Thanks to Dariachenowith and Chrissy, they tell me when I suck and that's true friendship. Thanks to WendyK, beta extraordinaire.

A huge thanks to YOU for all your kind words and the love you have for these characters. Once again I failed at review reply but you know I will write you back, right?

Kgq writes "Best part of me was always you" (E/J) if you're not already reading it, you should give it a try. You'll find the link in my favorite.

Disclaimer: Vodka is the answer. Not twilight.

Jasper

I felt Edward's stare as I walked away. I didn't stop until I found a quiet spot, and sat on one of the benches there. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I felt my stomach churn, and I wiped my hands on my pants before taking my phone out of my pocket. Dang, why was I doing this to myself? It had only had been a few days. Maybe I should wait a week or two? Or a month. Maybe a few years, even.

But I couldn't. It was bugging me too much, and it would only get worse if I didn't face the music.

I hit the call button and waited for her to pick up, or for her voice mail. Voice mail sounded good right now. I could just leave a message that would-

"Hello?"

Not the voice mail. And why "hello", she must have known it was me from the caller ID. I was pacing, trying to put my brain back on track.

"Uh, Mom…"

"Jasper."

Followed by a very uncomfortable silence. I didn't know what to say. I had hoped for a 'how are you?' at least. But she hadn't hung up so I decided to be the one to ask that question. I sat down because I was shaking too much.

"How are you?"

"As well as can be, considering the circumstances."

I didn't know what to say to that. What did she mean exactly? The fight? Not hearing from me? Regretting what happened?

"I, uh, I guess it's the same for me?"

"When are you coming for dinner?"

"I'm, ah..." What could I say to that? "I'm not in Seattle anymore." The fact that she wanted to see me gave me hope, even if her voice was cold. But I was used to that. I couldn't say my parents were the warmest people I knew.

"When are you coming back then?"

I stood up and started pacing back and forth again. "I have no idea."

"You're not making any sense, Jasper. It's a simple question. You must know when you'll be back. So?"

"I'm on a road trip with some friends. We'll be gone for a while."

"'Some friends'? What 'friends', Jasper? Do you really think the solution to your problems is to throw away your future? They mustn't be very good friends if they're trying to make you screw up your life like this. You never were able to choose your acquaintances wisely."

Her tone was so condescending and patronizing.

"You're wrong on both counts, and they didn't make me do anything. I chose to leave."

"To do what? Be a drifter? That's a wonderful future, Jasper. Now, you're going to pack your bags and come back to Seattle, do you understand me?"

I shook my head no, which of course she couldn't see. "I won't. I'm sorry, I can't come back now."

"Why on earth not? You're coming back, end of discussion. I won't put up with your childish behavior any longer!"

I couldn't believe her. "I'm not coming back, Mom. I'm not. I'm on-"

"Yes, a road trip with 'friends'. My son isn't going to live like a hobo just because his so-called friends said so. I raised you better than that. Now stop talking nonsense. If you're back in the next two days, you'll be able to meet with another firm. It's a great opportunity, you have to take it."

I felt like I was in the twilight zone. "Mom, I don't want that life! I don't want that opportunity. I'm sorry, but that's just not what I want! Can't you understand that? I don't even know if I want to practice law."

"You're just saying that because of that little argument you had with your father."

"I'm not. And it was a fight, mom, not a little argument. If you remember, it started because I tried to tell him I didn't want that kind of life." I sat down on the bench and tried not to get angry. "He was awful to me, too."

"Your father only stated the truth, Jasper. It's nothing to feel hurt about. We gave you everything necessary to be wealthy and have a great life and all you do is whine about it like a brat."

Who was I talking to? This couldn't be my mother, right? I thought she would understand, but her attitude and taunting were killing me. I knew this could turn bad, but it didn't keep me from feeling defeated. And sad. I was on the verge of crying when I told her,

"I'd have thought my happiness would be more important to you than the goals you set for me."

"Oh, now you're going to cry? You're not going to make me feel guilty, if that's what you're aiming for. I wanted a fighter for a son. Listen to you right now, you're just acting like a whiny fool. You disgust me. After everything we invested in you, this is how you thank us? Following some losers around on a 'road trip'. "

She fell silent. I had no doubt that she meant every word; her tone said it all. I was at a loss as to what to say, I didn't feel like defending Edward and Bex, they were far too wonderful to be dragged into this. I wanted to scream at her, to tell her to go to hell. I wanted to hang up or throw my phone, but all I did was stay on that bench listening to her breathing. After a few seconds she went on.

"You're just so weak all the time. I'd hoped you would change and man up, but you never have. I thought we could make something out of you, but you're just not good enough. And you're such a selfish brat. You could have it all, but no, you'd rather throw everything away, not caring how it affects the people around you. Did you stop to think about us or Angela, for that matter, even for a second?"

What the- "I'm gay!"

"Ah, yes, of course. I'm sure your 'friends' are happy about that and take great advantage of it. Do you really need to go around saying that all the time? We built something great for you but of course it's not enough for you."

"You're not listening to me! I don't think it's great for me, I want to- I need to find my own thing! That's why I left. I have the opportunity to really find out what I want and who I am. It will be good for me, Mom. I'm not going to ruin my life just because I spend a few months on the road. I think it's important for me to do it."

"You have no idea about what is important, Jasper, and I have had enough of your nonsense. If you don't come back right now, you can forget about us. It's your choice, now. I won't give you my support if you persist on ruining our lives."

She was giving me an ultimatum? Why did she think it had to be one or the other? I couldn't leave Edward and Bex, I'd be miserable and there was nothing for me in Seattle. Surely she was just trying to scare me, right?

"I don't want to come back to Seattle, Mom. I'm sorry, I can't."

"You're such a disappointment. I thought your little stunt at dinner was just a phase but now I understand that I was wrong. You're not the son I thought you were. I guess you were just a bad investment. Be whatever you want, Jasper, I don't give a damn. You just showed me how incompetent and stupid you are. I can't believe I wasted so much time on you. Your father was right. You're not worth it."

"I don't-"

"Don't. I don't care. Go waste your life, but I'm not going to let you waste my time anymore. Don't call me back, either, it's useless."

I didn't want to cry, but I was bawling mess. I was angry at her, and even more at myself for letting her get to me like that. "What about a mother's unconditional love, Mom?"

She snorted. Snorted! "Other mothers must have better sons than you. I can't love someone unconditionally when they are such a failure. I don't think anyone could. Now, I'm going to hang up and I don't want to hear from you again. You're dead to me, do you hear me? I'd rather have a dead son than a failure like you."

She hung up on those words. I was too stunned to take the phone away from my ear. It took me a long while to even comprehend everything she had said to me. I was still crying and trying to make sense of it when I felt Edward next to me. He asked me to tell him what had happened at the same moment that I completely realized what she had said; my stomach churned and I couldn't hold back my nausea. All I knew was that I was thankful to Edward for being there, but the rest didn't make any sense to me. Why would she cut me out of her life just because I didn't want to go back to Seattle?

Bex and Emmett were there, too, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to really pay attention. I needed to be alone. I needed to make sense of it. She had messed with my head too much.

Once back in my room I took a shower, but not only because of the puking. I felt as if I needed to cleanse myself of her, and her words. I stayed under the spray for a long time. I was mad at myself for still crying and at her for making me feel like shit.

I dried myself quickly and lay down under the covers of our bed. It smelled a little like Edward which made me cry more. Crying more wasn't what I wanted to do, and even less when it was about him. I still felt dirty. How could words make you feel dirty? Maybe she was right; maybe it was because I was weak. Someone stronger would shrug it off because she had proven in this one conversation alone that she was far from being either sane or trustworthy. She sounded crazy, and still her words had hurt me like hell.

When I felt Edward behind me, then his arms around me, I ached for him, as if his presence and body, his whole being, could in itself cleanse and heal me. The way he made love to me blew my mind. I needed it so much right then, and he understood that. I fell even more in love with him in that moment, and I knew that if there was one person I couldn't live without, it was him.

I woke up later with him half on top of me, one of his hands in my hair and the other holding my hand. I checked the time on the nightstand and realized it wasn't late. I hadn't slept more than an hour and a half. He woke with a start a few minutes later which made me laugh; it was strange to see him lose his usual cool. He turned around and leaned on the headboard, then closed his eyes, waiting for me to talk if I wanted to.

I loved that about him, the space he gave me. He was respectful of who I was and what I might need. After that ducking conversation I'd had on the phone that stood out even more. As I explained what had gone down and what my mother had said to me, he never interrupted, only waited for me to be done before he reacted.

He huffed and rubbed his hands over his face, then he looked at me and watched me for moment in silence. "Your parents need intense therapy and strong medication."

I chuckled at his words. It didn't ease up my messed up mind, but it helped a bit nonetheless. "Yeah, probably."

"How do you feel?"

"Okay, I guess."

He narrowed his eyes. "I didn't ask you to give me platitudes, I asked how you were feeling." He paused. "How do you feel?"

I should have known that response wouldn't fly with Edward. I don't even know why I'd said that. Reflex, I guess. I tried to find the words but couldn't. Nothing made sense in my head. I decided the best thing to do was just to say it out loud. He was used to my brain vomit anyway.

"Bad, lost, sad, weak, whiny... did I say lost already? Lost. I don't know how I feel. I'm a mess, and I can't hold onto anything to make sense of what happened."

I turned on my side and pressed my face to his chest. I felt his hand in my hair and focused on his breathing and the rise and fall of his torso.

"Why do you feel weak?"

I started to answer, but my voice was muffled since my mouth was against his skin. I turned onto my back but let my head rest on his chest. "I shouldn't have let her get to me like that. I shouldn't be in this state because of her." I took Edward's hand as I talked, and he closed his fingers around mine.

"I'd be a mess, too, I think. The important thing is to not stay a mess, Jasper." He sighed, then added, "I'm not the best when it comes to parental advice, but your mother obviously has some real problems, and what she told you says a lot more about her than it does about you."

"I know, but it's hard not to let it hurt me."

He gripped my hand. "I'm sorry that I can't help you."

I looked up to gaze at him. "You do."

"Okay. She's wrong. You know that, right?"

I hoped she was wrong, but she had messed with my head too much for me to really think she was. Her wishing I was dead rather than being me was just too hard to process. He sensed my hesitation and added,

"If she was my mother and had told me that, would you think she was right?"

That sounded preposterous. Of course that was a pile of crap. Edward was worth so much more. I guess he had a point, though. I shook my head in answer, but I couldn't help thinking that it was me it was addressed to, not him. No one would even think of saying that to him and not because I thought he was better than me, but because he came across as strong. She'd said all that to me partly because she knew it would hurt me. I wasn't as strong as he was, or at least I didn't look strong. The fact that I had let my parents rule my life for so long was good proof of that.

"Hey, don't do that."

I looked at him, surprised. "Do what?"

"Whatever you're doing in your head to belittle yourself." I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water, not knowing what to say. Darn him! He tapped my abs, then added, "You need to have a little fun."

I wriggled my eyebrows and he shook his head, chuckling. "Just thinking about that phone call makes your cock flaccid. I don't think you're up to it yet, Bruce."

"Hey, if you touched it, it would get hard!" I put both our hands on my cock, and I did get a semi but no real hard-on. Dang him for being right again! I couldn't believe I was letting my mother ruin my sex life, too.

"Come here." He pulled on my arm so I turned on my stomach and lay half on top of him, my head on his shoulder. He ran his hands on my back, then felt on of them in my hair. "I don't like seeing you like that, Jasper. As I said I can't do much, but you know I'm here for you, right?" I nodded, it was the only thing I could do; I was too choke up to speak, and I could feel tears coming. I didn't want to cry again, so I took a few deep breathe. He hold me tighter then whispered, "It's ok to cry, Jasper. Just let it go."

Of course I was a bawling mess in the next second. He held me while I cried, and never stopped whispering words of comfort. After a long while I finally calmed down but he kept me there until I relaxed. I didn't feel like sleeping and I was so fed up of crying. I sighed, then I felt Edward move and I looked up to see his phone at his ear. "Hey, Bex, your boy needs some cheering up." I could hear Bex's voice, although I couldn't understand what she was saying. "Okay, see you there."

"Come on, Batman, they're waiting for us at the bar." He stood up to search in his bag for some clean clothes. "Get up. Bex is going crazy not knowing how you're doing and there's a vodka bottle waiting with your name on it."

*.*.*

The hotel bar was grim to say the least, but it was the best place to be because Bex and Emmett were there. We had barely entered when they both stood up and cheered us. Dang, they were loud. Bex grabbed me and hugged me for a long time. Having her be so caring with me almost made me start crying again. I was turning into a mushy mess. I was a lot of things, but a mushy mess wasn't one of them. I wasn't a big crier. My thing was to vomit when I was overly sad, but mostly when I was stressed out. I vomit, but I don't cry.

There were a few things to eat on the table, plus a full bottle of vodka with four glasses. Please, don't let me tell Edward he smells like dirt again.

"Sit down, boy." Bex made me sit between Edward and her, then poured a glass and handed it to me. "Now, drink. We'll talk later."

I gulped the vodka in one go and she filled my glass again. Edward handed me something to eat and filled three other glasses for them. We drank in silence for a while. Edward's arm never left the back of my chair, and I could feel his thumb tracing patterns on my shoulder from time to time. Emmett looked at me, but stayed silent and Bex only refilled my drink, motioning to me to drink glass after glass. The alcohol started to kick in, and I was grateful for that. It made my brain swim in much happier thoughts. But there was no more discussion, they just watched me as we drank, and it made me feel weird.

"Alfred, they're not talking."

"I know, Bruce. I think they're waiting for you to say something."

Emmett nodded at Edward's words while Bex only refilled my glass again. I emptied it and looked at her. "Since when did you start waiting for me to speak first? You always have something to say."

She waved dismissively. "It's different tonight. I don't know what happened with your mother, but it sounds worse than usual." I cringed when she mentioned my mother, so she added, "See what I mean?"

I saw what she meant. I think. It was hard to focus on one thought. "My parents are dicks." Edward chuckled next to me. "What?"

"I'm having a flashback, Bruce, that's all."

He was smiling. I loved his smiles, he had a lot of different smiles. I guess it was the same for me, but I didn't care much for my smiles. His were great, though. Sometimes he could get me hard just with a smile. Okay, it was also because I knew everything he could do, but still, I loved his smile.

"Ouch! What the duck, Bex!" I rubbed my head where she had hit me. She had hit me! I ignored Emmett and Edward as they laughed, and only focused on Bex.

"I'm only doing what you asked me to do, boy."

"Huh?" She gave me a pointed look. "I don't get it, Bex. What are you doing?"

"I give up, boy. Keep drinking. You need it."

I looked at Emmett and Edward to see if they knew what she was talking about, but they only shrugged. Why would I ask her to hit me? Maybe the alcohol had messed her brain up, she- "Ah! Thanks, Bex." Then I whispered in her ear, "I was being all love struck, uh?"

She nodded. "A minute longer and you'd have started drooling, boy."

Then I was really drunk. I didn't feel it, though. Or maybe that was why the bottle of vodka was spinning.

Emmett watched Bex for a moment, then asked Edward, "Do you understand what's happening?"

He shook his head. "Nope, I'm not even trying to understand."

Emmett nodded and emptied his glass. "So your parents are dicks?"

Wow, how did he know? Emmett was really clever, I wondered if he was like Edward; maybe he knew what was going on in my head right now. If I pictured Edward's cock, would he see it? I hoped not. Mhm, Edward's cock.

"I, ah, I don't think I'd see it, no."

I looked at Emmett, wide-eyed. "You can hear me?" I turned to Edward. "Emmett can read my mind!"

They burst into laughter, before Edward replied, "We can all hear you, Bruce. You're talking out loud."

Huh. Was I? "But he knows that my parents are dicks!"

Emmett tried not to laugh. "You said it earlier, Jasper."

Ah. Yes, I remember, now. That made more sense and I was happy he couldn't read my thoughts. "Yes, they are dicks. And my mother would rather see me dead than let me be who I really am."

There was silence and I looked up to see what had happened, but I only caught a glimpse of Edward as he nodded. I wondered what that was about. I tried to pick up my glass, but it kept moving; glasses can't be trusted, I tell you.

"What?" Bex put the glass in my hand. "She said that to you?"

I nodded a few times. "I'm a disappointment." I blinked and gulped my vodka. "I don't want to be a disappointment. Being a disappointment sucks." Dang, the food had disappeared. That wasn't normal; food shouldn't disappear. I lifted an arm to call a waiter.

"Boy, look at me." I did as she asked, my arm still in the air. "She's just a dumb cunt and she doesn't deserve to have you as a son. Do you hear me?"

I nodded, but I wasn't convinced. I knew she was right at least about the cunt part, but it was really hard to believe I was worth something after what she had said. I needed more alcohol, and my arm was starting to hurt.

Bex stroked my face, sensing that what she had said hadn't gotten through. "You're not in any shape to talk about it now. Forget about her and get hammered, boy."

Her hand was still stroking my cheek. She had to stop that or I'd cry again. I wouldn't cry. That was weak, right? Where was the damn waiter?

I turned to Edward to ask him where the waiter was when I saw that he was talking to a waitress. Where had she come from? I listened to him ordering more food and alcohol and watched her as she looked at him as if he was, ah, I don't know, something to eat, probably. Maybe pretzels or fries. Or chicken. Now she was smiling and leaning over him. Seriously?

"You can try, but you won't get anywhere."

"Excuse me?"

Ha ha, she was talking to me! Wait. What? Oh yeah. Back off lady. "He isn't interested. He won't bend you over the table, no, no." I shook my head while I spoke but stopped quickly. The movement was making me dizzy.

Emmett guffawed, and Bex patted my hand. The one on the table, not the one in the air. My arm really hurt now. "Edward, my arm hurts."

He grabbed my hand and lowered my arm to the table, but kept my hand in his. He always knew what to do to ease the pain. "I don't think she's interested anyway, Bruce."

I snorted. "Of course she is! She was smiling and leaning over you. And she, ah, whatever. She is."

He shook his head as the waitress left to fetch his order or to seduce another gay man, I don't know.

"So you're the jealous type, Jasper, huh?"

I picked up the glass Bex had refilled for me before staring at Emmett, who had spoken to me. "I am not. I don't care if a football team tries to seduce him. I just want people to know we're together."

Edward's eyebrows shot up. I loved his eyebrows and he did this thing when- "Ouch! Bex!" I didn't even look at her, focused as I was on Edward's face.

"I think you need to eat more, Bruce. You're starting to get really drunk."

"I am not! Well, okay, maybe a little." He chuckled at my words so I added, "Maybe I'm a lot drunk. The room is spinning a little."

Emmett lifted his arm to drink his vodka, and I followed the motion, entranced. I liked his tattoo. It didn't make any sense. I could only see colors but it was preeeeetty. I felt Edward's fingers under my chin as he pushed on it to close my mouth.

"Are you aware that you've been staring at Emmett, open-mouthed, for the past five minutes, Bruce?"

I shook my head slowly. "I like the pretty colors, Alfred." I extended my arm on the table towards Emmett and waved my hand so he'd take it. His face showed surprised, and after glancing at Edward, he finally grabbed my hand. I leaned forward. "I'm so happy you came with us. You have preeeeetty colors, and you make Bex laugh."

Edward was laughing next to me. I don't know why he was laughing; it wasn't funny. I let go of Emmett's hand to slap Edward on the chest. "What are you laughing at?"

He caught my hand before I could hit him again, and held it in both of his. "You're making me laugh. I think you're even more drunk than you were the night we met."

"Jasper was drunk when you guys met?" Emmett leaned back in his chair, waiting to see if we'd answer him.

Edward nodded and chuckled, and of course Bex had to pipe up. "And Jasper put his best moves on Edward, didn't you, boy?

I had difficulty looking at her; my body didn't want to turn. Maybe I was paralyzed? I was warm and cosy but I couldn't turn at all. That was strange because I could still move my arms. I stopped trying to turn in my chair and glanced at Edward to see if he had noticed that I was paralyzed, but he didn't seem to.

"Edward, I'm paralyzed."

"What?"

"I can't turn to see Bex."

"That's because I'm holding you, Bruce. You almost fell a few minutes ago, remember? See those things around you? Those are my arms, so you don't fall again. They're what's keeping you from moving."

I did not fall, or almost fall. "I did not."

"Oh, you did, boy. It was funny, too."

They were all strange. I'd have felt it if I had almost fallen, but Edward's arms felt good so I didn't tell them they were wrong. I put my head on his shoulder and inhaled deeply as I sniffed his neck. He smelled like vodka.

"You smell like vodka, Alfred. I like it better when you smell like dirt." I shook because of his laughter. I loved his laugh. It was a good laugh.

"And that, Emmett, is drunk Jasper. We don't even need to tell you about the night we met. You're witnessing it."

"He clung to you saying he was paralyzed?"

"Ah, no. He didn't do that but he-"

I gasped and my head shot up. Not a good idea because the table was spinning. "Emmett, you're Robin!"

"I'm what?"

"Rooooobin!" I couldn't move because I was still paralyzed, but I leaned my head to the side to see him better. "You're Robin. Bex, tell him he's Robin!"

Emmett looked at Bex -because he wasn't paralyzed. "I'm Robin?"

"Oh, I can just see you in tights, Emmett. You'd be so handsome." Bex laughed really loudly then. How could she be so loud? She laughed louder than Emmett. I loved her laugh, too, though.

"I'm not sure I want to be Robin, Jasper."

"You have to! Tell him Edward."

He held me closer to him and kissed my temple. "I don't know, Bruce. He hasn't done anything to deserve it, yet."

I nodded a few times and drank my vodka. "Sure. Maybe later, then. I want to hike."

"Now?" Emmett was watching me as if I was crazy.

"I'm paralyzed and drunk so I can't hike now. Tomorrow morning... We'll go tomorrow morning."

"I'm not sure about that, Bruce."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sure you'll be fit to hike in the morning. You can barely talk right now."

I didn't need to talk to walk. I just needed to not be paralyzed anymore. I shook my head at him. "No, no, I want to go hike. I need the exercise, and I need the fresh air." I stared at Emmett. "You don't know this, but I called my mother today."

That seemed to make them stop chuckling. What? He didn't believe me? I had called her, and she hadn't been very nice to me. Maybe he already knew about it, though. Had I told him about it? I blinked a few times and tried to remember but I couldn't think straight. I love vodka! "I swear I called her, Emmett. And you know what? If I hadn't known Edward when I called her, I don't know where I'd be." I felt Bex's hand on my shoulder, and I grabbed it. "Plus he smells good, and he has a huge cock."

Edward laughed silently. "Ah, thank you, I guess. You're thinking a lot about my cock, Bruce."

Of course I did, but it wasn't the only thing I thought about. "I think a lot about your ass, too. Don't worry, Alfred."

"That makes me feel so much better; I was worried for a minute." He was still laughing, I had the feeling he was being ironic.

"I'm so happy to know that, Jasper."

Emmett didn't seem to mean that. I don't know why, because every male should want to meet Edward's cock. "It's not the biggest I've seen, but he can use it like no one else." I still couldn't see Bex, but at least she seemed to enjoy what I was saying much more than Emmett, based on her catcalling.

"I'm sure Emmett is glad to know that my cock is so great, Bruce."

"Oh, yeah. I am. I was wondering about it today, actually."

Wow, Emmett had been thinking about Edward's cock today! "Really?"

"Of course not, Jasper!" Emmett threw his arms in the air, and shook his head as Bex and Edward guffawed. That was sad. In my opinion Edward's cock was worth thinking about. Emmett slapped his palm on the table. "So, hiking?"

"YES!" Argh, my head! I started talking again but at a lower volume. "I want to do the trail Edward and I saw today. I don't think it's too hard."

"I'm up for it, but I'll be banging on your door early tomorrow, Jasper. You're sure you'll be up for it?" Apparently Emmett didn't believe me.

"Yup. Tell him, Edward. You're coming, too, right?"

He patted my hair. "I don't think I want to miss hiking with you while you're hungover. Of course I'll hike with you."

I was getting dizzy. Things were spinning. "Alfred, you should hold me or I'm going to fall soon."

"I got you, Bruce. You won't fall."

"See? That's why I love him. He's always got me."

Edward raised an eyebrow as he gazed at me.

"You mean you love him more than you love his cock, boy? How is that even possible?"

"Oh, I love his cock, Bex, but I love him way more." Emmett was watching me with a big smile on his face. I put my palm flat on Edward's chest. "It's true, Emmett, I'm completely in love with him."

Edward smiled and shook his head before kissing my forehead. I wanted to tell him he could kiss me anytime, and also that he was hot and wonderful. And that I loved him but I think I fell asleep.

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