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Jess pushed open the door to the near empty diner and slid inside. School had just let out, and the crowds would soon be heading in. Thankfully, he wasn't working that day, and the crowds would distract Luke as he made his escape to meet Jimmy out front. He had the whole thing planned to make sure Luke wouldn't come out and interfere. He'd head out a few minutes earlier, catch Jimmy before he made it across the street to the diner, and quickly make their way as far away from the facility as possible. He knew if Luke caught even a glimpse of Jimmy, the lumberjack would storm out and make some sort of scene. Luke wasn't great at controlling his anger when it came to anything that had to do with Liz.
Luke appeared from the back of the diner, a rag slung around his shoulder. His eyes suddenly fell on his fleeing nephew, who seemed to be quickly making his way over to the stairs. A flash of yellow and purple that was splattered on his cheek quickly caught Luke's attention.
"Jess!" He called, causing the boy to come to a halt, stopping right near the curtain, his hand holding the fabric aside, legs about to step behind it.
The boy let out a sigh and let the sheet fall back over the doorway. He turned to face his uncle and crossed his arms, "What?"
Luke made his way closer to his nephew, his eyes glued to the bruised cheek. When he reached the kid, he quickly grasped his chin and pushed it to the side, giving him a better view of the wounded area. "Jess," he let out a sigh as the boy quickly pushed his hand away, "who'd you get into a fight with?"
"Oh, so just cause I get a bruise means I started a fight," he crossed his arms again and rolled his eyes. Luke always assumed that he was the one who would start a fight. Even though in most occasions that fact would be true, he hated how Luke just assumed it had to be him, and that there was no other reason he'd end up with a bruise.
"Jess-"
"I got a soccer ball kicked in my face," he cut off his uncle with an irritated tone, "I've got witnesses, if you'd like me to round them up for you, you can get a testimony from each and every one of them."
"Really?" Luke questioned. It was hard to believe that his nephew got a nasty bruise from a soccer ball, the kid didn't even play sports. True, he had gym, but he had always imagined Jess as the kid who would sit out or just stand there, pretending he was playing from as far away as possible.
"Yes, Luke, really," the boy rolled his eyes, "Chuck Presby kicked one at me while we were in gym today." Luke stood for a moment, pondering over whether his nephew was telling him the truth or not. "You didn't get a call from any angry parents or the school, did you?" Jess added, "So that means I'm telling the truth."
That was true, Luke thought. He would have had a call by now...
"I'm going to head out," Jess spoke up, hand grasping the fabric once again, making an opening for him to go through. "I don't work today."
With that, Jess quickly made his way up the stairs as Luke called after him, "I'd put some ice on that, alright Jess..." when he didn't get a response he tried again, "Jess?"
Luke then knew his advice had been completely ignored and listened as the door slammed open, hitting the wall slightly. Jess alway tended to bang up his walls, even if he wasn't angry. Luke turned back to the diner and noticed the costumers that had suddenly begun to appear. Tables were being filled quickly and customers were waiting patiently for their orders to be taken. Luke let out a sigh and placed the rag slung on his shoulder under the counter. It was time for the after school rush to begin.
Jess sat on a bench parked out of the eye sight of the packed diner, eyes scanning passerby's, looking for the somewhat familiar face of his estranged father. He felt is body trembling a bit, much to his displeasure. Another side effect of not taking those stupid pills. He knew he only had about two weeks till this thing would develop into PTSD, but he'd get over it before then. With or without those stupid pills. He refused to be like this for any longer than he had to be, and his body and mind better listen to him on that. He would not be plagued by Liz any longer. He needed to be okay again, he wanted to get on with his life.
The familiar face finally caught his eye, snapping him quick out of his mind rant. Jimmy was making his way over to him, a bemused expression gracing his features.
"I thought we were meeting in front of the diner," Jimmy pointed out as he arrived next to his son. The boy shut the hefty book that was being held open by his thumb and stood up. Jimmy noticed the boy's body was shaking slightly, but he decided not to bring it up. Maybe it was nerves or something? He didn't know, but he didn't want to make this whole thing anymore nerve raking for his son than it already was.
"Luke's not to keen on me seeing you," he told his father, stuffing the book in his back pocket, "Hell, he strictly ordered me not to see you."
"Well, your uncle's never been a big fan of mine," Jimmy stated, "he paid me a little visit last night to send that message clearly."
"Yeah, I know," Jess said as the two began walking, heading in a direction that was as far away from Luke as possible, "I was up when he got back."
"Really?" Jimmy asked, surprised, "You were up that late?"
"I haven't been sleeping well lately," Jess gave a simple shrug and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He felt the eyes of familiar townsfolk falling on them as the passed. He knew they were all wondering who Jimmy was and all probably still thinking words of pity and sorrow for him. He didn't care though. He didn't care what they thought and they deserved no explanation. They needed to learn to butt out of other peoples business.
"So," Jess started up again, "what's the plan here?" he pulled out a cigarette and placed it in between his lips, "Not that I don't love wandering around the town square in perfect sight of Luke's and all," He lit the end of the stick and watched the embers burn, "What are we going to do?"
"I was thinking we could go get some dinner or something," Jimmy suggested, watching as his son--underage son--took a drag from his cigarette. For some odd reason, he wanted to swipe the cancer stick out of his son's mouth and began a long scolding over the terrible consequences of smoking. He knew that would be extremely hypocritical though, since he himself smoked half a pack a day on occasion. He felt this strange urge to be authoritative and parental to the boy. Well, he thought, Jess was his son, and even though the feeling was rather foreign to him, he understood why it was lurking.
"Al's Pancake World is a pretty good bet," Jess told his father, taking another long draw from his stick, pleased to feel his body start to relax and the tremors to begin to cease, "Luke won't be anywhere near there, and I'll be able to get back in time without any suspicions on Luke's part." He had planned out an exact time for when he should get home, knowing himself rather well, he knew his wandering Stars Hollow--before Liz's death--usually stated around now and ended around eight. Taking in the fact that lately this town has been driving him to his limits, and that Luke knew he was trying to avoid most of the town's population, he would end up staying out till around six or five before he couldn't take the pity and sorrow that seemed to shine through each neighbors eyes as he walked by.
"What is that?" Jimmy questioned as the turned the corner, "Like an International Pancake House or something?"
"No," Jess shook his head, "they don't even serve pancakes there. It's the competitor to Luke's place," Jess felt a tinge of guilt for going to Luke's rival for food, but the man brought it on himself. If he was going to be such an overprotective tyrannical bastard than he'd have to deal with the consequences, "They have international cuisine or something," he added with a shrug, "I don't really go there though, since my uncle owns the other diner in town."
"So, it's called Al's Pancake World even though they don't even have pancakes?" Jimmy asked, bemused by the simple fact.
"Yep," Jess confirmed with a nod.
"That's insane," Jimmy commented, causing his son to let out a small laugh.
"This town is a looney bin, if you haven't already noticed," Jess stated with a smile, taking another puff from his cigarette.
"Do you not like it here?" Jimmy questioned, turning his gaze towards his son.
"No, I like it here..." he paused for a moment, letting his mind ponder the thought for a bit longer, "I mean, sometimes I like it here," he clarified, "living with Luke has been good, much better than living with Liz," his mind was breaching the territory of old memories of his life before Stars Hollow and his life with Liz. The thoughts of drugs and booze and beatings left him with a feeling of distaste for his past and a feeling of anger towards his father, "You should have been there," he stated, voice soft but stinging, "I needed a father."
Jimmy didn't know what to saw, his mind could not come up with a combination of words that could make up for all the times he should have been there or make everything better. There was no sentence that could fix what had been done. The kid deserved so much better than the two parents he ended up with, Jimmy knew that, and he just wished that he or Liz could have tried harder.
"I don't mean to make you feel guilty or anything," Jess spoke up, almost timidly. He took out another cigarette and lit it with the end of the butt of the old one. He inhaled deeply then exhaled a cloud of misty smoke, "You had your reasons, I guess."
"My reasons weren't good enough," he confessed as they turned the street corner, Al's Pancake World coming into their field of vision, "I was a selfish kid then, and I probably always will be."
"It's alright," Jess told his father, a feeling of awkwardness slowly creeping over them. The conversation had grown incredibly uncomfortable for him as well as his father--he was assuming--and he had never been into having these odd apologetic family moments, "Liz was selfish too." He knew that last statement probably added to the sting, but it was true. Liz and Jimmy were so incredibly alike in that sense, those two were truly made for each other. It was a shame things hadn't worked out though, then he would have had two selfish kids there to raise him instead of one. He would have liked that more than anything.
Jess noticed that his trembling had started up once again, the calm that the cigarettes had brought him quickly vanishing as they made their way to the end of the awkward conversation and to the door of the rival diner.
Jess paused to finish his cigarette, Jimmy watching from his side. He watched the kid exhale a cloud of smoke from his shaking body, "When did you start smoking?" he inquired, watching as his son's eyes fell on him.
"About three or four years ago," he estimated with a shrug of his shoulders, "I can't remember exactly, but around then." He thought it was odd for Jimmy to be asking that question, but a break from the palpable awkward tension that filled the air around them was a welcoming idea to Jess.
"Your mother never tried to stop you?" Jimmy asked, watching as Jess tapped the ash off of the end of the burning stick.
"No," he answered as he took a drag, "She would have been a hypocrite if she did. She did far worse than I did, along with her chain smoking habits." Thinking about Liz and her drug use really left Jess with an uneasy feeling. It always made his mind wonder to how he found her that night, the dirty needles that littered the coffee table in their apartment... He took an almost frantic drag, trying to suck in the smoke quick, feeling that it would somehow cloud his mind and make those images turn into misty blurs.
"I would be too," he stated with a smile, pulling out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket; a half full pack of Marlboro Reds. Jess let his lips curl into a small smile as he noticed the brand. They smoked the same cigarettes. That old saying was true; Like father like son.
"Seems the whole family shared a liking to same brand of cigarettes," Jess pointed out as he finished the remains of his cigarette. Liz smoked Marlboro Reds as well. Hell, he had gotten his first cigarette from her pack. She didn't really care, or maybe she just didn't notice.
Jimmy gave a small smile at the fact. It wasn't actually a good thing, the fact that his seventeen year old son smoked the same brand as his mother and his father, but it was somewhat amusing that they all preferred the same kind.
Jess let the butt of his cancer stick fall to the ground and stomped it out with the heel of his shoe. Making his way over to the door, he turned his head and motioned with his hand, "Guess we should go in now?"
Jimmy nodded and followed his son, letting the boy lead the way into the diner. They were quickly seated at a table by a hostess and left to figure out what they wanted. Father and son both scanned the menu, taking in the odd food that littered the paper. After a few minutes, the two decided on their orders and told the waiter, who quickly hurried off to the kitchen.
An awkward silence fell over the two, Jess trying to keep himself occupied by fiddling with a loose string on his shirt while Jimmy adjusted his position in his seat repeatedly. Neither knew what to say to start up another conversation, and Jess was focusing more on trying to get his body to cease its tremors than come up with a conversation starter. He felt like everyone was watching his body shake, like he was some sideshow freak. Though the likelihood that the whole diner was watching was rather slim, the fact that his shaking was noticeable left him feeling that way.
Jimmy had caught on to the tremors, turning a studying gaze towards his son. He had noticed it before and thought to dismiss it as nerves, but he realized now that that was a stupid thing to have done. His son didn't seem that nervous, and most people don't get tremors when their nervous. "Jess," he caught the boy's attention quickly, the kid's brown eyes snapping up to meet his, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," Jess responded, adjusting his position ins his seat, "I'm fine," he assured his father. He wasn't about to delve into why he was shaking. He wasn't going to tell Jimmy about the Acute Stress Disorder and he wasn't about to tell Jimmy about what had happened the night of Liz's death. Jimmy didn't need to know that he had found her lying on the ground, Jimmy didn't need to know about any of that.
"Are you sure?" Jimmy questioned.
"Yeah," Jess assured with a nod. He quickly thought up a topic to distract Jimmy from his tremors and blurted out the question, "What do you do for a living?" It wasn't exactly the most interesting topic to Jess, but he needed something to break the ice and get Jimmy's thoughts somewhere else other than his shaking form.
"I own a hot dog stand down in Venice Beach," he told his son with a smile, "Hence the title the 'hot dog king,'" He let out a small chuckle, "I told Liz that I had wanted to own a hot dog stand near a beach one day and she dubbed me the 'hot dog king'." The memory was a pleasant one for Jimmy. He remembered the day rather well. The two were lying lazily in bed on a Saturday morning. Jimmy's parents had been out of town and Liz had come over. It had been their first time, the night they had conceived Jess, now that he thought about it. After a pleasant sleep the two had woken up, Liz smiling cheerfully, her strawberry blonde hair a mess, but still looking as beautiful as ever. She was smoking a Marlboro Red, clutched between two slender fingers. "What do you think you'll be doing in ten years?" She had asked as she took a drag, cuddling up into the nook of his shoulder. He had responded quick and easy with a grin, "I'll be down in Venice Beach with my own hotdog stand, surfing whenever I pleased and getting high whenever I felt like it." Liz had let out a giggle at this, and moved closer into him, "And I'll be there with you." She told him with the brightest smile. "Yes," Jimmy's expression had matched hers as he kissed her forehead, "You will."
"You always pictured your career as a hot dog vendor?" Jess questioned, snapping Jimmy out of his reverie. The kid took a sip of his soda, waiting patiently for an answer.
"Yeah," he nodded, thoughts wandering back to that night once again, "I always imagined that as my career." It was true that his dream life had come true, but Liz had not been a part of it. The weeks after that lazy morning that they laid in bed Liz had found out she was pregnant. That's when life hit Jimmy smack in the face. The image of his dream was shattered at the news that he had a kid on the way. He wasn't ready, and he knew now he never would have been.
"Did you know what Liz wanted to be?" Jess inquired, after a long pause. He had always wondered what his mother had imagined her life would be like before he had come in and ruined it. He had wanted to ask his mother when he was younger, but the fear that she'd smack him one for even bringing up always scared him away from it. There was no way he could have asked, "Hey mom, did you always want to work a strip club or did you have other plans for your life?" without feeling the sting of a hard slap to the had worked many jobs over the years--a bartender, waitress, striper, clerk--and none of them really struck Jess as he first choice in career.
"No," Jimmy shook his head, his lips forming a small frown, "All she wanted was to be with me."
Jess simply nodded and fiddled with the straw in his drink. The conversation had gotten incredibly awkward and tense at that last statement. Jess couldn't help but feel that it was his fault that things didn't work out for Liz and Jimmy. He had gotten in the way of things; a kid being forced upon a couple who were still kids themselves. Maybe if he had not been born things would have ended up perfect for Liz and Jimmy. Maybe they would have run off together and lived a wonderful life in Venice Beach. Maybe she'd still be alive.
Once their food had arrived, the two began to gobble down each bite. Jess had a strict time to be back at Luke's, and that hour was growing nearer. They made small chat throughout their eating, something that neither Jess nor his father was good at, but felt had to be done. Liz popped into the conversation a lot, but most of the time Jess tried to steer clear of the topic. It made him uneasy, and Jimmy started to pick up on that, thankfully. The last image of Liz, lying on the apartment floor, pale with eyes glazed over, always popped into his mind whenever she was brought up. He hated that she still plagued him like this, he wanted to move on but there was just something still holding him back in that moment. He'd figure out what it was sooner or later, he hoped.
Once the two had cleared their plates, Jimmy paid for the bill (insisting that the dinner was all on him even though Jess had made a move to pull out his wallet) and the two exited the diner, stepping out into the twilight. They stood silent for a minute, Jess quickly stuffing his hand in his pocket and pulling out a fresh cigarette.
"Do you want to do something on Saturday?" Jimmy questioned as Jess brought the flame of his lighter to the end of the stick. The boy looked up at him, then back down to his cigarette to check if it had lit. He took a drag a nodded.
"Yeah," he wouldn't show it, but the thought that his father wanted to actually spend time with him made him feel incredibly overjoyed. Liz had never been one to do much with him as he got older--not that he wanted to hang out with his drugged up mother anyway--and he had always felt like his family didn't really care for him. There was Luke, of course, his uncle would always be there for him and did like to show he cared. Luke didn't know how much he appreciated everything the man had been doing for him, and someday he hoped to tell him. The fact that one of his parents actually wanted to spend time with him though, was a new and foreign thing that made him feel a little better about his family. There was still some hope to fix his small dysfunctional family, not completely, but a bit.
Jimmy gave him a smile, "I'll meet you at the same bench then, same time?"
"Yeah, that sounds good," Jess nodded as he took a drag. "I'll be there."
The two stood awkwardly for a moment, Jimmy looking as if he was contemplating something as Jess watched him with a sideways glance, inhaling and exhaling smoke. Jimmy finally made a move, grasping his son into a somewhat awkward hug. Jess was a little taken back by the foreign grasp, his hands hanging down at his sides, cigarette embers dropping occasionally onto his shoe. He had never been hugged by his father before, nor had he ever been hugged often by his mother.
When Jimmy finally released his grip, he slid back awkwardly, giving his son a smile, "Sorry, I just--I've never--"
"It's fine," Jess told his father. True, the hug had been somewhat uncomfortable, but it was his long lost father who had hugged him. That excused the awkwardness completely. He'd never been hugged by his father before.
"Today has been pretty awkward," Jimmy stated with a smile. Jess' lips curled into a smile as well, cigarette in between them. "I enjoyed it though," Jimmy added, "I really did."
Jess nodded, smile still intact. He wasn't great with these family moments, he never had many, so he kept himself quiet. They always tended to make him feel uncomfortable.
"I'll see you Saturday, then," Jimmy said, waving as he departed, heading back to his motel room. Jess returned the wave before turning to head back to his uncle's. Checking the time on his watch, he was pleased to see he would be meeting his deadline perfectly.
Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed it!
I'll try to post the next chapter soon, but I can't promise anything. In the meantime, please review! I appreciate every single one!
:)