A/N: Yes, I know, this took weeks. But, for one, it is extremely long (you'll read why) and for another I am having lots of... school trouble. Writing is geting harder.

So, thank you all so much for sticking with me. It means so so much that you do. Really.

Disclaimer (since I haven't done one): Last time I checked, I don't own Harry Potter. Nor will I ever. It's all J.K. Rowling's doings.

But I own Alex and there's nothing you can do about it. Ha.

Chapter 14: Sneaking Suspicions

It had been 3 days since I had tried to talk to Sirius after James's suggestions. 3 days since I knew he was holding something back. 3 days since I decided that I'd find out once and for all what Sirius was keeping from me. I didn't particularly understand why he was keeping anything from me in the first place. We'd been best mates for years, spending endless time together, and had always shared everything with each other. He'd been my confidant, someone I could always go to. And him me, he always came to me first for advice. Granted we'd both shifted, adopting more friends like Rachel, James, and Remus, but we still we're able to confide in one another. We'd never kept secrets from each other. So why now?

We hadn't talked to each other very much since that day; the occasional small talk at meals, a hello in class or in the halls, but it seemed as if an invisible barrier had been put between us, and it was eating me alive. I hadn't lost him as a friend, no, but I feel like I'd lost, or at least not had the same know-how, that knowledge that I could go to him for anything. And it hurt, more than I let on.

"..Alex. Alex? Aaaalleeexx?" The faint voice of Rachel was coming through my ears.

"Alex!"

Thump!

"Ouch! What?" I say, giving her a disdainful look as I instinctively reach up and rub my whacked head.

Rachel stared at me somewhat expectantly, book raised as if to hit me again. She lowered it when she saw I was actually listening. "Alex, you've got to do something about this."

I didn't know if she was talking about my mystery man and all this 'blue dress' business, or my problems with Sirius.

"About what?" I ask, flipping through a few more pages in a book in the library for an essay due... eventually.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'Are-you-serious?' "Well, you've got lots of problems-"

"-thanks, mate..."

"-but I was referring to the one with Sirius. C'mon, Alex, he's been your best mate, besides me of course, for ages. You've gotta talk to him." She finished, brushing off my earlier interruption.

"But that's what got us in this damn mess in the first place!"

Rachel studied me. "Yea, you gotta fix it. Without him you're... irritable. A lot more than usual. Face it; you practically live off the energy of people, Alex. And being away from Sirius, you're best mate, is killing you."

I had quickly gotten used to the fact that Rachel was usually right. I sighed. "Yea, I know. But it's not like it's all my doing. He hasn't been making an effort to talk to me either." I say, thinking somehow this would shift the blame over to him too.

She nodded, and then gave me a grin. "I know. That's why I've talked to Remus-" what, now they're snogging and plotting about me? Great. "-and he's going to talk to Sirius, try seeing what his issue is and get him wanting to talk to you again."

I looked her up and down carefully. "Okay, although I'm not sure what good it might do. You know how proud Sirius is. Depending on what's going on and clogging his brain he may be too stubborn to talk to me..."

"Yea, but he trusts his friends, Alex. If anyone could get him talking, other than you, it's Remus or James."

I knew she was right, again. Well, she usually was, as mentioned before, but this time I knew she was right for more than just her house placement. Sirius had his small group of friends—well, okay, he has a ton of friends, some of the girls much too friendly for my liking, but he has that small select group of close friends. You know, the ones who know everything about you, and you them, who you confide in and never hide anything from because you know it'd be bad and hurt the—

"Alex! Stop overthinking it!"

I swear I have a spacing problem.

Rachel was standing now, bag on her shoulder, looking down at me with an 'I-knew-you'd-act-like-this' look on her face. Sometimes having a Ravenclaw mate really bites.

I sigh and stand, shouldering my bag. "Sorry," I mumble, "you know how I am with these things. Not to mention my horrible way with words."

She rolled her eyes. "Alex, honestly, I think, whenever you speak, it's either something amazing or horrifying. There is no normal with you."

And this is why we get on so well. Rachel figured out early how I operate.

xXx

I walked through the doors of the library a day later, hoping for some time away from all the nagging about talking to Sirius. I'll talk to him when I feel like it, damn it! It's not that I don't want my friends' advice or anything, but sometimes I need to figure out some things for myself. Including getting out of this shitty mess I made with Sirius.

I sigh as I take a seat at my signature table; back right corner, by the window. Pulling out my History of magic essay, I already know I won't accomplish much, what with all these thoughts swirling around in my head. But, might as well try and drown them out with the 'wonders of history'.

"Why is history so boring?" I mumble to no one in particular.

"Not much exciting has happened."

I nearly fall off my seat at the sound of his voice. I hadn't even noticed Sirius take a seat one away, across the table from me.

"Oh, Sirius. Didn't even notice you sit down..." I say, running my fingers through my hair, a nervous habit I picked up from, naturally, Sirius. I'd tried to break it, but being around him so much, it just stuck.

Sirius chuckled. "I figured you wouldn't. I can tell when you're thinking. It's like everything else is oblivious to you." He said, setting down his quill and leaning back in his chair, looking at me intently.

I almost do the same, except I set down my notes and lean on my elbows. I'm not surprised Sirius knows this, I've known him so long I—

"So, what're you thinking about?"

The question caught me off guard that if I hadn't stopped myself, I may have spilled my guts to him right then and there with no remorse. But I had to pace myself, and tell the truth. There's no way I could hide anything from him anymore.

"I was thinking about how it's been 4 days since I've had a good laugh with my best mate." I finally say, figuring maybe it'd be a good enough statement to make amends with him.

He raises an eyebrow, but I can see him struggling not to smile at me. "Oh yea? You haven't talked with Rachel in 3 days?"

Now I have to smile, but I add in an eye roll just for good measure. I swear, Sirius gets them all the time from me the way he's always so c0cky. "No, Sirius, I've seen her plenty. I'm talking about the one that filled my socks with pudding 2 Christmases ago." That was not a pleasurable experience...

Sirius let out a rowdy laugh, earning him a scowl and a few harsh words from the librarian, Madame Pince. He lowered his laugh and gave me a sheepish grin. "You've got a smart friend Alex."

"I know, one of the many reasons I've put up with him for so long." I retort, feeling like 4 days of awkward tensions between us were finally dissolving.

"You sure it's not the other way around?" he teased.

I gaped at him. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I ask in mock accusation.

Sirius holds his hand up, like he has to defend himself, and shakes his head. "Nothing, nothing at all... Just that this best mate of yours has to put up with all your... erm, surprises." he finished, looking away from me as he swallows.

"Surprises?" I say, somewhat confused, but glad we're at least somewhere back to normal.

He nods at me. "Yea, you're full of them Alex. Very spontaneous. Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

I break into a smile. There wasn't any hesitation or indication of holding anything back that time. And I am so glad. "Well, maybe I do get a bit off topic... But you've never complained before."

"And you're best mate isn't about to start." he says, a wide-spread grin on his face which is clearly full of life.

So I'm not the only one who was sort of grieving over those 4 days, he clearly missed my companionship as much as I missed his. "Good. Because no matter how much you could've begged, I wouldn't have stopped." I say smiling.

Sirius chuckled. "You wouldn't respect your vest mate's wishes?"

I shut my book and put my homework away. I know I won't get any work done now.

"You know me well enough, I never obey rules." I say with a wave of my hand.

It was probably the best feeling to finally be back in sync with Sirius. I realized how much I yearn for the time I spend with him. I hadn't realized it, I always thought I just enjoyed anyone's company, I'm a people person, but I think I enjoy his the most out of all. Even over Rachel sometimes, depending on the topic. Merlin... better not tell her that, she'd murder me over breakfast...

Just then Sirius cleared his throat, bringing me back to reality. "So, we're best mates again?" he asks.

I smiled. "Were we ever not?"

This brings a look of pure bliss to his face, and his grey eyes lit up as that all-to-familiar smile returns to his face.

Even thought things were a bit distant between us, he was still my best mate through and through. If something serious had happened over those 4 days, I could've easily gone to him without a second thought. Any tensions would've dissolved if I needed his help, or him mine. There were many reasons the odd friendship between the two of us lasted so long, and I probably wouldn't be ability to list them all if I tried. But the one I always found most important was our loyalty to one another. Anything said to the other, depending on the topic, stayed with each other. A friendly joke or homework help? We'd pass that along easily. A bit of gossip about another house? It could leave the conversation. Secrets, admittance, truths, and pleas for help? Those stayed with us. I told no one, not even Rachel, he told no one, not even James. I planned on keeping it that way. We respected each other, in a way others sometimes wouldn't understand. If we had to take a test on one another, we'd both pass with 'O's.

xXx

I'm smiling like I've won the house cup when I enter my charms class the following day, taking my seat next to Andrew and running my fingers through my messy hair.

After we'd both left the library for our separate classes, me to Transfiguration and Sirius to potions, I'd been in a sense of dreams. I'd gotten my closest friend back. I'd made my way through my classes happily, even a late night Astronomy class. But when I returned, wishing that I could just fall sleep on the couch and not have to climb the stairs to my bed, I found Sirius waiting for me. Just the knowledge that he'd stayed up so late made me smile. We'd stayed up much longer than I realized. It was interesting, our conversation. It'd started out normal, but right in the middle of it I'd blurted out how sorry I was for pressing him, prying into whatever he held back... There must be a reason, maybe it's something bad, and he just didn't want me to worry or a surprise for someone and couldn't tell me. I didn't know, but I might not need to know. I shouldn't have tried to make him tell me. If he wanted to, he could.

Once I'd finally shut my mouth and stopped babbling on with my apology, he looked overjoyed. Of course, he told me plenty of times I didn't need to be, he knew I had a valid reason to ask, and I'm naturally curious anyways, but I always brushed it off. I'm very curious, but I hate prying into other's lives.

After that it was as if nothing had happened all those days apart. We both figured that, since we hadn't been talking much over the past few days, we had to tell each other everything I even told him about Rachel's 'words of encouragement' to talk to him. And he told me about Remus and a very odd story involving Remus forcefully shoving Sirius into the library, and then showing him where I'd be, since he usually didn't go to the library, so he didn't know where he was going.

Today, Andrew could sense my good mood. He looked at me with a confused smile. "You seem more cheerful than you have been in the last few days. Why?"

I smiled at him and gave a small shrug on my shoulders. "I made up with a friend." I say vaguely. I didn't really think he cared all that much, we didn't really see each other much because of our house placement. Although I think I had talked with him at the ball, him not knowing it of course, since he'd been telling a few other Hufflepuffs about it the other day. So, I was surprised when he said, "Which friend? I'm surprised you'd ever have, ah, friend troubles. You seem easy enough to get along with."

I laughed at his last comment. "Well, you'd have to put up with all my 'surprises' to get along with me." I say, quoting Sirius from the other night. "And it was Sirius, Sirius Black." I add.

He chuckles and nods. "Guess I haven't encountered many, then. Still, I think you make a valuable friend, even if I haven't seen as many 'surprises' as others have." He said, moving his cropped brown hair out of his eyes. "But I'm glad you and Sirius are, erm, friends again. I guess it was kind of obvious you enjoy his friendship."

I look at him perplexed. "What do you mean?" I ask. Obvious? What had been so obvious about it?

Andrew smiles at me, amused. "You can't tell?" I shake my head 'no'. "Well, for starters you're much too joyful. Or at least more than normal. And thinking on it, you were much too quiet and reserved than the usual Alex Marqcues is. And you sighed too much."

I blink at him. Was I really like that? I remember the sighing, and feeling better when we'd resumed our friendship, but I guess I don't remember being so quiet or bitter. But he was right, me acting reserved and quiet was a sign something was wrong. He was also right, judging by all my actions, that I really do enjoy Sirius's friendship. Longed for it. Valued it. More than I thought. "You're right. I didn't even I was acting that way... But I have known him for years. I guess it'd only make sense..." I say.

He nods at me, and smiles warmly. "It's nice having a friend like that, isn't it?"

I want to know what he means, why he's asking me about it. "Wait, what do-"

"Ms. Marqcues and Mr. DeRae, are you quite finished?"

Both of us snap to attention. Class had started 5 minutes ago and we hadn't even noticed, we were so into our conversation. Professor Flitwik was looking at us with a fixed stare. 'If looks could kill...' I thought as I turned away from Andrew.

"Yes, sir. My apologies." He says his tone clean of emotions.

"Sorry, Professor... won't happen again." I manage, my voice still filled with curiosity about what Andrew had meant.

xXx

"You still haven't told anyone."

I sigh. I had 2 problems on my plate; Sirius and identity at the ball. The way Rachel sees it, one problem down, one to go. Waste no time. Take no prisoners too, I bet... I know she hadn't asked a question, but I reply anyways. "No, I haven't. I don't know who to tell. If you didn't already know, you'd be the first." I say.

We're walking into Hogsmeade, bundled up as a light snow falls and coats the entire village in a soft white blanket. The year seemed to be going by very quickly. Christmas was on its way. I'd be going home soon—Well, actually, I don't know if I am. My family's pretty small, I'd recently been spending the holiday with Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily. Rachel and live much too far away to spend it together, and her family is much larger than mine, so she always spends the holiday with them. We sent our presents to one another through owl post. Sirius usually stayed with James, because of his own family problems. Remus and Lily stay at their own homes and families for part of the day, and two years ago I stayed at Lily's. Recently, they've been wondering if they should stay at Hogwarts. I love my family, but they really don't... appreciate my magical abilities. My parents were the only two that understood. My mom being the witch and my dad the muggle, and with some... issues with my father, my mother is the only one around to keep me sane over the period I see my family. Sirius would stay, as long as James did, and they were thinking it so, since James figured he could spend one holiday away from his family. Remus too. He really enjoyed the holidays with his best mates, and he could still celebrate it through owl post with the family. Lily and I were the only ones still working it out. Her dad really wanted her around, her sister couldn't care less, but Lily loved her dad. My mom was trying to work out how we'd get gifts to and from, even though owl post is efficient, without freaking out the rest of my family.

I feel a sharp pain in my left arm. "Ouch!"

Rachel just poked me, or stabbed me more like, and looked like she may explode. "Can't you pay attention for five minutes without spacing?" she cries.

I look at her sheepishly and sadly. "I'm sorry, you know problems make me space..." I say, rubbing my hands together to keep warm as we walk through the village towards Honeydukes.

She nods. "Yea, I know. But there must be something you can do. It's been days, two weeks, since the ball, and people are still curious about you. Her. Both of your alter egos." She said.

I bit my lip and hold back a laugh, this isn't the time to be laughing. I can tell by her expression it's time to be serious. "I know. But I don't know how! Besides, who would believe me?"

"They would, depending on who you tell." She turned and looked at me, making us stop walking. "Tell Sirius."

I blink at her. "Are you crazy? I'm not telling him!" I say, looking at her like she'd just sprouted another head.

"Why not?" Rachel asks me, a somewhat smug expression on her face.

I shake my head. "Because. I just don't think it's such a bright idea. C'mon." I say, opening the door to the already crowded sweet shop. I don't know why, but I just think telling Sirius would... cause lots of unwanted feelings. Or at least another fuzzy break in our recently-patched friendship. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just afraid of losing him again, for longer than a few days this time.

I marvel at the inside of the little shop. I've been here before of course, since being a 3rd year, but eve time I find the shops of Hogsmeade amazing.

Sweets beyond even my imagination line the shelves, cabinets, and window sills of the shop. Choclate frogs stacked in a pyramid. A giant cauldron full of Bertie Botts every flavor beans in the center of the room, a display of Pumpkin Pasties and Cauldron Cakes line the right wall. Treacle tart and licorice wands are in crates in corners of the room. The left wall is a section labeled 'ODD SWEETS'. Cockroach clusters, larvae lollies, blood-flavored candies, all spread along n rows and containers. People were everywhere, with baskets overflowing with the treats. People shouting at one another for another galleon, or one last sweet. Money exchanged and laughs echo through the shop.

I sigh in delight as we step out of the way of the door and are immediately handed baskets, expected to buy something already. But how could you not, surrounded by all this?

Within moments Rachel and I have been shoved along, grabbing sweets as we go, filling out baskets. Soon we find ourselves back in the odd sweets section, baskets already filling and heavy, picking out things we'd like to try, or something we'd get the others to test out.

"D'you think Remus would go for a pack of these?" Rachel asks me, holding up a box of cockroach clusters.

I shake my head. "No, Remus seems more of the spider bon-bon type... Hey, think Sirius would notice if I gave him a larvae lollipop and said it was normal?"

She laughs and rolls her eyes at me. I smiled back and stick the sucker in my basket, along with a few blood-candies. Who knows when they'll come in handy? She takes a few of the clusters and we both move on through the throng of people in the store. By the time we leave we each have a fairly heavy bag of sweets. As usual, we move on to Zonko's Joke Shop.

There are 2 reasons why the joke shop excites me. One, I've always loved seeing the magical jokes. How wonderful and awe-inspiring they were. They were so much more fun and whimsical than any muggle prank, and seeing something new made me ecstatic. Two, Sirius. I think his name along is plenty of a description, but I guess I'll explain.

The first Hogsmeade trip my year was allowed to go on, back in our third year, he'd dragged me away from Rachel, clutching my hand as he pulled me to the shop. He'd heard stories about the shop and was dying to go in. He told me countless times that the first thing he wanted to do was go to Zonko's with me. So I'd ran along with him into the shop where we stood, mouth's hanging open in amazement. Since then Zonko's always struck my fancy.

So as Rachel and I entered again, I was still speechless as I eyed the enchanted quills, dungbombs, and crazy balloons. Everything in the tore was humming or spinning or being demonstrated by workers to other customers. I grabbed a basket and practically shoveled the jokes into it. Small sleeping solutions to knock someone out, a long-lasting cheering-charm cloak, wear it and your automatically perky, and all kinds of 'amped up' muggle pranks; whoopee cushions, masks, and joy buzzers.

Rachel laughed as she watched me pile things in. "You won't have any money left after Alex!" she said to me.

I smile and shrug. "But it's worth it. You know it is." I reply.

"For you. If I ever spent this much on jokes and pranks..." she shook her head. "It'd be such a waste. I don't think I'd ever get around to using it all."

And that I know to be true.

I turn down another aisle to look for anything new, when 2 Hogwarts boys, who looked strangely familiar; one with extremely messy black hair, the other with long and obviously well-kept black hair. Another pair of arms reached out and pulled me out of their rampage.

"Watch yourself Alex. You know how those two get in a joke shop." Remus tells me after letting go of me.

"Right... thanks Remus." I say, rolling my eyes at the two of them, but also yearning to join them.

But as soon as I look over at Rachel and Remus, I see he's already in deep conversation with her. And I'd prefer to be much farther away if their conversation leads to snogging...

With a shudder at the very idea, no matter how much I loved each of them I did not need to see that, I turn and walk towards James and Sirius. They were both looking at a shelf marked 'New Arrivals'. James was holding what seemed to be a toffee tin, but I knew it must be tweaked somehow.

Sirius looks up at me, grabs the tin from James and hurries over to me. "Hey Alex. I guess I should've be surprised to see you here." He says with a wolfy grin.

"No, probably not. Thought maybe you could not run me over to get your... tin." I say back to him, giving him a look.

He shrugs and smiled. "You should watch out for people running around." He retorts. "But hey, open this for me will you? I think its st—"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one, Sirius. You know I'm not that thick." I interrupt, shaking my head at him.

He laughs and shakes his own head. "Alex I'm not trying to pull one over on you, I know your so much smarter than that. I just want you to help me take the seal off." He says, handing the tin to me, but I hesitate still. "It's got to be pointed at your face to work, so just aim it somewhere else alright?" he says, gesturing it to me again.

I sigh and, feeling slightly more reassured, take the tin from him. Aiming it towards the floor, I pull of the seal with some trepidation. Nothing happens. So I shrug and hand it back to him, still curious of what it did. "So, what's that d- SIRIUS!" I holler as he promptly points the can at me and takes the lid off, making a cloud of orange dust coat my entire head, face, and a bit on my shoulders.

He laughs and James looks over at the two of us with a wide grin spreading as he sees what's happened.

I glare at him, both of them, and feel like hitting Sirius. So I do, I lunge and beam him upside the head with a rough smack.

"Ouch!"

"What is wrong with you?" I say, looking particularly angry. I didn't think anything had happened yet, but I still didn't know what it was supposed to do besides coat me in dust.

Sirius chuckled still and James came to his side. "Nothing's wrong with me, mate. You know I couldn't resist." Sirius says.

I roll my eyes. "I bet you could've if you tried." I say, crossing my arms.

"Alex! Your hair!"

I turn and look at James, as does Sirius, who's staring at the top of my head dumbstruck. Sirius gasped.

"Oh my... Sirius, if you made me bald I will strangle you right here." I say, reaching up my hand. But my hair is still there, same wavy, slightly frizzed texture it always was.

I quickly rush to anything that would show my reflection, fearing anything that happened, and gasped in utter shock. My hair was as blue as Rachel's Ravenclaw scarf.

"SIRIUS BLACK! YOU TURNED MY HAIR BLUE!" I yell, going back over to him and James, teeth clenched and hands in fists.

Now he's doubled over with laughter. He wipes his eyes as if he'd been tearing up and looks at me. "Oh... oh I'm sorry Alex. I only wanted to see what it'd do..."

"Then you should've read the tin!" I hiss at him angrily. My hair was blue! Blue!

He holds his hands up in defense, then picks up the tin. "'Color-changing powder. Temporary. Do not use on babies or muggles'." He reads, then looks at me. "SO, it's temporary. It'll come off."

"Okay, when? How? I liked my hair the way it was and it back now." I say angrily, the venom clear in my voice as I address him. Though I was somewhat relieved this wasn't permanent.

He reads a bit more. "Hm... not exactly sure... but it says 'don't remove magically'. So I wouldn't try that." He says as I sigh.

"Sirius you changed my hair color. To blueno less. You, Mr.' I'll-just-throw-this-random-thing-at-Alex' Black, have another thing coming" I say, giving him a pointed look.

He walks over to me and starts playing with my hair, running his fingers through it. "Yea, reckon I did... You know I think I like your hair better the way it was before." He said thoughtfully, still immersed in my hair.

I looked at him curiously as he ran his fingers through the waves of my blue used-to-be-blonde hair, a look of almost confusion of deep-in-thought on his face.

As odd as it was, it was sort of soothing, feeling his fingers in my hair. Maybe this is why I take time to brush my hair each morning and night, because I like the way it feels.

I blink a few times, to stop thinking about it and clear my mind. I take a deep breath. "Well, then you can find a way to change it back." I say, stepping out of his grasp and going to look at the tin myself to find another way to get my hair back to normal.

James, who was holding the tin, looked between the two of us, and then focused on Sirius. I sigh. They were having one of their mental conversations again.

I grab the tin from him and start reading, determined to be solely focused on my hair, and nothing, or no one, on my mind.

xXx

One long hair-washing, blow-drying, and brushing later, my hair is back to its same dirty-blonde color I remember. Thought there are still flecks of blue in it...

The six of us, Lily had joined us from going to Dervish and Bangs with Molly, were now sitting at a table towards the left of the Three Broomsticks, sipping butterbeer. I remember the first time I drank this stuff. It was the best thing I'd tasted. It probably still is.

I was on the end sitting next to Remus, who was next to Lily. She sat across from James, who was next to Rachel, leaving Sirius to sit across from me. He was so in for it, after what he'd done to my hair.

"But it washed out!" he had said in a attempt to try and get out of my inevitable rage.

Everyone was already in their own heated discussion; Rachel and Remus were talking about old lessons or things of the sort, and keep adding little things that they remembered about one another, why they fancied the pants of each other sort of things. It was sort of cute, but listening for too long would possibly make me sick.

James and Lily were arguing about Potions, and if it was really pointless. James thought so, but Lily, who was a dab-hand at it, thought it was great. It reminded me of all James's failed attempts to get Lily to go out with him and when she'd finally given in and they'd fallen in love. Aww, how adorable...

Sirius and I, however, seemed to be switching topics every three minutes. Maybe it was because I was 'full of surprises' and kept getting side tracked or maybe it was because Sirius was getting much more attention from all the bimbos and, ah, 'scantily clothed' girls who just happened to be walking by the table. I may upchuck my butterbeer.

But, surprisingly to me, he would smile at whoever had stopped to talk to him, but seemed to be brushing them all off, as if he'd rather talk to me. Why? I'm not fawning and swooning over him. I'm not begging to meet him in a broom cupboard anytime soon. I shudder at that last one. That was a bit too far...

"What's wrong with you?"

I look up at Sirius, who's looking at me curiously, an upset looking redhead walking away. "Erm, nothing... just an unsettling thought popped into my head." I reply, suddenly feeling embarrassed, as if he could know what I had been thinking that caused me to shudder.

"Well, what thought?"

Curse him being so damn curious. Instead of answering, which I know wouldn't turn out fun at all, I say, "If I tell you you'll only use it against me later. So I'm keeping my lips sealed." Just for emphasis I make a zipping and locking motion over my lips.

He chuckles. "Alright, fine. Guess it must've been pretty horrible if you can't tell me. Naught naughty, Alex." He says teasingly, shaking his head at me.

I roll my eyes at him. "Oh it was pretty horrific." I say, laughing softly to myself. If only he knew...

He nods and grins. "Alright, out with it. Who was it about?"

I stare at him. "What makes you think it was about a person, let alone a guy?" I ask, wondering where he'd grabbed that random topic from.

His grin widened, "You don't think I've been your best mate all these years without picking up a few helpful tips to understand you, do you?" he says in a cocky tone.

I can't help but smile and laugh at this. "No, I don't think that, but now I can't help but wonder... have you picking answers out of the things I say without me knowing?"

He shrugs nonchalantly and keeps grinning that same grin; cocky, charming, and confident. "I wouldn't be able to tell you that. It'd be giving me away." He said with a shake of his head.

Great, that can only lead to trouble. "But you just did, smart guy." I point out.

He shrugs bt keeps the smile. "Yea, but you don't know what I got out of you, love."

I shoot him a way look. "You know, if I didn't say it outright, I probably didn't want to tell you." I say, taking a swig of my butterbeer.

"Not in so many words, but technically you did. Although it's all mixed in with all the other words you say, it's kind of annoying sometimes, trying to figure out what you mean." he says thoughtfully.

I had to admit, behind the cocky attitude, charm, constant pranking, and occasional slut hanging onto him, Sirius was quite bright. Albeit very annoying; he was just picking through my words? Oh, Merlin... Thought I wouldn't tell him he was bright. His ego was big enough; I wouldn't want to inflate it anymore. "Well, while your busy prodding at my words to find their hidden meanings; I've been having my own issues. So, what d'you think's wrong with me mate? I ask, leaning back in my chair and crossing me arms, looking at him intently.

"Well, that's easy Alex. I'm your best mate, right, what do you take me for? It's obvious you're, ah, having boy troubles." he says confidently.

I blink at him. "What gives you that crazy idea?" I exclaim, looking at him incredulously, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, you're a girl and I-"

"I'm a girl? Why, thank you for noticing! Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean everything I have problems with is boys! Honestly, I would've expected more from you. You should know me well enough. I have a very non-existent love life, Sirius, you—"

"You didn't let me finish!" he interrupts, looking at me, surprised by my outburst. "I know it's not just 'cause you're a girl Alex. And I'm not saying you don't have other things on your mind, I'm just saying that it seems like you're often preoccupied with your own thoughts, and your stumbling on your words more often than you probably realize when you talk to anyone of the male species." He finishes, still looking at me oddly.

I bite my tongue and look down at my slowly emptying butterbeer bottle. I hadn't even known I was stumbling nor having problems talking to guys. But why? As mentioned, my love life is really non-existent. My last boyfriend only lasted maybe a week, the very beginning of 6th year. After that it was a smooth ride in Singletown.

But who was I having boy problems with? James? Remus? No, they've both got themselves girlfriends and I've no romantic feelings for them. Andrew? Well, still no feelings like that, but I'd been meaning to ask what he meant that day in class. He was a decent guy, but we were only friends. Sirius? I was definitely having issues with him, that much was clear, but it's not like I was madly in love with the guy. Sure, I noticed little things about him, things he did when he wasn't being a complete arse or locked in a broom cupboard snogging who-knows-who... Who else cold—oh, there was someone else. I'd almost forgotten about him. My mystery man, at the ball. I still didn't know who he was, and maybe, because of this, I stumbled on my words. Any person, any boy, could turn out to be him. I couldn't help but wonder if he had been thinking about me as much as I had thought about him. Now I see where Sirius was coming from.

"Oh, well, I didn't even notice..." I mumble.

He seemed somewhat pleased with this and leaned forward, closer to me. "So, who's the lucky bloke you're lost about?" he asks. I can detect something in his voice, maybe worry, or anxiety, maybe a hint of pain... though I'm not sure why.

"I...I don't know." I say. But that's the truth. I don't. I don't have a clue who he was, or even his house placement.

He frowned. "How can you not know? Alex you really are lost."

Tell me about it.

I sigh. "I just don't. It's complicated, okay. I... It's just something I've got to work on."

He opens his mouth to reply, or protest more likely, or give some snarky remark, but James jumped in. "Oi! You two finished?"

We both look at him, standing up with the rest of the group, watching us curiously.

"Oh yea, 'course." I say, tipping back my bottle to finish it off, and hopefully ignore my flushed face. We both stand and file out of the pub, making our way back to the castle.

Somehow we all fell into rows of twos, Lily and James in the lead. Sirius and I fell into step together in the back. I looked ahead of me at Rachel and Remus, looking insanely pleased with one another, their fingers laced together as they walked ahead of us. I smile at the pair.

"They make quite a couple. Sometimes I feel almost jealous of Moony." Sirius said quietly, his head dipping down towards me as he spoke. "Not that I fancy Rachel or anything, though she seems nice enough, but he'd... he's just so happy. You should've heard him before she finally jumped him." He rolled his eyes. "He wouldn't stop going on about her, though he made us all swear not to say anything about it. He figured she'd never like him, thought he was too quite. Course we told him not to be daft, but still... Looks like it worked out nicely though." He said, as the two of us saw them share a kiss. I couldn't help but melt just a bit. I was really happy for my friend; she was already happy, but now she's just so much happier and confident even.

I turned and gave him a sideways glance. "Jealous? Sirius, you know you're my best mate, and I mean with any respect I can give, but you practically could have any girl locked in a closet with you in moments. How are you jealous?" I ask, trying not to sound repulsed at my statement.

"Not any girl..." I heard him mutter under his breath, but I caught the statement. "Because, he's got one girl who completely gets him, and cares about him, Alex, not for his looks. Every girl I get only fancies a snog off me." He says darkly.

I study him; his expressions, the way he says his words, how he just looks like he's in pain. "Well, I don't exactly know how to help you with this problem. I mean, I'm not you, so... But, even so, I'm sort of a believer in that one person who just loves you unconditionally." I shrug. "You just haven't found her yet." I say simply.

He looks at me. "I wouldn't be so sure about that Alex."

I didn't get a chance to ask which 'that' he meant before walking the final meters up into the castle and vanishing from my sight.

Okay, got a few notes for you all.

1) Alex's dad is probably very fuzzy to you all but I promise it will all get cleared up later. But, for all those wary of him, no, he did NOT leave her or anything like that. He's a good person, I promise. You just have to wait and see :3

2) I only get internet for a small amount of time each day (minus weekends) So I think posting could get harder. Sorry D:

3) Erm, anyone else notices this chapter is just UBER long? Goodness...

4) Any guesses on wha the next chapter will bring? Hint: the title is 'Confessions' ;)

~xoDA