Chapter 13: Catch Up, No Mustard

Unaware of Locus and Felix's sinister plots, the Reds and Blues were already facing a problem with their plans, that being the complete disinclination of one of their own members.

"Grif," Carolina said slowly, "We just want to look at it."

"Yeah, right!" Grif snapped, keeping the suppressor rifle trained on his surrounding friends, "That's what the UNSC guys said about the Grifshot, and I never saw it again!"

Carolina blinked in confusion, "The what?"

"It's what he called the Meta's weapon," Simmons explained, "Grif stole it from him and kept it as a trophy until the UNSC confiscated it."

"Until then, I thought I was the only one man enough around here to cry," Donut agreed, "But Grif proved me wrong."

"Ha!" Tucker chuckled.

"It had sentimental value!" Grif sobbed, clutching the rifle close to his chest like a child would clutch his favorite teddy bear.

"Darn it, Grif!" Sarge yelled, "Hand over that laser this instant!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I outrank you, again!"

"What the... Very well," Sarge cocked his trusty weapon and pointed it at Grif, "Let's see you outrank the end of my shotgun!"

"Uh, done," Grif replied, raising the suppressor again."

"Yeah, this is taking forever," Epsilon decided.

In the blink of an eye, he shifted into his larger form and ran towards Grif.

"Hey! Hey, wait a minute!" Grif tried to run, but too late as Epsilon leapt into his armor, "Hurk-ahh!"

Before he knew it, Epsilon had taken him over completely.

"Hoo! Okay. Alright, here you go," he said, tossing the suppressor over to Carolina.

"Thanks," Carolina then grimaced and glanced down at the rifle, "Ugh, why is this so greasy?"

"You think that's bad?" Epsilon retorted, folding Grif's arms, "Imagine how I feel right now. Being inside this body is like trying to breathe through a trash can."

With that, he jumped out of Grif's body.

"Gross," Rhode grimaced.

"He-gurk-gah!" Grif cried as he regained control of his body, "Dang it! I hate that!"

"Fascinating!" Dr. Grey gasped, as Epsilon shrank back to his original size, "An AI with the ability to jump from soldier to soldier. Tell me, Carolina, does he travel via your neural implants or is it something more subtle?"

"Implants," Carolina replied, "All Freelancer personnel have them, and most sim troopers like these guys."

"I thought only the Alpha could do that," Tucker recalled.

"Yeah, just another trick I picked up from one of my... old memory buddies," As he spoke, Epsilon's body flickered slightly, "God, it gives me a headache though."

"C'mon, let's dismantle this thing and see what we can learn," Carolina declared.

"Hey, look, but..." Grif spluttered.

"When we're done, you can have it back in one piece... probably," Carolina half-promised.

"Ooh, ooh, you mind if I tag along?" Simmons called out excitedly.

"Yeah, and me!" Sarge added, equally eager, "Advanced weaponry is my fifth favorite hobby! Right behind destroying my enemies, but just ahead of karaoke!"

"No thanks," Carolina cut in hastily, "Uh, I think Epsilon and I have it handled? Why don't you catch up for a while? You've all been through a lot."

"Yeah, I'd stick around for the reunion," Epsilon added, "But... uh, some of you guys still seem pretty ticked at me so... I'm just gonna wait for that to settle."

"Come on," Rhode said, "Can I at least come along?"

Carolina looked at him for a few seconds and smiled, "Sure, why not."

With that, he, Church, and Carolina went into the base.

For a moment, the Reds and Blues were silent.

Then Donut cleared his throat and turned to his fellow teammates, "Sooo... How have you guys been?"

"Shut up," Grif snapped.

"Same old, same old, uh?" Donut chuckled, "That's cool."

"Well," Dr. Grey spoke up, "I don't want to intrude on such a sweet moment of reconnection..."

"Fine with me," Washington muttered.

"I was being polite, I'm much more interested in foreign technology. Bye!" With that, Dr. Grey turned and ran off into the base.

"Okay, bye!" Caboose called, "She seems nice."

"Right?" Donut agreed.

"I think she has a few screws loose," Simmons murmured.

"Oh-ho," Tucker chuckled with a sly grin, "I could always help her out with that. Bow chicka bow-"

"Wait!" Caboose cut in.

"Aw, c'mon, dude!" Tucker cried, throwing his hands out, "It's been ages!"

"Washington, I-I almost forgot!" Caboose continued, "Uh, where's Freckles? Uh, he probably had some screws loose also."

Wash froze at Caboose's words and Sarge was quick to notice, "Ohh... You know what? I think I'm just gonna go take a peek at that laser thing after all. I'm just dying to see it..."

Simmons and Lopez turned to look at him, "Uh, I mean it's killin' me not to... Uh... Oh..."

He paused for a moment then shook his head, "Nope, got nothin'."

With that, he simply left.

"Yeeaahh," Simmons murmured.

"(Smooth)," Lopez agreed, running after Sarge.

Simmons and Grif both glanced at Donut who shook his head sadly. Understanding the message, they followed their pink teammate out.

Wash quickly glanced at Tucker, who quickly understood the silent message and hurried out after the Reds, leaving Caboose and Wash alone.

"Yeah, this is great," Caboose said gleefully, "Church is back, you're back. It's like all of us made it back safe and sound in one piece! No problem."

Wash gave an uncomfortable look, "Uhh, Caboose-"

"And alive!"

"Caboose, uh... I'm not really sure how to tell you this... without both confusing you and breaking your disturbingly fragile heart."

"I AM AN EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB!"

"Jesus Christ..." Wash gave a deep sigh and pulled out Freckles' storage unit from his belt pocket, "Caboose, I'm afraid this... is all that's left of Freckles. It's his brain, sort of."

Caboose's face fell as he took the storage unit and stared at it, "Freckles? You're... you're..."

Then he lifted the unit up with a huge grin, "You're so tiny now!"

Wash's eyebrows flew up in surprise, "Uh, what?"

"It's so good to see you again!" Caboose hugged the unit close to his face and rubbed his fingers over it, "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy, Freckles?"

"So, you're... okay then?"

"Ah, Wash, this is great!" Caboose cheered, grabbing his leader in a hug, "Now he can fit in my pocket and I don't have to worry about him trying to kill anyone anymore!"

"I guess that is sort of better," Wash admitted.

Caboose beamed as he put Freckles' unit in his pocket, "Thanks for looking out for Freckles, Wash. I know he can be a handful."

"Literally, at this point."

"Alright, let's go for a walk, Freckles, 'cause Wash is acting weird and dramatic again," With that, Caboose turned and set off into the base, "Good to have ya back, Agent Washington!"

Wash smiled and nodded slowly, "It's good to be back."

At that very moment, Grif's voice rang out from the base, "Back off, lady, or I will put you in the ground!"

"Aaand, the moment's passed," Wash sighed.

XXX

He came into the base to find Grif aiming the suppressor at Carolina, surrounded by the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew.

"You were about to take it apart!" Grif accused angrily.

"What did you think 'dismantle' meant?" Rhode retorted.

"How did he manage to get the laser back?" Wash asked.

"He's deceptively heavy," Simmons replied.

"(Well, he already looks fat,)" Lopez noted, "(So that's saying something.)"

Carolina took a step forward. "Grif, for the last time, put the laser-"

Before Carolina could finish, Grif fired the suppressor, barely missing her as she ducked down.

"Oops," Grif gasped, lowering the gun. "Uh, okay, look, that was an accident."

"Dude," Rhode breathed, "You just messed up... Big time."

Carolina's eyes narrowed, "I'm going to break your fingers now."

"Yipe!" Grif squeaked, backing away.

"Excuse me," Dr. Grey cut in, approaching Grif, "Where did you find that rifle?"

"Hey, I picked it up after Carolina dropped it at the snow base," Grif replied, "Are you even familiar with the International Dibs Protocol?"

"Mind if I take a look?" Dr. Grey asked.

Grif pulled the rifle close to his chest, "My gun!"

"I'm not gonna take it apart or anything, I just want to see it."

"Will you give it back afterwards?"

Dr. Grey raised a hand, "Promise."

Grif thought it over for a moment, "Well, alright. Here you go."

He handed the gun over.

"So where did you find this thing, Carolina?" Dr. Grey asked, examining the gun.

"The pirates have been manufacturing these along with the armor enhancements," Carolina explained, "They got facilities scattered around the planet."

"So then, you're sure it's man-made?"

"Yeah, I'm positive," Epsilon replied. "Why?"

"Well, for starters, it isn't using human technology. It just fired some kind of modified plasma energy. Very deadly, and pretty!"

"Plasma?" Sarge asked.

"Alien energy source." By means of demonstrate, Dr. Grey raised the gun up and fired a single shot, sending a bolt of energy up into a nearby tree and blowing a branch to cinders, "See? I've seen it countless times in archeological digs."

"Wait, I thought you were a surgeon," Simmons said.

"I have an IQ of 240," Dr. Grey replied, giving the gun back to Grif, "A prodigy can only cut people open so many times before she needs to find a hobby."

"Jesus," Epsilon muttered, "Couldn't you try cross-stitching?"

"I sewed them back up, thank you very much."

"Hey, didn't Felix say that he was paid in alien tech?" Tucker recalled.

"I believe he said he was paid in babies," Caboose added.

Epsilon grimaced. "The crap?"

"Don't ask," Grif advised.

"He was definitely carrying around an old plasma rifle," Simmons remembered, "But I thought he said it was broken. He even demonstrated by pointing it at Tucker."

"Scared the crap out of us," Tucker agreed, "But when he pulled the trigger, nothing happened. It was definitely busted."

"It's likely it was," Dr. Grey replied, "The Federal Army arranged a similar deal with Locus. They figured trading useless antiques for military assistance was a good deal."

"So the mercs stock up on alien technology," Carolina reasoned, "and hand it over to the pirates for reverse engineering..."

"Giving them a new kind of weapon," Wash added, following her thoughts, "Half human, half alien."

"And every single one of them pointed at us," Epsilon finished grimly, "Fantastic."

"Wait," Rhode snapped his fingers in realization, "I remember now! Carolina, Wash, remember the mission where I got my arm cut off?"

"How could I?" Carolina said, "What about it?"

"The whole reason I was sent there was because those guys were making half-man, half-alien weapons that did the exact same stuff as this! I thought that when the base blew up, that would be the end of it. Apparently not."

"A few models might have shipped out before you blew it up," Carolina said, "Probably enough for whoever Control hired to test them."

"Do you have anything else like this?" Dr. Grey asked.

"What about the future cubes?" Grif put in.

Carolina blinked in confusion, "The what?"

"You know, these things," Grif replied, picking up one of the glowing orange cubes.

"Future cubes!" Donut declared, "The cubes of the future!"

"They look kinda like the laser gun, right?"

"That's your deductive reasoning?" Simmons spluttered, "They're related because they're both orange and glowy."

"So?"

"So?! If I heated your armor to a thousand degrees, would you think you're related too?"

Donut gulped in horror, "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

"Oh come on," Grif cried, "There's clearly a resemblance!"

"Oh of course," Sarge drawled sarcastically, "Just like the uncanny resemblance between apples and fire trucks, or Caboose and the Pacific Ocean, or Lopez and a dingleberry!"

"Okay, I get it," Grif cut in.

"Hey, Grif, let me ask you a question," Epsilon spoke up, "You ever get your sister confused with mustard? You know, since they're both yellow and cheap?"

Grif raised the suppressor and fired again. Epsilon glanced down as the energy bolts shot through his body. Rhode had to cover his mouth to keep from busting out laughing.

"Yeah, nice try. Still a hologram, by the way."

"Epsilon, he's right," Carolina then said.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted in on the action!"

"Both types of equipment seem to utilize some form of alien engineering," Carolina then took the cube from Grif and glanced at it, "But... how did you know how the teleporters look like?"

"'Cos we had them in the canyon, duh," Grif replied.

"Wait, you did?" Epsilon cried.

"Yeah!" Donut responded, "They were awesome!"

"We found them while we were sneaking aboard the ship one night in an attempt to destroy the Blues," Sarge paused in his explanation when he saw the Blues looking at him, "I mean, the Blues' robot. May he rest in peace."

"Which reminds me," Grif stated, turning to Carolina and Epsilon, "How did you guys teleport with these things? We could only figure out how to transport random junk."

"(And Doc)," Lopez added, "(You accidentally teleported Doc.)"

"You what?" Rhode asked.

"Oh my gosh, that's right!" Donut gasped, "We did use them to defeat Dos.0!"

"(Oh, for goodness sake)," Lopez groaned, visor-palming.

"Okay, everybody shut up!" Epsilon yelled, "Listen, if the same people making weapons on Chorus had cargo on our ship, then we might be able to find out who they are."

"How?" Simmons asked.

"A manifest?" Carolina replied as if it was obvious.

"Yep," Epsilon said.

"That's right," Wash realized, "A transport ship that size would need to keep track of all its cargo."

"So if we find the manifest, we find out who supplied the teleportation grenades," Carolina agreed.

Tucker looked skeptical, "So you think a bunch of evil bad guys, working outside of the law, are gonna worry about paperwork?"

"What, you got any better ideas?" Epsilon shouted.

Tucker frowned then sighed, "No..."

"Then we have our objective," Carolina decided, "Half of us will travel back to the canyon and search Crash Site Bravo for the manifest."

"Why split up?" Simmons asked.

Carolina turned to face the whole group, "Because the rest of us will be searching the other half of the ship... at Crash Site Alpha."

XXX

Yeah, I brought back that little side mission Rhode did in the first book. Hopefully you remember it. Till next time guys!