The sections in italics are flashbacks. Normal text is the present time.
And just for fun - or more likely bizarre interest - since so many people have asked me what I am doing with him - I have opened a poll to see what your opinion is on whether or not I should kill Balinor.
Balinor tried to sleep that night. He tucked himself up in the bed with Merlin, Cyan curled up at the end of the bed and Thor settled on the back of a chair. It felt better, with them all together. That felt right, but Merlin's few coherent words plagued Balinor's mind. It whirled around with what Merlin had said about the woman who had helped him, and had come to Balinor, offering reassurance, but not, he realised, shirking away from what he needed to know.
She had hinted at what should have been between herself and Merlin, and the fact to start something new, the old had to go. It occurred to him, that he didn't even know her name. He had never thought to even ask her, all his interest had been focused on Merlin. Now he felt the deepest regret about that. Merlin had obviously liked her, and now he was close to devastated about what he had done. Not that he could judge his son for that. Whatever had happened would not have been malicious, or even deliberate, on his part.
He ran his fingers through his son's thick hair, he needed to cut it again, and would do so in the morning. For now he just brushed it back off Merlin's forehead and looked down at him as he slept. The pain and anguish was gone from his features. He looked so innocent. He was innocent. Despite all the horrors and pain he had been through Merlin still held that, it had hidden itself away, waiting for the moment it could come back. Balinor had known his son for over a year, but somehow knew him from when he was just ten years old.
Merlin had survived long enough with some of the worst horrors he could face, Balinor was sure whatever had happened between him, Nimueh and Morgause would be something else he could work past. The only thing that might be mourned was a loss of that innocence. But Merlin wasn't a child, he should have been an adult, he would have to be before this situation came to its climax.
It was nothing more now than Balinor's job to prepare him. But it was down to Merlin to dictate how long he was needed. His fate had been cheated, by something of Merlin's. Cyan's jaws had snatched him from fate and he was held now. As long as Merlin needed him, Balinor would be there.
Lying down Balinor tucked Merlin to him. Merlin huffed in his sleep, unconsciously snuggling against Balinor, as he always did. For the moment, nothing plagued his son, and after the last few days that had to be something of a relief for Merlin. It also made Balinor think, his future was secure. One way or another, his son was always going to need him.
He didn't even become aware of feeling sleepy. He just seemed to close his eyes and the next moment, when he opened them, it was light. The sun was rising in the sky and Merlin was stirring against him. Thor was perched on the balcony, preening himself, his feathers shining in the early morning sun. Cyan was still sprawled on the bed, lifting his head as he realised Balinor was awake. Merlin stirred grumpily as Balinor moved.
"Merlin, come on, time to wake up."
His son mumbled in discontent, and Balinor extracted himself, ruffling Merlin's hair before going to sift through the food that was left. He had told the serving girl to leave it, Merlin would want something to eat the moment he roused.
Merlin yelped and sat up, his eyes questing around the room until he saw Balinor.
"Breakfast Merlin," Balinor said, brining the food back to the bed. Merlin took the plate and looked around, eyes setting on things, but his gaze lingering on the living creatures in the room. Merlin started to eat and Balinor put food out for the animals before gathering something for himself. They all paused at a knock at the door.
"Come in."
"My Lord," the serving girl said as she curtseyed. "Would you require anything more?"
"Some water, and do you have a pair of scissors."
"I can certainly find some," she announced. Merlin pouted.
"Apples, I want apples," he told her. She smiled at him.
"I'll bring some."
"Merlin, don't be rude," Balinor said.
"Please," Merlin added.
Her smile widened. "We have some fresh blackberries too, I'll bring a bowl of them as well."
With that she disappeared. Balinor looked at Merlin, who hunched a little, and chewed on the bread he had in his mouth.
"I need to cut your hair," Balinor informed him. "We can do that after breakfast."
It was a good time to talk to Merlin. He had eaten, he was settled and Balinor had something to do while he gently spoke to Merlin. It made Merlin twitch his head about as Balinor cut but he still managed to cut well enough.
"Merlin, the nice lady, who was she?"
"Nimueh, she was pretty, she looked after me, and showed me magic. Then I hurt her."
"How did you hurt her Merlin, what happened? Tell me."
Merlin did.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Merlin found her stood outside, in the area that rippled with magic. She stood by the archway that marked the entrance to the old, crumbling building, looking out across the lake, to the boat that was travelling across.
"Is that father?" Merlin asked.
"No, Merlin," Nimueh said gently. "But they'll take you to your father. I told you that would happen. And you need to remember, even if things look bad, they're not like that."
She reached out to grip his wrist gently.
"Do you remember what I said? What we talked about?"
Merlin nodded, his face serious. And he looked up, stepping back a little as the blonde woman wearing clothes like Arthur wore, like the bad men had worn, walked up the slope from the lakeside towards them. Nimueh turned to walk across the uneven ground, into the old building, stopping by the altar where she stopped to wait. The new people came through the archway, the woman ahead and several black clad men followed behind her. Merlin couldn't see their faces, hidden away under their hoods. He shuffled behind the strong stone, waiting a few paces behind Nimueh, and watching as the two women paused, gazing at each other across the short space.
"Morgause," Nimueh said in greeting. The blonde woman smirked.
"I was amazed when I sensed you here. I'm surprised you had the audacity to return."
"All things return. They come full circle, child."
Morgause started to pace. "I am no child, I am a priestess of the Old Religion. You are it's betrayer."
"I betrayed no one. It is not my folly that caused the chaos, nor it's damnation."
"You know what you did. You killed so many."
"And you will kill more. Anger is one thing, blood fuelled hate is something else."
"You are weak."
"I am anything but," Nimueh said. "Again, you do not see. My place in this world has changed. You cannot stop what will happen, I will answer for my part in it."
She glanced at Merlin, who was looking from her to Morgause uncertainly. He fixed his gaze, eventually, on Nimueh who smiled at him. Merlin rubbed his hand nervously against the stone, and Cyan paced slowly into view, causing the men to draw their weapons. Merlin bit down on his lip.
"Cyan," he called, the wolf turned and ran to him, standing by Merlin, who put his other hand into the wolf's thick pelt. Morgause watched with narrow eyes.
"The boy has power."
"Merlin has so much, and more than you can ever comprehend."
"When he understands, he'll do what is right."
"Yes, he will."
"So he'll come with me."
"All children need guidance. Merlin needs one person for that, at least for now, and it is not you."
Merlin didn't understand what they meant. They were talking, but it seemed to make no sense to him. He couldn't interpret the words and the meanings that the women were placing on them.
"So I can take him."
"I doubt you'll do that, but he will go with you," Nimueh said.
Morgause turned to glance at the men around her.
"Search the buildings, see what you can find."
Nimueh took several, swift paces back, Merlin tensed and Cyan bared his teeth. Merlin's eyes widened as he watched the confrontation.
"You will not! This place is sacred!"
"And when do you dictate what is sacred," Morgause said. "You are not the only one with power, and you have no right to be here. That privilege was lost to you."
"And do you think you have any greater right. This place is deserted, lost and forgotten!"
"Whose fault is that?" Morgause roared, her eyes surging with gold.
Merlin screamed as he felt the wave, Nimueh flew backwards in the air, landing heavily, but she recovered quickly. Merlin ran forward and then stopped as Cyan dashed around him, herding him away. Merlin whimpered and looked around, unsure what to do. Nimueh stood up again, squaring her shoulders and glaring at Morgause. The corner of her mouth was bleeding, reddening her lips even more.
"You seek to try me?" Nimueh said. Morgause's eyes flared again and Nimueh raised her hand, batting her attack off as if she was nothing more than an irritating fly. Two of the guards crumpled under the deflected power.
"Do you truly believe that you have all the answers? That what you seek is as simple as that? I have spent years searching for answers, and I still do not see them complete. Resolutions have been made, and reparation is to come. And you will never comprehend."
"Take the boy!" Morgause snapped, waving her hand at two more of the guard. They stepped forward and Merlin back-peddled. He was now confused and frightened. Nimueh had promised that someone would come and take him to father, but this was not what he had envisioned. That somebody bad could be with his father. Merlin flinched away from the faceless man who tried to grab him and as he ducked away, Cyan struck.
The man screamed as the wolf's jaws latched around his throat, rumblings emanating from Cyan's throat as he pinned the man down and tore his throat to pieces. Morgause's eyes widened and she raised her hand lashing out her power towards Cyan. Without even thinking about it, Merlin lashed back, his eyes glowing gold and the magic rushed through him. Cyan yelped and ducked as the two forces clashed, sparks flying everywhere. As he dashed aside one of the guards threw a thick rope net, catching the wolf within it. For a moment it hampered the animal and it gave two of the guards time to secure the thrashing wolf. Merlin watched in shock, stepping forward, but then looking around, unsure what to do.
"Kill the animal!" Morgause commanded.
Merlin reacted instantly, giving a scream of shock and throwing himself forward over the prone wolf to protect him. The guard holding his knife hesitated, glancing to Morgause for instruction. Merlin yanked at the net to try and free Cyan, but his trembling fingers couldn't seem to manage it. He kept himself as a physical barrier between the knife and Cyan. Merlin looked around in panic, and locked eyes with Morgause.
"You're a bad lady!" Merlin shouted at her, his power gathering, anger borne of fear suddenly rushing through him. His eyes flashed gold and the sky above them rumbled.
Lightening flashed and as it lashed down towards Morgause, she raised her hand, shouting out and the attack was deflected, crashing down across the ground to where Nimueh stood
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Balinor let Merlin sob into his chest as he brought back the memory of what he had done. There had been no sign of the sorceress, just smoke and ashes. Balinor hugged Merlin tightly, rocking him in his arms.
"It wasn't your fault son. You didn't mean to hurt her."
Balinor stayed with the euphemism, but it was clear Merlin had killed her. Something that Nimueh had accepted as her fate. Balinor had only just been getting over the shock of hearing her name when Merlin had come to that part of the tale. Balinor had never met her before their one and only encounter, but he knew the name, had heard the stories, and listened to what had been said.
Many of her own kind had reviled her, turning her into a scapegoat when the great purge had begun. Magic users throughout Camelot blamed her for Uther's actions. She was the one who had helped Uther and Igraine conceive a child, using magic, and Uther had disregarded her warnings of the balance of life.
Those who had toyed with magic at that time had little regard for the true laws of nature, Nimueh perhaps included. Except, on that occasion, the balance had been restored, Uther had gained Arthur but lost Igraine and he had turned his grief into a loathing of magic.
In some respects Uther was not wrong. People were abusing magic, taking what they could and not giving back what was required. It needed to be balanced, but Uther had instead sought to eradicate magic, blaming it for his wife's death. Balinor had been instructed carefully when it came to his gift. Control of the dragons was not something to be used casually, when they could become such powerful weapons.
He felt Merlin shake his head.
"I wanted to hurt the mean lady," Merlin said. "She made me angry."
"I know Merlin, I understand."
"And I hurt Nimueh," Merlin sobbed. "Am I bad?"
"No, Merlin, it doesn't make you bad," Balinor said. "It was just an accident, a mistake. You didn't do anything."
"But I did it!" Merlin sobbed. Balinor pushed Merlin away so he could cup his chin in his hands and he lifted Merlin's head so his son would look him in the eyes. Merlin's face was filled with an expression of deep anguish.
"I know it was your power, but Morgause could have directed it anywhere, somewhere where it wouldn't have hurt anyone. She didn't. That was her choice, to hurt Nimueh, not yours. Understand, Merlin?"
Merlin nodded slowly, his face still solemn. "I won't do it again. I don't want to be bad."
Balinor tucked Merlin close to him again, Merlin huffed in contentment as he put his head down on Balinor's shoulder.
"You're not bad Merlin."
"Gwaine said angry doesn't mean bad."
"Gwaine is right, being angry doesn't make you bad, it just makes you sometimes react to quickly. It wasn't your fault Merlin."
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Merlin could hardly react as one of the faceless men pulled him up, grabbing him from behind, taking his upper arms roughly. He pulled him away from Cyan, who was still bound up in the net. Morgause stepped forward, between Cyan and Merlin. Merlin went deathly still, staring at her nervously.
"Now, if you don't want your little friend dead, you'll do as you are told."
Merlin's lower lip trembled and he looked down at his boots, not saying anything but his reaction and stance spoke of submission. Morgause looked at the guards.
"Take them across the lake, two of you remain, I wish to search the ruins."
Two men had, to Merlin's horror, unceremoniously dragged Cyan, bound in his net, down to the boat, with Merlin hustled along by the guard holding him. Merlin clambered into the boat and clung to Cyan, running his fingers into the thick fur as best he could, and laying his head against the wolf's. The deep huffing breaths of the angry animal were warm against his ear.
As they pulled up, Merlin scrambled up, hauled along by one of the men until he was dumped on the lakeside. They hauled Cyan out and unceremoniously dropped the wolf into the shallow water. Cyan yipped and howled in anger, it made the guards back off and Merlin ran forward and with a strength that he could have hardly imagined he dragged the wolf up, clear of the water, clinging to him again, not caring if the animal was wet.
When Morgause returned, Merlin didn't resist as they worked through the net to put the collar on Cyan and tethered him to the cart. Merlin dived under the cart, huddling by the back wheel, and he peered out to watch Morgause chant, her eyes flashing and then net around Cyan disappeared. As soon as he was free the wolf dashed to Merlin, tail down between his legs and they huddled together. Merlin shivered in panic, mind filling with the memories of what others had done to him when he was captive, what they might do now. The pain and hurting things. He pressed his face into Cyan's fur, shutting out what was going on around him, but unable to stop the panic mounting in his mind. Then slowly, after the cart was loaded, it moved. Cyan had no choice but to follow it, and with his hand still latched in the wolf's fur, Merlin tottered along.
Every time they stopped, he had hidden away, fearful of what might happen, and Cyan joined him, a warming, protective presence. Merlin had been given food and water, but sparingly, tossed under the cart without any care where the waterskin or the food landed. Merlin shared with the wolf and Merlin clung to the things that Nimueh had told him, when they had talked. He would see father, that was all he needed to remember. Father would be there, and whatever might happen, that was all Merlin needed to know.
Father would make everything better.
Father did.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
"That went well then," Cenred said, as he sat talking to Morgause. The blonde sorceress glowered at him and he felt the rush of desire. He knew he was being manipulated, but he could do the same to her, playing a game that left them both at a standstill. She needed him, she needed the army he could bring, a muscle she could flex when she was ready. With her, he could take Camelot. Morgause had plans for her sister to take the throne, but Cenred didn't mind that. Morgana would, as queen, need to produce heirs at some point. That would require a king.
He could bide his time, but it occurred to him, he had a way to take greater control of the situation.
"The child is impossible. He's nothing more than a village idiot!" Morgause snarled.
"With a wolf and crow within his control, and he killed a very powerful sorceress."
"The Dragonlord and his child are both as base as beasts. The boy has one use, we keep him hostage, his father is a Dragonlord, and more than likely willing to do anything for his son. I could take the boy with me."
"You have, from what you say, more to concern yourself with, Morgause. Weakening Camelot still takes time, even with a traitor so close to Uther. Panic him again and the boy will turn his power on you. Only his father may hold any sway over that, separating them may not be the answer, and the child cannot stand you."
Morgause's jaw set.
"You think you can control them better."
"I can keep them contained, at least. They remain as my guests. I may be able to make them see reason," Cenred mused. Morgause smirked, huffing with laughter and looked away, looking around the bleak room. Cenred gritted his teeth.
"I can hardly do worse than you, Morgause. And Merlin might be easier to deal with if you are not here."
Morgause's head snapped back, glaring at him. Cenred looked back calmly.
"You want the dragon to wield. The other kingdoms will fall under that threat, but for that, you need the Dragonlord, he can command the beast, he can do so in an instant. If anything happens to Merlin, then he may turn the creature against you. You've seen what it did to Camelot. With a Dragonlord guiding that rage it could be catastrophic."
"And your plan will work better?"
"Why not? For now neither of them can be involved in what you want. Maybe they could be persuaded. The Dragonlord has no love for Uther. He moved against them when he went to protect Camelot from the Great Dragon. You handled the boy wrong, there is a chance I can do more than you."
Morgause's face was tense with anger, but within the hour, she was gone. Cenred mentally marked his victory. Now he just needed to find a way in to Balinor and Merlin's world.
Unseen by the musing king the bird on the window ledge turned and launched himself into the air, flying up towards the balcony above.