Then—
BPOV
"I don't want to do this. I really, really, don't want to do this," I said as we stood side by side, shoulder to shoulder in the school parking lot, no where near ready to face our first day back.
"Worst. Semester. Ever," Edward agreed as he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled behind his Ray-Bans.
"Well at least it's not a whole year right?" I said, winding my arm through his elbow.
Last week during registration, Edward and I had met with counselors to figure out if we could graduate early. We both had to take online courses, but would get our diplomas in December. The prospect of senior year had always depressed me, what with the graduation of practically everyone we cared about, but now that I was pregnant the thought of being here any longer then necessary was absolutely unbearable.
Most things that stressed me about the whole situation had nothing to do with actually having a baby. My brain hadn't gotten far enough to see that. All I could think about was telling people and getting huge.
Edward said I shouldn't worry about what other people thought, but their judgment mattered. Charlie was going to be so disappointed. Renee was going to be pissed that I repeated her 'mistakes'. Jessica and Lauren would be so fake supportive and then share the gossip with the rest of our peers. Rosalie would probably laugh.
All I wanted to do was be alone with Edward.
"Hey Bella, damn you look good this year," Tyler called across the parking lot as he walked toward the school with Mike who nodded in agreement.
I ignored them but Edward growled and clenched his jaw. I put a hand on his chest and felt the rigidity in his whole body. He was wound so tight, I was sure that if Tyler and Mike had been a little closer, he would have completely lost it.
"Edward, it is only one more semester, 4 months. And then we never have to see any of them again."
"Promise?" he asked, resting his forehead on mine and closing his eyes.
I nodded and gave him a quick kiss.
"I love you," he said while I tried to convince myself that everything was going to be ok.
I almost believed it when I was with him, but during the rare time I was forced to separate from Edward I would panic all over again. Luckily, there was only one class period we didn't have together and I had it with Angela who already knew.
Edward and I decided to give it till the weekend to fill my parents in. We needed some time to get used to the idea, to grapple with all the consequences of this huge thing, before we shared the news. Carlisle and Esme knew, of course, and we had talked about the whole thing with them. They were supportive and wonderful and just about perfect.
I had no illusions that Charlie and Renee would be the same.
School was just as bad as I thought it would be. At lunch Edward and I were bombarded with the entire popular crowd who all decided to join us in our secluded corner of campus on the lawn. I was surprised that Lauren was willing to soil her outfit by sitting on the grass, but they seemed desperate to catch up. I had only seen Jessica a handful of times over the summer and avoided everyone else besides Angela.
"Bella where were you all summer? I didn't see you at a single party," Lauren commented in her stupid, sugary voice. How did I ever put up with her before?
"Yea, did Edward here keep you all locked up?" Tyler said, elbowing Edward playfully and waggling his eyebrows suggestively despite the death glare Edward was giving. Mike started choking on his sandwich but everyone ignored him.
"I was just busy," I said, rubbing Edwards back in an attempt to sooth him. "How have you all been? What did I miss?"
This got them all talking, getting us out of the spot light. Edward rolled his eyes at me and I mouthed 4 months to him, earning me a quick grin.
Edward was doing a lot less grinning these days and it added to my mounting list of things to worry about. He had been so strong even when I was a mess. He was so steady and sure I sometimes wondered what emotions he was hiding. He had to be just as scared and worried as I was. I knew at some point I had to talk to him about it, but I needed him to continue being the rock for now.
"So Edward," Jessica said, rounding on him from her seat next to Mike. "I heard that you are in a band. Like, a really good band." She was using her flirty voice, leaning across the circle to touch his arm, and flipping her hair.
Goddamn, I hated flirty Jess. If only I could permanently disconnect that hand from her arm, then she could never use it to touch Edward again.
I made eye contact with Angela who shook her head, silently expressing her disapproval.
"Ummm…" Lauren moaned, "Guys in bands are sooo hot." She sat there, sticking her chest out and licking her lips.
Could she look more like a whore?
I was moments away from a complete freak out but Edward put an arm around my shoulders and breathed '4 months' into my ear.
We started going off campus for lunch after that.
I both welcomed and dreaded the weekend. Sunday, Charlie was going to be back from his latest business trip and a family lunch was already planned. I was going to tell him after, when we all got home.
I felt queasy at the thought.
But at least we would get two whole days out of this hellhole.
On Friday, when the first week of torture was finally done, Edward went with Jasper to the record store where Jazz worked and came back with a part time job.
"We need to start saving. And my share from the bands profits isn't going to cover having a kid, they are expensive," he explained as he modeled his new nametag for me.
The first couple times he mentioned our future child, I had to fight to not pass out. But I was getting better. Every time we talked about it, the baby was starting to take shape in my head, changing from an allusive idea to a real thing.
"This is true. Though we really don't need to worry about money. My trust fund kicks in when I graduate, making me richer then God," I said as I continued to read my worn copy of Wuthering Heights on my bed.
I was so distracted by one of my favorite books that it took me a minute to realize that Edward was glaring at me.
"What?" I asked, confused.
He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if he was choosing his words very carefully.
"That is not happening," he finally said quietly, starting to pace back and forth across the foot of my bed.
"What?" I asked again.
"We are not taking Charlie's money, we can do this on our own."
I was silent for a minute as I tried to figure out just what the hell he was talking about.
"What?' I said for a third time, it was all I could come up with.
He sighed heavily before sitting crossed legged right in front of me.
"Listen, all my life I have lived off other people's money. People have supported me, even though I wasn't their responsibility,"
"They are your family Edward," I interrupted.
"It took me a long time to see things like that. And I do now, but this need to take responsibility is the same. I want… I NEED to support this baby. I take care of what's mine."
"Edward, do you really think we can do this on our own? It would be so much easier—" I tried again.
"I can't, I can't take someone else's money to support this family."
"Family?" I squeaked.
"Well… yea… I mean, I just figured that is what we are now. Family," he mumbled looking embarrassed. He was so adorable and earnest and sweet as he further solidified an image of the future in my head. I wanted it, a family with Edward.
It was making me hot.
So I cut off his heartfelt rant with a kiss, showing him just how much I wanted that with him. Family.
I pulled him on top of me, and he seemed content to just kiss me, hands barely touching me. They came to rest lightly on my stomach, sighing as he did so.
It had been so long for us. Things had been crazy in the two weeks since he got back from the tour. He was tender and sweet and constantly reassuring me of his love, but was so careful with the physical side of things.
It was like he was worried he could get me more pregnant. His feather light touch was driving me insane. I could feel him pressed into my thigh, but he seemed to make no move to take things further.
I arched off the bed, silently begging him but he remained unresponsive. After a few more minutes of this I finally pushed him off my body and growled in frustration, kicking my feet and covering my face with my hands, basically having a temper tantrum worthy of a two year old.
"Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to rush you or anything, we can take things slower," he said, totally misinterpreting my actions.
This made me so mad, I kicked him with enough force that he fell off the bed, landing on the floor with an 'oof'.
"What the fuck?" he asked as he rose, rubbing his forehead.
"SLOWER?? How could you possibly go slower? Do you have any idea how long it has been? We haven't had sex since our naked weekend months ago!" I howled, still tempter tantrum-ing.
"You mean you want to?"
"Of course I want to, you idiot! I want to be as close to you as possible," I grumbled covering my head with my pillow in an attempt to calm down.
"Really? Cause I thought you would be wary of the whole sex thing seeing as the last time we did it, you got pregnant," he said. I could feel the bed move as he crawled toward me.
"That makes no sense. What bad could possibly come from it? I need you Edward." I was still hiding under my pillows when suddenly my skirt and underwear were yanked off my body and replaced with his hot mouth.
It was primal and desperate and wonderful and needy and I came right away.
And then again.
And again.
He was just what I needed. I was totally focused on how good he made me feel, momentarily forgetting everything bad or scary.
~*~*~
EPOV
"Edward, we are going to be parents."
It was a whisper in my ear that gave me the shivers. Her thought reflected mine. And I worked on breathing evenly.
For the last few weeks, I had been putting up a brave front for Bella. I sensed that she was on the brink of completely freaking out and we couldn't both be freaking out.
I had tried to avoid the whole sex thing, as much as I needed her, because I thought it would just remind her of what was causing her all this stress.
I was also a fucking idiot, but it was good to know that she needed me as much as I needed her.
Sex seemed to make her happier, but I knew her blissed-out state wouldn't last.
Hopefully she would get better after Charlie knew. Bella was never very good at lying.
And as usual, the thought of our baby made me all panicky, something I was getting good at hiding from Bella with a few well time cocktails. I was terrified of being a father, but some sick, fucked up part of me liked the idea that something concrete would tie Bella and I together forever, not matter what happened in the future.
Any day now I would wake up and actually be able to picture it. Bella and I, and a baby, we would be a family.
I pointed this out to Bella. She really seemed to like the idea. A lot. Which was good because I sounded so goddamn cheesy saying it.
"I have never really thought about it that way, of us being a family. That makes things better doesn't it?" she pointed out as she cuddled into my chest. Naked.
Just the way I liked her.
"I got lucky Bella, with the Cullens. They are my family, but I have never felt like I 100% belonged there. But with you, this is it. You are where I am supposed to be Bella and this makes it real somehow," I said, placing a hand over her flat belly. "Both of our families are kinda screwy."
"Indeed they are," she nodded, putting her hand over mine and smiling at me.
"So now we are going to be each other's family, and maybe we can actually to it right," I whispered. And of course she started crying, she had barely stopped in the last few weeks. "Aw, Bella. Is this crying thing going to last for your whole pregnancy? Because I don't think I can handle it." Her tears usually made me feel like slime, but I was getting better at determining what kind of tears they were. Mad, sad, happy.
I was secretly pleased that the conversation had touched her. It was important to me that she understood where I was coming from with this whole baby thing.
"If you would stop saying such amazing, sweet things I would stop crying."
"Oh now, you have done it. "
"Done what?" she asked, sitting up and vigorously wiping away her tears with the back of her hands.
"Gone and called me sweet."
"You are sweet, my lovely rockstar."
"Guys don't want to be called sweet, we want to be manly, and tough."
She had the nerve to giggle and roll away.
"Now I am just going to have to prove my masculinity to you," I said as I snagged her ankle and pulled her back underneath me. Always willing to play along, she shrieked and put up an unconvincing struggle.
"You get off me right this minute Edward Cullen, your ridiculous macho-ness will not be tolerated." I pinned her wrists above her head with one hand and used the other to get reacquainted with her body, it had been far too fucking long. I don't know what I was thinking, denying us both this comfort and happiness.
"Oh you aren't going to tolerate it sunshine, you are going to enjoy it." Her snappy retort was cut off as my hand moved lower.
But just when we were getting to the good stuff, her goddamn phone went off. As usual.
Bella's phone was always going off. She was either getting texts or phone calls, from the Groupies or her sister or from her mother or Charlie or Angela.
"Don't get it," I suggested. I vaguely recognized the Rancid song playing from the phone.
"I have to, it is Alice and she will worry." Begrudgingly, I rolled off of my beloved and resisted the urge to whack my face against the headboard in frustration.
"Hey Alice, look I am pretty busy," Bella said as I kissed her neck. She wasn't to enthusiastic about the interruption either.
"Where are you? At home, yes. We are all hanging out tonight at Jaspers. It is mandatory," I heard Alice yell from the other end of the line. Why did Bella always have to volume turned up so loud? Not that I was complaining, I liked hearing what was going on.
"Alice now that you are in college shouldn't you be hanging out with cool, trendy people, not us lowly high schoolers?"
"Pa-chya," the pixie replied dismissively. "I knew you would be difficult. That is why I am parking in the driveway right now to pull you out of your little love nest. You are supposed to be living a normal life, so we are having a normal Friday night."
"Do Emmett and Rose know?" she asked, her breath hitching as I nibbled on her earlobe.
"Nope, feel free to tell them tonight. So I am walking up the front steps…"
Bella groaned and pushed at my shoulder.
I sighed, got out of bed and began to get dressed. Goddamn Alice.
"Seriously Alice?"
"Yup, and I have no qualms what so ever about bursting in on the two of you naked." And with that she hung up the phone.
Bella didn't embrace my calm, cool approach however. In an attempt to get dressed fast, she got tangled in the sheets and promptly fell off the bed.
"I swear Bella, we are getting our own place as quickly as possible. With a motherfucking dead bolt on the goddamn front door," I grumbled, not wanting to leave Bella's bed. Ever.
"Where is my shirt?" She said, frantic now that we heard Alice's foot steps on the stairs. I saved the day however by pulling on my own pants and pulling my shirt over her seconds before Alice knocked on the door and entered.
"Hello folks. I have missed you both so much," she said as she pranced over to give us each a hug.
"Ali, you act like you went across the country for school, not the city," I laughed. "We saw you last weekend."
She smiled at me sweetly but didn't respond, instead she held out a stack of folded clothes for each of us.
"What is this for?" Bella asked.
"Outfits for tonight. It is a dinner party so specific attire is required. And don't worry, it is nothing too fancy, but Edward, you do have to wear a button up. Well, you have ten minutes to come downstairs and then we will be on our way. Bella you should really clean yourself up a bit. You have feathers in your hair." And with that she departed before Bella's blush fully developed.
"Feathers? Feathers! How the hell did this happen?"
"It is a mystery," I grumbled as I examined the torture devices Alice was making me wear.
Her look clearly said that I needed to explain.
"I may have bit a pillow."
"What?" she said as she threw her head back and laughed, turning to the mirror where she began removing the feathers and taming her chestnut mane. "How does this even happen?" she asked, pointing to her feather infused head.
"Bella, I can't explain the things that occur in the heat of passion." I went up behind her in the mirror so I could see us both together and I spread both of my hands over her still flat tummy. She smiled softly and lined both of her small hands on top of my larger ones. I rested my chin on her head.
She really was so tiny. It was something I didn't notice very often. Between her big personality and the towering heals she constantly wore she seemed much taller. But she wasn't, she was small and fragile. Though she would deny it, she needed to be taken care of and I wanted to be the one to do it, even if that meant I had to work sixteen jobs.
"We really are a family," she said. "I really, really like the way that sounds."
"Me to, sunshine. Are you ready to deal with the ace gang tonight?" I asked, fully ready to defy Alice if Bella gave any indication that she wasn't up for it. Plus I was really fucking hoping that she would just pull me back to bed.
"I suppose, we have to deal with them eventually. I guess we need to get dressed." I turned her in my arms, gave her a lingering kiss before I very begrudgingly moved away and pulled on the dark button up.
~*~*~
"I propose a toast," said Rosalie, raising her glass of wine about half way through dinner. Everyone followed suit, even Bella with her cranberry juice. "To the future."
"Right, be more cliché Rose," said Jasper, leaning back in his chair and rolling his eyes.
"Well what the fuck do you want to toast to then dickhead?" she snapped.
"Beer?" he suggested.
"Football," said Emmett.
"Family," I said before Rosalie could yell again. Everyone nodded and repeated after me. Bella blushed and I rubbed her knee under the table.
"Holy fucking shit what it that?" Rosalie screamed again, leaping to her feet, and almost sloshing wine all over her tight black dress.
"What?" everyone asked.
"That," she yelled, pointing a talon at Bella threateningly.
I looked at Bella with a critical eye, trying to determine what in the hell Rose could possibly be freaking out about. Bella didn't look different, yet. And she was red but that wasn't really uncommon.
"What?" we asked again.
"Did you motherfuckers get engaged?" All eyes snapped to Bella again and she put her ring-encrusted hand that had been holding her glass of juice in her lap.
I groaned and hit my head against the table.
I didn't even know what we were, engaged? Almost engaged? I was confused as fuck about the whole thing, not to mention upset. I just wanted to be fucking married. She didn't say yes to my proposal, which fucking hurt. Did she not want me forever? She saying no filled me up with doubt all over again. I knew I didn't deserve her and I was just waiting for her to tell me that she didn't love me anymore. I expected the worst because she was too perfect for someone like me to keep.
But she hadn't taken the ring off since that night two weeks ago, so that was a good sign.
I really didn't want to get into this with the gang. They were some nosy motherfuckers.
"WHAT?" screamed Alice, grabbing Bella's hand from her lap and gawking at the ring. "When did this happen and why wasn't I told?"
"Shit, that is Mimi's ring. It is still bullshit that she liked you so much more then me. She didn't appreciate my sense of humor," added Emmett.
"This is your grandmother's ring?" Alice said, waving Bella's hand in my face.
I just nodded, not really knowing what to say.
"Oh my God, there is so much to do. Have you set a date yet? Why haven't you asked me to be your maid of honor? I am offended. We have to start planning right away." She continued to tick off all the things she needed to do for a wedding that was definitely not happening in the near future.
"Alice," Bella said softly.
The pixie ignored her and continued to talk.
"Alice," she said again, louder this time.
Still no response.
"ALICE!" Bella finally yelled, garnering the attention of the room. "We are not getting married. At least not anytime soon, so please just calm down and stop planning shit. I have enough on my plate without getting married at 18 too. So please, just stop."
"Sorry Bella, I just got so excited. You are going to make a beautiful bride," she said wistfully.
"Alice, really. Not getting married any time soon. Ok?" Bella said.
"But—"
"Alice," I said, with a tone of warning in my voice.
"Ok, ok. Fine, be that way," she said, frowning like we were denying her everything she ever wanted.
"So wait, back up," Emmett said still looking confused. "If you are not getting married, then why does Bella even have grandma's ring?"
"Yea and what exactly do you have on your plate? It is your senior year, it is just fun and slacking off," Rose added.
Again, there was silence. I looked at Bella, she looked at her lap, Alice and Jasper stared awkwardly at the ceiling while Emmett and Rose stared intently at me and my ladylove.
"What the fuck does everyone know that we don't know?" demanded Rose.
I sighed and rubbed the back of Bella's neck, trying to calm her down.
"Bella's pregnant," I said feeling awkward. If it was this hard to tell my brother and his girlfriend, I couldn't even imagine telling Charlie and Renee. When I had told my own parents, I was still so shocked that the tension of the conversation didn't even register.
I was really not fucking looking forward to Sunday.
Emmett was the first to respond, doing a fist pump and letting out some sort of war cry.
"Excellent, I have always wanted to be an uncle. I love babies!"
Rose, on the other hand, looked vaguely green and swayed slightly in her chair upon witnessing Emmett's exuberance. At least she understood the gravity of the situation, unlike my idiot brother.
Emmett sprang from his chair and rushed over to Bella who squeaked as he picked her up and spun her in a circle.
"Damn I guess that I have to be careful with you now that you are knocked up," Emmett joked. He wasn't really taking the news how I would have thought, but he was making Bella smile so that was all that really counted.
"Well done dude," he said, punching me in the shoulder. I rolled my eyes at his antics, but couldn't help but grin.
"You do realize that this is going to totally change our lives right?" I asked.
"Naw, you two will handle it. You're rock solid."
"Thank you Emmett, that means a lot," said Bella, tearing up slightly at him support.
"Damn, it is going to be one attractive kid. Not as pretty as Rosie and my babies, but still damn pretty," he said as he made his way back to his seat and kissed Rose's temple.
She still looked quite ill and I was beginning to get concerned. She wasn't really one to show weakness and it looked like she could be knocked over with a feather.
Feathers.
This had my brain going in a totally different direction and I almost missed Rose's departure.
"Babe, where are you going?" Emmett asked as Rose got up from her chair quite unsteadily.
"Home. I uh… just remembered a big project I have to do this weekend. In fact I am really busy so I wont see you all for a while. Sorry." She stomped out of the room with her usual swagger, but that didn't detract from the bizarreness of her behavior.
Emmett followed her, but returned a minute later looking confused.
"So, about this adorable kid," he said before any of us could ask about Rosalie. "What do you think they are going to look like?"
"I hope she gets Bella's lips, they are so luscious," Alice comment.
"It is not going to be a she, I would have no idea what to do with a she. The universe is not that cruel," I said, not knowing where this was coming from but believing it nonetheless.
"You are so wrong, it is totally a girl. I just know," Bella said, smiling, something that was far too rare these days. "And I hope she has your eyes. And your hair."
"She is totally a he and I hope he has your eyes. And you smile," I replied.
"God you two are nauseatingly adorable," Jasper remarked. "Have you thought of names yet?"
"Jazz, we only found out two weeks ago. We are just trying to get out head around everything. This baby isn't real enough to name yet," Bella replied looking serious again.
"We are naming him Bob, Bobby," I declared hoping to make Bella smile again.
It worked because I am a fucking pro at making Bella smile. She even did one better and laughed, throwing her head back and everything.
Twice in one day, excellent.
"Bob?" she asked. "As in Dylan."
I gave her a look that clearly said 'duh'.
"Absolutely not. Our child is not being named after a rockstar, rockstar."
"We shall see sunshine, I have 7 months to change your mind."
The five of us spent the rest of the night relaxing and chatting, throwing out ridiculous baby names and pondering what was to happen in the coming months. It soothed me, being with this group, my supportive extended family. And for the first time, the baby panic dissipated and I was able to feel something else. Anticipation, excitement, love for the little thing growing in Bella's belly.
For the first time, I felt like everything was going to be better then all right.
~*~*~
On Sunday afternoon, I went out to lunch with Bella, Charlie, Kathleen, Alice, and Jasper. Thank God he was there. Charlie couldn't decide which one of us he hated more so he seemed to settle on ignoring us completely.
Bella was so nervous during lunch, obviously anticipating what he had to do next. I was shocked that no one fucking noticed.
Lunch went quickly, despite the tension and all to soon Bella was quietly asking Charlie if she could talk to him for a moment. We sat across from him and Kathleen in their extravagantly furnished living room. I held Bella's hand tightly and bounced my leg out of stress. Palms sweaty, I tried my best to be a fucking man and looked Charlie in the eye.
Goddamn he was scary, glaring at me. I swear his mustache twitched in dislike. I hoped that the guns were locked away. Maybe while he worked the lock I could take the opportunity to escape.
"So what did ya'll want to talk about?" Kathleen asked in overly bright tones. Bella glared, obviously upset that the step monster was even present at all.
Charlie motioned for me to start and I wondered if he had any idea what this was all about.
"Well, Ch— I mean, Mr. Swan. I just want to start by saying that I love your daughter very much, she is my whole life." Bella squeezed my hand in reassurance and my fingers grazed my ring on her finger.
"You are pregnant aren't you?" Charlie demanded, shifting his glare to his daughter. I resisted the urge to jump in front of my beloved and shield her from all things bad with my body.
Bella took a deep breath and gave a quick nod, looking down at her lap.
"Oh my God," commented Kathleen while Charlie went from red to yellow to purple to indigo. Practically all the colors of the fucking rainbow.
He began to sputter before he shut his mouth.
He looked like he was going to leap at me and throttle me, Homer Simpson style, but Kathleen put a hand on his back, calming him for a moment before he stood and began pacing around the living room.
The ranted and raved as he stalked around us. His message was loud and cuss word filled. The point was clear, he was highly disappointed in Bella, he wanted to kill me, and what the fuck were we supposed to do now.
Bella looked crushed and I squeezed her hand, trying to cheer her. She smiled at me, but it didn't clear the pain clouding her eyes.
While Charlie continued to yell, Kathleen slowly rose from her spot on the sofa across from us and sat softly next to Bella, grabbing her free hand.
Bella jumped in surprise. Both girls had never been kind or accepting towards their father's new wife and Bella in particular didn't think very highly of Kathleen at all. Because of this we were both equally shocked by Kathleen's apparent sympathy.
"Bella, darling," Kathleen said in hushed tones. "Don't listen to you're father. He is just upset and shocked. It is not an ideal situation but what's done is done. We will be here for you Bella, I promise."
The tears that had been welling in Bella's eyes overflowed as she hugged her stepmother and whispered a garbled 'thank you'.
Charlie's rant ended abruptly when he took in the sight of his wife and daughter embracing and I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a private family moment. It was a familiar feeling that frequented me in my early years with the Cullen's, but had never subsided completely. But soon that would change. I would have a fucking kid, and together with Bella we would be a real family. The first real family I ever truly had.
The glare fell from Charlie's face as he slowly approached us and he looked heart broken.
"Bella," he choked out, losing his gruff demeanor completely. "How— why— what?" He collected his thoughts again and his face was an emotionless mask once again. "I don't have anything else to say to you."
He turned on his heel and quickly left the room without looking in our direction again. Bella kept crying at his speedy departure and I wanted to hurt him for hurting her.
Kathleen sighed, before rising and kissing Bella's forehead. "Just give him time, darling," she whispered before following her husband.
Bella's small frame folded against me, and I couldn't make her tears stop. I was helpless to save her from this, to make her pain dissipate.
She didn't smile for another week when Charlie started talking to her again. He came to her with an apology and a doctors appointment, setting everything up and telling her he loved her.
She seemed happier after getting the news off her chest, but I wouldn't forget all her tears for a long time.
~*~*~
BPOV
"So Rosalie, my dear, this is message number 12 of the day. No one has seen you in a month and it is getting ridiculous. Alice is talking about staging an intervention so call us the fuck back or she is going to do something crazy."
I was practically screaming into the phone. I had been leaving these semi-desperate, please, please, please call me back messages lately, for both Renee and Rosalie.
Though I didn't know what Rose's deal was, it was pretty clear her isolation did not come from a place of concern for me, I knew exactly why Renee wasn't answering or calling me back.
My calls to my mother were simply an old habit of taking the high ground, of acting like the adult in our relationship. As usual.
I really had no desire to talk to her after everything she said last time.
Shortly after Charlie started not only talking to me again but also actually helping me figure out what needed to be done in the coming months, I felt confidant enough to call my mom.
I was trying very hard to build up that long forgotten shield again. Her opinion of me shouldn't have mattered. She had made so many mistakes, she was lucky that Alice and I still talked to her. But she was still my mother and I couldn't help but care what she thought.
And I knew she wouldn't like this one bit.
With Edward's arm securely around my waist, I dialed her number.
"Hello?" Renee answered, picking up after only one ring. Part of me had hoped that she wouldn't have answered at all and I could have just broken the news via message.
"Hi Renee," I said back, trying to muster up a little enthusiasm in my voice.
"My Isabella! It has been far to long since I have heard your sweet voice. How are you darling?" Renee asked. I could picture her sprawled across her bed on her stomach, smacking her gum and playing with her hair, just like the teenage girl she acted like.
"I am good Mom, just trying to get through school. Did I tell you that I am graduating a semester early?" I said, trying tell her this way.
"Why on earth would you want to do that? Don't you want to enjoy your senior year? Walk with all your classmates?" she asked, sounding appalled at the idea. I guess senior year and finishing high school was a big deal to some, just not me.
I started to say the words that I knew would make her flip out, but she interrupted me.
"But you always were my little overachiever. Not like your sister with her scary black clothes. How is Mary Alice? Put her on right this minute, I simply most talk to her. I want her to come visit me, and bring that boyfriend of hers. It is about time I met him."
Renee was so all over the place. I sighed and searched for some patients.
"She is away at college now, remember? And you have met him Mom, every time you come to visit. She has been dating Jasper since she was about ten years old," I replied in clipped tones.
"Good heavens, she is still with the same boy? That sounds way to serious. Teenagers should never get that serious or they will end up 17 and pregnant. Teenage love is fickle and disconnected from reality."
I started coughing on nothing at all and Edward looked at me with concern. He motioned for me to give him the phone, but I shook my head.
He had told one of my parents. He had done more then enough for me and I needed to just do this myself.
I sat up straighter, determined to steer this conversation back to wear it needed to be.
"Was it really so bad for you?" I asked quietly as I twirled Edward's ring on my finger. I liked it there. It made me feel loved, like I belonged to him and he me and that was it. "To fall in love and get pregnant so young?"
"Of course not darling, I got you and your sister didn't I? But the rest was just lust. Believe me, you won't figure out what love is until you are at least 25. Maybe even 30." Renee didn't know anything about love. Except maybe self love. She was so focused on herself that she didn't spare anything for Charlie, or Alice, or me.
I had to disguise my snort in a cough and bit my tongue to keep from declaring that last statement absolute bullshit right before I started to tear up. Again.
I hated so much about Renee. I hated myself because I knew I would never have an honest conversation with her.
"Charlie loved you," I whispered, looking up at Edward who gave me a reassuring smile.
"Isabella, don't talk about things you know nothing of… Now tell me, where are planning on going to college? Do you want to stay in Cali? Aren't you dating a new boy too? Maybe I can convince you both to come out here, wouldn't that just be divine?" she practically squealed.
"Edward and I have been dating for about a year now Mom. And about college, well, the future is really why I called," I stammered, continuing to chicken out.
"A year? Lord, what is it with you and Alice, settling down far to young?" shed asked, confused.
"Just taking after our mother," I replied, trying to keep the venom out of my voice. "Renee, I am not planning on going to college."
"What?" she spat.
"I cant, at least not now. You see, around the time everyone will be leaving for school next year I will have a 6 month old to take care of."
"What?" she screamed this time, fully freaking out now.
"Iampregnantmom," I said super fast, forcing it out of my lungs as quickly as possible and bracing myself for her violent reaction.
"Bella dear," she said in a scary calm voice. "Just because you are pregnant now doesn't mean you will have a 6 month old next August."
It was my turn to be confused.
"Yes it does…"
"No, Bella. You are a smart girl. I am sure you will learn from my mistakes."
I snorted. "Which ones?"
"I let your father talk my into doing some things I didn't want to do. Twice. I am sure you wont let this Edmond do the same to you," she explained, talking to me like I was a toddler.
"Ah," I said, getting a sickening understanding for what she meant now. "Alice and I are the mistakes and I will learn from your horrible decisions and get an abortion?? Is that what you mean?" I was angrier then I could ever remember being and my voice rose in volume and pitch as I went on.
"That is exactly what I mean. Isabella," she said giggling slightly. "You aren't seriously considering keeping this baby are you?"
"No considering is being done Mom, it has been decided. I am having the baby," I said, attempting to calm down again. Edward looked just about as pissed as I felt and somehow this made me smile.
He was so cute when he was angry.
"That is just absolutely ridiculous." I got some satisfaction that it was Renee that was yelling now.
"Sorry to disappoint Renee, but this is happening. We would really appreciate your support and love right now," I said emotionlessly.
I wouldn't let myself feel anything because this would hurt too much. I was used to Renee disappointing me but her attitude combined with calling Alice and I two mistakes were pretty damn bad, even for Renee.
"Supportive? Are you crazy? I can't even believe this is happening. What were you thinking? I might have expected this from your sister, but not you. You are my brainy Bella. How could you do this to me? After everything I went through to make your life different," she continued.
At this point, she was getting so absurd that the hurt was diminishing.
"Believe it our not, this really had nothing to do with you. And maybe if you weren't so fucking self-centered then you would realize that. So pull your head out of your derrière and grow up! Stop insulting me, my sister, and my unborn child and grow the fuck up! You can call me back when you do!"
I hung up before she could retort, and felt really good for a moment. And then I felt guilt, resolving to call her tomorrow and apologize. Like the adult she would never be.
"You ok sunshine? That didn't really go well," Edward said, rubbing the back of my neck and looking concerned.
"I am fine." He gave me a look that clearly said he thought I was full of shit. "Seriously. I stopped expecting anything from Renee a long time ago Edward. She is a child, but she will get over it soon enough. She doesn't matter, especially when Charlie is on board. And Esme and Carlisle. And you."
I leaned forward and kissed his softly. "I love you so much, rockstar."
"As I love you."
Everything seemed better when Edward was with me.
Of course there were some things I couldn't talk to him about. Like what happened after school on his first day of work.
I was lounging by the pool, reading a book and contemplating life in general while missing Edward when the doorbell rang. I was hoping it was Rose who was still missing, but instead I opened the door to Jacob Black who I had been avoiding since Edward's welcome back party.
"Bells! Hey," he said as he pulled me into a tight hug the moment I opened the door.
"Jake, Hi, what are you doing here?" I asked, not wanting to deal with his puppy love today.
"You have been avoiding me," he said, mock scolding me by shaking a finger in my face. "And I have been worried about you."
"Worried? Why?"
"The last time I saw you, you were dragged away by your lunatic boyfriend. It didn't seem to smart to me but he looked so crazy that I didn't want to say anything," he said.
"Well thanks, um I guess. But really you don't need to worry about me. I am fine," I said awkwardly not really knowing how to reply to that.
"So… Speaking of that party, why was your boyfriend freaking out?" I didn't like Jake's barely disguised contempt for Edward but I figured I should take the opportunity to end this ridiculous crush permanently. "Hopefully because you finally wised up and really did dump him for me."
I laughed out loud at his cockiness and the thought of ever dumping Edward.
"No, Jake. I still don't have a clue what could have possibly made him think that."
"I have a clue, Bella it is obvious to everyone including your boyfriend that we have something. We are good together," he said, attempting to grab my hand but I pulled away from him. All the humor and over the top confidence disappeared and he was startlingly serious.
This was not going to be pleasant.
"You should break up with him for me. I am so much better for you," he continued while bit my lip in an attempt to keep myself from totally verbally assaulting him.
I really hoped to still have a friend when all this is said and done.
I shook my head and started to let him down gently but he wouldn't stop fucking talking. I was feeling an irrational amount of hate at Jake for even putting me in this uncomfortable position but I blamed the excess of emotion on the hormones.
"We had so much fun this summer and now that he is back, I never see you! He is controlling and jealous and you deserve so much better," he continued.
"Jake, that is not true. Edward isn't keeping me from seeing you it has just been a really crazy time—"
"Whatever Bella, this isn't about him. This is about us and how great we could be. Bella, I love—"
"WOAH!" I yelled throwing my hands up and gesturing for him to stop. Once he said that he could never take it back. Nothing would be the same and our friendship would be over. Though the intent was there, so it probably was anyway. I was really so selfish, spending any time at all with him. Though I never led him on, I knew how he felt and should have distanced myself from him, for his own good.
But he was just too damn fun to be around.
"Listen, I know what you are going to say and I really wish you wouldn't. Those words aren't going to change how I feel. You are one of my best friends, but that is all we will ever be. I am totally in love with Edward."
"But that is crazy Bella, I am positive you feel it too. I love—"
"STOP TRYING TO SAY IT," I bellowed, not handling it nearly as well as I should.
"Why don't you want to hear it?" he smirked, confident again as he misinterpreted my reasons for yelling. "You love me back and I know it. That is why you have been avoiding me."
I sighed, frustrated that he was refusing to listen.
"Jake, I have been avoiding pretty much everyone lately."
"Why? Your crazy demanding boyfriend is making you?" he guessed.
"No. It is a personal choice because… I am pregnant," I said, rubbing my temples, closing my eyes, and trying to calm down.
Jacob let out some weird gurgling sound and I glanced up at his slack face.
"Shit," he finally said as he shifted his feet awkwardly from side to side. "Are you ok?"
I couldn't help but smile then, he really did care about my wellbeing.
"Yea, I really am. I mean, I am freaked out," I said as I tucked my bangs behind my ear. " I mean really freaked out, but I can do this. We can do this."
"We huh?" he asked, taking my left hand and studying the ring there. "Shit."
"I know."
"I guess you want me to back off now," he said as he dropped my hand and looked me in the eye for the first time since I shared my news.
"I really do. But I hope we can still hang out, have fun like we did this summer?"
He hugged me quickly and smiled. "I would really like that Bells, if you every need anything you will always have me you know?"
"Thanks Jake."
Everyone was taking this baby news a whole lot better then I expected.
~*~*~
"ROSALIE MORHERFUCKING HALE, YOU BEST OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR IF YOU DON'T WANT ME STOMPING IT THE FUCK DOWN," screamed Alice. The volume she managed to produce with her tiny little voice box was both alarming and impressive.
Alice and I had coordinated with Emmett to catch Rose at home in the apartment they shared by USC. He was the only person that had seen her in the last month and she was barely even talking to him.
Alice had reached her breaking point earlier in the day when Rose ignored our thousandth phone call and here we were, pounding on her door.
"I can hear you breathing in there. Plus Emmett told us you were here. Come on we are worried." Alice continued at a more reasonable pitch.
There was a muffled sigh and the door was flung open. Rosalie stood before us in all her glory, looking blond and fabulous and pissed. As usual.
"Hey," I said, greeting her.
"What the fuck do you two fools want? I am kinda fucking busy," she growled.
"Where have you been? We are all worried," I said.
"I am fine."
"Bullshit," Alice said.
"Urrggg," Rosalie yelled, banging her fist against the already abused door. "Fine. Won't you come in?" she asked in a sarcastic, overly friendly tone.
Alice and I did a quick victory dance while Rose continued to glare.
Armed with provisions including chocolate ice cream and several different kinds of chips, Alice and I made our way into the apartment, sitting on their small couch.
"SO Rose," Alice said, bright and bubbly again. "How have you been these last couple weeks?"
"Cut the shit Alice," she said as she grabbed three spoons from the kitchen and sat between the two of us. "I have obviously not been myself lately."
"Damn right. You haven't said one bitchy thing to me in weeks," I commented as I dug my spoon into the ice cream carton now sitting in Rose's lap.
"We miss you Rosie-kins," Alice said as she kissed Rosalie temple. For the first time she smiled and it made me smile.
"How is Baby Bobby?" she asked after a few moments of silence while we enjoyed our ice cream.
"What the fuck? How have you even heard that? You have been a hermit for the last month," I said, shocked that this particular Edward-ism had caught on.
"Emmett," she said smiling again. "You know, all I ever want since I was a wee little fucking girl was to be a mom. And it may be pathetic nowadays, but that is what I wanted to be when I grew up. A mom."
Rose's voice took on a new note of earnestness and it was already making my eyes water.
"So I guess before I explain, I should tell you that I am really glad that you are keeping Baby Bobby," she said as she awkwardly patted my shoulder.
As close as we had become in the last year, Rose and I had never been lovely-dovey with each other. We were more about verbally assaulting each other. So this little display of approval caused the tears to roll down my cheeks.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and proceeded to talk to us in an emotionless voice that scared me a little.
"Did you know that I have looked like this since I was about twelve years old?" she asked, gesturing to her curvy body. "And just before we moved here, when I was in 7th grade my babysitters brother, Royce King, noticed."
In horror, Alice and I abandoned our spoons to listen to Rose's story. Shockingly, she remained dry eyed and continued to eat her ice cream. In a quite voice, she told us how he violently forced himself on her, leaving her bloody and broken, totally destroying her insides.
Rosalie couldn't have kids.
"I just, sort of freaked when you told us about the baby. I try not to think about the whole thing so I was just shocked by how much it hurt. I was so jealous of you and Edward. Which was ridiculous, I know. And I was handling it and was a second away from a snappy dig at Bella when Emmett made that comment about our pretty babies," she continued, tearing slightly now.
"Does Emmett know?" I asked.
"He knows about what happened. He doesn't know about the results," she said, shrugging. "I suppose I need to tell him now. And I am sorry for just disappearing like that. I just wanted to sulk on my own for awhile."
"You needed time," Alice said as she rubbed Rose's back. "And you are back now right?"
"Fuck yes," Rose laughed. "And I might not be a mom, but I am going to be one kick ass aunt to Baby Bobby."
I wacked my palm against my forehead and groaned at the ridiculous nickname. Rose and Alice laughed hysterically and we finished off the ice cream. I rested my hand against my stomach and smiled, this kid was going to have one hell of a support system.
~*~*~
EPOV
People were fucking staring, more then usual.
I usually spent my time staring at Bella while she bent over her desk, working away like a busy little worker bee. I should have probably joined her in the perusal of academia, but we had little over a month left till we were done. Plus biology was fuck all easy. But their staring was distracting me from my staring.
And I wasn't really surprised. Bella was due in March and it was late November now.
Accompanying the fucking staring was the fucking whispering.
Bella didn't seem to notice, but she is damn perceptive so it was more likely that she was choosing to ignore them. Most days the two of us were in our own little bubble, but today the goddamn real world kept intruding.
Everyone important in our lives knew about Baby Bobby at this point but I had hoped we could get through our last semester here with out these fucking idiotic high school automatons picking us apart.
Lauren very purposefully looked at me before turning to continue gossiping with Jessica. Her eyes never left mine even when I gave her my best glare, the one that Bella hated.
"You know, Renee used to say that my face would freeze like that whenever I gave her a sour look. I sincerely hope she is wrong for my sake," Bella said from beside me as she continued to complete her stupid Bio busy work.
I tried to mellow my face but I was too fucking pissed at the gossip whores in the corner.
"This is very important to me and I would rather you not ruin it," she said as she grabbed my face and forced me to look at her instead.
I grinned, fucking pleased with myself just like I always was when Bella expressed shit like this.
"I like your face too," I said as I kissed the tip of her nose. "Are you ok?"
"Yes. I am better then ok as long as you are right here. Just ignore them," she said.
"I just don't want you to get hurt Bella, everyone is talking about us."
"I am tough," she laughed. Bella went back to the busy work and I went back to ignoring my busy work to stare at her instead.
Looking at her made it easy to ignore everyone else.
About half way through class, Mike Fucking Newton walked into the room, gave Bella an awkward little wave that she didn't even see, and handed two green slips of paper to Mr. Banner before walking out the way he came.
"Mr. Cullen? Ms. Swan?" he said, glancing up at us from his desk and waving the papers in front of his face. "They want to see you in the front office. Now please."
We gathered our shit and glanced at each other nervously. There was only one fucking thing that would have them summoning us and it involved exactly what everyone else was whispering about.
Goddamn lovely.
I grabbed both papers from Mr. Banner and held the door open for Bella as she subconsciously placed a protective hand over her stomach as she maneuvered out of the class causing a whole new round of whispers to erupt.
I quickly shut the door on them and sighed before grabbing Bella's hand and marching to our collective doom.
"Stop worrying," Bella said, smiling up at me knowing exactly what I was thinking, just like she always did. "It is going to be fine. One more month and we are outta here."
"I just want them to stay the fuck out of our lives," I grumbled.
"I know, but they wont."
Five minutes later, we were seated across from Mr. Kemp, the head guidance consoler and what a waste of space he was.
He started going on and on about our futures and college and all that shit before he finally got down to business. Making Bella far to uncomfortable for my liking, he asked if she was pregnant, expressed his concerns, and blah blah blah.
I finally flipped out a tiny bit and asked him why the fuck this all mattered if we were done with high school in less then a month.
That dumb bastard hadn't gotten that far into reading our files.
We were hustled back to class after fifteen minutes of wasted fucking time and the school was planning on turning a blind eye to teenage pregnancy, happy they wouldn't have to deal with angry parents.
After that day, everyone knew.
Bella was so brave, but I was scared to be away from her being that she was the one thing keeping me from going Rambo because of the nasty shit that was floating around.
I had even heard that the baby was actually Mike fucking Newton's, and that wasn't even the worst of it.
But we stuck together so it was ok.
Though I still got pretty damn freaked about all this baby business, as time went on I was gaining confidence that I could do this, I could be a parent.
How much worse could it be then all this shit?
~*~*~
BPOV
I couldn't sleep.
I was exhausted and sore and uncomfortable and had to pee and Edward wasn't here so I couldn't sleep.
Unable to hold it any longer, I stumbled out of bed before waddling to the bathroom. Again.
It was February now. I was due in 2 months and huge.
I looked at the clock as I slowly made my way back to my appealing purple bed.
1:35. Thank God I didn't work tomorrow. Charlie had begrudgingly agreed to hire me now, training me on the condition that I would be back after the baby was born.
I sighed again and looked to my bedroom window, willing Edward to emerge. He was sneaking in nightly now, mainly because I couldn't sleep without him. Charlie was still being unreasonable on that front.
I was already pregnant, what else could possibly happen?
At least I was allowed to stay at the Cullen's whenever I so chose now. Edward and I split our time between the two houses.
I glanced at my phone, hoping to have heard from him by now. But I didn't want to bother him. He was so busy these days, between the band and work. At least we no longer had to deal with school.
After the tour last summer, Vampire Sunrise was approached by a small, independent label and asked to make an album. Their very first album. I was beside myself with pride but Edward, being Edward, refused at first.
He said that he didn't have time, that he wanted to spend every moment with me getting ready for the baby.
This was a lovely statement, in theory, but spending every moment together involved living together and living together required money, as did the baby.
Charlie was already playing for doctors and other baby stuff as it was.
So he agreed to record the album, needing the small sum it paid in order to be someday finically on our own. With the money from the album, his job at a record store, and mine as an intern for Charlie's company, we hoped to move into our own place sometime in the summer.
But continuing to live with Charlie and Kathleen wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, considering when Kathleen announced that she was also pregnant last Christmas, I thought I going to pass out.
The situation was so fucking creepy.
My daughter, because I was sure she was a she despite Edward's insistence to the contrary, would have an uncle she was older then. At least I thought that was how it worked, the whole thing was so fucking confusing.
And so fucking creepy.
But it turned out to be a blessing because both of us were new at this, we made life easier on each other. We faced this big daunting thing together, even though it was so fucking creepy. Edward said we were friends but I would not go that far.
I bet it was worse for Charlie, having his pregnant daughter and wife living under the same roof but he dealt with the situation remarkably well. Despite the fact that my dad didn't talk to me for a week after we told him, he had been really supportive since, making me feel loved. Esme and Carlisle had been wonderful too. Renee had her predicted freak out and she still hadn't got used to the idea but she was planning on visiting the week I was due in April so that was nice.
Though in reality it was just another thing to stress me out about that whole month.
I closed my eyes again, trying in vain to fall asleep when my window silently slid up. I smiled as the rest of him followed his bronze head. He gracefully straightened and turned to close the window before tiptoeing across the room, making an effort not to wake me.
"Hi," I said, smiling at the sight of him.
"Hey, you are not asleep," he pointed out as he stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed with me.
"Nope, tried though."
"How is Baby Bobby doing tonight?" he asked as he kissed my forehead, hands ghosting over my stomach.
I rolled my eyes.
"Edward, we have discussed this. She is a girl and even if she is a he, we are not naming our child after Bob Dylan."
He just smiled sweetly at me, not bothering to argue. I knew he would continue to refer to the baby as Bob until the birth certificate said otherwise. We probably should have just decided to find out the sex, but this bickering and naming was to fun. I wanted to be surprised.
"How did it go tonight?" I asked, even though his lids were flickering shut.
"Mumm… fine. Sam was an ass. But Sam is always an ass so really just the same as usual. I missed you."
"You saw me this morning," I reminded him as he kissed my cheek this time, staying away from my lips. This mouth-to-mouth avoidance was a sure sigh that he had been drinking and didn't want me to know.
I wasn't born in a box, I knew what happened during the recording process.
"It was too long ago. I love you, you know."
"I know."
"So, so, so, so much."
"I know."
"Sleep now sunshine," he suggested before he started humming my lullaby in my ear.
As snuggled closer to Edward and I felt so happy. I knew that I should be scared and distraught about how my life was turning out, but all I felt there with Edward was joy, contentment, and security.
Mostly I was just in love, with life, with Edward, with this little person inside me that we created together.
I knew I should have had regrets or something, but I wouldn't change a thing because then I wouldn't be right here with Edward, excitedly anticipating the future.
~*~*~
EPOV
I slipped out of Bella's bed that morning, working hard not to wake her. She really needed to be sleeping more, but she could only seem to do it when I was around. And I was so fucking busy these days that I wasn't around a lot.
But I was caught in a fucking pickle. The only way to be around more would be to live off Charlie for the foreseeable future and there was no fucking way that would be happening. I had been living off others my whole goddamn life and now that I had my own, real family, I was going to support it.
Working really cut into my Bella time.
I was at Independent Records by 9:30, ready to open at 10. I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed anything that took me away from Bella I suppose, though I would much rather be in the studio.
I hated the mixed feelings toward the record deal, but I was doing an excellent job being a happy little clam. Bella was happy when I was happy so I was going to fucking be happy.
And part of me really was. The band was doing well, my girlfriend/maybe fiancé was insisting me living my dream, and I was doing what I loved.
But all I really wanted was to be with Bella all the time.
Upon arriving at work it became clear that the not-Jasper manager had overbooked the schedule so I jumped at the opportunity to cut out early and spend the afternoon with Bella.
When I drove to the Swan abode, however, I found it empty. Perhaps she was at Jasper's. I had no idea because she wasn't answering her fucking phone.
It was one of the rare Saturday afternoons where I was actually free. I didn't have band practice for once. The band was taking up so much of my time that I would have fucking quit if we didn't need the money the gigs provided. That and there was no way Bella would let me.
And she wasn't answering her fucking phone.
I lived at a low level of anxiety when I wasn't with my Bella and it was unbearable when I didn't even know where she was, if she as ok.
I moped around my house, trying to take a nap and fucking around with a new song that wasn't really working, but I was too edgy. She still hadn't called me back.
I checked my super secret flask only to find it as empty as Bella's goddamn house.
Muttering curses all the way, I took my bike to Jasper's apartment, bursting in to find my friend dressed only in boxers, suspenders and cowboy boots, hunched over a table.
"Greetings," he said without turning around.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked as I stormed over to the liquor cabinet, pondering for a moment before I settled on my usual whiskey.
"Building a model of an iron side ship used during the Civil War."
What the fuck was it with Jasper and the Civil War? He had gotten Bella hooked on it too and the pair of them were unbearable with their passionate discussions.
Drove me insane.
"Right," I said after taking a pull from my flask. "Have you seen Bella?"
"Nope."
"Do you have any idea where she might be?" I said, searching for a little patients. He still hadn't looked up from his fucking model even though I was now seated directly across from him.
What a fucking stupid way to spend his day off.
"No, but Alice was definitely plotting something last I heard. "
I sighed and flipped out my phone, sending a quick text to Alice asking if she was with my ladylove.
The reply was blessedly quick.
Yes, be at Jazz's in 5.
I relaxed slightly and pocketed my now empty flask, feeling more normal now that I knew she was safe and that I would be seeing her shortly.
"You know this is an activity for gay older gentlemen, right?" I asked Jasper.
"Fuck you. Get a hobby."
"I have a hobby. Several in fact."
"Yea playing guitar and fucking your girlfriend, real original. Now if you will excuse me, I have to focus. This thing is like a goddamn soufflé. No loud noises."
I sighed but kept my mouth shut, completely focused on the front door.
Closer to 7 minutes later it was finally flung open and in stormed, well waddled, Bella, cheeks flaming and fists clenched.
"And where the hell have you been?" I asked, forgetting to not sound pissy.
"Sorry Edward, did my kidnapping by a lunatic midget inconvenience you? I will have to keep you in mind next time I get taken against my will."
I was about to apologize and tell her I missed her but was interrupted by the kidnapper in the flesh.
"I don't get what the big fucking deal. Maybe if you would show a little excitement about getting married like a normal bride to be the sight of wedding dresses wouldn't freak you out!" Alice screamed, causing Jasper to wince as his precious little model shook.
I glanced at my very angry girlfriend/maybe fiancé and anticipated the coming storm. Bella was very touchy about the subject of marriage, wanting to only tackle one this at a time.
Baby Bobby this year, next year marriage. Maybe.
I tired really hard to not be hurt or overanalyze her true reasons for not wanting to marry me. And really, I understood and didn't push her, mainly because she continued to wear the ring I gave her that let the whole world was mine.
Yea that includes you motherfucking Jacob Black.
"Alice, I am not getting married anytime soon so stop fucking tricking me into bridal stores! Don't you think I have enough on my plate with our all that stuff too?"
"But you wouldn't have to do anything! I would plan the whole shebang, you would just have to show up."
"Inside voices please," asked Jasper, instantly calming the room somehow.
"Just stop Alice," Bella said, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. "I wont go anywhere else with you if you don't promise to stop dragging me to bridal stores. And that includes this ridiculous baby shower you have planned for next weekend."
"Fine, fine. I promise. But you are fucking coming to that shower and you will show up on time and in the blue dress we bought today. No arguments."
"Whatever," she said dismissively before she turned to look at me. "What are you doing here? I thought you were at work till 4."
I beckoned her with a wave of my hand and pulled her onto my lap when she got close. Even prego she didn't weigh anything at all.
"There were to many people there today so I got off early. I wanted to spend the afternoon with you. Why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It died, I am sorry if you were worried," she said as she ran her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into the touch. "Just think, when we get our own place I can just leave you a nice little note or something."
I liked the ring of that statement. Our place.
"I have been meaning to speak to you two about that," said Jasper, removing his focused stare from his fucking model for the first time since I arrived.
"Really?" asked Bella, sounding confused. Alice pulled up a chair next to her boyfriend, looking perplexed as well.
"Yea, apparently my neighbor cut out on his lease early. The landlord is looking to fill the place pronto. It is a two bedroom and everything. And rent is reasonable. I mean, I can afford it. And there double of you then me."
My head whipped around to look at Bella who was smiling widely at me.
And that was how we ended up in the front office, signing a lease, half an hour later.
It was really fucking happening, Bella and I were really a family. I tried not to think about the responsibility of it all or I would freak the fuck out and need a really strong drink.
~*~*~
"Ah, this one is real nice," Emmett said as he closed his eyes and crossed his hands behind the back of his head.
"You like them all Emmett," said Alice who was curled into the fetal position in the center of the goddamn giant mattress. "You are really only here as forced labor. And the question is, will Bella like it?"
I flopped down between the two of them and closed my eyes, trying to compare this bed with Bella's bed at Charlie's in my head.
"It is not like I have ever been in bed with Bella before, most unfortunately," he continued. I punched him in the arm without even opening my eyes. "Fuck man, lighten up."
"Mother of my unborn child…"
"Yea ok, play the trump card, ruin all my fun," he said, rubbing his bicep.
"This isn't the one," Alice said, leaping to her feet bringing Emmett and I up with her.
Bella and I were moving in to our place (ah lovely) at the end of the week. I wanted to surprise her with a big new bed. We were getting most of our shit from thrift stores and Esme's basement, but Bella loved to be in bed.
She even did her homework there. Not that she had homework anymore, but still.
I had thought about just moving in her bed from at home, but I knew that she would want a place to sleep there.
It was my apartment-warming gift to her and it had to be perfect.
About 17 thousand more mattresses later and we found our future California king. I winced at the price as the surly cashier swiped my credit card and we maneuvered the huge mattress into the back of Jasper's beat old pickup.
~*~*~
"I am almost afraid to ask," I said as I looked down at Bella slumped on Esme's couch, surrounded by pastel streamers, balloons, and gifts. From the look of the piles strewn about the room, it was good haul. Everything Baby Bobby would ever need we would give him, and this was a good start. Some completely unreasonable part of me wanted to get indignant and refuse to except them but, just like the medical bills Charlie was paying, I knew when I had no goddamn chance of winning. "How did it go?"
"Good, I guess. It was nice to see everyone. I am just so tired, Alice doesn't get that being 7 months pregnant really slows one down. Will you just lie down with me when we get to Charlie's? So I can sleep?"
I kissed her nose and smiled, thrilled to give into her every wish.
"Are you up for swinging by the apartment real quick? I thought we could drop off this first load of Baby Bobby's stuff," I lied, wanting to surprise Bella with her apartment warming gift early.
"I suppose I could handle that."
Moments later I was swept up in the Alice cleaning brigade so it was another half an hour until we were finally dismissed. Loaded down with baby crap, we said our goodbyes as Alice, Rosalie, and Esme who all fawned over us on our way out.
When we got to the car I kissed Bella fervently before I turned on the vehicle, just because I hadn't all day.
When we got to our still mostly empty apartment, it took me about 5 minutes to convince Bella to come up with me rather then sit in the car.
She was tired, luckily there was a big gorgeous bed waiting for her.
"Edward, cant you just dump those in the doorway so we can leave?" she whined, looking adorable.
"I just want to put them in their proper place, come on," I insisted.
"What are you hiding back there Edward Cullen?" she asked, suspicious.
I smiled and walked slowly down the hall to the bedrooms, carefully placing the gifts into the smaller bedroom while Bella wandered toward me.
"Are you up to no good, rockstar?"
I opened the door to our bedroom and motioned for her to enter.
She saw the bed, her eyes got huge, she squealed like Alice, she hugged me quickly, and then ran to the bed, cuddling up in the mass of gold blankets and pillows that Alice had helped me pick out.
"You got me a bed! Ah, this is divine," she said, her husky, pleasure filled voice immediately going right to my crotch while I reminded myself that she was tired. "Come here, my love."
I always did just what she said.
"Welcome home sunshine," I said as she cuddled up to me.
"I love you and I love this bed, if I had my way neither of us would ever leave it."
The next day we moved in fully, spending extra time setting up the nursery, one of three that Baby Bobby would have. It was the first step in the whirlwind of moving and planning and doctors appointments and breathing classes and playing music that would eat up all our time before the baby came.
In the next two months, we continued to get ready. Alice and Esme and Rosalie and Kathleen and even Bella seemed pretty goddamn on top of shit, but I didn't think an amount of getting ready would prepare me for this huge life-changing thing.
But at least Bella was happy, that was all I really wanted even if we couldn't be together nearly as much as I wanted.
And then the much anticipated day arrived.
As we made our way to the hospital, pre-prepared overnight bag in hand, Bella was a lot more collected then me, instructing me to call her father and mine, trusting them to start the phone tree that later caused the masses to set up camp in the waiting room.
And then, holy fuck, when we got there, it was hours of huffing and puffing and crying and screaming. Bella, as usual, was a trooper but her seeing in so much pain hurt me in unimaginable ways.
But then it was all worth it because they were putting a screaming little baby girl in Bella's arms and there was so much love in that little room. So there was more crying and expressions of love and Bella wanting to name our little girl Vanessa after my grandma Mimi.
And then they were putting the little bundle in my arms. Totally in aw of this new breed of love I felt for this little thing that I didn't even know existed, my brain started doing strange things. I tensed up, worried that I would drop this little thing that I loved so much more then I even knew was possible while I tried to remember what you were supposed to do at a time like this, something about goddamn counting toes and fingers I thought.
I wanted to do everything for this little girl. I was going to stop smoking pot and cut back on the alcohol so I would be a better person for her. I was going to be around for every waking and sleeping moment as she grew up. I wanted to be her father, her role model and her hero. I wanted her to feel loved and wanted in a way I never did.
I glanced down at Bella, looking red and sweaty and absolutely mind bogglingly beautiful, seeing everything I felt in that moment reflected in her eyes.
It was the moment that started everything.