Chapter Fourteen: Olla Podrida
My DEEP DEEP DEEPEST apologies, you guys...it's been what, like a year since the last chapter? That's totally my bad. But in my defense, I started college (art school is tons harder than you'd think) and I had a really horrible job as a housekeeper for a while...and now I'm moving soon. To Florida! Yay retirement! (I wish!)
Please bear with me, my writing skillz have gotten rusty! Thank you very much for sticking with me! COOKIES FOR ALL!
Also, for those who want to meet me and also love going to anime conventions, I'll be at Anime Weekend Atlanta again this September! D Join me!
Disclaimer: Still don't own FMA...yeah yeah yeah.
Warnings: Yaoi (le duh) ...spoilers...?? For those who haven't finished FMA...
Wrath was terrified. Outrageously, undeniably, on-the-verge-of-wetting-himself terrified. It was actually kind of ironic, he thought, standing amongst the splendor of the lavishly burnished room, that someone could be so scared while being in such a welcomingly warm chamber. There was clearly some sort of feng shui about the place, if Dante believed in such things.
Which she probably didn't. But still, feng shui or not, Wrath was pretty terrified.
"Wrath...my dear child..." Dante exhaled as if his very presence was a burden on her patience, "tell me again what Envy said when you told him I wanted him to come back..."
The Sin quaked before her as she langorously pacing to and fro in front of a mantle of urns. Dante's calm demeanor didn't hide the acidic menace in her tone or the ferocious flash of her eyes; even Wrath could sense a storm approaching. Or maybe it was already there.
"He said...he would come back to you when he's good and ready..." came his whimper of a voice, not wanting to say it but having no choice. What else could he have done? He would have liked to protect Envy...but experience taught him it was best to obey his master's orders.
And by flaming, rip-roaring hell, Dante wanted to know what that son of hers was up to.
"Ah...Envy still hasn't learned his lesson, I see," she sat in a leather armchair, a well-manicured hand bracing the armrest in anger, "he was always the rebellious type. I would have hoped I had curbed that habit for him long ago...Wrath, you are dismissed."
"Yes ma'am," he bowed and scuttled out of the room as fast as his mismatched legs would carry him. Dante watched with narrowed eyes.
"I suppose the torture must continue."
Squeak squeak squeak
"So...what's the deal with your brother?" Envy asked casually, firmly rubbing his towel against one of Al's shoulder plates and ignoring the rather annoying squeaking that came along with it.
"What do you mean?"
Squeak squeak squeak
"I mean...yknow. Exactly how many personality disorders does he have? Four? Five? I'm just guessing, of course."
"Envy...my brother doesn't have any kind of disorder. He just gets high-strung a lot...mostly by people like you...and the Colonel," he added in afterthought.
"You have no idea how honored I am," Envy droned, throwing down the towel, already bored with his chore.
"He likes you, Envy," Al sighed, leaning over to grab the towel with a leather hand, "and you like him, so I guess I can't understand why you two don't get along better."
"Hold on a minute!" Envy snarled, slamming his fist into Al's head and sending the helmet tumbling across the room, "Whoever said I liked that bastard of an alchemist you call your brother?!"
Alphonse stood still for a moment, his Blood Seal staring Envy in the face like a watchful eye.
"I had assumed you did," he answered after a moment's silence, lumbering to the corner to pick up his head and reattach it, "and I still think you do. After all..."
"After all what?" Envy snapped, silky voice lashing at Alphonse, who shrugged his spikey shoulders.
"You two slept together, right?"
Envy gawked at Al, mouth hung open in shock before he reeled in his sense and crossed his arms, scoffing haughtily.
"Yes. Your brother was very good, in fact, maybe when you get your body back you should try him out."
"ENVY!!" Alphonse shrieked, dropping the towel, "That's disgusting, he's my brother!!! How can you say things like that, are you trying to disturb me?!"
"Of course not..." Envy gave a sly grin in Al's direction, sashaying a bit closer to him, "But don't tell me you've never thought about it. Your brother is definitely good-looking...and those long, sleepless nights must give you a lot to think about..."
Alphonse's phantom eyes grew huge as he stepped back, waving his hands in front of his chest.
"N-no! What's wrong with you, Envy?!"
"What about when you had a body? Did you ever kiss him?" the Sin grinned up at the armor, which in turn picked up its kitten and bounded out the door, screaming.
"WE WERE KIDS, IT DIDN"T COUNT!!!"
Envy looked at the slammed door with a certain amount of satisfaction, then turned on heel and made his way toward the bathroom.
'That Envy...' Edward thought, tilting back his head and letting the warm water cover his body, 'who does he think he is?'
The hot shower was doing a good job of washing away the shame and humiliation of playing janitor for a particularly pompous colonel, but it couldn't wash away the doubt flickering through the back of Edward's mind.
He didn't exactly regret sleeping with Envy, but it wasn't quite something to shout to the heavens either.
Before another thought could enter his mind, the shower curtain was ripped to the side and Envy leapt in, grinning ferally through the shrouds of water.
"Hiya, O'Chibi-chan!"
"Envy!" Ed screamed and snatched the edge of the curtain, bringing it up in front of his waist, "w-what are you doing here?! I told you to clean Al! He'll rust! Where is he?!"
"I don't know, Chibi-face. He just ran away," Envy stared at Ed with a completely baffled look, voice dripping with enough innocence to coat a small elephant.
"Okay, can we stop with the nicknames for once?!" he growled.
"Okay, we'll stop the nicknames for now," Envy purred and slid his arms around Edward's waist, fingers dancing up and down his slick lower back. Edward fought to retain a moan, gripping Envy's bony hips within his hands.
Envy leaned into Edward and their lips met, locked together in passion against the sensation and the sounds of the water. Envy's mouth eventually wandered downward, placing gentle kisses against the alchemist's neck and collarbone.
"Aah...Envy..." his hands slid up and tangled themselves into Envy's heavy hair. The Sin licked Edward's scars, his hands roamed over Edward's chest, filling Ed with a warm sensation that not even the hot water could match. Between his moans, he spoke.
"Envy...I was thinking..."
"Well, that's a first for you."
"Shut up, you know what I mean...I just...want to know...why."
"Why what?" Envy tilted his head to the side, feline eyes taking Edward in coolly between flickering against the water's current.
"Why you want to be with me like this...maybe you don't even want to be with me and this all has been some big trick."
"O'Chibi, I'm offended," Envy's feminine voice lilted. Envy, being Envy, was always one to say what he felt, "This isn't a trick, for once. I like being here, I like being away from that bitch Dante and the others, I like being with you. You should know that I do what I like," he poked Ed's chest a bit harder than needed and leaned in, whispering against the alchemists' ear, "and so I do you."
"Envy!" Edward blushed for about the millionth time the past two days, "T-that was just once!"
"Care to make it twice?" the Sin giggled, pinning Edward against the tile wall and pressing up against him.
"Envy...aaahnn..."
For all purposes and intents, Pride was President Fuhrer Bradley. He enjoyed being President Fuhrer Bradley. The job came with an excellent house, endless lackeys, and the finest cheeses money could buy. And also, being President Fuhrer, he expected to be let in when he knocked on the door to someone's dorm. Especially when he, as Pride, knew that they were in there.
So President Fuhrer Bradley kindly let himself in and kindly shut the door behind him, gently, as to make sure there came no noise. He smirked beneath his moustache.
'Oh, Envy, you sick fool," he thought. Even a non-Homunculus could have known what Envy and that little bastard of an alchemist were up to. The bathroom door was quite ajar, moans resonating, hot and heavy, from inside.
"Envy...ooh...Envy...am I...doing it right...?" Ed's voice was deeper than usual, burdened by aphrodisia.
"O...Chibi...I don't think...there's a wrong...aaahn...waaay..." Envy responded, words hitched falsetto and laced with groans.
"Yesss...Enn...vyy...ahhh...are...you..."
"Sh...shut up...just...keep...ooh...doing..it..."
So, this was what Envy was up to. Dante had told Pride that Envy had refused to come back home, and now he understood. Envy had fallen for the little pipsqueak.
Fallen for his own brother. How disgusting.
He could say "fallen" because it was the truth. There was no way Envy would have relations with someone he disliked or didn't care at all for, unless it was forced on him like the situation he had endured with Greed. It simply wasn't something Envy would do, something the eldest Sin couldn't even manage to conceive within his mind. That was how, without fail, Pride knew. And since Envy had fallen, there was a great risk to their entire operation.
He stood and waited until the moans reached their climax and dwindled down to faint whimpers, waited through the sound of water being replaced with murmured words and hushed whispers.
"Mr. Elric?" he cupped a hand to the side of his mouth, still staying far away from the bathroom, "If you could take a break from your...enjoyment...could you come out here for a moment? I'd like to have a word with you."
Distinctly, he heard the sound of clothes practically being slapped on, with a breathless "Oshitoshitoshitoshitoshitoshit!" accompanying it. Then Edward skidded out of the bathroom, whipping a hand to his wet hair in a frantic salute.
"SIR! I'm sorry!"
"Don't apologize!" Bradley laughed, raising a hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Envy's scowling face peeking out of the bathroom, "I remember what it was like when I was a teenager. Good times, good times..."
Edward looked a little disgusted. Bradley continued, "Anyway, back to the reason of my visit...I hate to ask this of you, seeing as you do so much already, but Headquarters is experiencing a massive load of incoming work...would you please go help Colonel Mustang and his subordinates out?"
"Uh, but sir!" Edward glanced at the clock, still keeping his salute, "It's nearly seven o clock..."
"Like I said, it's a lot of work. I'd hate for them to be up all night, doing it alone."
"That bastard deserves it..." Edward muttered.
"What's that?"
"Ooh, nothing!!! Um...yeah, I'll go."
"Good. Your brother and his kitten are already on the way there. Thanks again, Edward."
"Oh, no problem..." Ed glanced back at the bathroom, then up at Bradley, irked at the fact that the man wasn't moving.
"Oh, I'm sorry! You must want to say goodbye, of course. Pardon me," he smiled and allowed himself out.
"O'Chibi--" Envy stepped out of the bathroom, bluish light brushing over his form as his clothes reappeared on his body.
"Sorry, Envy...but he is my boss. And Al is there too..." he sighed and grabbed his coat, "I'll be back. Just stay here and don't get into trouble, okay?"
"Chibi!"
Edward ran out the door without a second glance, passing right by the hidden Pride.
Envy, inside, crossed his arms and pouted sulkily.
"Now, now, Envy...the boy has much more pressing matters to attend to," Pride stepped through the doorway, hands behind his back.
"You...I suppose Dante sent you? Well you can give her the same message I gave Wrath. I'm not coming back!"
Pride whipped out one of his swords and before he could even blink, Envy sprang backwards.
"Foolish child. I can sense it, the red stones are no longer in your body. How do you plan to survive? You're reckless, you won't last long without those stones to heal you."
"Who're you calling a child?!" Envy snapped furiously, his voice becoming raspy and loud as it often did when he got angry, "and reckless?! I get injured the least of all of you bastards, you know that!!!"
"Care to test that out?"
"DIE!" Envy shrieked, lunging for Pride, who held his blade up in front of him. Envy quickly pounced to the side to avoid running headfirst into the blade and swung his leg out, tripping Pride.
"Goodness!" Pride sprung back up before Envy could do anything, "500 years old and still as agile as a fox! My old body isn't wanting to respond as it used to."
"Excuses!" Envy yelled, transforming his hands into talons and striking vicously at Pride, sparks flying as the talons hit steel.
"I wonder what your mother will say, Envy. When I tell her about your little relationship with Edward."
Envy faltered and Pride took the opportunity to dig the tip of his blade into Envy's calf. With the calf muscle injured, there was no way Envy could perform the wild displays of athleticism that he was known for.
The green-haired Sin shrieked and grabbed his leg before hopping back, away from Pride.
"Don't tell her! I'll kill you!!"
"Now, Envy, you're in no position to kill me. I, however, am in the perfect position to kill you."
Envy cried out in rage and tackled Pride through the window. They both fell, along with shards of glass, into the street.
"I see what you're doing, Envy. You think I will stop fighting you just because these people recognize me as a leader? All they'll see is their beloved Fuhrer defeating a monster."
"Bastard!" Envy screamed. His body dissolved from its usual form, falling apart and reshaping itself into something bigger, stronger. A solid form towered over Pride, supported by scaly, sinewy legs and gleaming talons, two huge leathery wings snapped open and shut and beat at the air as a gaping maw of a mouth roared fiercely toward the heavens. Pride pushed himself up.
"Fitting," Pride said to himself, unsheathing his swords as he took a cautious step back, "A dragon. You and leviathans have a natural connection, don't you, Envy?" He glanced over at Envy's left back leg. It was marked with a gash, still bleeding. And he was clearly favoring it.
"Why are you here?" boomed Envy's voice, magnified times a hundred and sounding just about as angry as always, "Go away!"
A massive claw shot toward Pride, who jumped swiftly backwards. Cobblestones and street debris flew in the air and people shrieked in horror, ran in all directions. This just infuriated Envy all the more. He hated humans, HATED THEM!! He hated Pride, he hated Dante, he hated Greed, he hated it all!!! His heavy tail smashed irately against the side of the dorms, his toothy jaw snapped open again to scream in infuriation and his blinded, blinded once again by the rage he hadn't felt in so long. He didn't care if he couldn't regenerate. He was going to give Pride, and this city, hell.
The office clacked with typewriters, buzzed with people running around with different documents. Mustang looked up from examining a memo, staring toward the window.
"Did you hear anything?"
"Stop pretending to hear things and do your work, sir," Hawkeye said calmly as she walked by.
Mustang sighed irately and went back to work.
CHAPTER END.
Yeah, I know a few things were messed up as far as time goes. Like "how did Wrath get to Dante so quick?" or "Ed's not that far away, shouldn't he hear or see Envy-dragon?" Well...um...I'M TIRED! YES! THAT'S IT!
Please review! I'm kind of down in the dumps about things...once again, sorry for procrastinating! I'm a bad man...woman...next chapter's arrival-date will depend on how much stuff I have to go through and how life treats me in general.