A/N:

Thank you for the feedback to last chapter, here now my attempt at an explanation, it would be great to know what you make of it:

Okay, so. Kurt is hurting because he was bullied all his life, even before he knew what bullying was, and it has left him scarred in ways he too often cannot understand himself.
He feels happy with Blaine but that happiness is so fragile, losing the feel of it over and over hurts Kurt a lot too. He has these attacks because he is triggered by things and people who remind him of situations in which he was abused by someone, verbally, physically, etc.
My story is here to show that healing often cannot be achieved easy, how much of a fight it is to grow to be happier, even with someone as great as Blaine by your side. Because no one can do the healing for you. No amount of Love someone shows for you can ever truly heal you, only you can grow to do that. And that is I guess what the sequel to this story will be about too, with the support group at Dalton as main focus. That part of Kurt, the desperatly hurt part, came out nicely in canon when Kurt gives his campaign speech. And I just wish they had taken their time on the show to have Blaine transfer and have Kurt cope with the aftermath of having been and still being the punching bag for so many ignorant people, would have made for a great storyline in my opinion.

Last chapter.

I hope you will love reading it. Would be great to hear from all of you who stayed with me till the end what made you stick with me.

Love, M

Our Love

Blaine is standing in his room, starring, and for once in months not at his gorgeous boyfriend.

He can barely make out anything familiar in the pile of things now strewn all over his carpet that came spilling out of the boxes he turned over just moments ago.

Stuff. Most of the things now in a heap on the warm deep blue carpet are just that, things. Things that pile up, somehow, and are shifted from hands to pockets to cardboard boxes.

"How did I manage to collect all this?" Blaine murmurs to himself as he tries to make out not just what the objects before him all are, but more importantly what they mean to him, what some meant to him; what some might mean to someone else, should he choose to give them away.

He tries to remember the moment others handed them to him as a gift or as something borrowed that was actually, as it turns out now, never returned, because someone moved, or he and whoever both forgot.

Looking at the heap long enough Blaine is reminded of all the things he knows, all the people he had forgotten are still with him in his memories.

The idea had seemed so benign. 'Have a good hard look and decide what to take with me to school to keep in my locker, to cheer myself, to cheer Kurt up. With memories of dates, and kisses, and Dalton too, especially on a bad day at McKinley, which will come and go just like all the good ones.' All the good ones on which he will just be happy to be close to Kurt.

Slumping down next to the pile, which does not look any less confusing from this new angle, Blaine wonders how this simple idea turned so utterly complicated so quick.

Blaine had packed up his room at Dalton a week ago and moved back into his parents' house. He had hated those boxes just sitting there, every day, for a whole week, while he was too busy trying hard to get used to McKinley.

Blaine takes a deep breath and once more frowns at the tangled mess in front of him as he slowly lets out an equally deep sigh as he reaches out an arm to slowly start sorting through it.

He pulls one of the now empty boxes closer and after just rummaging for a moment starts picking things to put back in, labeling the box in his mind as the one holding things that mean a great deal to him.

Postcards and notes from friends, books others gave him, that moved something in him, still do. Those are the easy choices.

Blaine quickly realizes that happy, truly happy is, well …difficult. Things that make him happy and happy only, they are much harder to make out and are rare.

A lot of things he sees are, yes, important to him, but don't exactly make him that happy.

He also notices that some things feel just wrong placed with others.

His favorite things are those others gave him. Nothing he bought for himself feels right in this box.

'Why is it so difficult to throw away things?' when clearly he does not keep any of the objects for themselves but for who they remind him of.

There is a, to the unsuspecting onlooker beautiful, bohemian ruby right in Blaine's line of sight, but the boy does his best to look away, and ignore the sharp pain piercing his chest at the sight of it.

People change, relationships change, and with them even the meaning of things we do not see for years until they tumble out of some box or another, back into our lives.

'There is the first love letter Kurt ever wrote me,' Blaine thinks to himself, reaching out for the envelope with the delicate handwriting of his boyfriend on it, with a bright smile. But before so much as his fingertips reach the material he is interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door.

"Yes?"

When there is no answer, Blaine gets up from where he had still been sitting on the carpet and walks over to open the door.

No one seems to be there. But Blaine is sure he did not just imagine the knock so he takes a step outside of his room and as he looks to his left he finds Kurt standing there, if you can call it that.

Leaning heavily against the wall, Kurt has his face resting in both of his hands, crying silently, his bag having slipped of his shoulders onto the floor.

Kurt inhales sharply as he feels Blaine's arms wrapping securely around him, gently guiding Kurt into the room and shutting the door behind them.

And as soon as the door closes Blaine can sense he is the only thing holding Kurt up, feeling what little there is of Kurt's weight resting all on him, growing to feel heavier by the second.

Blaine tries to guide Kurt over to his bed but fails miserably, Kurt's feet utterly unwilling to work with him even for a single second longer, now that he is in the safety of Blaine's embrace.

So Blaine gives in and settles them on the floor, holding Kurt close all the while.

Blaine wants to ask but knows he needs to allow Kurt to calm first, to find a rhythm again to his own breathing.

It takes about 14 minutes before Kurt tangibly loosens his grip on Blaine's shoulders and Blaine following Kurt's lead allows his boyfriend to scoot down, rest his whole body on the floor and move his head into Blaine's lap, facing Blaine, eyes closed, just resting there. Breath still hitching from time to time, Kurt's hands both find Blaine's right and hold it tight, desperate for the contact.

Blaine begins to slowly run his free left hand through Kurt's hair and finally his breathing is truly evening out.

"One of those days?" Blaine asks.

Even the nod Kurt gives is shaky.

"Want to talk about it? It's fine if you don't," Blaine says in a soothing whisper.

"I was fine, and then I wasn't," Kurt says, voice tearstained.

"It's okay to feel that way."

"It sucks though," Kurt chokes out.

"Yeah. Want to try and figure out what it was today?"

Kurt gives another nod.

"Okay," Blaine says, placing a tender kiss to Kurt's forehead, left hand still running through Kurt's hair, spending comfort and focus. Blaine knows by now how important that is on days like these when the thoughts suddenly won't stop coming, won't allow to be slowed down easily, to be examined closely for clues.

Blaine watches Kurt furrowing his brow in an effort to find something to say that will hopefully make sense to both of them.

Tears start coming instead of words and Blaine leans down to kiss them away, whispering, "Shh, Love, you don't need to try so hard it hurts."

"But I want to know. I want to know how to make it stop hurting."

Blaine gently presses his lips against the boy's whose head is still resting in his lap. Blaine allows his lips to linger, hoping Kurt will take from them, from him, what he needs right now.

They stay like that for a while until Blaine feels Kurt's grip on his right hand loosen in the same instant as Kurt's lips press with more force against his. Then Kurt's hands are caressing the back of Blaine's neck, hands slipping into Blaine's curls as Kurt pulls himself up and to sit in Blaine's lap, the boys lips not once losing touch.

Kurt, now that he is sitting in Blaine's lap, Blaine's arms helping him stay close, deepens the kiss.

When they break apart, Kurt instantly moves to rest his forehead against Blaine's, both boys eyes still closed.

"I hate not understanding," Kurt whispers, his fresh tears running down both their cheeks, the boys are holding each other that close still.

"You are so brave for trying. I love you, and you should be as proud of yourself as I am of you for always questioning. You will get where you need to be one day because you never stopped trying, no matter how hard it got. And I will be with you for that as long as you'll have me. Knowledge is a complicated thing. There is knowledge that makes your life easier, can help you figure out how to do things quicker than you could by yourself, like recipes. And then there is knowledge that makes your life harder, by bringing new questions with it in itself."

"They scare me," Kurt whispers back, hoping Blaine will understand.

And Kurt can feel Blaine nod as he hears him say "Yes, unanswered questions, they are a scary thing."

"Do you have unanswered questions?" Kurt asks in a still small but calm voice.

"Love, of course I do. I think everyone does. And some people get angry about it, and answer their own confusion with hate directed at others. Some hate on themselves. The brave ones try to look for answers. You are one of them."

Kurt lets out a snort, "Brave? Me?"

"Oh, you have no idea, do you?" Blaine asks, a slight smirk playing around his lips.

Kurt moves back a little, opens his eyes slowly and locks them with Blaine's before he shakes his head.

Taking in Blaine's affectionate almost overwhelmingly warm smile Kurt cannot help smile back, however hesitantly, and more in question than answer.

"We will work on that too, together," Blaine replies as his left hand runs through Kurt's hair again and Kurt closes his eyes, snuggling deeper into Blaine's warming touches as Blaine's right traces lovingly along Kurt's left cheek.

"Okay," Kurt eventually whispers a while later.

"Okay is wonderful," Blaine whispers back in reassurance.

Mere minutes later Blaine feels Kurt's grip loosen a little, and as he pulls back gently he sees Kurt has fallen asleep in his arms.

Blaine carries Kurt over to his bed and together they cuddle up on the covers. Kurt's whole form soon snuggled against Blaine, Kurt's back resting against Blaine's chest, Kurt holding on to Blaine's arms around him with his own, almost as if afraid Blaine might let go of him at some point if Kurt does not let him know, somehow, that he wants him there with him, always.

Kurt's warmth mingling with his own, Blaine soon drifts of to sleep as well.

Kurt, waking hours later, for the first time since he entered the room, takes it in fully.

It does not take long until Kurt feels a change in Blaine's breathing that tells him Blaine is awake as much as he is.

Placing a kiss each to Blaine's hands, which Kurt is still holding in his, and allowing his eyes to wander once more over the boxes and things strewn on the floor, Kurt asks, "What were you doing?"

Moving his left cheek to rest against Kurt's right Blaine replies, "Trying to sort out my life a little more I guess. Well, no, my past, my memories. Not unlike you."

"Can I help?" Kurt asks, turning around in Blaine's arms, Blaine notices in surprise, looking eager in a way Blaine has missed in Kurt's expressions for a while now.

"I thought makeovers were your crack?"

"Maybe it is helping people grow that truly turns me on."

Blaine laughs out loud at the choice of words.

Kurt answers only with a playful pout of his lips.

"You look too cute doing that for me not to…," and with that Blaine shifts them a little so that he is on top of Kurt and kisses him passionately.

Kurt responds eagerly.

It takes minutes before Blaine finds it in him to break the heated kiss again to say what he feels he needs to, "You are a care giver, always have been."

"But I am so needy," Kurt instantaneously replies with a thought filled frown.

"You always give much more than you take Kurt. The way you took care of your Dad; how you organized the whole wedding for Carole and him by yourself. The way in which you tried to be there for Dave even,…. You are willing to put your own needs last if you see others need you. I love that about you, so much. And I just want to make sure you know I will be there for you through all of this so you are not forgotten. I want you to be well. I want to be close to you, always, to make sure of that, if you'll let me."

"I want you close to me too, always," Kurt replies, caressing Blaine's left cheek softly.

"Is that a yes?" Blaine asks.

"Yes, it's a yes," Kurt answers softly.

As Blaine leans down to kiss him again Kurt bursts into laughter and Blaine pulls back a little to look questioningly at Kurt.

"Why do I feel like you just proposed to me?"

Blaine has to smile at that too, "I guess in a way I did."

Kurt is quiet suddenly, eyes cast down, and Blaine wishes badly he could see what is going on in Kurt's head right now.

Caressing Kurt's left cheek lovingly Blaine asks, "Kurt?"

Kurt takes a deep, shaky breath then looks back up at Blaine, fresh tears visibly welling up in Kurt's eyes.

"Love?" Blaine tries again, wiping away the first tear rolling down Kurt's left cheek as he blinks once and placing a soft kiss to Kurt's forehead before moving to lock eyes with Kurt again. As Kurt speaks Blaine is the one utterly reduced to tears, left to only nod again and again, forehead longingly pressed against Kurt's, whispering soft yeses in answer. The two boys happy tears mingling in their hopefilled kisses.

"I cannot promise you forever Blaine, but I can promise you that there is nothing that I want more than my forever to be with you."