Never Let Me Go

Chapter 13

(I don't own X-Men)

(Kitty's POV)

…

"Okay Kitty let's see if we can get you standing today" Jean said enthusiastically as she comes over to my side of the bed, they had to take me back into surgery a day after I woke up to fix my leg, placing pins and metals screw in place to help it heal properly. I'd been awake for about two weeks and had only had the strength to try and stand up with Jean's support of times. Both of which resulted in me almost face planting. Hey you try standing on top of a broken leg after just having two major surgeries and see how you go!

I groaned as she helped me stand on my good leg, Bobby waiting nearby in case I fell again. Did I mention that both times he'd caught me, saving me from causing further damage? He was pretty involved in my recovery, making sure I took my pills and telling them exactly how much I'd been eating, if I was in any pain. But other than talking about my health we barely talked about what happened.

I thought back what he said when I was in a coma, was he regretting saying it? Did he mean it? Maybe now that he saw how damaged I was he didn't want me anymore. Maybe he realised Marie was the better option.

The incision site from where they had removed the damaged part of my lung throbbed painfully as I straightened up, my broken ribs screaming in pain. I clenched onto Jean's hand with my good, non-broken one as she helped me over to the wheelchair. Once I was sitting inside I collapsed into the chair, exhausted by the little movement.

I hated this! I hated being tired out by everything! I hated that I would suddenly get tired and fall asleep in the middle of conversations now from the brain surgery and the medication! I hated that sometimes it was hard for me to form words, my tongue getting tied as my brain tried to figure it out.

I hated the bald patch of hair on the left side of my head where they had to drill into my skull, Storm and some of the students had brought me some colourful beanies and I was grateful but I still knew it was there. I wanted to go to my room! I wanted to sleep in my own bed and take comfort in my books and drawings.

"You did great Kitty! You making such good progress" she said with a smile, grabbing a blanket and settling it over my legs so I wouldn't get cold "Hank has given me permission to take you outside today, we both agreed the fresh air would do you good"

I give her a half smile and allow her to wheel me outside, we go past the fountain and I shudder, the memory of what I saw during my coma still fresh in my mind. Maybe that was why he wouldn't talk to me.

I watch as some birds fly across the sky and feel envious of their ability to fly away, what I wouldn't give to be able to just get away from all of this. I can see a few students gasp at the sight of me and self-consciously pull down the sleeve of my shirt, covering up the ugly scar marring my arm.

Jean seems to sense my unease and wheels me into a quieter part of the outside grounds, there are trees planted and I can see from across the pond a large line of scorched land and the remains of a large tree.

"I used to hang out around here when I was younger, a lot of people avoided me because of my powers" she says wheeling me in front of the pond "Scott split a tree in half his first day here, instead of expelling him Charles told him he was enrolled. The ground never really healed" she says pointing at the streak of scorched land and grass.

"I know that something is bothering you Kitty, I can sense it. Of course after what you went through no one is expecting you to be okay straight away but I want you to know that you can talk to me. Bottling your feelings up inside isn't healthy"

I fidget with the edge of my sleeve, looking out at the water and refusing to look Jean in the eye "When I… when I was in the coma, I-I saw my parents"

"You saw memories?"

"No not memories… they talked to me… I could see myself in the coma like I was a ghost or something. Anyway they told me I was dying….. and that I had a choice to make. To stay here and live….. or go with them and die"

"And you chose life" she says nodding

"I was so confused at first, I mean these were my parents! How could I not choose them? But then I thought about all of you"

"And Bobby" she must have known judging by the smile she was sporting

I blush and nod "And Bobby. So how could I just leave you all behind? But then…... I saw him kissing Marie and I don't know what happened. My body started dying and my parents told me I had to make a choice. Bobby told me he loved me and I decided to stay but now…." I trailed off my eyes stinging and guilt eating at me.

"Now you think you might have made the wrong choice"

I nod and break down, crying into my hands. She comes up beside me and wrap her arms around me, hugging me from the side "Oh Kitty I think that's a perfectly normal thought to have"

"No it's not, my parents are dead and I'm still here and now I'm wishing I wasn't anymore, I feel like I'm being ungrateful or insulting their memory of something. Because not everyone gets a second chance and I'm wasting mine" I cry

"Shhh Kitty it's going to be okay"

"Stop telling me it's going to be okay! None of this is okay! Look at me! Look at my arm! I can't sleep, I feel like I can't breathe. I'm never going to be okay again!" I shout, tears violently streaming down my face.

She comes around to the front of my chair and grasps my face "Kitty look at me. Look at me okay" when I look up she continues "What you went through was…. Words can't describe it. But you survived it and you came back because you are strong and you will make it through this because you are strong. You want to honour your parents? Then fight, live the way they would have wanted you to"

She sits with me and holds me as I cry for what happened for the first time since I woke up.

…...