Nightmares and Admissions

Severus knocked on Juno's door at exactly four o' clock. She answered promptly and invited him into her room.

"Good afternoon, Sev." She said with a smile.

"Hello, Juno." He smiled in return. "I hope we're still on for tea?" He asked.

"Of course." She said. "Come and make yourself comfortable."

He sat in a large overstuffed chair near the fire and accepted a cup of tea from her. She sat in a matching chair opposite him and took a sip from her cup. She eyed him watchfully. He was troubled, she could see it in his eyes.

"What's on your mind, Sev?" She asked quietly.

He stared into the fire for several minutes before he spoke. "I don't know how to help Harry. I know there is more to this story. It has me heart-sick imagining what further horrors he's endured. He isn't telling us everything. I'm sure of it! But why would he keep it hidden? Where is the logic to it?" He asked her, pleading for answers with his eyes and his voice.

"I don't have any answers for you, Sev." She admitted. "I have owled my friend. She is a skillful psychotherapist. Her name is Sonya Troyen." Juno told him. "I'm waiting to hear back from her. She may simply arrive here unannounced. It is in her nature to act rather impulsively; especially where children are concerned."

He nodded, sipped from his cup and continued to stare into the fire.

"What did you talk about on your walk earlier?" She asked.

"We talked about the circumstances surrounding this charade he's lived." Severus told her,

"How did he take it?" Juno asked.

"He seemed okay with it, but he has a way to go before he'll truly accept it." He acknowledged. "I think telling him how I felt about his being here and explaining my reasons for acting the way I did toward him, opened his eyes a bit and gave him a little more to think about." He added.

"He seemed a little off when you returned." Juno commented. "He has so much going on right now. I really think you should consider some outside help."

"I think so too." He agreed. "Do you think your colleague could help?"

"If her schedule will allow for a new patient, I'm sure she will." Juno assured him.

"What can you tell me about her?" He asked.

"Well, she's my age, so I think that is an advantage where Harry is concerned." She began. "He'll be more at ease with someone younger. That much I've noticed myself when dealing with him.. She is an upbeat person for the most part. She has an infectious laugh and uses it to her advantage." Juno continued.

"Is she qualified to deal with someone like Harry, with the problems he has?" Severus interjected.

"Definitely, Sev." Juno assured him. "She specializes in abused children. She's very good. I wouldn't recommend her if she weren't perfect for Harry." Juno declared quietly.

"You're sure?" Severus asked anxiously.

"I promise, Sev." She vowed. "Harry is very important to me. I love him as much as if he were my own. He is a very special young man and I can't do enough for him." She admitted in a near whisper, tears shining in her eyes.

Severus stared at her in stunned silence. He knew she cared about Harry, but he never realized how much or how far it went until just then. His eyes were a bit over bright as well, as he nodded his understanding and lowered them to his now cold cup of tea.

Clearing his throat, he rose and said, "I must go. I want to stop and check on Harry and then I have to prepare for classes tomorrow."

"Of course. I will let you know when I hear from Sonya." She said as she also rose and followed him to the door.

He stopped in the open doorway and turned back to her. "Thank you." He whispered, brushing her cheek with his fingertips. "For everything." He turned and moved, cat-like, down the hall to his son.

She stood there, her hand on her cheek, watching until he disappeared into the infirmary. Her thoughts were a tangled mess as she absent-mindedly closed the door. She crossed the room and sank into her chair. Lost in thought about the enigmatic man and what the gentle caress meant, she didn't realize an owl was tapping on her window at first. Breaking from her reverie, she rose and allowed the owl entrance. It was the school owl she'd sent to Sonya and there was a reply attached to it's leg. She removed the letter, and gave the owl a cracker before it flew away. She unrolled the parchment and read…

"Juno,

You didn't say who this young man is, but I assume it is Harry Potter. Dr. Altair had said he was the critical patient you were treating. I have one patient I must see before I can come to Hogwarts. You can expect me on Thursday the fifth by early afternoon, I would say. Please warn Mr. Potter of my arrival. I don't want him having any surprises right now.

That's a love!

Sonya"

Juno dropped the note on the table and headed straight to Harry. Severus was just leaving as she approached.

"Severus!" She called.

He turned at the sound of her voice and headed back to her. "What is it, Juno?" He inquired.

"I've heard from Sonya." She announced, slightly out of breath. "She'll be here tomorrow. We have to tell Harry." She explained. He nodded and they both headed back to Harry's side. As they made their way, Severus told her Harry was resting and that he looked a bit strained.

On guard, Juno checked his vitals first thing. At Severus' questioning look, she whispered, "He's fine, just a little weary from the ordeal, I'd say." Severus nodded.

Turning her attention to Harry, she gently shook his shoulder, calling his name. His eyes popped open in alarm and she flinched at the panic she saw there.

"Sorry to startle you, Sweetie." She apologized. "But we need to talk to you." She added, nodding toward Severus.

Harry pushed himself up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. He grabbed his glasses and shoved them on his face, saying, "Talk to me about what?"

The adults each pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. Juno decided to take the heat off Severus and plunged in before he could say anything.

"Harry, I have been concerned for your well-being from the first day I arrived. I have taken care of all you've needed to heal properly and helped you regain your physical strength." She paused for a moment.

"Yes, you've been great." Harry agreed with her, not sure about where she was headed with the conversation. He looked at his father, but couldn't read his expression. He had his mask firmly in place.

"All this time, I have been also monitoring your mental well-being, Harry." Juno continued. "As more and more time passed and more and more things have been heaped upon you, I have reached the point where I am alarmed." She revealed.

"Alarmed?" He asked, "Why?"

"Harry, you haven't opened up and talked to anyone. You don't tell us what you're thinking or feeling. It's not good for you, Sweetie. You need to get all of this out in the open and sort it out. I don't think, given your circumstances, that you will be able to do that without outside professional help." She stated.

Harry was instantly on guard. He felt the panic building. 'Oh God! They know! They want to force me to tell!' He thought frantically. Anger was his first outward reaction.

"A shrink!" He shouted. "You think I need a shrink?"

"Harry, she is a therapist." Juno said calmly. "She is a tool for you to use to get healthy. Just as your physical therapists helped you regain your physical strength; Sonya wants to help you regain your mental strength." She explained gently.

"You think I'm crazy." He whispered.

"No Harry!" She cried. "I do not think you're crazy. I think you have some very difficult hurdles to clear and you need someone who is capable of helping you do that." She assured him.

"I don't want to do this." He confessed barely above a whisper.

"I know it's very frightening for you, Sweetie." Juno smiled, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. "But I know that Sonya will be able to help you get past all this."

"When do I have to start seeing her?" He asked, suddenly resigned to the inevitable.

"She'll be here by early afternoon tomorrow." Juno said.

Harry nodded and asked, "So will she start picking my brains right away?"

"She won't pick your brains, Harry!" Juno laughed. "In fact, I think you'll find that you'll like her a lot!"

Harry couldn't imagine liking a shrink at all. In his mind, he pictured a sour-looking spinster who spoke in a monotone. He felt his brain melt into a numb stupor just thinking about it. He snorted as he thought of the stereotypical request attached to psychiatrists Tell me about your mother. 'Yeah, right!' He thought sarcastically.

Severus watched the expressions flit across Harry's face. He hoped this would help his son. He knew he wasn't able to give Harry any answers, that was for sure. He was looking forward to meeting Dr. Troyen. He hoped she had room in her schedule for both of them. He could use some strong professional help himself.

"I'm feeling a little tired." Harry announced suddenly. "Do you mind if I take a nap before dinner?"

"Sure, Harry." Juno said. "I think it's a good idea. You've had quite a full day."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning before my classes begin, Harry." Severus told him. Harry merely nodded as he snuggled back under his covers. He nestled his head into his pillow with a deep sigh, his eyes closed. Severus laid his hand on Harry's head and murmured, "Sleep well, son." He smiled at Juno and headed off to get some work done.

Juno bent and placed a soft kiss on the sleeping boy's head and whispered 'Sweet dreams, Harry." She headed into her office to complete Harry's charts for the day.

For a while, it was quiet in the ward. The only sound was the scratch of Juno's quill as she worked. Suddenly there was an ear-splitting shriek from the other room. Her blood froze. Before she had a chance to react, Harry was screaming again. She bolted from the room and flew to his side.

Harry was pressed against the wall at the head of his bed. He was kicking and slapping at some unseen force in his nightmare. "No! Don't touch me!" He screamed. "Leave me alone! No! Stop it!" He was shouting. As Juno watched, his movements became defensive. He appeared to be trying to keep his clothes on!

"Oh God!" Juno cried. "Harry!" She shouted. "Harry, wake up, Sweetie!" She couldn't reach him without coming into contact with feet or flailing arms. She didn't dare try to restrain him, it would only make things worse. She rushed to the fireplace and threw a pinch of fine powder into the flames and called, "Severus! Harry! Now!" A brief moment later, Severus stepped from the flames and the horror facing him spurred him to action. He rushed to Harry.

"Harry" He said calmly, as close to his ear as he could get. "Harry listen to me, son. It's only a dream. Come on, wake up."

Harry was still fighting with someone in his nightmare. His attempts to fight whoever it was were growing less violent. He appeared to be giving in to someone. Severus and Juno watched in horror as he curled into a ball near the head of the bed. He kept repeating "No! Stop it! Don't touch me! Stop it! Leave me alone!" He pushed at someone with one hand while he held the waistband of his pants with the other. As suddenly as it began, it was over. He appeared to be asleep again.

"Oh my God!" Juno whispered in horror. "What did we just see?" She was shaking. Severus stepped closer to her and she turned to him. He could see she was in shock at the thought of what it could mean. He reached out and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and took a deep shuddering breath.

"What on Earth has been done to him?" She said as she started to cry.

Severus watched Harry as his body slowly relaxed. He rubbed small circles into Juno's back, trying to comfort her, while a slow-burning rage boiled up from the depths of his soul.

"I don't know for sure what has been done to my son, but I guarantee I will find out what and who and They. Will. Pay!" He growled.

Juno stepped away and moved to the bed. Severus moved to the other side. Harry was asleep, but a tear trickled down his cheek. Severus reached out and captured it on a finger and studied it. He settled next to Harry and scooped him into his arms. He whispered comforting words in his ear and Harry curled to his side and wrapped an arm around Severus's chest. Juno left them alone and returned to her work.

An hour or so later, Harry awoke still curled up to Severus. He was a bit embarrassed when he realized how familiar he had been in his sleep. Severus smiled at him and commented, "You looked like you could use some comforting. I hope you don't mind that I volunteered."

"No, sir." Harry said. "I had a nightmare, I'm glad you were here."

"Juno called me for help, Harry." Severus replied, suddenly grave. "That was a rather violent dream. Would you please tell me about it?" He asked

"I can't." Harry said, suddenly on edge.

"Why not?" Severus pressed.

"It's too difficult, personal." Harry said.

"I see." Severus commented, thinking hard. 'How can I get him to open up?' "May I ask who the nightmare was about?" He ventured.

"No!" Harry said, stiffening.

"Okay, Harry. Just relax." Severus soothed. "I was just asking."

Harry nodded. They were quiet for several minutes. Severus absently rubbed Harry's back, thinking about the scene of his son's nightmare. Soon, he realized that Harry was crying. He sat up abruptly and pulled Harry up as well and hugged him tightly.

"Shhh, Harry. It's going to be okay. We will make it better together, I promise." He soothed in his son's ear.

"It'll never be better!" Harry cried.

"Yes it will, Harry." Severus insisted. "It seems impossible right now, but with a lot of work, together we'll make it better. I promise!"

Harry started crying again and Severus hugged him tighter. "Oh God, it's hopeless!" Harry cried into Severus' neck.

"Tell me why, Harry." Severus urged quietly.

"Because I'm…" Harry started.

"Because you're what, Harry?" Severus prompted.

"I'm just a freak. We all are! I don't deserve better!" Harry burst out.

"No Harry!" Severus said fiercely. "That's not true! You are special! You are a kind and decent young man. There are a lot of people who love you and care about you! You absolutely deserve better and it will happen!"

"They shouldn't care about me! Caring about me doesn't get them anywhere but hurt or dead!" Harry exclaimed.

"Whoa! Hurt or dead? What are you talking about, Harry?" Severus asked.

"Well, Mum, James Potter, and Hedwig." Harry said, "They all cared about me and look where it got them!"

"Harry, their deaths are not your fault!" Severus explained.

"Yes they were, everything bad that happens is my fault." Harry whispered. "I wish I'd never been born."

Severus gave up the argument and just held Harry as he slowly stopped crying. He decided to try again to get Harry to talk.

"Harry, did Vernon try to sexually abuse you?" He asked quietly.

Harry stiffened and didn't say anything. Severus continued to rub small circles on Harry's back, waiting for him to say something.

"No, he didn't." Harry said at last. "He just verbally abused me and beat me."

"And tried to kill you, Harry." Severus gently reminded him.

"I wish he had!" Harry blurted out.

"What?" Severus nearly shouted. "Why do you say that?"

"Just so the pain will go away." Harry whispered. "I'm so tired of the pain." He sighed.

"My poor boy." Severus whispered, cradling Harry's head to his chest. "I will do anything in my power to make your pain go away. I promise I will bring joy and happiness back to you!"

"No, just bring it. You can't bring back something I've never had." Harry admitted sadly.

"Harry, who tried to…who was the nightmare about?" Severus tried again. "Please tell me. I want to help you!"

Drawing a deep breath, Harry gave in and said quietly, "It was Dudley and his two friends, Dennis and Piers. They never…but they threatened. A lot. Made me think they were going to…even went so far as to strip me down, before they'd leave, laughing. I couldn't fight all three of them." He shuddered. "I was so scared, so ashamed. I still am."

"I'm so sorry." Severus whispered. "We will make them pay for their crime."

"What are you going to do?" Harry asked, alarmed at the thought of more people knowing his shame.

"For now, I will only talk off the record with Martin Davis." Severus said, "We need to know if there is any legal grounds here, okay?"

Harry nodded. "Okay, I trust him."

"Would you mind if I talked to Juno about it?" Severus asked.

"Why do you want to talk to her about it?" Harry asked while sitting up and looking at his father.

"I trust her judgment, for one. I know she is a true friend and she cares about you, for another." He told him. "I trust her and I think she might be able to help somehow."

Harry thought for a few minutes. "Okay, I trust her too, but please don't tell anyone else. I'm so ashamed. I don't want anyone else to know." He confessed, hanging his head.

Severus gave his shoulder a squeeze. "You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, Harry. Crimes have been committed against you. It's a harsh word, but you are the victim here. These people must be punished. We're all here to help you make sure that happens." Severus declared.

"I know." Harry said sadly. "I guess I do need professional help of some kind."

"I'm glad you see that." Severus said. "I don't think you will regret it. Do you think you will have trouble if I get involved?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"I'm sure at some point, our relationship is going to be addressed. Are you ready for that as well?" Severus explained. After a short pause, he asked in a near whisper, "Are you ready to forgive me, Harry?"

"To be honest, I don't know yet." He admitted. "I know I don't feel so angry all the time. I know I'm not upset with you around any more. I'm not sure if that qualifies as acceptance or forgiveness." He added.

Severus nodded. "It's a start, at least, Harry."

With a small laugh, Harry said, "You know, the feeling of hatred actually left after your Slytherin trick backfired on you!"

"Yes, I had been trying to get a rise out of you. It seemed the only time I could get you to acknowledge me was when you were pissed at me." Severus admitted. "Imagine my disappointment when you and damned near the entire student body, started crowing about how 'cool' they looked!" They both had a good laugh at the memory.

"Are you hungry?" Severus asked.

"I'm starved, but could we eat here, just the two of us?" Harry requested.

"I have another suggestion." Severus countered. "Would you like to have dinner with me in my quarters?"

"I'd like that, I think." Harry smiled, adding. "Could we invite Dr. A too?"

"Certainly. Why don't you go ask her?" Severus suggested, smiling. Harry jumped up and made his way to Juno's office. He opened the door and she looked up from the book she was reading

"Harry! How are you feeling?" She exclaimed.

"I'm fine, Dr. A." He assured her. "I just had a nice talk with my Dad about it. I'll be okay."

"I'm so glad." She said, relieved. "We were so worried about you!"

"I do seem to have that effect on people!" He admitted with a cheeky grin. "Anyway, I'm here with an invitation."

"An invitation?" She queried, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, my Dad and I would love it if you would have dinner with us in his quarters tonight." Harry explained. "Would you come?" He asked.

Smiling at the almost child-like anticipation in his voice, she answered, "I'd love to join you and your Dad for dinner."

'Okay!" He said, breaking into a huge grin. He rushed off to tell Severus. A moment later, Sev poked his head in the door.

"Juno?" He called.

"Hello, Dad!" She teased.

"I know. It feels wonderful to hear it." He admitted. "I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be at eight, but you're welcome to arrive at any time."

"Thank you, Sev." She smiled. "I'll be there in a little bit."

He waved his hand as he left the ward. Harry matched him stride for stride as they made their way to Severus' rooms. Several people stopped and stared in disbelief as the two of them made their way through the various corridors down to Severus' quarters. It was quite a phenomenon to see Harry Potter and Severus Snape apparently willingly in each other's company and actually enjoying it; as the two of them were conversing casually while they walked.

Harry stepped hesitantly into a comfortable-looking sitting room.

"Make yourself to home, Harry." Severus told him as he shut the door.

Harry nodded as he looked around the room. Severus wandered off to change out of his usual school attire. He emerged a while later, wearing jeans and a Slytherin green, long-sleeved, tee shirt.

"Whoa!" Harry exclaimed as he spied him. "Do you ever look different!"

"Thank you, I think." Severus said with a small smirk. "We don't get much opportunity to dress as individuals around here. It feels good to shed the mask, Harry." He admitted quietly.

"I hope you throw it away." Harry retorted bluntly.

Making no comment to his remark, he said, "You look pretty good yourself, Harry. Your therapy has really changed your outward appearance. I noticed quite a few female heads turning. You're going to have to keep your guard up!" He teased.

Harry flushed bright red "Yeah, well…" He trailed off. He had changed for dinner as Severus had talked over final dinner plans with Juno. He now wore a pair of black jeans and a bright blue, long-sleeved, casual dress shirt. He had the cuffs rolled back, showing off his muscular forearms. He had removed his braid and his hair hung in loose waves down his back. He had let his sideburns grow in and they lessened his natural 'baby-face' look. He now looked much older than his seventeen years.

Severus busied himself in the kitchen. He had decided to keep it simple; and planned to prepare spaghetti, a salad and warm dinner rolls. Harry's nose soon led him from the main room to the kitchen. He busied himself with making the salad without saying a word to Severus. It was a companionable silence and neither of them cared to break it. Dinner was under control, the table set for three and soft music was playing from somewhere. Harry couldn't see where it came from. Severus, noting his curiosity about it, explained. "It's a spell, Harry. I enjoy music a great deal. I have a few pieces of classical Muggle music that I love and I had Professor Flitwick create a spell for them. I cast it quite often."

"That's really something!" Harry admitted as he took a seat on the sofa. He listened to the music and he felt it swirl through his brain, wrapping itself around his heart and his soul. He settled back, closed his eyes and let it wash over him. He had never heard anything like it.

Severus watched as Harry slowly relaxed. He made note in the back of his mind to use the spell whenever he noticed his son was tense or agitated. In fact, he'd teach it to him, so he could use it himself whenever he wanted.

"Would you like a small glass of wine, Harry?" He asked softly.

"No thank you. I don't drink." Harry smiled, not opening his eyes. "But I wouldn't say no to a glass of iced pumpkin juice if you have it." He admitted.

"Certainly, pumpkin juice it is." Severus told him. "Coming right up!"

Harry laughed as he opened his eyes to look at his father. A tall glass of juice appeared on the small table near Harry's elbow as a knock sounded at the door.

Severus moved to answer and Harry rose to great Juno as well. She had also changed for the evening. Harry and Severus were speechless at the change it made in her appearance. They both were suddenly reminded that she was much more than a doctor. She was wearing a red silk dress that had fluttery short sleeves and a high-necked collar. It was tailored to fit perfectly. Her hair was loose and flowed down her back like black rain.

When neither man said anything, she grew a bit alarmed. "What's the matter?" She asked, looking down at herself. Severus' mouth snapped shut.

"Uh…sorry." He apologized. "You look so different! We were just caught off guard a bit. Won't you come in?" He invited, recovering. He eyed Harry. He smiled inwardly at the dazed look on the boy's face. 'I completely understand how he feels.' He thought as he shut the door.

Harry gave himself a mental shake. He felt a little dazed. He had never thought of Dr. A as anything but his doctor. He was taken aback to see her in a more personal way, as a woman and a friend.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Severus asked her. "Some wine perhaps?"

She eyed Harry's glass as he took a drink to cover his embarrassment over staring at her. "I think I'd like some of what Harry's having, Sev."

"Pumpkin juice it is." He agreed as he instantly made two glasses appear on the table.

"How did you do that?" Harry yelped.

"That was wandless magic, Harry." He explained. "I like to call it free-spelling."

"Isn't that considered Dark Magic?" Juno asked.

"Yes, generally, and I had to learn to use it when I was a Death Eater." He explained. "Shall we eat?" He said quickly changing the subject. They all moved to the table. Severus held Juno's chair as she sat and Harry retrieved the salad. They settled into their meal for a few moments. Harry got the conversation started again by asking. "What's my therapist's name?"

"Her name is Sonya Troyen, Harry." Juno said. "I'm not sure if she intends to take you as a client. She may not have room in her schedule."

Harry nodded his understanding. "What is she like?" He asked.

"Well, she is usually quite upbeat. She has a positive outlook on life. She loves to laugh and she loves children." Juno added.

"Does she have any of her own?" Harry asked.

"No, and she's not married either." Juno said. "She is about my age and for the time-being dedicated to her career."

Harry was surprised to hear that. It rather blasted the vision he had to smithereens! He suddenly guessed she wouldn't ask him to tell her about his mother either!

"What does she look like?" He asked, wanting to form a new mental image of her.

"She has long blond hair, permed into tight curls, very wild-looking and pretty, if you ask me." Juno said. "She's a bit taller than I am, but shorter than you. She has bright blue eyes and a smile on her face all the time!" Juno finished. Harry nodded as he tried to form a mental image.

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly. They discussed very little about the upcoming trial. Severus informed Harry that he was going to be able to graduate with his class. Harry was relieved at that news. It was one less thing he had to worry about. Soon, Harry was feeling sleepy and he rested his head back in his chair and closed his eyes. The music was still playing and it washed over him again. Added to that was the sound of Severus and Juno's voices as they talked quietly; and Harry was soon sound asleep. They let him rest there and soon it was time for Juno to leave. Severus saw her to the door.

"I really enjoyed this evening, Sev." She told him.

"I did too." He admitted. "We'll have to do this again, maybe without Harry next time."

"Perhaps." She said, smiling somewhat shyly.

"Would you like me to walk you home?" He asked teasingly.

"Actually, yes!" She said, suddenly realizing she wasn't ready to part company.

With a glance at Harry, asleep in the chair, he closed the door as he stepped into the corridor. They walked in silence for a few moments, each wondering similar, anxious thoughts. Feeling bold and throwing his forced caution to the wind, Severus grasped her hand and twined his fingers through hers. She looked up and smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Neither of them felt the need to say another word. He left her at her door with another soft touch of his fingertips on her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He told her quietly, promise in his voice.

"Goodnight, Sev." She told him as he turned to go.