoulder. I knew what it was like to lose your mother but Anna had just won her back after centuries of waiting and scheming. It must be horrible to lose something right after you just won it back.
I didn't notice the change of atmosphere in the room until it had all been silent for a minute or so. Anna stood right in front of me with red brimmed eyes and an expression of complete defeat in her face. She dropped a small object into my hand and I stared at it but couldn't see it until I heard her voice as if through a long tunnel. "Harper's dead, too."
"Harper?" I managed to choke out against the lump in my throat and my world tilted at an odd angle. For a moment I was sure that I would lose consciousness but Anna's words kept me conscious.
"They wanted to leave town because they no longer felt safe here. I'm not sure whether Harper was going to simply accompany my mother or whether he was going to ask you to join him but I know that he was torn over the decision." Anna said softly and her slim arms wound themselves around my middle as I swayed, feeling dazed and out of it.
"He was leaving?" I asked, feeling torn, hurt and numb at the same time. This was all simply too much. Here I was debating whether I should let Harper go and he had already decided to leave me behind. Or maybe not but it didn't really matter because it was all a matter of science fiction since he was gone. Dead. Along with the long list of friends I had lost ever since I turned. Vic, Lexi, Lee and now him.
He had been one of the only people to only be good to me and he had never wanted to harm me in anyway and I had betrayed him, I let him down, I didn't deserve his affection. Now I would never be able to make things up to him.
My fist closed around the ring and I dislodged myself from Anna and fought off Jeremy who was reaching for me as well and threw myself out of the open window, running into the night without actually knowing what I was trying to escape. Tears streamed down my face as I realized that I had lost some part of myself with Harper's murder, the part that believed in fairy tales and happy endings. I had wasted all my time convincing myself that I was in love in Damon and now I had lost the one person that had cared for me before I could properly love him back. My sobs shook me harder. I missed him so much, he didn't deserve to die.
Author's note: Yeah, it's been a while. I apologize for the wait, real life had me in its terrible clutches but I'm free now and will try to achieve faster updates but there are no guarantees. Maybe I made up a bit of my slack by making this chapter exceptionally long. Well, we can all be excited about what awaits us in the great finale. I don't have it all in a nutshell yet but I've got several ideas and I hope most of them are unexpected, intriguing yet realistic and that you'll enjoy reading it. Thanks for sticking around!