Chapter 14 Wake

The girls were helping me into my black mourning dress. My arms were draped over my head, and I instantly thought of the way Edward danced with me at the party. The way his fingers intertwined with mine. The way he lifted me off of my feet and onto his…

"Bella is that too tight?" Alice asked.

"Huh? Oh the tie, its perfect—thanks."

"You're zoning out Bells. Whatcha thinking about?" Rose asked.

"Isn't it obvious it's his Wake. She's thinking about him." Alice replied.

So we were already down to not saying Edward's name while I was around? Wow what a day this is.

I kept my mouth shut the rest of the time it took them to put me together. But when Alice tried to put something powdery on my face, I told her to put the damn make-up away or I was going to throw it in the toilet and flush, not once asking the Fashion Goddess for forgiveness. She quickly repelled the brush from my face, and put her things away.

Once all of us were in the car, everyone got really uncomfortable and edgy. I didn't want to believe we were going to Edward's wake. I didn't want to believe that he would be gone for the rest of my life. I didn't want to believe that he would be gone, and we wouldn't get married, nor have babies…so I didn't.

Just for the week, I would go to Edward's wake, tomorrow I would go to his funeral, and the next day at school I would probably break down at lunch, then repeat the process until it finished. But during that time I wouldn't give up on the fact that he wouldn't be there for me. He would come back. I just had to believe.

"Bella, were here." Alice took my hand, and tried to pull me out of the car without pain.

"Bella!" some one screamed. "Bella! Bella!"

"Will you please be quiet young man, this is a funeral home." Another mourner asked.

"Sorry," the voice was closer to my hearing range, "Hey Alice! Rose! Bella…"

Strong arms, took me into a very warm chest, and I felt better with this person by my side. "Bella, it's me…Jacob."

"Jake? Jake! You—" my voice quivered, "You're here."

"I'm here Bells." His hands stroked my back, and he brought me closer to his body, his head rested in my hair, "Bella I'm so glad you're ok," he kissed the top of my head.

"Yeah," was all I could say.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here. I have a lot to explain…don't I?"

"The hell you do Jacob Black!" Alice screeched.

"Ehem," the woman asked us to be quiet again and all four of us said "Sorry."

"Bells, do you want…do you want to go say 'bye?" Jacob started to pull me to a cold room that smelled of tears. Literally—the place smelled of sorrow, and tears. The heat was unbearable, and I wondered if I was heating because Jake was so close to me, or if I was nervous about feeling Edward, cold, solid, and clammy.

"Oh God—" Rose whimpered.

"Oh Goodness…Edward." Alice whispered.

"I'm sorry," Jake murmured.

My hand reached out instantly to touch Edwards face, and what they touched shocked me to the bone. Edward's skin was so cold, hard like stone, but soft, it was so soft. I started to sniffle, and then arms were wrapping all over my body—the most detectable were Jacob's.

"He feels so soft," I whispered. "Who wants to go first?" I asked not having the stomach to speak yet.

"Edward—man I'm sorry I haven't been here to talk to you more—I should have called more often, I should have checked up on you guys. I'm sorry that you had to go man. We'll miss you." Jacob said, and I detected a little quiver in his voice, like he was going to break down.

"You were always willing to help me out. Whenever I needed a ride because Mom would take away my Porche…you'd come over, and I'd ask you to go shopping. You would never want to go, you'd just call Rose and tell her to get her ass over there, and take me. But after I begged—you'd come with me, AND you'd carry my shopping bags—all 10 of them.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I didn't do anything more." Alice hugged me tighter, and I patted her head.

"I'm sorry for being a stick in the mud when you asked that guy out for me. I was begging for a boyfriend, and you found a good decent guy that wouldn't just want me for my looks… How did I repay you? 'Edward I can't believe you asked out that loser!' And then you got the boot out of my room. I'm sorry, and I wish we could have been better friends." Rosalie whispered.

Now it was my turn. What was I sorry for the most? I was sorry for everything the most. Well this could take ten years…

"Edward—I—I'm sorry that I didn't speak up. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I liked you sooner. Both of us would have been spared a lot of time, and pain." I took a deep breath and then I continued, "I'm sorry for asking you for the most ridiculous things. Things that got you into trouble. I'm sorry that we got into that fight, and I'm sorry that I didn't apologize. It was such a stupid thing to argue about, and to have it be our last words—so stupid.

"But—Edward—there is one thing that I will never be sorry for. I will never be sorry for loving you, and I will always love you forever." With the last two sentences, I started to cry. "Goodbye Edward, but not forever."

My hand traveled and soon found his lips. I brought my hand up to mine and kissed it, then placed it on Edward's.

"I need to sit down," Alice said.

"Don't forget to take me with you." I said.

"I'll get her," Jake said. His arms steadied me and helped me maneuver over all the purses, and in my case, death traps in my way. When I sat down on a chair, I released a breath that I had been holding in for a very long time.

Jake pulled up a chair by me, and rested his arm around my shoulders. "Bells, I know this isn't a good day and all…but is it possible for us to talk? Out of the public eye? When all this is over of course."

"Yeah, sure Jake."

"Whew—ok good, cuz I wasn't going to take no for an answer." I smiled, Jake was truly back.

"Answer me one question right now Jake."

"Yeah Bells?"

"How long are you here for?"

He took a long pause, and then he took a deep breath, "Forever. I'm here forever, as long as you need me Bells."

Alice

I watched Bella and Jacob get re-acquainted, and my eyes blurred. My nose itched witch was really weird. I never got nose itches. My body was beginning to tingle, and I knew I should go to the bathroom. "I'll be right back." I told no one in particular.

I rushed as fast as my little feet could carry me to the restroom. I moved my way into a stall, and the vision began.

Bella

"Bella!" Another hug from another person I had to guess at—although this one was easy.

"Elisabeth," It was so great to have her here, even though it was for her own son's wake, it was still nice to see her—or in my case hear her—she was like my second mother, and she gave me another comfort system.

"Bella," another set of arms came out of nowhere to embrace me in another hug. This time—yet again—I knew who the mystery hugger was.

"Mr. Mason," my arms wrapped around him, and I couldn't help but cry a little bit more. This man was Edward's father, the boy who I loved, and Carlisle was the only one who was close enough of a resemblance to him. I wished I could see just for today. I wished with all my might that I could see. But nothing happened.

"Bella, I'm so happy that you're ok. Darling we we're so worried about you," that's Elisabeth for you, always caring, never once not sharing.

"I'm fine now Elisabeth, really, I just—I'm sorry." What else was there to say? How could I tell Edward's parents how he truly meant to me? How could I explain what he meant to the world? There were no words for these explanations that I wanted to voice.

"It's ok Sweetie. We're just glad that you're ok." Elisabeth patted me on my back, then she excused herself, trying to say her goodbyes to Edward I supposed.

"Mr. Mason?"

"Yes Bella?"

"How are you going to do it?" I don't know how in the hell he knew what I was talking about because I wasn't making any sense at all, even to myself, but somehow he knew what I meant.

"I don't know Bella. All I can do is hope." And that's all I can do too. All I can do is hope that he is somehow alive, and he will find me, and somehow we can be together.

But my body tensed when I thought of my fingers colliding with the cold, hard, and soft skin that is now Edward's resting state. And with that mental picture in my mind, all my hope was shattered.

"Bella!" I was getting so annoyed by my name now, that I was about ready to legally change it.

"What?"

"Bella I have some good news!" Alice squealed, nearly jumping up and down.

"Well if it's so good that you're jumping up and down, maybe I should know?" I asked, hopefully something happy, like a box of bunnies, would be on my door step when I get home.

"I can't—I can't really tell you," you could hear the frown and utter disappointment in her voice as she stated that.

"Why not?"

"Because—it's the future—but I can tell you that things are going to get so much better."

"How do you know this Alice?"

"Silly girl. Why should you doubt me? Is it because I'm small?"

"No, of course not Alice—I just want to know why you're so happy. Humph, well maybe it will wear off on me huh?"

"It will soon." She took my hand in hers, "I promise."

Everyone was packing up for the day. Jacob told me it was 10 P.M and I could believe it. My body ached, and my eyes were feeling like they were strained for being open for so long.

"Bella, do you still want to go and talk tonight?" Jacob asked, with some sense of hope in his voice. How could I say no to someone who still had hope?

"Sure, I can hold up for another hour or so."

I could just picture the grin on that boys face when he lifted me up into a huge bear hug. "Jake I can't—can't breathe."

"Oh sorry." He put me down gently, and once I was on the ground I wish I didn't have legs, or at least I wanted a wheel chair. I was so exhausted.

"Bells? You ok? Want me to carry you?" Jacob was only here, what, for 28 hours tops, and he already knew me as well as he did before he left. How can people do that?

"How can you guys do that?"

"Do what?" he said confused.

"Read me like and open book. It's not fair."

"You're just easy to read Bells." He started to grab my calves, and then his other arm wrapped around my chest, "Up you go." Jacob was caring me bridal style—wonderful.

It actually felt kind of nice to be in his arms. The movements he made while walking were comfortable, and I felt like I could sleep in his arms for a while. "Bella!" I groaned. Who could possibly want my attention now?

"Hey, Mike. Haven't seen you in a while," Jacob answered my question for me.

I hated Mike. He was just so—puppy dog like. With the big blue eyes, that you think you can trust. When actually, he spills all of your secrets to the first hoe he sees. Why thank you boyfriend number two.

Panic suddenly coursed through my spine. This was the first time I would have to face Mike without Edward. Edward was the one to beat the living crap out of Mike when he was caught with Jessica Stanley, while dating me.

"Jake," I whispered. "Get me out."

"Hey Bella," Mike said, a little too close for my liking. "I'm sorry to hear about Edward, I tried to come to the Wake—but I guess I'm late."

Your damn tootn' you're late. "Yeah, the wake lasted from 10-10P.M. Weird that you missed a twelve hour period."

"Well—I had some other things to take care of today." Uh, ew, gross.

"Ok, um, Mike we really got to go—unless you want me to drop Bells off at the Chief's house, then I could stop back over here, and show you how to be early the next time someone needs your sympathy." Jacob was tense and I had to stifle a giggle, because I'm pretty sure that Mike pissed his pants.

"Bye Bella—Jacob."

"Bye mutt." Jacob sniggered.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"No problem Bella."

The ride home was long, even with Jake as my driver. He kept the drive silent, until we were getting close to home. "Bella," Jake pulled the car over. "We really need to talk. I need to explain why I left."

"I would like an explanation as to why you left Jake, but the thing I want to know is why you never called us. We missed you a lot. I missed you."

"I know. I just—ok here's how this started. My dad needed to go to," Jake struggled with his wording, and I knew this was hard for him. I didn't understand why though. "He needed to go on a huge trip to—Canada. There was some things going on, things that included me. So I needed to go and sort things out with—people. We had to stay longer than we thought, because—I got sick. And I was sick for a while. The people that we had to meet had this—this disease, and I guess—I kind of got it from them. I—God this is so hard." Jake was silent for a while before speaking again.

"We just got back about two days ago. I'm sorry Bells. I messed up. I should have been there for you, ya know. I should have called, I broke that promise—that I would always be there for you. I broke a lot of promises."

"Jake," I didn't know where to begin. He hadn't really told me a whole lot, but maybe he couldn't. It sounded like that was all he was aloud to tell me. "I understand that you can't tell me some things, but just let me ask this…You're not some kind of government FBI are you? Like undercover?" I said jokingly.

"Ha-ha Bells." He sighed, and then his laughter shook the whole car, "Thanks Bells. I promise—no—you have my word—I won't leave like that again." Jake scooted to my chair and hugged me. "I'm sorry."

"Jake—I really can't take it if some one else says sorry one more time. I'm sorry but I really think I'm going to have to burn that word."

"I understand Bells. Let's take you home."

Day two is just beginning. My tired feet hit the floor, my body lifts up from the mattress, and my arms stretch outward. Another day, another hell.

The doctor said that I could now wear sunglasses, instead of that black cloth. That was another thing I would have to burn along with the word sorry.

The ride in the car was another silent one. This time it was a lot more uncomfortable, since I was riding in Charlie's police cruiser. Rene couldn't go—for reasons unknown to me—but to Charlie, I think he knew. He knew something I didn't and it made me upset because I couldn't look him in the eye and ask what was wrong. I would know if I could see.

"Bells, you know—you don't have to go to school tomorrow. You can take another sick day. I'm sure the office would understand." That's Charlie, never really emotional in the public eyes, but when he does show it you know when he is trying.

"Thanks Dad, but I think I should try. Maybe I'll just come home early. I don't know."

"Up to you Bells."

Once we got to the church, I got a lot more hugs than I did yesterday all together. That didn't make me feel any better.

Alice called me over, and Charlie helped me over to Alice and the gang. "You guys got it from here? I need to talk to someone."

"Yeah, go ahead Charlie." Rosalie said.

Charlie left, and it was absolutely silent. Sometimes I like the silence. It allows me to not hear my name being called to accept an apology, but other times I like to hear people's voices, it lets me know that I'm not alone, and not everything people say can be about apologies, or sorrow. Right now I really wished that Alice would ask us if we wanted to go shopping.

"You know what I think we need after this girls?" Rosalie asked.

"What," Alice and I asked together.

"Midnight margaritas! Non-alcoholic of course," In a lower voice she said, "If someone's parents are home at the time." All of us giggled, and I felt relieved.

"We could have it at my house," Alice suggested, "And in the morning we will go to school, then after I'll take everyone shopping!"

"God bless you Alice," I said. She gave me a weird look, and I just said, "I need some normal, you know. And I'm just happy that you want to go shopping."

"Ok, then that's what we shall do."

"Hey what about me? Is there any room for a guy like me?" Jacob came up behind us, scaring me half to death.

"Yeah, I don't know Jake, you wouldn't mind if we wanted to have a make-over and used you as a test object?" I joked.

"I wouldn't mind—unless you insist on using a color that simply wouldn't work for me," he joked back trying to sound like a giddy British girl. Everyone laughed hysterically.

"Honestly Jacob I don't know what color would be best for you," Alice said seriously. "Black maybe, no, no, that's not right."

"Relax Alice. He isn't going to be a model," Rose implied.

"How could you say that Rosie? How do you know that the reason I was gone was because I was at modeling school? How dare you." Jacob was laughing even when he was saying this, and it made him sound like a psychopath.

"Don't. Ever. Call. Me. Rosie. Got it? Mutt."

"Ouch, that hurts Blondie."

"Guys cut it out! Do you not remember where we are?" Alice indicated.

I didn't want to be reminded of where we were. I had no intention of losing the feeling of the old days when Jake would joke and tease us.

"Sorry," Jake whispered.

"We will start the ceremony shortly." The priest came out of the booth he was hiding in, and started to help people take their seat.

A huge lump in my throat started to form. Why did reactions like these always happen to me?

Everyone took their seats, Alice on the left side of me, Rose on the right, Charlie sat by Alice, and Jake sat on the other side of Rose with Billy.

The sermon began and for just that moment, I thought I had seen the casket with Edward's body perfectly. I thought maybe if I took off my glasses that I could see again, so I slid my glasses to my nose, and nothing.

The priest kept talking about how Edward was a good boy, always there for people when they needed it, always helping people with school, giving to charity, and just all the goodness of Edward Anthony Mason.

Boy was he forgetting something or what?

I loved Edward and he was my best friend. The past tense made my brain shutter, and I corrected myself. I love Edward, and he is my best friend, and always will be. He just wouldn't be here, but that won't last forever. I hoped.

Elisabeth was at the stand talking about how Edward would always help her test new recopies for her cookbook, and how he would always tell her it was delicious, even though she thought differently. She said how wonderful he was, and how she would miss him with a hole in her chest.

Mr. Edward Mason was up in a minute to comfort his wife when she started crying on the way back to her seat. Then once he sat her down he moved up to the stands, and told everyone that he was so proud of his son—for everything—like saving damsels in distress, and to getting good grades in school. His speech was over quickly, because Elisabeth was having a hard time, and she needed to be by his side.

Charlie was next. He looked at Alice, and then bent over to whisper in my ear "do you want to go up there with me? And uh—get it over with?" I shook my head no, and he went up there without me.

"Edward was a good kid. I'm not just saying that because he was dating my daughter, but," I could feel people's stares as Charlie told them he was now dating Bella Swan right before his death, "he was a good kid because he was always helping out at the station, and yes, also saving Bella when she needed him." He kept rambling on about how good he was, and told the audience stories about how Edward had saved me a number of times. That made me sound like I was a danger magnet… although…I guess that was kinda true.

Once Charlie was done, I slid down in my seat and for once I was happy that I couldn't see the people stare at me.

Alice, Rosalie, Jacob, and Billy were really quick, and I wished that they took their time because this meant I was next. I totally didn't want to be next. I wanted to sit there and act like a blind little girl, too innocent, and naive, to know that the world was capable of such hideous things.

"Bella it's your turn. Want some help sweetie," Rosalie asked sweetly.

"Yes thank you." She helped me out of my chair and guided me to the steps.

I tapped the microphone on my own clumsy mistake, and blushed like there was no tomorrow. "It's ok sweetie, go ahead." She encouraged me.

I took a big gulp of air, and began my mindless ramblings. "I'm not going to start off with how Edward was such a good kid; because he was much more than just that." My hands began to shake, and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. "Edward was my best friend since the 5th grade, and I know that might not be a lot of time; considering people have known their best friends since Kindergarten, but he was always there for me. He was my chocolate after my first breakup; he was my teddy when someone died, and he was my protector—and always will be until the end of time. Now that he's gone doesn't really change all of that, and I don't expect it to.

"I don't expect my feelings to change either. I love Edward, he was my first love. And he will be always." My voice broke and I found that I couldn't hold in the tears, "I will always love Edward Anthony Mason." I turned away from the mic, and asked Rose to take me back down to my chair.

When I sat down I heard Elisabeth come up from behind me to hug me and kiss my cheek. "You're a good girl Bella." Then she went to go sit back down.

Time went by horribly slow. And even after the last person was at the stand time seemed to go by slowly, but once that last word escaped his lips, time went by too fast.

Everyone was herded out, and we were off to see Edward be buried. I did have an advantage, I couldn't see that, but my heart went out to all of the people that had to see it because they had no other choice.