Here's the new chapter! Sorry for the wait (I've been sick). I HOPE YOU ENJOY!

13: I Will Shatter

I loved being with Jack, especially when it was just the two of us. I tried to remember what it felt like when he first fell into my life, whether or not I was frightened, whether or not I was immediately infatuated with him or it grew over time. I could never really remember correctly. The past had blurred with the present and all I knew was that I loved him; that I was supposed to be next to him. His quiet demeanor of the past few days worried me. He hadn't been verbose throughout our whole life together, but there was something about this silence that brought emptiness to my heart. I wanted to talk to him about it, but then I would have to admit something was wrong. Was it the new presence in our company, the two policemen who were desperately trying to save the city? That would have had to be it. Even if I did find the nerve to ask what was wrong he wouldn't tell me. That was the thing about Jack, as much as and as deeply as I loved him there would always be a wall between us. When JJ was born it wasn't as noticeable in some ways, but in others it was a flashing neon sign. You are not welcome. Before I had JJ to keep the thought away, and my parents and Camille. And after that I had Drew and the quest to save him. Then there was the honeymoon, wrapped up in another quest. Now the quest wasn't enough. Now the company of others only exacerbated the issue. When we married, our own little secret marriage, I thought I could handle it. I thought that maybe, just maybe over time the wall would become a fence I could at least peek through. Then maybe after more time and more proving my love that fence might spring a gate, or dissolve into a small curb. That was the optimist in me, and she was almost always wrong.

Don't misunderstand; I love Jack more than myself. I always will, and nothing will change that. But everyone breaks. I wasn't going to leave him, because I never would. It is just I spent years scaling this mountain of a wall, trying to get in. I ran at it headfirst in futile attempts to break it down, even just a bit, just a sliver of progress. But it was always there. Occasionally it would appear to have vanished, but alas it was a trick of the eye. Another contusion. You can only beat yourself against an impenetrable barrier for so long. If I tried again I was sure to shatter. I had no choice but to stop the attempt. I would have to live with loving someone who I only saw glimpses of. Those glimpses would have to be enough.

It was because of this that I began to talk to our new housemates more. I got to know more about Gordon in a day than I knew about my love after years of effort. I couldn't help but respect him in everyway. When he spoke of his family I could see the loneliness on his face. He had it, at one point. The thing I wanted so badly. I wondered if it was better to have lost it, or never even get close. I couldn't ask him though. I couldn't tell him of my marital problems, no one could know. After all, there were no problems. John was particularly nice to have around. We had this ease when we interacted. He would tell me stories about his life and I would listen intently, we would laugh at things Gordon didn't find funny. In many ways we were both part of the same person. I felt guilty about feeling this, but it was the truth. Where Jack was boundaries and blow-ups, John was open and light-hearted. But that didn't change anything.

Before long we had a plan, there were ways to track which car held the bomb, which meant we might be able to disarm it. The first step was to find Lucious Fox, my old boss.

"He's not dead?" I let out in relief.

"No, but the trick will be getting him out of his hiding spot."

"Can you two take care of it?" I hoped they would. I wasn't feeling up for a rescue mission that had no blood in it.

"Sure, we will go tomorrow."

"Alright, just be careful to not be traced back here."

It was decided. What they didn't know was that I would be doing my own mission tomorrow. A little thing called "The Siren's Revenge," so named because I was going to pay back Bane's number two for hitting me with the knife. I hoped that I would be lucky enough for him to be an easy enough kill to take care of in just an afternoon, but I knew that it might not be the case. I decided to tell Jack about my plan that night before we went to sleep.

"I'm going to kill the man who hurt me soon." I said as I rolled over to place my head on Jack's chest.

"How soon is soon?" Again, disinterested.

"Hopefully tomorrow."

"Great." Sarcastic. Sarcasm now? I couldn't compose myself any longer.

"Do you want to just go? Or what?" I sat up to look him in the face. "I mean, I am sure I can make it out alive after I am done here. You don't have to stay."

"And leave you here with him?"

"What?"

"Your new best friend, Officer Blake." Mocking tone too?

"Why do you say that?" I knew exactly why, but I wanted to hear it. He just scoffed. "I am sorry I talk to him. It's just nice to actually talk about things for a change. He doesn't go throwing his guard up constantly."

"And I do?"

"How can you even ask that? Of course you do. I barely know anything about you."

"Then why am I even here." There they were. Those words. The background music to my spirit shattering against his barricade.

"I don't know, why are you?" My rage was swift to take over for my sadness, for she was worn from the days of staying strong.

"Fine. I guess I will go then." Here is that moment; the one in the movies where you beg the character to say 'wait, don't go.' He got up and began to get dressed. I was not going to be one of them. I would not lie down beside those stupid girls and boys who didn't just admit they cared.

"Don't," I said as I walked over to him.

"Why not? You don't even know me, right?"

I stared into his eyes and thought. I thought about what I felt when I looked into those eyes. "I know enough to know it's worth it." He stopped changing his clothes but just stood there. "I understand that you don't want to let me in, and that's fine. Just when you get back to him, let him in." He sat down on the bed, and I sat beside him, both of us staring at the wall of pictures from a different family. A happy family.

"I have tried…" he started.

"I know." Silence.

"It's not that I don't want you to…"

"I know, it's fine." It wasn't fine, but it was enough.

"Did I ever tell you what my brother was like?"

"No."

"My brother James, who gave me these," he motioned to his scars, "He had sociopathic tendencies…"