Striving For Perfection

Chapter 14:

Limits of Perfection

Author's note: Okay…you know the drill. I don't own Phoenix Wright games or characters…and if I did, I'd be swimming in my own pool of money (which would be shaped like a dollar bill!) However! I DO own Marty Cruss, Herr Volker, Guido and Anya Trin (who are, like old movie mobsters used to say: "swimmin' wit da fishes!"). For all of you just joining in on this story...you might want to go read Limits of Perfection first...it might get confusing otherwise.

TO MY REVIEWERS!

Vaxl: Aww! Thanks for that compliment! I'm glad you think Miles is cute when I write him! And maybe she's dead...maybe she's not!

LazyCatfish27: Hahahah! That was the point! I wanted a short chapter to really leave you hanging off the edge!

Indochine: Yay! Thanks again!

AND NOW TO THE STORY!

"Do you remember?

We used to study like mad...I would sit on the floor...right next to the bookshelves. You would climb that ladder up to the loft...I remember coming up there some times and you would be sleeping on top of your book. I never wanted to tell you that...you used to harp enough on me for doing the same thing. I didn't mind it though...I didn't even mind it when you threw books at me when you got mad. I didn't mind comforting you when you felt bad about it afterwards, either. Yes, I know I was weak back then...I'm probably even weaker now. Back then, I was extremely naive. I didn't understand that you would never be just a sister to me. Now...you're the reason I'm weak. But I don't mind that either. I never did. You could call me weak all day long...just as long as you never said you didn't want to see me again. I'll be your rival every day that you want me to...

I don't mind.

I've always felt guilty...that day I left you in Germany. When I left with your father to come here. I never forgave myself for packing my bags and abandoning you. I only left because...if anyone should be stuck with that monster...I would gladly give myself up and put myself in your place. Besides...you would be safe...and that's all that mattered to me at the time. You know I would have given my life for you if I needed to. In those times of peril, all you had to do was tell me to hold you and take every blow...and I would have. I tried so hard. When it comes to you, I don't mind not being perfect...just so long as you still believe you are. I'll always try hard for you.

You deserve it.

I never told you, but ever since you lost your memory for that short period of time, I always feared this moment would come. I couldn't stand watching you get shot...I still can't forgive myself for being so stubborn that day. I never will. I always believed that I could save you...from anything. Ever since you and I first met...I felt like I had to take on a role of an older brother...but you, in your maturity...in your strength...you deserved the respect of an older sibling. When I first saw you...at the mercy of your father...I knew then and there, that I would protect you. You, the girl that would one day go on to tell me that you've always hated me. Those words cut so deep. I thought I never would get over that. I thought that when you and I met again, you'd continue to hate me and I would get over my deep infatuation with you. But when you met me at the door to the place where we had so many memories together, whether they were good or bad...and you greeted me...with that smile...that smile I thought you had lost...I couldn't help but let my heart get the best of me.

The great Miles Edgeworth...bested by a woman.

And by you, no less.

I never believed I could feel this way.

And I never believed that I could never protect you.

I'm sorry I was too late...

I miss that smile of yours. I saw it only once when we were children. I'll never forget it, though. It's not the same sort of smile that you give when you're smug...or when you know you've got the right piece of evidence to present to the court. Hell, it's not even the same smile you give when you're tormenting Wright. It's that tiny smile that I saw, shine through all the tears and the hurt that you endured. Do you remember that moment that I vowed to always be there for you? Do you remember what you told me? You said I was foolish...I sure was...but I...I would have given anything for you to keep smiling that smile. Time changed you. I know that...and so did my disappearance. I don't know what it did to you...but the minute I realized what I had done...I cursed myself. I felt even worse when I realized you knew that I had disappeared. I had hurt you...I could see it in your eyes; in the way you held yourself around me. You seemed to shrink back.

I'm sorry.

...you know, I half expect you to tell me to shut up...and stop apologizing. But I can't stop...There's a void in my soul...just in this one-sided conversation. I don't hear your voice. I never realized how much I miss it. I just wish there was a way you could open your eyes and tell me to stop blabbering. Hell, you could even slap me. At least it would be you.

You probably never felt the way I feel about you. I can live with that. I think. No. I know I can. If I can have you back in return. I can live with you hating me for the rest of my life. I can live...

Who am I kidding? I can't live this way. Having lost you and never knowing...I know the old saying goes that it's better to have loved and lost than to have lost and not loved...and it's true. I think if I hadn't realized how much you mean to me...I would be going through this with a sort of indifference...and then when I got older...I would just be one of those crazy old men who can't get over the loss of someone that they lost years ago. But...how...how can I still let you go when I never knew how you felt?

Selfish, isn't it?

The great Miles Edgeworth...the prosecutor who doesn't let anything get to him...

I've heard that so many times...whether it be from reporters or from defense attorneys. It never used to get to me...

Want to take a guess as to why it's eating me up now?

What I would kill to hear you say perfect again. I used to think you'd grow out of that habit when we were children...or out of the habit of calling me foolish. Boy was I wrong. I always thought you used to say it just to get under my skin, some times. It was quite a great deal of time later until I realized it was a reflex...your version of a defense mechanism. When you and I would argue over things...you always used to pull out the 'a von karma is perfect' card...I always hated that, you know. But it was not until later that I realized you did it because those were the times you had no more logic left in your reasoning...and you knew it jarred me if used right. I have to admit it. You'll always be the better prosecutor. I'll never be able to analyze my opponents like you...like you did when we had our first debate against one another. Oh did you have me read like a book. You knew just what buttons to push and what things to argue about. I was speechless inside. I couldn't believe that a girl, seven years my junior, was beating me! No wonder you became a prosecutor at age thirteen, hm?

Do you know I've always been proud of you?

I know that you never heard that from your father...and believe me, I'm not one to replace him. But I always wanted you to know that I was so proud of you. You, who buckled down and studied until your eyes were red in the morning...you, who had the right to be called your father's heir, even though he always said he favored me. I hated that. I wanted to kick him in the shins...I was only ten at the time, you know...but I wanted to find a way to hurt him so bad...how dare he say that you weren't worthy of being the best prosecutor in all of Germany...and all of America.

Remember when you had to teach me German? Dear god, what a painstakingly difficult process. Remember how I couldn't roll my tongue to create that 'rrrr' sound? You used to go around the house, like a miniature pirate...yelling "rrrr!"...and you wonder why I could never stop laughing. To you, it was a practical method to get me to learn...but to me...it was fun. You never did understand that concept, did you? I couldn't believe it when I mentioned tag...or hide-and-go seek...you looked at me like I was a raving lunatic. At the time...I'm sure I was.

After all, I was just a child...wanting the companionship of a girl named Franziska von Karma."

He wiped an unwanted tear that was being shed unwillingly down his cheek, and pushed his hair out of his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath as he did so. The sound of the constant, steady, beep...beep...beep...of the heart monitor filled his ears, and he looked away for fear that he would let another tear slip.

"Franziska...oh please...please...wake up...tell me I'm rambling again...hit me with your whip...call me a fool... call me weak...anything! But please...don't leave me."