"Dearest Eileen,
I was happy to get your letter and hear that you were doing well. Although, I will say I was very shocked when you told me that he was there -- more than shocked in fact. When I read that, I dropped the letter and had to sit down. My wife had to take care of me and she's the one that's pregnant! But I will say, I really was floored - beyond words and beyond belief.
How are you with it? I know this has been and will always be an issue with you and I really don't know what to tell you. I wish I did, but, I just can't. I'm with my one and only right now. Isn't that what you used to call him? God, it's been so long I can't even remember. Don't worry about it though. If I know you like I think I do (or rather like I know I do) you'll figure out how to get through this. You always were so strong in that regard. No wonder you did what you did. But honestly, don't worry, I have faith in you and I want you to know that whatever you do, I'm behind you one-hundred percent. That's the least I could do, but sadly, all I really can. That's something else I want you to know. If you ever need anything, just tell me. If it's within my power, I will. Ky may be a powerful man, but I've got friends he could only ever dream about.
Work is going as best as it can. The political limelight is slowly killing me though, or at least I think. Ha, but you know how that is. Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone wants to know my opinion - I've seen my wife all of ten minutes in the last week.
I don't like this kind of life. I mean, I do like it - it's probably what I'll be doing until the end of time - but, I'm missing on what's really important. I'm missing out on the things that really matter. Oh God, did I tell you! She's thought of a name for the baby! If it's a boy it's Conner and if it's a girl, Aya. She says she'll be happy with whatever the baby is but secretly, I can tell she wants a girl. I can see it in her eyes when we go shopping for furniture, or sometimes, just in the way that she looks out the window. I can almost see a little girl with blonde, blonde curls in my wife's eyes. She's getting tired of this life too. I can tell that she wants something more than just being with me. She wants us to have a family, a real one - with a house and privacy and no spotlight glaring in our eyes or following us around. And I know she doesn't want our children growing up like that. I know that I don't want our children growing up like that. And with every passing day that she gets a little bit bigger (she'd kill me if she knew I said that) and I see her smile get a little bit wider, I realize that we're coming upon a crossroad in our life. What should be so easy, I'm afraid will turn out to be harder than we could imagine. I'd lie if I said I wasn't nervous, so I'll just leave it at this. My job or my wife? Should that be such a hard decision? Should that even be a decision at all?
I've been getting headaches lately. Mostly when I'm at work so I think it's stress related. Colony policy, world policy - who cares anymore? It'll just be one more damn press conference or meeting that I'll have to go to. Anyway, these headaches keep getting worse everyday. Tylenol fixes them for a time being, but they come back again. My wife thinks I should go to the doctor; I think it's just my nerves. One of my cabinet members gave me some Valium to take. He said it would ease whatever tension I have, and it's working. Or at least, it has been. I'm taking three at a time now. Two just doesn't do it anymore. My wife thinks that I'm becoming and addict and has threatened to throw them away, so I hid them from her. Ha-ha! She means well, but sometimes she can be so one-minded it kills me. Like I would become an addict? Right! I love her though.
I hate doctors.
I was looking through some old books of mine and a photo slipped out. It was of you. Why I have it I'll never know. Seems to me I didn't really like you back then or that I gave you the cold shoulder - just one of the many things that I am sorry for in my life.
But, in the picture, you look so happy. You can't be more than fifteen or sixteen and you're sitting on a rock by the ocean. You're very beautiful; something that I'm sure hasn't changed. I see an article about Ky in the paper from time to time, but there's never a picture of you. I guess he has his reasons, just like you have yours. But, will you do me a favor and send me one? While I love having this one of you, it's old and outdated and reminds me of bittersweet times. And while these times really haven't changed, I'd still like something newer. I understand if you can't, but in return (my incentive is fantastic, I assure you), I'll send you a picture of my wife and I. Who knows, maybe even a picture of the baby!
I wish I could write more, but I'm getting one of those damn headaches again, and my wife is calling for me. Probably wants me to go get her something to eat. I don't mind though. To me, this is intimate. Ha-ha! Food runs for my wife. How very priceless.
Dear Eileen, or whoever you are now while you read this letter, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you; I'm hoping for the best. Please tell me how Ky and the children are. I would like to know. After all, we're all the same.
I've started thinking about life, and want to tell you this quickly before I put this in the mail. Don't let him live your life for you. Just because he's back, doesn't mean he has to control you or your feelings. Ghosts stay ghosts - they don't come back from the dead. If that's what he is, then you need to let him know. There isn't a reason for you to let him haunt your dreams anymore.
You are your own person, and for that, I love you. You're the only person I have in this miserable world, or at least, in one respect.
In good fai--"
The rest of the letter was smudged. He really must have been in a hurry. Eileen smiled as she ran her fingers over the letter. It was one thing that kept her happy and one of the few things that kept her sane. She had read it before she left and now she was reading it again and while she wasn't crying this time, she felt the same.
Happy. Truly happy.
She heard footsteps and pushed it back into her bag. Secrets are meant to be kept and not revealed. Not even to her husband. That's why they didn't use any real names, except the addressing one. Even if someone found the letters, they wouldn't know who it was from. They would be safe from a scandal. Safe from chaos.
It felt so good to have one person know she was alive; one person who she wasn't married to, in something with (what she wasn't sure), but someone who knew her and loved her. Someone from her old days. Someone from her past.
"What are you doing?" Ky loosened his tie and gave a smirk. She felt a knot ball up in her stomach.
Eileen looked down at her bag and gave a weak smile. "Nothing."
I was happy to get your letter and hear that you were doing well. Although, I will say I was very shocked when you told me that he was there -- more than shocked in fact. When I read that, I dropped the letter and had to sit down. My wife had to take care of me and she's the one that's pregnant! But I will say, I really was floored - beyond words and beyond belief.
How are you with it? I know this has been and will always be an issue with you and I really don't know what to tell you. I wish I did, but, I just can't. I'm with my one and only right now. Isn't that what you used to call him? God, it's been so long I can't even remember. Don't worry about it though. If I know you like I think I do (or rather like I know I do) you'll figure out how to get through this. You always were so strong in that regard. No wonder you did what you did. But honestly, don't worry, I have faith in you and I want you to know that whatever you do, I'm behind you one-hundred percent. That's the least I could do, but sadly, all I really can. That's something else I want you to know. If you ever need anything, just tell me. If it's within my power, I will. Ky may be a powerful man, but I've got friends he could only ever dream about.
Work is going as best as it can. The political limelight is slowly killing me though, or at least I think. Ha, but you know how that is. Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone wants to know my opinion - I've seen my wife all of ten minutes in the last week.
I don't like this kind of life. I mean, I do like it - it's probably what I'll be doing until the end of time - but, I'm missing on what's really important. I'm missing out on the things that really matter. Oh God, did I tell you! She's thought of a name for the baby! If it's a boy it's Conner and if it's a girl, Aya. She says she'll be happy with whatever the baby is but secretly, I can tell she wants a girl. I can see it in her eyes when we go shopping for furniture, or sometimes, just in the way that she looks out the window. I can almost see a little girl with blonde, blonde curls in my wife's eyes. She's getting tired of this life too. I can tell that she wants something more than just being with me. She wants us to have a family, a real one - with a house and privacy and no spotlight glaring in our eyes or following us around. And I know she doesn't want our children growing up like that. I know that I don't want our children growing up like that. And with every passing day that she gets a little bit bigger (she'd kill me if she knew I said that) and I see her smile get a little bit wider, I realize that we're coming upon a crossroad in our life. What should be so easy, I'm afraid will turn out to be harder than we could imagine. I'd lie if I said I wasn't nervous, so I'll just leave it at this. My job or my wife? Should that be such a hard decision? Should that even be a decision at all?
I've been getting headaches lately. Mostly when I'm at work so I think it's stress related. Colony policy, world policy - who cares anymore? It'll just be one more damn press conference or meeting that I'll have to go to. Anyway, these headaches keep getting worse everyday. Tylenol fixes them for a time being, but they come back again. My wife thinks I should go to the doctor; I think it's just my nerves. One of my cabinet members gave me some Valium to take. He said it would ease whatever tension I have, and it's working. Or at least, it has been. I'm taking three at a time now. Two just doesn't do it anymore. My wife thinks that I'm becoming and addict and has threatened to throw them away, so I hid them from her. Ha-ha! She means well, but sometimes she can be so one-minded it kills me. Like I would become an addict? Right! I love her though.
I hate doctors.
I was looking through some old books of mine and a photo slipped out. It was of you. Why I have it I'll never know. Seems to me I didn't really like you back then or that I gave you the cold shoulder - just one of the many things that I am sorry for in my life.
But, in the picture, you look so happy. You can't be more than fifteen or sixteen and you're sitting on a rock by the ocean. You're very beautiful; something that I'm sure hasn't changed. I see an article about Ky in the paper from time to time, but there's never a picture of you. I guess he has his reasons, just like you have yours. But, will you do me a favor and send me one? While I love having this one of you, it's old and outdated and reminds me of bittersweet times. And while these times really haven't changed, I'd still like something newer. I understand if you can't, but in return (my incentive is fantastic, I assure you), I'll send you a picture of my wife and I. Who knows, maybe even a picture of the baby!
I wish I could write more, but I'm getting one of those damn headaches again, and my wife is calling for me. Probably wants me to go get her something to eat. I don't mind though. To me, this is intimate. Ha-ha! Food runs for my wife. How very priceless.
Dear Eileen, or whoever you are now while you read this letter, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you; I'm hoping for the best. Please tell me how Ky and the children are. I would like to know. After all, we're all the same.
I've started thinking about life, and want to tell you this quickly before I put this in the mail. Don't let him live your life for you. Just because he's back, doesn't mean he has to control you or your feelings. Ghosts stay ghosts - they don't come back from the dead. If that's what he is, then you need to let him know. There isn't a reason for you to let him haunt your dreams anymore.
You are your own person, and for that, I love you. You're the only person I have in this miserable world, or at least, in one respect.
In good fai--"
The rest of the letter was smudged. He really must have been in a hurry. Eileen smiled as she ran her fingers over the letter. It was one thing that kept her happy and one of the few things that kept her sane. She had read it before she left and now she was reading it again and while she wasn't crying this time, she felt the same.
Happy. Truly happy.
She heard footsteps and pushed it back into her bag. Secrets are meant to be kept and not revealed. Not even to her husband. That's why they didn't use any real names, except the addressing one. Even if someone found the letters, they wouldn't know who it was from. They would be safe from a scandal. Safe from chaos.
It felt so good to have one person know she was alive; one person who she wasn't married to, in something with (what she wasn't sure), but someone who knew her and loved her. Someone from her old days. Someone from her past.
"What are you doing?" Ky loosened his tie and gave a smirk. She felt a knot ball up in her stomach.
Eileen looked down at her bag and gave a weak smile. "Nothing."