Guys… words cannot describe… I am so sorry this has taken so long and is so short, but I felt it was better to get it out than go another week with nothing from me. All I can say is Murphy's law kicks my butt… We thought we had my laptop fixed… until it died, after I had already written this out. Thankfully, I had it backed up on our server… until that died less than 24 hours after my laptop. All of our important info was backed up by the fact the other laptops were okay –so we didn't lose any financials or photos (mostly). But several of my things were unrecoverable. It spun me into a massive case of writer's block- I HATE having to rewrite something I've already written. I can edit or tweak till the cows come home, but the blank screen was mocking me in a way that left me completely uninspired. Add in the fact that at 18 weeks I am still suffering from severe morning sickness and have developed allergies for the first time in my life, and I seriously realized the other day I thought it was still March. So that's where we are with this. It will NOT be abandoned, and seriously hope I will NEVER go this long without a chapter again!
When it comes to the show, I can't decide if I can't wait till October or not… I really don't think that Beth is going last more than the next few episodes, and so I keep switching between wanting to put off the inevitable and just deal with it. And completely unrelated, but as I was watching the last few episodes, the jerk that Daryl had to deal with (I think his name was Len) – totally how I pictured Nate; mannerisms, tone, everything. To the point I debated going back and changing the name in the story to match, but didn't want to mess anything or one up.
Breakaway 14
The next morning dawned bright and clear – a beautiful summer day. As Beth stood and stretched to greet the day, she could hear Judith giggling happily in the kitchen, and muffled conversation filtered in through door. It was enough to know everyone but she and Daryl were up, but not enough to hear the actual words. She went to her bag and bent down to grab the things she needed to clean up in the bathroom – it wasn't fully functional, but it gave her a chance to get cleaner than they usually had, and she was going to enjoy every chance of it.
"Beth wait." Daryl said from the pad, rising and looking at her through eyes squinting from the bright daylight filtering in through the window. "Got something for ya' if ya promise not to be too much of a girl 'bout it." He rubbed his hair and reached into his pack. He paused, his hand still inside, and looked to her, waiting for a response.
"Promise." She told him, watching his hand and moving closer to try and see just what he had. A shift in position as his hand came up and she could see that he was holding a bundle of blue cloth. He tossed it to her, and once she had it in hand she could see the flow and shape of it. "The dress from the store." She whispered, "You grabbed it."
"Well," He said, dismissively, looking away "thing hardly took up any room – figured worse case could use it next time ya managed to spring a leak somewhere."
She squeezed it in her hands, not sure how to thank him. "Well." She said, silently after a minute that was just a tad too long. "Normally I would hug ya for something like this." She told him honestly. "But that would be too much of a girl thing to do. And I promised." She looked down and chuckled, feeling the fabric in her hands, as the heat of the day set in this would feel wonderful on her. "Thank you Daryl." She told him honestly, before turning and walking out the room.
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The dress fit her almost perfect, mostly because it laced up the back and formed a halter that tied at her neck. The length was a little short than what she was ever used to, but the lightness of the fabric felt just right against her skin. Walking into the kitchen, Carol was feeding Judith in the high chair, and the boys were sitting around the table discussing the best places on the island to hunt.
"We set traps out, but we ain't too good at hunting with guns" Charlie told Daryl. "Catch the small things pretty well, but haven't been able to catch anything larger than a squirrel or rabbit."
"Shoot, most islands this size have some wild boar in 'em. I'd love to get some big meat before we take off."
"Mmmn," Beth groaned, "love to get something that hadn't been dried and turned to jerky." She agreed.
Beth's meal consisted of vegetables from the garden, and some stale crackers. She smiled watching Judith attack her food the way she was. The little girl was still a beacon of all that was right with this very wrong world. She didn't know of any of the dangers out there, just that it was fun to be attacking her thing of applesauce. She blinked back the tears that threatened, and murmured to herself, "Just enjoy the time ya got."
"Damn straight." Daryl said from behind her, he had moved when she'd been caught up watching Judith. Now finished eating, he had his bow on the counter and was checking it over for the hunt. "What you girls planning for the day?"
Beth shrugged her shoulders "I don't know." She said, looking to Carol.
"I need to do a little gardening, I figured that Beth could take Judith out and keep her company for the day." Carol smiled "It'd be nice for me to get some of the things done I can't do easily with Judith around."
"Of course." Beth said, smiling. She walked over to Judith, who immediately raised her arms to be picked up.
"Up. Up." She said, giggling as Beth obliged.
Walking out into the open air, the breeze lifted Beth's hair and made the dress flutter around her. She looked down at the little girl in her arms and felt a surge of love unlike something she had felt before. "You know," She said, whispering into Judith's ear, "It doesn't matter what happens to the rest of us now… we know that you're gonna be ok and that's all that matters". To her, Judith was proof that life was moving on. They were in the thick of it right now, but a change would come. Even the nice weather seemed to confirm it to her. She put Judith on the ground and watched as she toddled off to her little play area. It wasn't much different than any other area, but had some empty containers for her to play stacking with, and a pile of dirt with a spoon for her to play 'garden'. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned and saw Carol making her way out to do her work in the garden.
"Boys are just about ready to leave." She called to Beth. "Give Judith an hour or so out here, then lay her down for her nap."
Beth nodded her head in acknowledgement, before settling down next to Judith to play
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Being relaxed wasn't something that was usual for Daryl. It had been a long time since he'd ever been in a state that couldn't be characterized as watchful, alert, and guarded, even at the prison. Now though, in the waning hours of daylight, with a stomach full of fresh boar, and a fire crackling in front of him keeping the bugs at bay… well he was pretty close. Judith had abandoned the girls for a change, and had curled up in his lap an hour ago, and was now blissfully snoring away. She was almost in tune to the snores coming out of Lil' John to the left side of him. Carol and Charlie were sitting so close they were touching from shoulder to shoe; Beth was to his right, quiet for a change, staring into the fire. "You know you want to." He told her.
Her lips curled up into an almost smile. "I do." She told him. But every song I think of is sad." She shook her head; chasing away a thought the way a horse flicks its head to chase away flies. "I don't want to be sad tonight."
"What about the one you sang at the prison that time?" Carol asked.
Beth laughed. "Ya gotta give me more than that… I sang hundreds of songs at the prison."
"This one was one of the first – when we were still getting settled and hadn't even cleared out the block yet. You used it to get Judith to sleep when nothing else would."
Beth stayed silent for a minute, searching the recesses of her mind for just which song Carol was talking about. After a moment she closed her eyes and nodded her head, before tapping her hand in time to get a beat going inside her head. When she started singing, Daryl recognized the words immediately, but he had never heard them sung like that. It was a Bob Dylan song, "Shelter from the storm", but with the guitar and background stripped away, and just Beth's haunting voice, the song took on a whole new feeling and vibe.
"I was in another lifetime one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form
"Come in" she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm" …
Daryl closed his eyes and let the melody wash over him. It was haunting and sweet, and far too relevant to their situation. Beth's singing had always bothered him. Not because of lack of skill - even he could admit she had talent in spades. Instead the problem was, without fail, emotions and memories left buried in the past came bubbling up to the surface.
"Suddenly I turned around and she was standing there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns
"Come in" she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm".
As she sang, a vision of her standing at the edge of the fire, made up to look like the woman in the song flashed before him. Course, he admitted, only to himself – pretty much any song she sang that involved a woman would feature her at this point. He opened his eyes and looked around; Carol had shifted so that her arm was entwined with Charlie's, her head resting on his shoulder. And Beth was staring into the flame, singing out the last verse; the fire casting a glow on all of them that he wouldn't forget. When the last word quietly faded away, she wiped her eyes and glanced down at the sleeping tot in his lap. "Thinks it's time?" He asked her.
She opened her mouth to speak, before swallowing thickly, and just nodding her head.
"Right then." He said, shifting carefully to move Judith into his arms to cradle her. The weight and heft surprised him still, in his mind she was still the newborn he had dubbed ass-kicker. "C'mon then." He told Beth, who was losing herself staring into the fire. She looked up to him, and smiled before rising. The walk into the house was silent, and before long Judith was in her bed. Even Daryl couldn't resist bending his head to kiss Judith on the cheek. He stepped to the side after that, allowing Beth her chance.
"Goodnight baby girl." She whispered to Judith, who tossed a little in her sleep and started to stir a little. "No, no" She whispered, stroking her head and gently humming. Judith's hand moved up to grab Beth's before bringing it down with hers and snuggling into it. A moment after that she started softly snoring again, Daryl watched as Beth leaned over, kissing Judith's head one more time, before untangling her hand. She walked past him without a word.
When he left the room a moment later, he found her in the kitchen, arms on the counter, and slouched far over, back shaking with silent tears. He walked up behind her and rested his hand on her back gently, his fingers catching on the straps that crisscrossed her back, feeling the soft skin in between them. A moment later she had turned around and was wrapped around him, shaking in silent tears. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but eventual the tears slowed and the shaking ceased. Now she just held him, while he thought of something to say or do. Nothing came to mind, so he just stood there until she pulled away. "Thank you." She told him, wiping her hair back and using a rag to clean up her face. "Um, back outside? Or head to bed?" She asked him.
"S'up to you." He told her. "Gotta long day tomorrow, but I've made it work on less."
"Just not ready for it to be over yet." She told him, shivering a little with the adrenaline leaving her system.
"Then it ain't." He told her, following her out to the fire again.
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Three hours later, it was long past the time that even Daryl should have turned in. Doing the math in his head, he figured that if they went to sleep now, they would get maybe three hours before it was time to head out. That was, if Beth didn't change her mind about staying. The old man had gone to bed hours ago, and Carol had followed after. Charlie had held out the longest, but had said goodnight about fifteen minutes before, and now it was just him and Beth, who was spending her time staring into the embers of the mostly burnt out fire.
"'Bout ready yet?" He asked her. It didn't matter that they were on the island and safe as they could be, he wouldn't head in till she was.
"Almost" She answered, scooting back so she was resting even with him, close enough when the wind picked up he could feel her hair hitting his arms. "Daryl?"
"Yeah?" He answered, meeting her eyes, before hers darted back to the fire.
"Is there? I mean, I'm not very good at this…" She shook her head, and even in the dim light he could see her blush creeping up her face and working its way down her neck. She paused for a minute and took a deep breath before quickly saying "something's changing and I don't know what it is and are you feeling it too?"
Thinking as quickly as he could, it still took Daryl a moment too long to detangle her girl speak into something that made sense in his brain. Before he could begin to respond she started talking again.
"Never mind. Never mind." She said shaking her head back and forth. "I don't know why I said anything. I'm just exhausted. Everything getting to me and making me see things that ain't there and it's totally okay and lets just pretend the last few minutes never happened." She said in a rush.
She went to get up, but his slower mental reactions meant nothing compared to his physical ability. He grabbed onto her hand and pulled her back down. The abrupt change meant she didn't sit back where she'd been before, but instead ended up facing him, partially sitting on his lap. Daryl kept a grip on the one hand, loosening it as she settled to allow her to twist it the right way. "Beth." He said; voice deeper than usual as he worked his way through his emotions. "Hell." He shook his head, and looked down at their hands before looking back to her. "It aint' you."
"What?" She asked
"I said," He paused, swallowing thickly "It ain't you. Ain't just you." Please be enough, he thought to himself, unable to do more yet, but unable to deny things any longer. "Don't mean either of us is ready for anything else though." He said, thinking back to the state she was in just weeks ago, and the state he'd been in all his life. He clenched his fist in frustration, at just how damn hard this whole damn thing was.
"Oh." She whispered, the corner of her mouth coming up in a small smile. She shook her head again before saying "Ok then." After a moment, she readjusted, settling down beside him, before taking her now free hand and bringing it to rest against the back of his. He relaxed his fist, and moved it over to cover her tiny hand, completely hidden by the size of his. She looked up at him and smiled, before resting her head against his shoulder.
The night was ending sooner than either would have like. But it was still enough.
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.A/N and this brings me to the end of the part I've had to rewrite. As I said before, it was a shorter chapter than usual; but at this point I can't be picky Hope this finds everyone well and now that I'm writing again, expect a somewhat more predictable schedule. Certainly nothing like what this last few weeks have been. For those that thing the last two chapters have been mellow, all I can say is buckle up – the intermission is over and things are about to get interesting! Thank you everyone, both for the constructive reviews and the encouragement in light of everything that's been going on in the 'real' world.