Cough. Yeah...so.....I'M SORRY! I know. It's been ages since an update! But I've been on holiday! And, I was in a tent so-
The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: It was a hotel.
Me: But it didn't have internet access!
The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: Yes it did.
Me: Well....Well I was too busy anyway! I had a summer romance with the hot pool lifeguard! *winks*
The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: I would hardly call "sitting by the pool and flipping your hair everytime the lifeguard looks at you so that he consequently thinks you're retarded" a 'summer romance'
Me: *hits 'The Annoying Voice Inside My Head' over head with stick* Enjoy the chapter, sorry about the wait! *mutters* The lifeguard was SO into me.....
Previously....
I started to walk towards the house but before I could go any further, something yanked me back.
I assumed it was a branch until I felt warm breath fan across the back of my neck and a velvet voice whispering into my ear.
"Isabella..." my full name was pronounced carefully, strung out into syllables by the seductive voice. "You are so dead."
Before I could respond with one of the witty one liners I'd come up with on the way over here, Edward yanked on the back of my jacket (just about strangling me in the process. Thanks for that one, Eddie.) and pulled me into the clump of trees about a 50 metres away from his house.
"What are you doing?" I demanded, stumbling over....air. Oh the joys of being uncoordinated....
He responded in a surprisingly calm voice. "I can't murder you with so many witnesses around, now can I?"
It sounded reasonable enough.
He let go of me and turned around. His face was flushed red with fury and as soon as his hands were no longer busy, one curled into an tight fist and the other reached up so he could pinch the bridge of his nose; Edward's reflex 'stress' reaction.
"So....." I said, breaking the short but awkward pause. "enjoying the party?"
Apparently he wasn't in the mood for small talk this evening.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, BELLA?" Edward exploded, all calmness gone. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"
I blinked innocently. "Whatever are you talking about?"
Yes! I am Bella Swan, I admit NOTHING!
"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE THIS" he gestured to his front porch where a group of teenagers were having a peeing contest. "HAPPEN!"
"I'm merely an innocent party goer." I insisted, holding in the evil laugh that was threatening to escape me, a result of seeing Edward so wound up.
"Oh don't give me that." he spat. "I know exactly what you did! I could sue if I wanted to you know!"
I rolled my eyes. "You are such a drama queen! It's just a party Edward!It's supposed to be fun!"
"Oh yeah, because you fully intended for this to be a blast for me, didn't you?"
I folded my arms and glared at the pine cone hanging above his head. "I don't know why you keep bringing me into this, Cullen. As I said before, I am an innocen-"
"I borrowed Emmett's phone and tracked the location of where the texts where sent from." he said smugly.
Technology has foiled my plans once again. CURSE YOU GPS!
"I was set up!" I blurted out desperately. "A random....person...came to my house and...uh...they had your phone and they...um....sent the text from there?"
Why he didn't believe that one, I may never know.
"You have some nerve." he hissed. "I can't believe you would-"
"Oh shut the hell up." I yelled, exasperated.
"No I will not!" I shouted right back at me. "You have NO IDEA what I've been through since you pressed send on that group text! This 'party' is the worst...the second worst thing that has EVER happened to me!"
I rolled my eyes. "It can't be- wait, only the second worst thing? What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"
"You breaking up with m- NEVER MIND!"
I shook my head, trying to forget what he might have just been about to say. "You're exaggerating and you know it. It can't be that bad inside."
"There are party crashers!"
"Every party has one or two...." I lied.
"Try seventy!"
Oooo, that was bad.
I kept my expression smooth. "So there's a few crashers. No big deal...."
"They also set my couch on fire."
I tried to pass off the sharp intake of breath that escaped me as a sigh."Did anyone get hurt?"
"No, I put it out with a fire extinguisher before it got out of hand." he muttered.
I beamed. "See? No proble- wait, you own a fire extinguisher?"
"It belonged to one of the crashers."
How perfectly normal.
"I see....Well." I shrugged happily. "Alls well that ends well."
"No it is NOT!" Edward yelled. "That's only the start of the terrible things I've had to endure!"
I sighed, waiting.
"Eric Yorkie is stoned."
"WHAT?!"
Edward nodded, looking happy that he'd finally got my attention. "Yeah, someone's dealing inside."
My mouth was gaping open, so I quickly snapped it shut and struggled to still appear at ease, even though the idea of Eric stoned was just...wow. "Make sure you get a cut of the drug money then."
"BELLA!"
I simply smiled sweetly back at him.
"Look," he seemed to regain control and stepped closer to me. My breath caught in my throat. "I'll make you a deal....."
"No d-deals." I stuttered, distracted by the closing distance between us.
He ignored me. "I promise not to kill you or tell on you, if you help me get everyone out of my house before my parents get back."
He promised not to tell on me? Did I look like I was in kindergarten? Then again..... "Fine. But you also add two points to my score" I blurted out. Wait where did that come from?
He raised an eyebrow. "What score?"
"You know...." I blushed, knowing how ridiculous this was going to sound. "Edward: 5, Bella: 3. If you add two points to my score we'll be even."
He simply stared at me. Then after a second he blinked and said, "Fine. Two points. Edward: 5, Bella: 5. We're even, just like you said."
I smirked, proud for some strange reason I couldn't quite gather. Why was I so hung up on getting more 'points' than Edward and beating him in these twisted revenge games, again? My eyes landed on the bike that I'd ridden on to get here. It was lying on it's side, covered in mud. Not exactly an attractive piece of equipment.
I was doing it to avenge the death of my truck! Right.....
Oh, and because he'd played tonsil hockey with another girl while we were still together. That too....
"So now that we're even.....does it mean we can stop doing nasty things to each other?" Edward asked hopefully, breaking my train of thought.
I pulled myself together well enough to gasp in mock horror. "Goodness no! The best is yet to come. I haven't even tricked you into gaining a whole heap of weight, stolen away your friends and destroyed your reputation yet!"
"Isn't that off Mean Girls?"
I waved my hand impatiently. "Irrelevant. The point is" I narrowed my eyes and took a step forward. "it's still all on. So I'd watch my back if I were you."
I could tell he was totally intimidated by the way he burst into hysterical laughter.
"Are you....." he gasped. "Trying....to be....tough...?"
I scowled, turned on my heel and walked away, leaving him leaning against a tree trunk, helpless with laughter.
I couldn't have made it three metres before he muttered something that sounded like 'so cute when she's angry' (I must have misheard him), stopped laughing and ran after me.
"Wait! Wait, wait wait...." he caught up and unexpectedly slung his arm around my neck in a friendly fashion. I promptly (despite how warm he was....and how nice he smelt...GAH!) shrugged him off, pissed.
Great. All that effort of coming up with a plan, finding the place on his phone where he kept his contacts, writing the message AND sending it..... And what did it achieve? FIVE MINUTES OF ANGER! No fits of rage, no breakdowns infront of everyone, HECK! He didn't even cry! Not a single tear! How did he get over it so fast?
But I had no time to dwell on this, we apparently had a task to complete.
"We've still got to figure out how to get rid of everyone before Carlisle and Esme get home." Edward reminded me.
"Let off a nuclear bomb in your house, killing them all?" I suggested in all seriousness. (Hey, whatever gets the job done faster, right?) "I know the perfect place where we can dump the bodies...."
"Uh, no." he replied quickly. "I was thinking we could try and ask them nicely to leave....and then if that doesn't work....."
"We set off the nuclear bomb?"
"Would you forget the nuclear bomb already?!"
"Sorry."
He shook his head. "And then if they don't leave....we call the police."
I stopped walking and shoved my arm out infront of Edward so he couldn't go any further either. "Are you out of your damn MIND?! Have you forgotten who the chief of police is?!"
"No. But Charlie won't be working tonight, will he?"
I made a face. "He's working an extra shift."
Edward shrugged. "Well, I guess it won't be so bad if he comes. I mean, it's not your fault the party is out of contr...oh wait. Scratch that, it's completely your fault." he ignored the death glare I shot him. "But Charlie doesn't know that."
I sighed and kicked a pile of pine needles with my foot. They scattered everywhere. "That's not the problem. He doesn't exactly....."
"Know you're here?"
My eyes flashed to his face. "How did you know?"
He shrugged again and smiled sadly. "I know you."
We were both silent for a moment, scrutinizing the others face. The distant sound of music quickly reminded us of why we were here and we resumed our fast paced walk back to the house.
"You should count yourself lucky." Edward said after a moment. "Charlie's reaction is nothing compared to what Carlisle and Esme's will be if they come home to this."
"Mmmm, I can't imagine they'll be happy to find a out of control rave going on in their living room."
"And their dining room. And their kitchen. And their bedroom.....I even walked in on six people dancing in the upstairs toilet!" he sounded so perplexed that I had to laugh. "How they all managed to squeeze in I have no clue....."
We chuckled together for a few minutes until we were once again standing infront of his house. The peeing contest had finished but there was still a little reminder of it....
Edward pointed to the yellow puddle blocking the doorway. "Is that....?"
I took a step back. "No. No. I refuse to go near that."
"Oh come on....."
"Not gonna happen. I have a strict 'no urine on my shoes' policy." I backed away, turned and made a run for it.
Well, I tried to make a run for it. It kinda failed....
Edward, quick as lightening, grabbed my wrist and spun me so I was facing him again. The skin that his fingers were curled around lit up, suddenly on fire. In other words, as soon as he touched me, all intentions of leaving him to face the puddle of DOOM alone, quickly evaporated. I was glued to the spot where I stood, distracted the heat that had come from his touch and was slowly spreading throughout my entire body.....
Apparently Mr Flame was immune to the strange and mysterious warmth, because without a second thought he had scooped me up into his arms and was carrying me bridal style, closer and closer to the pee.....
"Wh-what are you doing?" I managed to choke out.
He didn't answer. Closer....closer....and then we were hovering over it. "And now to drop Miss Swan...." his grip loosened around me.
I was no longer in a daze. "NO NO NO! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DROP ME IN THAT I WILL...." he practically wasn't holding me at all now. I flung my arms around his neck. "EDWARD!"
"Dum de dum....." only one arm was under me now.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" I screamed, gripping him tighter and hitching a leg around his waist too.
Edward chuckled and stepped over the puddle. "Happy?"
"Ecstatic." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now put me down."
He gently set me down on the ground.
It all happened very quickly after that.
I stumbled (God knows how, I hadn't even started to walk yet!). As a reflex reaction I grabbed Edward for support. Then he stumbled. And....
Then we both fell backwards onto our asses and intoa puddle of some drunk guy's pee.
We simultaneously groaned. "After all that." he moaned screwing up his face. Then, careful not to stand in any other unidentifiable liquids, he stood up and reached his hand out for me to take.
We both stood, glaring at the evil puddle for a few seconds.
"Are you going to clean that up so no one else steps in it or anything?" I asked quietly.
"You mean one of the uninvited and extremely drunk partygoers? I think not."
Well, technically, they were invited, by me. But uh, lets not mention that....
"Ok," we paused outside the front door. The music was so loud I had to scream so he could hear me. "WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR WHEN WE GET INSIDE?"
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
"I SAID," I raised my voice even higher. "WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR WHEN WE GET INSIDE?"
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! CAN YOU SPEAK UP?"
"I'M ALREADY YELLING!"
"I STILL CAN'T...." He gave up, rolling his eyes and pushing the door open.
It was worse than I'd imagined. As soon as I walked through the door the smell of liquor hit me. I wrinkled my nose and stuck my fingers in my ears to block out the awful rap music threatening to burst my eardrums. I stared around the crowded room. I didn't recognize anybody. A bunch of guys who looked about in their mid-twenties were playing catch with......Mike?
Then suddenly the music stopped. I whirled to see Edward standing by the stereo wearing a triumphant expression.
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" screamed Mike, his pleas no longer drowned out by the music. "PUT ME D-oof."
Edward pushed through the crowds of people shouting abuse, and headed towards me.
"Hey, who shut off the music?"
"Get Kanye back on, douchebag!"
"Why's the blonde kid on the floor crying?"
I was suddenly hoisted up onto the dining room table by strong arms and before I even knew what was happening, I was standing on the table with Edward. He started to yell.
"Ok, listen up everyone!" the room went quiet. He elbowed me, apparently I was supposed to do the speaking. Great. Yeah, because everyone knows that addressing large crowds is so my thing.
"Ummm...." my eyes swept the room. "Hi. Uh...."
"Who the hell is she?"
"I don't know, but she's hot!"
My face flushed red and I could've sworn I heard Edward growl...
"Has anyone got a tomato? I want to throw it...."
"Woah woah woah!" I held up my hands in protest. "Lets...let's just be reasonable here." I took a deep breath. "You guys.....You need to leave. Now."
*
And that's how ten minutes later, Edward and I were locked in a broom cupboard together. Stupid party people are really forceful when they want to be.....
Yahhhhh. You like? You hate? You wish you could burn it on a stake? TELL MEEEE! (Oh and also, I know it's been weeks, but what did everyone get for Christmas? Anyone get Edward Cullen? I'LL BUY HIM OFF YOU!)
xxxx