Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the Matrix trilogy.
I have two exam papers tomorrow. I have learnt that exam stress somehow results in me writing a lot, instead of studying like I should be. In fact, most of my best stories were written during exam periods.
the world is crying.
streaks of dark wet down concrete and sharp glass.
it is over. all over!
why can't they see that?
why don't they understand??
there is no hope left. the sun will shine no more, just like in the real world.
yet they still want me to save them.
they can't even save themselves.
Neo dragged the shard of broken glass yet another time across his already-serrated left wrist. The pattern of split flesh on this wrist was slightly less artistic-looking than the one on his right, what with him being left-handed and all.
This made him even more depressed. He picked up his pen and notebook again to write:
i cant even slash my wrists prettily
im so useless
and they still want me to save them!!
why dont they just kill me already if they want me to die??
why must they get smith to do it for them??
"Mr. Anderson," came a voice through gritted teeth. "We are starting to lose our patience."
Neo flung the blood-spattered notebook angrily at the floor and glared at Smith. "CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE??" he yelled, getting to his feet. "Do you think it's easy being the One and all that, huh? Do you think I like saving the world??"
Smith arched an eyebrow. "Mr. Anderson, are you wearing eyeliner?"
Neo scowled. "Why would you care?" he demanded. "All you want is to take over the world and destroy me, right? RIGHT?? So why're you just standing there, huh? KILL ME, then! KILL ME!!!" Neo threw his arms wide open. Blood dripped from his wrists, splashing red into the puddles of rain on the road. Cheap eyeliner ran in black streaks down his face. Some of it got into his mouth. This made him even more depressed, because eyeliner doesn't taste good.
Neo let out a low moan and sank to his knees. "Why me?" he asked in a desperate whisper, face raised to the heavens, his eyes shut in the pain of existence. "What did I do to deserve this?"
There was a brief moment of divine silence, and then a loud voice came out of the sky and said in a thoughtful sort of way:
"John Constantine slashes his wrists better than you do."
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
It was around this moment that Smith realised that leaving Neo alone with that shard of glass would be most likely to result in a highly mangled and un-take-over-able body.
So he did the practical thing and saved Neo from himself, black Smithgoo mixing with black runny eyeliner and turning the angsty Neo into an angsty Smith.
Smith adjusted the tie of his new clone. "Is it over?" he asked.
The Smith-that-had-been-Neo grimaced and turned away. "Why do you care?" he muttered.
Then every Smith exploded, and all that was left was the grey rain falling on the sodden pages of a blood-spattered notebook that lay in a puddle, never again to be privy to the poetical angstings of The One.
the end.
MATRIX REVOLUTIONS: THE EMU VERSION
Neo frowned slightly at the large bird that greeted him when he entered the Matrix for the last time.
"Where's Smith?" he asked.
The large bird cocked his head at him.
The sound of fluttering drove Neo's attention to the sides of the road, and he took an involuntary step backwards.
Both sides of the road were lined with birds. Large birds. Emus.
"This is impossible," Neo said quietly, backing off from the first emu.
The rows of emus cocked their heads at him.
"SMITH!" Neo yelled. "I know you're here!"
The two rows of emus suddenly started advancing towards each other, closing in on Neo.
"Smith?" Neo called out again. "What's with all these... birds..."
The first signs of panic started to appear on his face as the emus got ever closer, their beaks opening and closing menacingly, the beady eyes of a hundred emus fixated on Neo.
"This is insane," he muttered, and bent down into a crouch to prepare to fly off into the sky.
Then there was a loud crashing noise, and the largest emu Neo had ever seen smashed through the outer walls of one of the buildings and fell straight down to squash him flat.
A loud joyous rabid chirping filled the air as the hundred emus threw themselves onto Neo, creating the largest pile of emus that had ever been witnessed in the Matrix. For a while, all that could be seen of Neo was a feebly twitching hand, but then that too disappeared beneath a mass of feathers, beaks, and emu feet.
Down the street now sounded the steady clop of footsteps. Smith walked up to the pile of emus, looked at it, and his lips curved upwards in a small smile.
"As you see, Mr. Anderson," he said, addressing the pile of emus, "there has been... a slight change of plan."
A late emu came bounding out of a side street and joined its brothers and sisters with a 'plop' sound. Smith viewed it with some distaste.
"Goodbye, Mr. Anderson," he finally said, and walked away to celebrate his victory.
He and his copies feasted on emu that night.
the end.
xxx
The door opened. A teenager fell out. The door slammed shut. Seconds later, it opened again, disgorged a damaged camera, and shut again.
Jesse Walker - previously known as the cameraman - picked up his totalled camera and got unsteadily to his feet, left hand clamped over what he was pretty sure was a broken nose. He used his right forearm to wipe blood and tears somewhat unsuccessfully off his face. Down the corridor, Alex smeared popcorn grease off on his jeans and rushed over.
"Hey, you okay?"
Jesse thought of saying, "Do I look okay?" but didn't, because if he opened his mouth blood would go in, and he was neither hungry nor a vampire.
"You shouldn't have gone in there," Alex said a little too late, indicating the closed door. "We keep 'em bolted in there for a reason... Ted?"
"Yeah?"
"Get a piece of paper, write 'No Entry' on it, and stick it on this door. I'm taking him up to the hospital."
"Sure, dude," Ted said, passing the popcorn bowl over to Neo and going off to the supply room in search of paper, pen and scotchtape.
Neo looked down at the popcorn bowl in his hands, and unrestrained glee started to slowly rise in him. No one else was watching him. Tentatively, he reached a hand in to scoop up some popcorn-
"EXPECTORANT!"
And then a bolt of silver flew through the air and knocked the bowl clean out of his hands, where it landed on the carpet and scattered popcorn everywhere.
A redhead teenager was running up the corridor, panting for breath, his outstretched hand holding a wooden stick. He was followed by a bushy-haired girl of his age.
"It's Expecto Patronum, you dolt!" the girl was yelling. Both teenagers ignored Neo and had their eyes fixed on the other end of the corridor, where a cloaked black figure had keeled over and was now spewing copious amounts of phlegm out onto the carpet.
"Sorry," the youth said. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"
The girl shook her head in despair. "Honestly, Ron..."
Their feet crunched popcorn as they moved on toward the retching figure in black.
"Expecto Patronum!" the girl said. A large silver thing came out of her wand, chased the Dementor away, and they followed it into the stairwell, the door closing behind them and leaving Neo feeling highly confused and popcorn-deprived.
Ted ambled out of the supply room with a piece of paper with 'No Entry' written on it. He looked around, trying to figure out which door it was that he was supposed to stick the sign on. There's only one way to find out, he decided with a shrug, unbolting the nearest door and peeking in.
Neo regained his senses quick enough to yank Ted away to safety and slam the door shut. Grimacing, he struggled with the wiggling door handle and shot the bolt back home. Someone on the other side kicked the door. Neo heard swearing and mutterings of, "so much for lunch."
"Give me the sign."
Ted passed it over along with the scotchtape, and Neo taped it firmly to the door.
"What's that?" Ted asked, looking at the Dementor's vomit.
"You don't want to know," Neo said, casting a disappointed look at the spilled popcorn.
to be continued.
xxx
Review time! Reviews make me happy. Exams make me not-happy. And woe is me, for my parents have deserted me for the housewives of desperation.
The bonus story extra bit section is now also available on the Club-Keanu forums under the Creative Corner. On the version posted there, bits have been added to it to make it flow better and give some background on Kenselton Hotel.