Cracks

SHIELD was the foremost peacekeeping organization in the world, but their cafeteria food still tasted like shit. This was a fact that Melinda had found out repeatedly over the years, which was why she preferred to do her own cooking. Today, she wasn't in the mood, so cafeteria slop was on the menu.

She leaned on her elbow and played over her food. The others were with her, carrying on casual conversation, but she paid them no mind. Well, she normally didn't pay their casual conversations any mind, but today, she especially didn't. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see either Fitz or Simmons looking at her. Every time she looked their way, they would quickly look away. They were smart, but made for shitty spies.

"Is there a problem, Fitz?" she asked she caught him looking for the fourth time.

He stammered through five replies at once, as only he could, before settling on one. "I-I was just making sure that you're okay. You don't seem… uh, yourself."

She just stared at him for a lengthy minute. She could see the sweat forming in the pores within his forehead. She wanted to bite his head off for such a stupid question. Gee Fitz, a guy I'm not in love with is in the hospital because of me and I'm worried sick about him, but other than that, I'm just fucking peachy. "I'm fine," she finally answered laconically. She got up, threw her tray away and then walked out of the cafeteria without another word to any of them.

It was really starting to annoy her that the others felt the need to inquire about her well-being. First Coulson, then Fitz. It should have been fucking obvious what her deal was; Ward is laid up in a hospital bed, unconscious. She wasn't so heartless that she wouldn't be concerned about that, at the very least. Did they all think so little of her as May and so much of the machine that was the Cavalry?

Fitz and Simmons, she could kind of understand. Stories about the Cavalry and her utter lack emotion were more diverse and rampant at the Academy than stories of Black Widow and her being more than willing to inflict severe bodily harm for so much as giving her a hug. She didn't like it, but she wouldn't castrate someone.

It hurt to think that the others didn't know her well enough to assume that she was worried about her lover… teammate. Teammate. She was worried about her teammate. She did not have feelings for Grant Ward. They were bedmates, and nothing more.

"Agent May."

Melinda turned and saw Victoria Hand walking toward her. Finally, someone who was all business. "Agent Hand."

When they met, they shook hands, and then Victoria gestured for her to follow. With Hand, she'd be able to concentrate on something other than Grant. "I understand that you and a teammate were taken captive by AIM for a short while."

Goddammit. She sighed and nodded. "That's right. When Agent Ward and I attempted to apprehend Dr. Rappaccini alone."

"Rappaccini alone warrants an entire strike team to apprehend. It's a wonder you two got out with only the injuries you did." She wasn't exactly sure how to take that. It sounded like a backhanded insult, but then, everything sounded like a backhanded insult to her at the time. "She's extremely dangerous, as you well know. More than you know, actually. With AIM's scientific resources, there isn't a toxin in the world that she can't amplify. The mercury in Ward's chest? Simmons said that it was three times more potent than normal mercury could ever be. He should be dead several times over."

A cold sense of dread washed over here, nearly making her knees buckle. She had come with scant millimeters of losing her lov- teammate. Teammate. She swallowed thickly and cleared her throat. "We got lucky," she replied tersely. It was all she could muster.

"Indeed. It would be best if your entire team was combat capable. Six, including Barton, should be enough to combat her and whatever henchmen she has with her."

There she went again. "Simmons, Fitz and Skye aren't combat ready, yet. But they are more than capable of aiding our endeavors in other ways."

"If that were the case, then Agent Ward wouldn't be in the condition he's in now," she countered.

"If it wasn't for Simmons and Fitz, he wouldn't be in the condition he's in now," she retorted. She didn't have the heart to finish it with a 'he'd be dead', but she trusted that Hand was intelligent enough to figure it out.

Seemed like she did. "Hm." She lead her to a glass door and swiped her identification card to open it. "Coulson called me right after Ward was saved and told me what happened. We've been looking for Rappaccini ever since, although our search hasn't bore any fruit yet. When it does, I'd like your team to go after her."

Melinda's jaw clenched tightly. Just thinking about wrapping her hands around Rappaccini's neck and slowly strangling the life out of her was enough to make her skin crawl with anticipation.

"Just wanted to let you know now, just in case you weren't feeling up for –"

"I'm in." There was absolutely no way that she was letting that bitch get away with what she did.

"I'd prefer if you didn't kill her," she said as she walked inside a room with multiple people behind computers, and a massive screen on the far wall with several yellow dots marked on a world map. "As you can see, we still need her."

She smirked. She didn't say a word about permanently crippling her.

"We're doing a face trace as we speak, though it's time consuming, considering the amount of real estate we have to sift through. Plus, we have to split our focus on finding the atmospheric inundators before they can be set into place. I've already alerted the mayors of all the major world cities, but I'm afraid that it may be too late."

"It isn't, but if anyone knows, it's Rappaccini. Find her, and she'll lead us right to them."

"You're so sure?" Hand half commented, half inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"I plan on interrogating her when she's in our custody. I'll have her singing within minutes." She planned on having her do more than sing. Shiver with fear, cry, and beg for mercy were tops on the list of things she wanted her to do. She may not have been able to kill her like she wanted, but she sure as shit was going to make her life a living hell for those few moments. A hell that she would never, ever forget. "Let me know when you find her."

Victoria eyed her carefully. "Of course."

Hours passed and Melinda wondered aimlessly through the Hub. She visited the various labs that she had high enough clearance to enter, and poked around for a bit to are what the Sci-Tech grads were working on. Predictably, she found Fitzsimmons and Skye in one of the labs, messing around with some of the confiscated AIM tech. The former two eyed her warily, while Skye just eyed her and then smiled. Melinda sighed and nodded back before leaving.

While it would have been good to spend time with her team, to rally with them, she quickly found that she had no desire to be around any of them, save Phil. It wasn't right, considering that what Hand said about that mercury put into a new light what Simmons had done; but it was how she felt. She only wanted to talk to Grant. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she appreciated him for what he did. She wanted to kiss him all over and tell him that she loved him too dearly for him to die.

Wait, no, that wasn't right. She did nothave feelings for Grant Ward. I swear I don't. He's a fuck buddy. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't love him. I don't.

She found a secluded area to prepare for Tai Chi. It was getting to be too much to handle on her own. She took off her vest and shirt, leaving her in just her sports bra. Breathe in… breathe out. She closed her eyes. "God, Melinda, you're so tight!" Her eyes shot open as an involuntary blush swept across her cheeks, "Get out of my fucking head," she grumbled darkly.

"Sorry, just can't help it. All those fantasies you have about me are just too compelling to stop." For a brief second, she thought was Grant. She was elated beyond words. But then, her mind processed the voice and her spirit was crushed with disappointment. She clenched her fists tightly and whirled around to level a dark glare on Hawkeye. "Whoa," he said, putting his hands up in defeat, "just a joke. Calm down. Though that blush makes me think you aren't exactly angry." He smirked.

"What the fuck do you want?" His smirk soured about bit. "Sorry. I just… have a lot on my mind."

"Ward?" he guessed.

She faltered, and then nodded. "He took a bullet for me, and now he's paying my tab."

He nodded knowingly. "That's not all, is it?" She looked at him strangely. He couldn't possibly have known, could he? "I know what it's like to live in denial of your own feelings. To delude yourself and lie to yourself and everyone else. I've been there before. Trust me, what you're going through right now… it's only going to get worse with each passing day. The longer you keep it bottled up inside, the angrier and more on edge you'll get. Until you snap, and do something so wholly out of character that it all comes crashing down the painful way. I can see that that's where this is headed from miles away."

She couldn't possibly be deluding herself, because there was nothing to delude herself from. "I don't love him, if that's what you're implying." Her heart skipped a beat.

"I never said you did. But keep it up, and you'll learn the hard way. Or admit it and save yourself the heartache."

She stared him in his cloudy blue eyes. "Admit what? And to who? I can't delude myself from nothing."

He shook his head and took a wary step forward. "When I admitted my love for Tasha to Coulson years ago, I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The same can happen for you."

"There's nothing for me to admit to you or anyone else, other than you're really pissing me off."

He was undeterred. Years of working with the Black Widow at work. "There's obviously something between you and Grant."

"No, there isn't," she answered quickly. Too quickly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Coulson said that he saw you sleeping in his room, holding his hand while you slept. Fingers interlaced."

"So what? I gave him my reasons for that." They were sound, right?

"And we both agree that they were the biggest pieces of bullshit we had ever heard. We've worked with Stark, so we know bullshit when we hear it."

She was seething with anger. Not because he was confronting her about her supposed 'love for Ward', but because he was so calm and so fucking right. She leveled her most intense glare, the one that could make Fury step back. Barton did as well, to her satisfaction.

Poor Skye. She just approached at the wrong time. "Um, May?"

"What the fuck do you want?!" she snarled.

Skye jumped. Clint frowned and folded his arms over his chest. "I… they found her."

And then, all of a sudden, she calmed. She bent down to retrieve her shirt and vest, and then wordlessly walked away without so much as a first glance toward either of them. If Skye thought she was scary right then, and she most certainly did, all she had to do was wait and then be present when Melinda found Rappaccini. Then, she would learn just how scary the Cavalry really was.

A/N: I'll be posting an M rated MayWard story later on today, so look out for that.