But autumn came,
She disappeared...
A Perfect Sonnet, by Bright Eyes.
:::::
They were laying in the bent grass beneath the tree, breathing heavily, holding hands but not otherwise touching. It was glorious to be this naked outside, in the late August air, feeling like they were the only two people in the world.
Severus had been celibate for years, only occasionally finding a discreet women to take to the Leaky Cauldron for a few weeks before she tired of him. But it hadn't ever been like this, slow and filled with sunshine. He felt so peaceful, so happy-
You can't risk happy, that voice whispered in his head.
He sat bolt upright, and Hermione followed suit, looking around quickly.
"Is someone coming?" she asked, a laughing lilt to her voice, peering over the tall grass and pulling her knees to her chest.
He stood, pulling his boxers on and locating his shoes. She stood as well, wrapping her sheet around herself again.
"Severus?" she asked, looking at him, a worried undertone to the voice. He shoved his shoes on, and shook his head to clear his thoughts. All he wanted to do was lie back down in the grass and stay there forever, until it was winter and they were shivering, covered in snow but still holding one another.
He handed her the slippers she had been wearing, and she warily put them on, the sheet drooping down so low in the back that when she bent over he could see the way her lower back curved in and then flared out again-
Satisfied that they hadn't left anything in the clearing, not that there was much to leave, he began walking quickly back toward his house.
"Severus!" she exclaimed, running to catch him and grabbing his elbow. He spun to face her, realizing he looked absurd in his shoes and boxers, his hair messy and his flushed from the sex and his frustration.
"What's wrong?" she asked, biting her lip. His hand reached involuntarily to it, his middle finger tracing the lower edge of it before he realized what he was doing and snatched his hand back, forcing himself to keep his arms at his sides.
"What did I do?" she whispered this time, holding the sheet even tighter to herself.
"Nothing," he barked. "This was just a mistake. I can't believe I let myself- this was a mistake," he finished lamely.
"Severus," she whispered. "I want this. I want you. Please," she said, her hand finding its way to his chest, running along one of his thick, ropy scars. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the sun and the sounds of the outside and the small hand that was bracing itself over his heart. He took a large step back.
"Please, Hermione," he snapped. "Get a hold of yourself." The wetness that filled her eyes almost broke him, and he was dying to pull her closer and apologize and bring her back home with him, but he turned and began walking toward the house again.
"This was all a mistake. I don't want anything to do with you," he flung over his shoulder. He heard her following him, and when they were inside he shut the door firmly behind them, keeping a safe distance from her and avoiding her eyes. She walked slowly to the bedroom, and didn't bother shutting the door as she pulled on her dress. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, and by the time she came back he was pouring himself a large glass of Firewhiskey.
"Severus, I see the way you look at me. Why are you doing this?" she said, sounding far more certain of herself than she felt.
He looked at her, still wearing nothing but his underwear.
"Leave."
Her mouth hung slightly open, her brows furrowed, trying to understand what was happening, because it felt awful. And Severus was already dying to touch her again, standing there barefoot in her wrinkled dress from last night. Making her sad was killing him. But it was better than the alternative.
She turned to go, slipping her shoes on, but when she reached the door, she turned back to him.
"Severus... I want this. I want you." He began to snap something at her, but she held up her hand, effectively silencing him. He managed to arch an eyebrow, but he was sure it just looked weak and out of place in this room, with her.
"I do. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. I'm living in Rockshire, in Ireland. In a white house with blue shutters and roses out front." Her eyes teared, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "Please come find me when you decide what you want."
And then she was gone.