Toy Fic

14. Gifts

Christmas day had finally come, and Bonnie's toys were huddled together in her room, gathered around the Potato Heads to find out what to expect.

The Potato Heads had placed their eyes at strategic intervals around the living room, so that standing in Bonnie's room, they could convey what they saw to everyone else.

"Okay," Mr. Potato Head said. "Bonnie's starting off with a big one… see-through box, and we've got… 'Hopticopter', a very chic remote-controlled helicopter."

"A helicopter?" Woody repeated. "Well, that's not so intimidating…"

Jessie fidgeted nervously. "A big helicopter, taters?"

"Huge," Mr. Potato Head confirmed. "Big enough to lift your boyfriend and his pool ball butt, if you can believe that."

"Pool ball butt?" Buzz demanded.

"Yeah. You know. Unusually round and heavy."

Buzz stammered. "Jessie, tell him I'm not a pool ball butt…"

Jessie tapped his back. "I like your body the way it is, Buzz."

"…So, I am a pool ball butt?"

"Quit while you're ahead, Buzz," Woody offered. "Next present, guys?"

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"Okay," Mr. Potato Head said. "Wrapping paper coming off, and we're getting logos. I see Barbie, I see Disney, and… yes, it's a five-pack of Disney Princesses."

Dolly slouched.

"Which ones?" Hamm asked.

"I see them, I don't know the names. Honey, you have a view? There should be labels with their names."

Mrs. Potato Head strained. "Okay, left to right, it's… Mulan, Jasmine, Rapunzel in the middle… then Tiana, and Belle."

"Ooh, modern package," Hamm said. "None earlier than 1990. Brains and spunk are a given. There will be no rescuing them, adventures are purely collaborative. Are you up to that, Woody?"

Woody turned uncertainly to Dolly. She caught his eye, then stood up and went under the bed.

Woody felt a prick of irritation. Fine, be that way, he thought. "Wouldn't have it any other way, Hamm," he said. "I couldn't deal with one of those sleepers from the early years. No independence at all."

"Well," Hamm said, "unless Bonnie gets a five-pack of Shang, Aladdin, Flynn, Naveen, and the Beast, I think you're in."

"You know all the names?" Mr. Potato Head demanded. "Hamm, you're a dork and you should feel bad."

"I'm informed," Hamm corrected smugly.

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"Okay, it's a smaller box," Mrs. Potato Head said. "Oh, it's one of those Bratz fashion dolls. Ooh, I don't care for those poor young ladies and the way they dress…"

"Don't concern yourself," Hamm said. "I think they can deal."

"Who would get a four-year-old a doll dressed like that?" Mrs. Potato Head demanded.

"Well, I'm sure she'll make Bonnie happy anyway," Hamm said. "It's not like she understands the—"

"Don't they get cold?" Mrs. Potato Head wondered.

"Okay, enough editorials, you're killing me," Hamm said.

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"And we're at the final toy!" Mr. Potato Head announced. "Okay, it's tiny. Blue, roundish. Oh, Bonnie's super-excited, people. We're doomed."

"What exactly is it?" Woody asked.

"Oh, I don't know!" Mr. Potato Head exclaimed, waving his arms wildly. "We goofed up, we should have brought an ear… they're talking about it, I can't see it! Ohhhh, she loves it. Fellas, we're all gonna die."

"Relax, Potato Head," Woody said. "It's just another new toy…"

"Anyway, that was all of her gifts," Mrs. Potato Head said. She reached her arms over to the antenna of one of the Aliens. "Darlings, can you go to the living room and get Mommy and Daddy's eyes?"

The Aliens nodded and started bobbing off noisily. Woody looked at them, concerned, and said, "Chuckles, can you go with them?"

He regretted it immediately—would an original "Bonnie's toy" take his orders? Especially with Dolly so upset with him? But Chuckles simply nodded and followed the Aliens out. Woody dismissed his worry.

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A few minutes later, Bonnie came into the room with her arms full of her five Disney Princesses. "Look, everybody!" she said. "I have five princesses." She leaned them all against the wall near her door. "I don't have a dollhouse," Bonnie said thoughtfully, then her face brightened. "I'll make one myself! I'm gonna go get the rest of the new friends now!" She ran off, and the princesses hoisted themselves to their feet.

"What a sweet little girl," Mulan said.

"And did you see her beautiful hazel eyes?" Jasmine asked.

Rapunzel hugged the other princesses closer. "I think we hit the jackpot, girls," she said happily. She looked around the room, noticing other toys. "Oh, hi!"

They all froze again when Bonnie came back with the helicopter and its remote, the Bratz doll, and the mysterious blue item. "Here you are!" she said, setting them all down. "Oh! I know! I need to get a picture of all my toys! I'll be back with the camera!" She tripped, her socks slipping on the floor, then got to her feet and skidded back into the hall.

A group of toys came closer to get a look at the new arrivals. The helicopter righted itself, facing Woody. "Hopticopter, huh?" he said. "I'm Woody."

The helicopter happily whirred its motor in response. Hamm and Mr. Pricklepants came in to get a look at Bonnie's final toy, the one that had excited her the most. It was stuffed, electric-blue and almost spherical apart from the bumpy ridges going around its edges. On one side, it had a pair of glittery eyes, and on the other side, a bright orange tag reading Giant Microbes, and below that, Common Cold.

The toy blinked, looking around at the room. Mr. Pricklepants squinted at him carefully. "And what on earth are you suposed to be?" he whispered.