Journey's End
Chapter 14: Tired of the Weather

I used to watch her as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror, taking the time to first get out all the knots and kinks. To give the problem strands a yank and put them back where they should be. I'd study her as she systematically split her blonde crown into little pieces, and wove them into smooth works of art. Each section had a different twist, something new and exciting to offer. She always used to say that she hated how braids always looked the same. Always the same pattern, like arrows pointing to the ground, forcing the hair to be straight and obey gravity. Always used to say that she was the only person in the world who knew how to make spiral patterns, how to make a twist like a round staircase, how to insert rectangles and triangles into her designs.

I didn't even mind that it took her ages to get ready, because all night long I'd have a pretty hairstyle to look at as well as her pretty face.

I asked her if I could help once, and she was skeptical. Said she didn't want to give away her secrets. I told her that she didn't have to worry, because I'd probably make a mess of it anyway. And so, she patiently sat in the middle of the bed while I sat behind her, imitating her actions and separating one chunk into three smaller pieces. Starting the typical boring 'obey-gravity' braid.

"Not like that," she said, reaching behind her head to guide my hands through the motions of the spiral pattern. Twisting her hair about my finger, weaving it through the normal braid in strange places and pulling it back down into the pattern. And finally, when she pulled the strands through a bright green bead and tied a temporary knot in her hair, I looked it over.

"It's messy."

She shrugged. "You'll get the hang of it, with practice."

"How was she?" I asked quietly, opening the door to the infirmary so that Adena could come inside. My knuckles white on the doorknob as I saw Telan sleeping soundly on her shoulder.

"She was good. Very good. She really likes those blocks, doesn't she? I tried to play with her with all the stuffed animals, but she kept going back to the blocks. And the gummi ring things." She looked uncomfortable as she balanced the baby and the diaper bag. I noticed that she was holding onto Telan with both hands, like she would fall and break unless she held her tightly. My grip loosened a bit.

"She's still got teeth coming in. I guess the blocks make her gums feel better?" I took the diaper bag from her, setting it down by the playpen I'd brought up from Gippal's office. "Come sit down, she's probably getting heavy…"

"Do you want her? I didn't know if you'd want me to wake her up or not…"

"If you don't mind holding her, I don't mind letting her sleep a while longer. She wakes up the minute someone passes her over." It was weird, I thought, to be chatting idly about Telan's habits to the woman I thought I'd hate. The woman I only felt a strong dislike for at certain moments.

"Yeah." She sat down on the couch, and I perched on the edge next to her, watching her as she settled down. Seeing how uncomfortable Adena looked. We were silent for a few moments before she smiled weakly. "She didn't push me away, but she looked at me funny. Like I was weird tasting baby food or something."

My own lips smiled weakly back. "That makes me feel a little better."

"I thought it would." She glanced over to Gippal's sleeping form, her eyebrows creasing with concern. "How's he doing?" she asked, catching my gaze.

"He's only woken up twice, and he hasn't eaten either time. I think he still feels edgy." I shrugged and bit my lip. "I can't blame him, though." I wanted to say that he had the worst end of this situation. To tell her that he'd been stressing out about her for too long and that was what pushed him over the edge. But I knew that she knew that already. The guilt on her face reminded me of the guilt I'd felt when Yuna had brought Gippal to the hospital. And as much as I wanted to speak my mind, I didn't want her to have to feel that guilty. I noticed that her grip on Telan was still firm, and I pointed at her hands uncertainly. "You don't have to hold her that tight, she's okay."

She was silent as she loosened her grip on the baby. "Sorry, I just didn't want her to fall or anything…" I could see that she was uncomfortable, and I stood up to carefully pluck Telan from her shoulder.

"You wouldn't have let her fall." Telan squirmed a little in my arms, whining as she opened her eyes and looked around. "Sssh," I said soothingly, rubbing my index finger softly along the bridge of her tiny nose. "Good morning, sleepy…" She yawned wide, and I grinned as I walked her toward Gippal's bed. "Wanna go lie down with Daddy? I bet he'd like to see you, he's not feeling so good." I gently placed her on my shoulder and steadied her with one hand while I pulled up the protective sides of the infirmary bed with the other. I settled her next to Gippal, covering her up with a spare corner of his blanket before turning back to Adena.

"I wish I was that good with her," she said absently, placing a hand on her bulging stomach. It dawned on me that all three of Gippal's children were in the same room, and I bit the inside of my cheek so hard it hurt. It shouldn't bother me. But it did.

"You're not her mother," I said calmly, not knowing if I said this to comfort Adena or to comfort myself. "When yours gets here, you'll be just fine."

"If you say so." She pushed herself up off the couch and made her way to the door. Before letting herself out, she looked back, frowning a little. "I'm sorry this is so awkward…"

"It's bound to be awkward. I don't like it but there's nothing I can do about it." I followed her to the door and attempted a smile. "Thanks for watching her."

"You're welcome. If you need me again, you know where I am." She smiled back and waved slightly as she started to walk down the hall. I nodded and closed the door behind her, leaning against it as soon as it was shut. The cool wood against my forehead was as refreshing as a cool breeze in the desert.

You'll get the hang of this… it's just gonna take a little practice, that's all.

I stuck my tongue out at Telan, squeezing her little fingers as she giggled at my face making. Her laughter made me feel much better. My daughter could still laugh at me. She still thought I was funny. I hadn't changed in her eyes. I was still her goofy daddy.

I wanted it to stay that way.

I glanced across the room at Rikku. Her back was to us, her head against the door as she breathed deeply. Like she had been drowning and finally broken the surface. She'd just been nice to Adena, nicer than I would have ever asked her to be. She needed time to calm down.

I'd seen her leaning against the door like that before. When she'd tried to tell me about Telan all those months ago. When she'd felt disconcerted and upset and I hadn't realized it. I frowned, tickling Telan's chin to keep her smiling. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, setting Telan on my chest as I made room in the bed. "Rikku," I called softly.

She turned to look at me, her hair spilling over her shoulder as she walked steadily toward me. "Sorry, we were trying to be quiet…"

I shrugged as I patted the place beside me on the bed. "I eavesdropped for a little while."

She stared down at me for a long moment before she sat down and pulled her knees into her chest. Her hair hid her face like a curtain of gold, and I frowned even deeper. She was silent.

"I wish I could be that nice to her. I don't know how you did it."

I looked at her hands, since I couldn't see her eyes. Watched as she clenched and unclenched her fingers. "Telan fell asleep on her shoulder."

"She falls asleep on Karaa's shoulder all the time."

"Karaa isn't her."

I didn't know what to say to that. I just reached for her hand, prying her fingers open. "You were the better person. You didn't get angry where she could see you. It's okay to be angry now. At her, at me…"

"I can't stay angry at you. No matter how hard I try. And I can't stay angry at her, either..." She looked up at me with shining eyes, and I sighed heavily, running my thumb over her cheek. "She's just as scared as I was. And she's trying. I can't hate her for that."

"No, but if you did, it would be okay." I kissed Telan's forehead as she cooed and wiggled in my arms, and I tugged on Rikku's arm. "Let's relax before we go home tonight, okay? I don't want to scare you again, and I don't want you to get stressed over all this. No more than you already are."

She smiled a little shakily before lifting the blanket and crawling underneath. We didn't say anything else. She simply rubbed her finger along the bridge of Telan's nose, putting her to sleep once again, and I ran my fingers through her hair. Neither of us felt like talking anymore. The reassurance of sitting together was enough.

She smiled at me as we relaxed on the blanket that we'd spread out on the riverbank. I was using one of her arms as a pillow, running my fingers over the thigh she'd wrapped around my waist.

"What're you thinking about?" I asked her as I glanced up at the sun. We still had a few hours before dark. A few more hours to just lie next to one another. To touch one another. A few more hours with no responsibilities.

"The clouds and how that one right there looks like a cactuar." She pointed, and I turned my head to look.

"… a fuzzy cactuar, maybe."

"Well… it's a cloud, it can't be pokey."

"Yes it can."

"No."

"Yes."

She laughed at me and shoved my shoulder lightly. I shook my head and glanced back up at the cloud. "Now it looks like a blob."

"A fuzzy blob, right?" she asked, still grinning.

"Right."

With a sigh, I looked at her again, resting my head on her forearm once more. "You're a comfortable pillow, Cid's girl. If I'm not careful, I'll fall asleep on ya."

"I don't mind." She grinned and brought her free hand to my face, running her index finger down the bridge of my nose. I blinked lazily at her.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Brother and Vydran used to do this to me when I couldn't sleep… Mama used to do it to Brother when he was little. Said it helped him sleep, I guess. It always worked on me." She smiled and continued.

"What was her name, again?" I asked, breathing deeply as I relaxed.

"Telan. Why?" I felt her shift her leg ever so slightly, and I began to trail my fingers over her thigh again.

"Telan was a smart woman… I like this technique. I like it a lot."

Rikku laughed quietly as I tickled her leg. "Yeah. I'm gonna use the trick on my kids one day."

I grinned and nodded, moving my head up to kiss her fingertip lightly. "I'm sure they'll like it, too."

Yeah, so... not my best work. But it's something, right? Finals are over, thank goodness. Hopefully I'll get more done this week. Thanks for sticking with me!