Author's note:

Sorry for the long-ish wait, took me a while to find time to rewrite this chapter.

It was originally just Tony lying in bed and THINKING very hard about his life, which was quite informative for me as the writer, but not particularly nice from a narrative viewpoint. So here are some of the thoughts, in a slightly more delicious setting, hopefully ;)

Just for everyone's info, my Loki is based on the first Thor movie, NOT Avengers-Loki who I felt was a bit of a stretch from the original portrayal. Metaphorically speaking, I guess you could say that in this 'verse Thor jumped off the bifrost after his brother, choosing him over the rest of his family.

The sound of Thor shouting what could either be orders or encouragement, greeted Tony as he closed in on the football field.

He kept his hands in his pockets, as the welcome feeling of familiarity washed over him.

His classes for the day were long over, and he hadn't been in the mood to work on any of his projects. Even the one he always tinkered with, a helperbot with a "simple" AI, was left neglected.

He had done the framework for the bot years earlier, but been too stupid to figure out how to create a functioning AI system. He had a good idea what to do now, and he was working methodically, but the burning need to make the bot work had disappeared.

And Tony was far from superstitious, but it seemed somehow wrong to finish it now, like giving birth to a child you had no intention of loving.

It was ironic that the time when he finally had an idea how to create friends, was also the time that he had started to make friends.

So the coding sat there, neatly, in his laptop, waiting to be implemented, while the bot stared lifelessly into a wall in the school's workshop. Whenever he had a free moment he would go through the coding, sometimes adding things and sometimes deleting stupid and unnecessary parts. And as the months passed it grew in intricacy, and Tony wasn't quite sure if Dum-E was still just gonna be a helper-bot by the end of it; If the complex coding wouldn't harm his main purpose rather than help it - but Tony didn't much care.

To him, when engineering for personal pleasure, it was as much about the journey as the end result.

He was walking between the seats down towards the field, but soon got tired of it, and jumped unto the nearest chair, so he could skip from row to row on his way down.

It was a rare day, he thought, that he willfully chose the camaraderie of the football club over the sanctuary of his room or the engineering workshop.

He stopped his approach when he was a few meters from the barrier, and looked out into the field, rather than at the benches he'd been making sure to land on so far.

The guys weren't doing actual training, rather they were running around in circles on the field.

It seemed pretty dumb, but Tony supposed that stamina was, in fact, a thing.

He soon caught sight of Steve, and decided immediately that that was as good a place for his eyes to rest as any. The guy was wearing normal sports-wear rather than any kind of uniform; a slightly-too-fitting white t-shirt showing off his impressive muscle-mass, and navy-blue sweatpants that stretched across his backside. Tony could appreciate that, man of fine aesthetics as he was. He wished no one would ever tell Steve that he should probably get his shirts a few sizes bigger, because that would simply be a crime against humanity.

He sat down on the bench, casually admiring the view from afar. He couldn't help but remember how he'd come here as a first-year student, 15 and awkward as fuck, he'd been embarrassed and flustered when the old captain asked him why he was there.

It seemed like ages ago that he had had that kind of modesty. Such innocence, much wow. God, he hated that meme, it was taking over his life and his brain!

He looked a while longer, then started to grow bored, and turned to the side so he could lie down on the bench.

He kind of hated life, he supposed, but then instantly corrected himself because that wasn't really true, was it, so shut up you little emo kid. He just kind of hated this, whatever this was, this nagging feeling of inadequacy and guilt that was threatening from all directions. He still owed Steve an apology. That was tangible, that he could do.

Maybe he couldn't not fuck up Bruce's social circle. Maybe he couldn't make his mother happy, or Obie, and certainly not Howard, but he could at the very least man up and tell Steve what he'd done.

That might help.

Feeling restless, and in need of visual stimuli, he sat up and turned towards the field once more. He looked over the guys who were now standing still, until his gaze fell upon Steve, who looked right back at him.

Feeling irrationally like a Peeping Tom caught in the act, Tony forced himself not to look away as if he actually had reason to be embarrassed, and smiled as naturally as he could manage, instead. He found that it wasn't difficult to smile naturally, when Steve's clear blue eyes were looking inquisitively at him, because, aww?

Then Steve waved and smiled back brilliantly, and damn – Tony did not need to find this guy any more adorkable than he already did!

It was just.. weird, really.

He was Steve Rogers, yes, but he was nothing like the Steve Rogers Tony remembered from his childhood. Steve had basically been an extension of himself; a little braver but a little dumber to make up for it, though not by much.

His Steve had been rational, had aided him in creating his tools. He'd hated physical endeavors way more than Tony ever had, tiny and weak as he was. They'd agreed, though, that stupid ballgames were for stupid children, and sat by themselves to tinker with mechanics instead.

HIS Steve would never have majored in art, and much less would he have ended up on an American Football team. Tony felt irrationally like his childhood friend had betrayed him, and left him behind in the dust, but that was just stupid.

Especially because apparently this Steve wanted to be his friend, which was something his Steve never had, he just was, because well, he wasn't real, duh.

He registered someone approaching from behind, and instantly looked back to see Loki.

Thor's elegant shadow was on his own, walking purposefully towards Tony who was desperately trying to have the presence of mind to greet him in some socially acceptable way.

Loki nodded curtly as their eyes met, but didn't say anything, even as he came down to sit beside Tony on the bench.

Tony stayed where he was, shoulders tense as he tried no to look suspiciously at the other.

He hadn't forgotten Loki's mean-spirited behavior the year before, and though Thor swore he was completely reformed, Tony was not entirely comfortable to be alone with him.

But after a while of pleasant non-threatening sitting-around-together, Tony slowly started to relax.

Which wasn't necessarily a good thing; usually "relaxing" merely meant "losing focus on the present", and his mind would start to wander. Or less wander, more like high-speed pursuit. But hey, nothing less than the Shinkansen for this engineer, yeah? And following at least five trails at full speed was usually immensely practical when calculating advanced mechanics, but it didn't always work out when emotions and people got evolved: Those trains were easily derailed, and moved either too slowly or so quickly he had no idea how to follow one conclusion through to the other.

Some had been sabotaged, and could blow up at any given time, and if the accidents were bad enough it could even result in a breakdown of the whole line and then silence. And if there was one thing that was disturbing to Tony Stark, it was silence.

Happy to spend energy on imagining trains blowing up and derailing, he looked towards the field and tried to think of Steve and how he would apologize for his stupid case of "identity-theft".

And then of course the trains backfired, because he couldn't not think of what they would be carrying, and suddenly he was thinking of that damn phone-call again, and he would think of thinking of it so as not to actually think of it, but..

The train had already left the station and he kind of hated himself a little bit right then.

The thing was; it shouldn't matter one bit. He didn't need her, or anyone's, seal of approval. No one could force him to do anything that he simply refused, not when he truly believed he was doing the right thing. And he really truly did. (He ignored the "Is this the right decision?" train, that immediately came running to the forefront of his mind.)

But it HURT, and that was it, that was the hidden explosives, but he needed to know why it hurt to be able to discharge them. It wasn't that she never called him without reason; that was old news, and Tony understood that, he truly did. (One doubt-train coming through, stuttering, this is a heavy one-)

He'd just remembered her eyes once, the broken "he's just a kid," and somehow he'd assumed she thought he shouldn't be doing the things he did, and that maybe..

-Maybe what!?- he thought angrily to himself. He was too old to be despairing over his mama. Bruce was right, perhaps. He had been naïve to assume she would be on his side, and overly sensitive to be hurt when she wasn't.

Tony vaguely wondered if the child of some serious meat-lovers who'd decided to go vegan, was sharing this irrational pain with him somewhere.

"Maybe what, what?" a smooth voice asked, and Tony whipped his head around to stare at Loki. Fuck, he needed to stop speaking to himself.

"Maybe I'm a.. sock?" Tony offered, after his mind had discarded "cock" as the obvious rhyme.

Loki lifted one eyebrow in a strangely elegant manner. Tony wondered if he had ever spent hours in front of a mirror, practicing that move just to freak people out – Or if he was just born with it.

"Aren't we all?" the blackhaired boy replied drily, and Tony was stuck between running away, or rambling like a mad person. Such social skills, much.. SHUT UP FUCKING DOGE MEME SHIT.

Miraculously, he managed to contain his reaction to a strained smile. Perhaps because he was busy strangling shiba inu's in his mind.

Loki kept looking sharply at him, then quickly at the field, and back to Tony again.

"So you fancy the artist?" Loki said finally, and it took Tony longer than it should, to have any idea what he was talking about.

"Uhm.. no?" he tried.

"I mean, sure, damn if he ain't fine, but y'know.. fancy him is perhaps a bit too loaded a term, I'd prefer "rawr" or something, you know, there's no way –"

"I see," Loki said before Tony had even finished his sentence, and now that was just.. That was rude.

"It's a shame, he seems like a pleasant character," Loki commented, and Tony felt his cheeks heat.

"How.. Why is that a shame? I mean, wouldn't that usually be a good thing, like? It's not like I don't know that,.. I mean come-on, I'm not going to.. I don't have any illusions that-"

"Hush, Stark," Loki said, and it was a credit to his authority that Tony immediately shut up.

"I meant to say it's a shame you don't fancy him, because really, you could and have done worse." Loki was looking directly at him now, clear green eyes twinkling with something that could've been amusement.

Tony looked back, feeling mostly confused, though he supposed he should be feeling annoyed. This was obviously none of Loki's business.

Before he had a chance to retaliate, Loki continued:

"It would be most preferable to watching you moping around over this Potts-character. It's unseemly."

And now Tony did feel anger, because since WHEN did his personal life become everyone's fucking business?!

"Since you started making scenes of it in public –" Loki quickly answered, and Tony really hoped he'd said that out loud too, and that Loki wasn't some kind of psychic. Because THAT would just be all kinds of creepy.

"I REALLY don't think you're the one I should be having the don't-make-scenes-in-public-you-whiny-bitch talk from, LOKI," he spat out the name as if that in itself was an insult, but Loki just looked back with an eerily calm expression.

"You're wrong, Stark. As a matter of fact, I am EXACTLY the person you need to be getting this speech from."

And okay, Loki had been behaving for over half a year, and perhaps there was logic there, but it was stupid logic, and Tony never really cared for logic anyway. (liar)

"I don't even-" Tony said lamely. "You can't compare the two. I don't.. You know.." he was a little afraid to finish that particular sentence.

"Hurt people?" Loki finished for him, and Tony was grateful despite the frankly terrifying grin on Loki's face.

He was laughing, but it was bitter, his eyes remaining cold. For a moment Tony saw the Loki he'd met for the first time, and he subconsciously scooted a few inches away from him on the bench.

"Perhaps not directly," Loki said, his voice cruel. But then he shook himself, as if leaving an unpleasant memory behind, and suddenly he just looked exhausted.

"Perhaps not in as obvious and intentionally cruel ways as I have admittedly done in the past.." he said then, and Tony was pretty sure he didn't like where this conversation was going at all.

"But you're kidding yourself if you think you're doing no harm." Loki's voice was sharp. "That girl of yours, Potts. Don't you think she hurts?"

And Tony wanted to defend himself, but he was lost in green eyes and emotions he couldn't quite get a read on.

"It's so very obvious that she cares about you. Yet you scorn her with ignorance, you ignore her purposefully and you continue to blame HER for YOUR terrible life-deci-"

"I don't blame Pepper for that!" Tony exclaimed, wanting for the older boy to shut up. Maybe he did blame her, just a little bit, but never out loud, never to her face. He wouldn't.

"Perhaps not.. But did you ever consider that she might blame herself?" Loki's voice seemed softer now, but his words cut like knives.

"Have you considered how she would feel about it, if you ever managed to get yourself seriously hurt?" And his eyes were softer now too, but Tony did NOT need to deal with this right now, this potential guilt, this reversal of roles.

"SHE was the one who left ME," he said finally, and he knew it was a weak defense, because he drove her to it, of course he did.

"I know," Loki said and there was an urgency in his eyes now that hadn't been there before.

"She.." Tony began, feeling stupid, but Loki's eyes were mesmerizing and it was as if he had been contaminated by that sense of urgency, like he would have to explain this now, or never have the chance again.

"You don't understand," Tony said, and now that he said it out loud he realized how badly he wanted him – or ANYONE – to understand.

"She showed me.. She taught me about.." he tried to explain, but any words he could come up with seemed inadequate and stupid.

There was nothing stupid about Pepper. Beautiful, kind, strict, accepting, loving Pepper.. It wasn't FAIR that she didn't feel the same way, wasn't FAIR that she wouldn't let him love her anymore.

"Sex, I mean, it's not the sex. Sex I can get," he said out loud because it seemed important.

"But it's not the same, it's.. cheap." He said, feeling remarkably stupid and out of his element. But he needed Loki to understand.

Loki didn't say anything, just looked at him with that same sense of urgency, and didn't everyone use that trick anyway, these days? Keeping quiet until the silence proved too much, and he would babble on about anything.

"I mean, not that I have to buy sex, goodness, I mean.. " and it worked everytime.

"It's not like Pepper was my first or anything, Jesus, it's not like I'm some sexually starved, sad panda or whatever, right?" he said, and wow, classy, Stark. Classy.

"She showed you what it means to be loved," Loki concluded, and that was a decidedly sappy and non-scientific way to put it.

"She made me feel whole – No, not even.. She made me realize I had NEVER felt whole before in my LIFE, and she gave me that gift of affection and it was not about sex, it was about the wonders of human CONTACT between two people who CARE.. She gave me all that.. And then she took it back." He could feel the anger even now, the childish need to stomp his feet and cry at the unfairness of it all.

Not that that had ever changed any situation for the better, and he supposed that was what made the impulse childish, because it it did in fact work, wouldn't it be the most responsible, adult way to react? Green eyes. Focus. Present.

Tony met Loki's eyes again.

Loki was looking at him with an unreadable expression. Then the green-eyed boy let out a sigh, and said

"Is the stranger, who points out, that what you thought was the whole world is in fact a cage, at fault? Or is it the zoo-keepers who let you grow up in that cage to begin with?"

Tony stared at Loki, who was getting up. Maybe he was really a psychic, he had the whole.. speaking in riddles thing down.

"How does that even –" Tony began, but Loki grinned and shook his head.

And that was enough to shut Tony up, because Loki's grin was genuine and Tony wasn't even sure if he'd ever seen Loki grinning in a way that wasn't either spiteful or bitter. He was kind of gorgeous like that.

Loki quickly turned serious again, and his mood-swings were a little disconcerting, but Tony was used to people being unpredictable.

"Don't take my words lightly, Stark." He warned.

"I know a thing or two about misplaced anger.." and there was pain there, and perhaps regret, Tony thought. He wasn't sure, but there was intense emotion and everything hurt.

Then Loki straightened up, mask perfectly back in place, as he watched Tony with a lightly amused expression.

"Your phone pinged you earlier, while you were wondering whether stomping your feet and crying might be a good course of action."

While Loki turned around and walked away, Tony felt his cheeks heat. "Psychic," he muttered under his breath as he picked out his phone.

Huh. Loki was right, he had one new message from Obie. He flicked it open, and read the short message:

"Hey Kid!

Are you okay? I have an

Errand in town, so I thought

I'd come by and we could

Chat? -O"

Tony smiled in spite of himself, as a feeling of warmth spread through him. That was right. Talking about Pepper he'd almost forgotten, but it wasn't like he didn't know what it felt like to have people care, before her.

Obie had always been there, just because he wasn't nearly as good at the whole making-people-feel-loved thing as Pepper, it was harsh to insinuate that he hadn't tried.

He quickly answered:

"Hey yourself, old man.

I'm okay – you don't have to

make up excuses to come

check on me. ;) I know how the

board gets. :(

that said, if you do swing by –

around when would that be?"

He got to his feet, feeling lighter, as he turned his back to the football field and started walking back towards school. Maybe he'd work on some projects, show Obie that just because he wasn't making weapons, he was still creating things.

Maybe Stark Industries would do well to go into other parts of the markets, because seriously, the average smart-phone was a piece of junk, and he knew he could do it better –

He'd make Obie come around, eventually. (He refused to entertain the idea that Obie might leave his father to sail his own ship into the ground, and join him in a new and better company, he refused, but the train of thought was already being loaded and once rolling he knew there was no stopping it, and heck, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to.)

Author's note:

Hope you had fun^^ For a long time I entertained the idea, that Loki and Tony might have had sex at some point, and perhaps they have, but if such is the case Tony was too drunk to remember. Which would constitue a dick-move on Loki's part, because informed consent? But Loki did have a rather unstable period, and while not positive, these things are quite common..

Or maybe they didn't go that far. Or never did anything at all.

Really, it is inconsequential, I just like to entertain the idea XD (Not really an ironfrost fangirl, as I fear it wouldn't be a particularly healthy relationship, but a one-night stand? Yes please XD)

(And yes, I'm sure there are writers out there who have written amazing, in-character ironfrost, it's just not my thing^^)