Chapter 14
"Are you going to Bryan's wedding?" Sam asked Jen when they next talked on the phone.
Jen sighed. "Yes, Eric and I are going."
"Will you look at Jake for me," Sam wondered and Jen heard the wistfulness in her voice.
"Do I have to?" Jen teased.
"Just make sure he's all right," Sam said.
"I can do that," Jen pretended to give a huge sigh. "I'll try taking pictures of him with my phone. Mom has a small digital camera that I can slip in my purse too."
"Thanks," she heard the humor in Sam's voice. "I'm not asking you to kiss him, just see if he's okay."
"If it would make you happy again, I'd even kiss Jake Ely," Jen told her.
"I miss him, Jen," Sam said. "You don't understand how much I miss him. He was such a huge part of my life and now nothing."
"It's got to be hard," Jen sighed.
"It is," Sam mused. "I went off the pill."
"Why?" Jen wondered.
"I don't need to be on it," Sam shrugged even though Jen couldn't see it.
"You might," Jen pointed out.
"No Jen," Sam's voice was firm. "If I can't be with Jake, I don't want to be with anyone."
"Ever?" Jen yelped.
"Ever," Sam said forcefully.
"You can't be serious," Jen was incredulous.
"Very serious," Sam snapped.
"Sam, you're twenty years old," Jen responded. "You can't make life altering decisions at twenty."
"Why not?" Sam taunted. "You did at ten, you said."
"That's different," Jen scoffed.
"Why is that different?" Sam wondered.
"I wanted to be a vet," Jen said. "You're talking about never marrying or being with anyone.
"Sam, I know you're hurting. I know you love Jake, but come on, you can't decide all this now."
"Yes I can and I have," Sam told her. "I've been with Jake. I've loved Jake. There isn't anyone out there that can make me feel better than I felt with him. There isn't anyone to compare with Jake. I won't settle."
"You can't say that at twenty," Jen insisted.
"I just did," Sam shrugged.
"You're willing to possibly live another sixty years alone?" Jen asked.
"It can't be any worse than how alone I am now, Jen," Sam murmured. "You have no idea how badly I hurt because of what I did."
"No, I don't," Jen agreed. "I just hate for you to say this now and get used to it and then end up alone with fifty cats for company."
"Maybe sixty or seventy," Sam tried to joke but both knew the joke fell flat.
Jen's heart was breaking for her friend. Sam was so darned stubborn she might actually do this. Then she thought again. No, Sam was so hurt from losing Jake that this might actually be her fate.
As she and Sam hung up, promising to talk again soon, Jen was in tears. She needed to hear Eric's voice and quickly called him.
She felt badly. She had someone who loved her. Sam didn't. Jen knew how awful she would feel if she and Eric broke up. Jen couldn't imagine what Sam was going through losing Jake the way she had.