Heidi- Yes I was, you're so very welcome, and no one has ever made fanart for a story of mine, thank you so much. Post a link and I'll put it in both my stories.

Cassie- Thanks, I was really worried about that little monologue. That it would sound to cliché, especially the last bit. "Kiss of death". I wanted to do better but I wanted to continue the black mamba analogy and I couldn't think of anything less vomity.

You are both precious perfect dolls. Please forgive me for this chapter.

Everybody, hate to plug but check out my other TW/SPN crossover Hunters, Angels, Werewolves Oh My! if you haven't. Established!Destiel+EventualButReallyQuicklySo!Sterek. It's pretty great. And Slash Madness Poll on Round 3 now. I suggest googling it. Either Destiel or Sterek always win. Peter/Roman made round 3 but we're doomed, sadly.

Sorry for the sullen AN, but you might want to keep your tissues ready for this one.

~heyheyblackeyeshaveyouanysoulyescasyescasbutmyheartsbrokenandcold~

Dean combed a hand through his hair and took a deep relaxing breath, giving roll of his shoulders. Moments like this were rare. Moments when he felt great, and fine, and completely comfortable, without Cas being around. Cas always would have something he had to run off and do, today it was some angel bi- woo, keep calm, no reason for jealousy- some angel chick needed help figuring out heaven's filing system. But that was okay, because Dean knew Cas would come back, that he'd know if he wasn't going to come back, just like every time it seemed like he wouldn't, when everyone said he was gone, when he had finally given in and let go, Dean still knew he would. Did Dean still want to rip out a distraction's throat every time they'd pull Cas away from him once they were finally getting comfortable with each other? 100% yes. But Dean had taken a nice relaxing shower to calm down. Because for whatever reason he loved showers. It was just like Crowley had said: he'd had a vibrant appreciation for a good shower before but now he could sit in a good shower all day. And it made him feel... amazing. He was always a fairly confident person, but however rocky his stumble into demonism was he'd never been as comfortable as he was after a shower, naked and damp feeling everything around him on his skin. He padded himself dry before going to the mirror to fix his lashes and then playing with his hair by putting it into different styles. He gave himself a how you doin' look before leaving the bathroom and going to his duffle, sitting on his bed. Sam sat down at the end of his own bed going over, eh, stuff. Dean went through the bag feeling nothing but content.

"Dean!" Sam shouted and stood up suddenly, agitated.

"What!?" Dean growled back, spinning to face Sam, who took a step back and faintly made a small flinch to grab the demon-killing knife. He didn't take it out, but he stayed stiff, watching his brother coldly ready for confrontation until he took a deep calming breath. Dean chose not to open his eyes, knowing they'd be black and knowing it would just unnerve Sam. "Sammy, we talked about that... Now, what's the problem?" Sam still gave an agitated sigh. This was one of those times Dean wanted to sock him. Dean had wanted put Sam through the window for scaring him like that, and yet he was being calm and understanding. What audacity Sam had being such a bitch to him!

"Did you maybe forget something in the bathroom?" Oh... Well shit. "Yeah. This comfortable in your own skin thing is getting uncomfortable." Dean nodded, understandingly, and trying to be embarrassed. "Actually no, it started as uncomfortable. Now it's legitimately disturbing. I'm gonna go... get... something out of the car... Uh, I'll be back in ten. Please... Please be dressed in nine." Dean heard the door close and he gave a sigh, turning to his bag again. He looked at his reflection in the radio, seeing the black voids where calm green usually is, and flicked it on, cranking the volume, glad to hear Back in Black crying out of it. He went back to searching through his bag for something to wear while singing softly, trying to relax to get his eyes to flick back. It wasn't long before he heard the deep gravelly voice.

"Dean?" His head whipped up to look at the angel next to him as his eyes decided finally to flick back to normal. Unfortunately Dean didn't have a moment to wonder if Cas had seen before he was slammed onto the bed by a hand on his throat. He couldn't even get his breath back to protest before there was an angel blade at his throat. "Get out of him!"

"Whoa, Cas! It's me, I swear!" Cas gave a glare and pressed down on the blade slightly.

"Don't lie to me, I saw your eyes!" Dean held the arm of Cas' jacket that held the threat of the blade with one hand and kept the other firmly on Cas' chest, ready to push the angel away but unable to now.

"Cas, I know, I can explain, just please, ease up man. It's me, I know you don't believe that, but even if it's not me this is pointless unless you plan on killing me..." Cas' face softened slightly, still harsh.

"Where is Sam? What did you do with him?" Cas' voice was harsh and Dean kept his face as soft as possible.

"He needed to go get something from the car, he said he'd be gone 10 minutes, he should be back in 6. If you don't believe me you can ask him when he gets back. Just let me explain, please..." Cas' face was still skeptical and he didn't move at all to get away. "Cas, come on, you know me. You've always been able to tell if I was lying. Look in my eyes and tell me I'm lying to you and I'll let you kill me right here..." Cas looked at Dean like he often did, as if he was staring straight into his soul and he stood. Suddenly Dean was very conscious of how naked he was. "Uh, do you mind if I, uh, throw something on...?" Cas looked at the duffle bag and stepped out from between the beds to give him space to change. Dean threw a t-shirt and jeans on quickly before turning to Cas.

"Explain... And if I still don't believe you, I will not hesitate to exorcize you." Dean sighed and stood to speak face to face with Cas.

"It is me, but I'm a demon..." Cas' face was skeptical, Dean didn't know if he wanted Cas to inquire or not.

"Since when..." It was a demand not a question, and Dean wished it had turned him on. But he felt overwhelmingly anxious and guilty. If he had drank anything lately he'd cry.

"A while... Uh, just after Metatron 'killed' me... After the mark took hold it wouldn't let me die, so it turned me to keep me alive... Like it did to Cain." Dean looked to the floor. "It saved my life, I guess... I wish it hadn't, it's not like I deserve a second chance or the world needs another piece of shit son of a bitch hunter... I'd be easier on you and Sammy if I had just bit it."

"Don't say that..." Cas snapped at him softly. "It killed me to think you'd died... This I can live with... Or at least learn to... As long you're still you..." Cas looked at him for reassurance.

"I was a bit more...well, 'demonic' at first... But now I don't feel too different... Crowley's helped me get as far back to normal as is probably possible. I still need to work on anchoring my anger and on impulse control but... Yeah, I'm still all me. I still feel like me, at least 99.9%." Dean wanted to specify 'Especially around you' but didn't want to push.

"Crowley knew? Knows?" Dean swallowed a lump seeing that Cas was trying to hide that that fact hurt him.

"Before it even happened... He saw that the mark was taking hold... Sam summoned him to the bunker when I died, Crowley woke me up..." Cas seemed to be upset. " Cas, I-" Cas rose his hand to stop him. Dean thought he'd say something when he opened his mouth but it closed again and the angel was gone with a flutter.

Now, if Dean was thinking rationally he'd have figured that Cas had a lot to process and that he'd be back and Cas had said he accepted Dean as he was and that there was no reason to worry. But Dean hadn't thought rationally since he was 5 and if you thought he'd start now, well aren't you the fool? And between that habit and his abundantly emotional state, the scene Sam came back to was as such:

First he saw the hole in the wall beside the door, not a cleared look through to the room hole, but the wood and insulation poked out jaggedly, as if it had been it hard from the opposite side of the wall, And then of course the thick dents in the door, still from the other side. Sam gave a hard sigh before he knocked and let himself in. The mini fridge which had had a bottle of jack in it was now empty and thrown across the room, empty bottle of Jack also on the floor along with almost a dozen other . Sam's bed was untouched, but there was stuffing (both mattress and pillow) strewn everywhere. The lamp was a lost broken and bent cause, as was one of the bedside tables. The one with the Bible in it. Sam noted. He went to the bathroom, leaving a lump in the middle of what was left of his brother's bed to cry another second as he surveyed the damage they'd have to pay for this time. The medicine cabinet was ripped from the wall, mirror broken on it, a hole through the back and blood tainting what was left of it. Sam gave silent thanks that Dean spared the porcelain tub, sink, and toilet. He heard Dean get up, and heard him muttering in a slight whine. Sam returned to comfort his now pacing brother.

"Dean it's going to be okay-" Before he could continue, Dean had turned and was yelling.

"NO, IT'S NOT! It is not OKAY! It's never going to be OKAY! He found out and now he's never coming back! And it's all your jackass boyfriend's fault, for not letting me die with my FUCKING dignity!" Sam bit back.

"Crowley not my-!" Again Dean cut him off. This time with a roaring yell, that didn't sound Earthly let alone human.

"SHUT UP!" Dean went back to his panicked pacing, muttering to himself mostly, but now allowing it to be loud enough to share with Sam. "How fucking delusional can you be? How could you expect him to be okay with this? You're not even okay with this, Sammy's not okay with this. He's an angel, he should've just smote you the second he saw black eyes. Should've let him, should've done it myself long before this..." He broke the pace to walk the few steps to Sam and wrap his arms around his brother's waist, putting his face into his brother's shoulder. When he spoke it was obvious he was holding back sobs. "I can't, Sammy, I can't do this. It's too much, I'm too weak..." Sam rubbed his brother's back with one hand and rested the other on the back of his head as Dean burrowed his eyes into the softest muscle he could find in the area, hoping to hide the crying. Sam walked backwards to the nearest corner and sliding down to sit on the floor with the mess that was temporarily his brother once he was there. He shushed him softly.

"I know... It'll be alright, Dean... As alright as it ever is... I've got you no matter what. You're my brother. I love you more than anyone or anything, okay? I don't know what I'd do without you. I'd never stop missing you if you left me Dean." Sam went over the usual speech. Basically everything he'd ever said that made Dean happy to hear, but at the same time tugged at his heart strings and made him cry to exertion. Then he moved onto the situational stuff, to cheer him up, to come around, to get him to realize it's not that bad. "Cas has been with us through everything; with you through everything, Dean. He's not gone, I promise. He'd never abandon you, no matter what. He loves you. Maybe more than I do. You're his best friend, and he's yours." He was down to sniffling in his brother's arms, eyes red from crying. "So he's upset. It's not like you've never been pissed at him. He's probably hurt that you didn't tell him... That's all... You guys have a 'Profound bond', how could he possibly stay mad at you, huh?" Dean gave a small smile and a nerve induced chuckle. Sam started rubbing circles into his brother's arm as he lay against him while he had the chance, knowing Dean would soon insist on getting up. Thankfully he knew better now than to get up right away. The crying always exhausted him and threw his whole body off, and he'd end up tripping. As a measure of his capability Sam would hold Dean with him, not allowing any slack until he was able to untangle himself by force. This time Dean didn't even try to move away until he had his breath about him, almost 10 minutes later, and even then he just sat against the wall right beside Sam.

"He'll be back... Right Sammy?" It sounded heartbroken and sore throated, and it broke Sam's heart a little to hear such a tone come from his brother.

"Yeah, Dean, of course...Everything will be fine, like always."

Dean wasn't sure he could believe that this time.