Chapter 14 – Truth of the Matter

There were so many things to think about; as Acting Head Teacher and all the other things.

Stu said the budget was not right and I guessed there were some parents who I'd have to either win over or placate now that Mr. Strain was gone. It was very clear to me that no one had liked him, whether he was deranged or not.

I finally hauled myself from the tub after the water had gone dead cold, dried and dressed myself and felt a tiny bit human once more.

The sight of Martin's soggy back walking away after a chat up with his new girlfriend kept coming into my mind. I faced my reflection in the fly spotted mirror over the dressing table and looked hard at it. "Well what you gonna do about him and his new girlfriend? Hm? Waddle up to surgery some night and work your ever-expanding feminine charms on him? Drag him upstairs into his bed?"

I shook my head. "That ship has sailed, girl. You had a chance but you tossed it. Threw it straight into the bin!" That's when I had to dab a damp eye.

London didn't solve anything. The baby kicked so I touched my belly softly. "I know, I know. Sh down there. Everything's gonna be just fine. We got a better job; not quite the old one but close." I heard the early evening revelers arrive downstairs for the nightly pint and gob flapping. "There is a little matter of a house though."

The rhythmic kicking down there stopped then became a sort of flutter. "No, no, Mr. Strain didn't hurt me, or you; no one. He was sick is all. Just a bit under the weather."

Laughter began downstairs and it sounded like Mike Chubb and Chippy Miller were getting into a loud harangue about football. "Right, got to get a place to stay. This won't do. Nope."

I brushed my hair in long strokes, my eyes closed, until all the tangles were gone. I pulled it back, looped a scrunchy around the long tail and let it fall down my back. I brushed some rouge across my pale cheeks, added my usual raspberry colored lipstick and inspected the result. "Not bad there, Louisa. 'Oh you do look nice, Louisa.'", I added in an imitation of Martin's low voice.

That was not a great idea. Images of Martin and me flooded my mind. Eating out, the concert (which was a disaster at the end), him saving Holly's life on my kitchen slate, his needy proposal (which I accepted without even a second's hesitation), the first time we made love…

My poor lip sprang between my teeth. "Louisa what's the bloody point? Why even GO there?"

Shocked, I stared at myself in the mirror with that sort of look we give ourselves when the honest truth is so, so visible. "You still love him, don't you?"

And the truth of the matter is that's why you came back to Portwenn, isn't it?

I nodded slowly at my reflection. "Damn."