o.O.o
Charity
o.O.o
There was a great victory celebration waiting for them when the Ebon Hawk touched down. The entire fleet stood assembled, ready to hail its new heroes, even though whispers of the snippets of the holo conversation between Revan, Master Vandar and the fleet Admiral were beginning to surface. Most of them were trying to get as far to the front as possible, to see for themselves if it was really true that the leader of the strike team that had rescued Bastila and slain Malak, thereby saving them all, was actually Revan.
It took cajoling – mainly from Mission, who refused to be refused – to make her even consider coming out.
She didn't feel as if there was anything to celebrate; after all, all that had happened was that her initial plan to reconstruct the Republic had failed, she had been forced to sacrifice a magnificent weapon factory for several strategic reasons and her best friend, strongest supporter and right hand in one was slain by her. Moreover, the Republic was weakened, the Sith she had created would crumble without someone strong to lead them… to her, it was as if she had a house. One that was beautifully decorated, with things she had picked out herself and placed with delicate care. And then, without warning, it collapsed around her… leaving her in the cold and dark night.
Strategically, a loss, completely and utterly, as far as she was concerned. Yes, she as a person had gained something, but she knew now that she couldn't think of herself or her own future before she secured that of the galaxy. The Force had chosen her as its agent and she knew better than to resist its will. Perhaps this was what she received her power and intellect for; to save the galaxy. An idyllic view of her path in life, perhaps, but it made sense to her. it was a sufficiently logical reason for her to move on and continue.
She had so many things she wanted to do. First, she would properly pay her respects to her lost friend. Not a funeral, perhaps, but he would be remembered properly, for all the good that he had brought to the galaxy, to her. Then, she would set straight things with the Jedi and finally tell them everything no one had the courage to tell them. And after that, she would finally move on to the present and take her first steps to the future.
The Star Forge had created new clothing for her and, surprisingly, it turned out to be two sets of robes. One matched her previous comfortable black ones with light reddish armor, but they were devoid of the mask she had worn. It was irony on part of the Star Forge, perhaps; now, when her face had been seen already by so many, there was no further way to hide. And she had dropped the mask, figuratively speaking, when she had bared her heart to those close to her. The other set was creamy white, the armored vest made of brown leather instead of the red and black light material with resistance to lightsabers the other ones had.
The latter, however, was now slightly dirt-stained, soaked with sweat and cut in one spot or two. It was, after all, what she had worn during her battle with Malak and her journey throughout the various levels of the Star Forge. She donned the second, more familiar armor after washing herself completely of the outward signs of battle and most of her fatigue. The rest of it, she hid very well, as usual. They were expecting Revan outside, after all. And so Revan she would give them, she decided as she combed her now clean and dry hair.
The crowds outside were silent when she left the ship, the last of their heroes, completely recognizable in the black robes that had become a vision from a nightmare to most of the soldiers. However, they were mostly in awe for a different reason, that being that Revan's face was unmasked and the hood of her black cape, almost resembling black wings, hung freely down her back. With her hair loose of any clasps or bindings that might have held it, neatly combed, her expression calm and regal, Revan could most decidedly be considered beautiful by any standard.
Master Vandar and Admiral Dodonna were the only ones courageous enough to approach her and of the two, only the tiny Jedi seemed to be relatively at ease around her. The Admiral was corrected rather coolly when she tried to address Revan with the name used in her service records and quite plainly refused the Cross of Glory that they were willing to give her for her participation in the conflict. Her words were mostly directed at Vandar, who admitted to everything Bastila had already confirmed and offered his regrets – it hadn't been his decision.
Some were downright astonished when the small Jedi quite calmly – kindly, even, his voice still apologizing – said that they, the Jedi Order, would be honored to accept her back into their ranks formally, so that they might have a chance to learn what had happened to her and help her, all the while faced with the intensity of Revan's stare. Even more fantastical was when Revan proposed a different bargain; her freedom and the ship that already belonged to her… so that she could leave. Where to, she didn't say.
Revan was not at all surprised with the proceedings. She had expected the offer to return to the Jedi Order. The idea of accepting had never crossed her mind. The Order was imperfect; whatever Vandar might promise her, she would be resented, treated as the villain, as a grenade about to detonate. And it was how she wanted things to be, but back then, she hadn't supposed that she would be back at the first step. Further back, even, now without the resources to use the Sith tactics against the Sith themselves. Perhaps that wasn't the way to go about this, because in the end, it turned the Republic into the very enemy she wished to wipe out.
The Sith are an ideal, she knew, but the more one believed in an ideal, the truer it became.
Carth and Bastila were at her side in an instant, pleading with her to tell them what was going on; that they wouldn't let her go, not now, that they both needed her. Albeit slightly grudgingly, Dodonna openly agreed with that statement, as did Vandar. The Republic needed a figurehead other than the ever-bickering Senate to make the decisions everyone seemed to stall. The Jedi needed their champion once more, to regain their credibility in the galaxy. And they also seemed to be under the impression that she owed them that much, even though Vandar was quick to point out that, in a way, it could be a valuable lesson for both sides of the conflict.
Revan didn't want to slaughter what little of the Republic soldiers were left. She agreed for the moment, if only to see the state of things in the Republic. Again, she became the poster-girl of the Republic, even though she formally refused to enter either organization. Her work was fortifying the Republic against what was to come, fortifying it as much as possible without needing to take it apart piece by piece. She spoke with the High Jedi Council, she appeared before the Senate. She visited important outposts and drove back the remnants of Malak's rogue Sith out of the picture until they destroyed each other.
But slowly, she began making preparations.
Canderous, who would never have stayed as part of the Republic military anyway, was given the most knowledge. For some time, he was the closest thing to a confidante and general in one that Revan had, replacing Malak in some strategic aspects. Strengthened by the information Revan gave him and proud that she called him the worthiest Mandalorian to unify the clans again she had ever known, he set out on the path she had prepared for him, hoping in the depths of his soul to see her again and make her repeat those words upon seeing his achievements.
Bastila, humbled by her experiences with the Sith, petitioned the Council again and again to be apprenticed to Revan, which frightened them to some degree. The two of them together would be unstoppable in case Revan turned on them once more – they were not told her reasons for doing so and tried time and time again to get her to confess them, uselessly. She simply repeated the stories rumors had constructed for the crowds to believe. Revan learned to like the Padawan greatly and often regretted not being able to remain long enough to truly shape and unlock her powers. To the best of her ability, Revan trained her as her successor in the role of a champion for the Jedi. They weren't equals in any way yet, but by the time Bastila was knighted, her Battle Meditation was but one of the many things she was known for.
Carth was always the hardest, simply because Revan was reminded time and time again that she genuinely loved him; that it wasn't just a desperate infatuation born of her loneliness. He was also getting very perceptive, possibly due to his proximity to an individual extremely strong in the Force. The struggle Revan felt within her was great. Perhaps this was a test of her resolution; the Force seemed to be curious if she was really capable of sacrificing her own happiness for the good of the galaxy. Dustil and his father reconciled and while the boy was somewhat edgy about seeing his father smitten with a woman that was not only closer to his own age that also happened to be Revan, he didn't seem as intimidated by the prospect of earning such a formidable stepmother as he perhaps should be.
Revan, on the other hand, found it terrifying, but cared sufficiently to allow herself the benefit of doubt in this case. Besides, it seemed that the former Sith apprentice was willing to let this slide if that meant that he could be her Padawan, as he informed her one day. Charming, in a rather stunning way, but Revan asked him politely never to call her anything with the word 'mother' in it unless he wanted to have her die of a heart attack. Or have someone meet the business end of a lightsaber. Dustil agreed rather somberly, but other than that single moment, Revan considered him a very agreeable young man. And, much to her dismay, either he or Mission would repeatedly hint that they were almost certain that if it weren't for the restorative efforts of the Republic keeping him busy, Carth would have proposed to her quite readily.
She was unused to what others would consider normalcy. And it was likely that she would never have it, once her memories were completely back in place and all that she needed to know was clear to her. the wall these things put between her and Carth would only last for a certain time…
But the clock was ticking. Time was running out. And Revan, ever the scout, ever the sentinel, ever five steps ahead of everyone else, knew that there was only one thing left to do. Her successors were named and ready to take over. She had done what she could to prepare the Republic for what was to come. Now, her time and power was better spent elsewhere, away from the public eye. It was time to leave known space.
Charity, in a way, was the greatest evil of them all, stripping those prone to it of things that should have been theirs. Loss was a grim teacher, one that Revan knew well. She had come to embrace it.
Perhaps one day, the Force would prove to be kind as well as merciless and repay her for all that she had given it a thousandfold.
o.O.o
Finis
o.O.o
AN: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this – I will try and reply to the individual reviews if I have the time. This was my attempt to create a Revan different from the general interpretations, especially as it is considered canon that the wiped memories were back before the Battle of the Star Forge. I know Revan is canonically male, but I think fem!Revan works better for several reasons: one, it adds depth to the relationship with Carth, two, it provides reasons for possible tension between her and Malak if you consider his experience with Jarael, another woman he admired (comicverse) and three, it explains why she would want to wear a mask all the time when there was really no reason for it (as she was physically all right and didn't need to rely on any power-amplifier).
I have also tried to refrain from giving her a definite name or describing her physical appearance or Jedi class for obvious reasons, though in my mind, she is always the blue-eyed blonde/light brunette with the ponytail and a Scout/Jedi Sentinel. I also like the idea of just faking a fall to save the Republic, thus Revan isn't exclusively Light or Dark Side – she does what she has to, which doesn't always match what she wants to. Canon has been considered throughout the fanfic – only the gender canon was thrown out of the airlock. I will likely not write more KotOR fics anytime soon, but I have enjoyed writing this. Hope you all liked it.