A/N: So sorry updates are far between! End of the year is unbelievably hectic . . . I hope this makes up for it!
The return trip to New York passed quickly, the atmosphere significantly more relaxed. Shadow and Sylar talked freely, occasionally integrating sarcastic comments toward each other – playfully, of course. Sylar touched Shadow more than usual, holding her hand and stroking her cheek as he drove, evidence of their newfound closeness.
A tension hung in the air as well. Not uncomfortably, but it was there. The words neither of them were willing to express. Sylar because he was largely in denial (go figure), and Shadow because she was scared. She purposely refrained from forming permanent connections; everyone who got close to her eventually ended up hurt. Saying the words she longed to speak would cement that bond, and she wasn't willing to risk that.
The palpable tension shifted once they reached the apartment. The instant the door closed behind them, Shadow whirled to Sylar and fervently sought his mouth. Sylar reciprocated the kiss, feeding back on the girl. This encounter felt different than others previously shared, at least to Shadow: less about the desperation of physical solace, and more of a passionate joining of two people specifically wanting the other.
Shadow's head spun. Sylar's kisses were infinitely urgent, his touch fire on her skin. Clothes fell to the floor haphazardly, a winding trail leading to the bed. They fell to the sheets together, unwilling to separate even for a moment.
Sylar kissed Shadow deeply, exploring the deepest crevices of her mouth, and when she could hardly catch her breath he moved on to the bare flesh of her body. His lips fluttered over her skin, tongue darting out to taste the flavor; he nipped gently down the column of her neck, across her shoulder. She melted in his arms, a being of sensation and pleasure. He bit down on delicate flesh; she clawed gouges in his back that healed immediately, but neither stifled the moans drawn from their throats.
Shadow knew that tonight was special, different from the rest. When Sylar coaxed a scream from her depths, she shattered in a million brilliant, shimmering pieces for him to see.
Afterwards, they lay with limbs entangled, still breathing erratically, slowly floating down from an idyllic haze of bliss. Shadow rested her head on his breastbone and planted light kisses on his chest.
"Good sex," Shadow commented casually.
Sylar nodded his agreement, stoking her hair away from her face.
"We should really have a fight soon," she said mischievously.
He looked down, startled. "What?"
Shadow grinned. "Well, if that was good sex, then we ought to try angry sex and make-up sex. Apparently those are the best, hm? Both require a fight." She dug her nails into his side a bit to prove her point.
Sylar spoke slowly. "I'm not so sure you'd like angry sex with me, Shadow." She glanced up at him quizzically. "I think I'd . . . lose myself."
"Ah," Shadow replied, musing. "And that wouldn't exactly fit in with the whole I-can't-stand-to-see-you-hurt-or-dead revelation you had today, would it?" She nuzzled against him. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Not killing me. I mean," she rolled her eyes, "I know I offered it willingly and I was prepared and all that jazz, but it's death. Doesn't seem all that great." A secret smirk curved her lips. "Drugs, though . . . I could use some of those once in a while."
Sylar tilted her chin up with his mind so that she looked at him. "Why's that?"
"My four S's of happiness." He raised a dark eyebrow. Shadow grinned. "Sun, sand, surf, and Sylar. You wouldn't believe how loopy anesthesia makes me."
"I would love to ask, but I doubt I'd understand."
"You'd like to. It's what you do."
He shrugged. "Your hallucinations under the effects of anesthesia are slightly trivial in lieu of more intriguing facts."
Now Shadow quirked an eyebrow. "Such as?"
Sylar smirked. "Such as, I know you love it when I kiss you," he ducked his head, ghosting his lips over the curve of her ear, "there."
Shadow shivered deliciously. "Point taken."
They lay silently for a while, listening to each other breathe in the dark. Sylar spoke suddenly.
"You're welcome."
"Hm?" Shadow mumbled sleepily.
"For not killing you. I thought I could, and then I couldn't and so . . . I didn't."
"You're rambling," she muttered.
"Yes." He kissed the top of her head. "Sleep, Shadow."
"Mmkay."
Shadow's breathing deepened and her body relaxed completely against Sylar's. He liked watching her sleep. So unaware of her surroundings, safe from a world that would never understand how special she was, how wonderful her ability was. He never quite saw himself in the role of protector, but the compulsion to keep her safe seemed strong. Not undesired, but unfamiliar.
Shadow muttered in her sleep. Sylar smiled, a rare occurrence. She didn't know that she talked in her sleep. It was cute.
"Gabriel . . ." she slurred. Sylar sighed softly. She did say his name often. Sometimes it was 'Sylar' and sometimes 'Gabriel.'
"I mumble mumble mumble," she whispered incoherently. Even his enhanced hearing couldn't pick up her words. Her brain wasn't processing the thought correctly and it sounded like rubbish on her tongue.
"You what?" Sylar whispered. "Shadow, Shadow." He spoke to her when she talked, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. It amused him, somehow.
Shadow murmured again, and this time her words slipped out clearly; they hung in the air, almost visible. She said it again.
Sylar froze.
* * * * * *
Shadow wakened slowly the next morning, her body feeling the aches and bruises from Sylar's handiwork. She smirked into the pillow. Oh, he does do good work, doesn't he?
She lifted her head and gazed around the room, painted dim gold by the morning sun. The tangled sheets saddened her, but only because Shadow loved waking up next to her lover more than anything. Inhaling his scent on the pillow next to hers, she tilted her head, listening for the running shower.
Silence greeted her.
Shadow sat up abruptly. No. She swung her legs to the floor, cold against the soles of her feet. Naked, she nearly ran across the living room to the hall and stuck her head into the bathroom.
Spotless. The countertop, which had recently held a jumbled assortment of toothpaste and toothbrushes, men's shaving cream and razors, had been cleaned. It was bare. Only her own toothbrush in its neat little holder sat on the vanity.
The panic was rising little by little, but it was suffocating. She backed out of the bathroom slowly, shaking her head.
No.
She walked back out into the living room. His few pairs of jeans, usually strewn about the floor, had been picked up. His shirts, thrown over the back of the couch, were gone.
No.
Her clothes that had been dropped to the floor before their rendezvous last night were neatly folded at the kitchen table. The table which had been cluttered by dishes, set for two, now placed in their respective cupboards. Exactly like the day before she had brought him home.
No.
Shadow numbly walked to the table, to her clothes. The panic was a powerful, fearsome thing now. She picked her shirt up, stared at it, and dropped it to the floor. She paused. A scrap of paper had been left between the shirt and her jeans. Her eyes read the words unwillingly.
I'm sorry.
No.
Shadow didn't realize she had said the word aloud until she was screaming it to her empty apartment. It echoed in her mind and in the air.
No, no, no, no, no . . .
"No, no, no, no, no!"
She collapsed to the floor, unable to stand any longer, sobbing as though her heart was breaking. Because it was. Shattering in a million shimmering pieces, scattered on the floor for her to see. And she sobbed and screamed, because no pain could possibly be worse than this.
* * * * * *
Two weeks later, Shadow missed her period.
No . . .
A/N: Ah! Please, more than ever, your reviews are vastly important to me! Give me feedback – am I being too predictable? Too evil? Well, I can't really change that last one, but let me know in any case. More is coming, because I know you all want the questions answered. You'll find out, believe me. Just stick around and review!
By the way, I'm almost done with school, so hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently. Infinite thanks for the patience of my faithful readers!