Fiction: Fallout 4

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Time has passed since the hostage situation at Covenant. Having finally built the device needed to get into the Institute, Ash returns back. However, she is finding her current mission with the Brotherhood difficult. How is she supposed to take down the Institute… when her son is the one behind it all?

Category: Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to any of the following work. While the writings themselves are my own, my character is created fully by myself, the other characters and story elements I do not own. I also do not own any of the Fallout 4 elements that are in play. Full credit goes to where it is due. Thank you. Thanks to Bethesda.

A/N – This is a bit of a jump in plot but, because of the overarching story I have planned for Ash and Danse, I didn't want to dick around with too much of the in game stuff. I plan on adding more fluff pieces after this but I wanted to get some main story stuff done. A lot of my ideas occur after the main quest has been completed and I want to start those. Thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed (I love reviews, like a lot, by the way). Thanks!

-oOo-

I couldn't sleep. Not because of nightmares… no, those were over with. Now it was my personal thoughts that kept me up at night.

I thought that after solving the mystery behind it, getting to the Institute and locating the bastards who had stolen my son from my husband's dead arms, I would feel some sort of peace, relief. Fuck, anything other than what I was feeling currently. But I only had more questions than answers.

The wind felt cool against my cheeks, the moon high in the sky though it was little more than a silver sliver in the darkened horizon. I leaned over the railway, bare toes curling on the chilly metal flooring of the flight deck. Only a few guards were on patrol at this hour though none of them paid me any attention. My fingers curled around the bar that held me steady on the Prydwen as I gazed down to the airport below.

I had contemplated death before… and I would likely be there again if it wasn't for a promise I had made.

"I'll be fine, Danse," I insisted, staring up at the machine with mild fear. We weren't even one hundred percent sure it would work, Ingram only assumed it would. Haylen was holding my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The Proctor was on my other side, fiddling with the levers and buttons until blue light emitted from the center pieces.

And Danse had a slightly panicked expression plastered onto his face. "I just worry," he started. "What if something bad happens?"

"What if?" I quipped, releasing Haylen's hand and turning to face him. "I may live, I may not."

"No, that's not good enough," he hissed, voice tight as he closed the distance between us. "You aren't allowed to die? Okay? That's an order." His hands were on my shoulders, eyes pleading with mine to listen to him, just this once.

Ever since Goodneighbor, the dynamic had changed between us. We were closer, warmer with each other, kinder, more honest and open. This only deepened after the events at Covenant when I thought I had lost Danse for good. The realization that being without him made me feel like nothing more than a worthless pile of skin and bones was… almost terrifying. I hadn't expected someone to mean that much to me ever again, not after Nate.

"Promise," he breathed, voice barely audible now over the hum of the device behind me.

I hesitated. I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep… but his face, the way he looked so scared for me, so distraught at the thought of losing me… "I promise."

His arms enveloped me, pulled me against his chest. Had Elder Maxson seen this display of affection, I was certain Danse would never hear the end of it. "Thank you," he whispered in my ear before pulling away, cheeks bright red with embarrassment. "Be safe."

"I'll do my best." I smiled up at him, heart pounding heavily in my ears for reasons beyond fright.

"Don't do anything irrational."

"You know me."

"I do. That's why I'm saying it. Keep your grenades pinned."

I strode away from him, winking at Haylen, and turned towards the beam. "Okay…" And then I stepped into the light.

Sighing heavily I turned my back to the banister, leaning against it as I gazed out over the deck. So much has happened in the past week and a half since our return to the Brotherhood. Nick and I had made our way to the Memory Den, using a chunk of Kellog's brain (it was a metal chunk so no need for 'ew' faces here) to delve into his past memories. It had been a disturbing experience but I was thankful for the information we had obtained. It led us to the Glowing Sea, a massive radiated area in the southwest corner of the Commonwealth, densely populated with heavily mutated and terrifyingly strong foes and adversaries on a hunt to find a man named Vergil. Danse had accompanied me, not wanting me to go alone. The only way we could travel down there was via the use of power armor – the radiation so bad it would tear thorough us in a matter of seconds without the protection of the suit.

Vergil, turns out, actually was a member of the Institute but he had left after his experiments went wrong resulting in him turning into a partial super mutant via an FEV virus. I promised him that, if I was able to get to the Institute, I would obtain the cure to his disease from his office as long as he told me how I could get in.

I won't bore you with the details but essentially we had to track down a Courser, the quite literal boogieman of the Commonwealth. With the chip ripped from his body, we began construction of a teleporter that would allow one person, myself, to travel to the secret underground facility.

I glanced down at my PipBoy, eyeing the new coordinate I had available. Before I had departed, I was given the ability to return whenever I wanted. Doing so would allow me to see my son… but would be considered treasonous by Elder Maxson.

Being teleported was the least emotional thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours.

I closed my eyes, thinking back to the moment everything changed….

The elevator doors silently whooshed open, tucking themselves into openings in the walls. Fresh air hit me, clean air. It felt like I was in a dream, back in time by 200 years, entering a hospital. The technology I had seen here was so advanced when compared to anything on the surface. Trees, flowers, and plants I couldn't even name dotted the main area, clean water was readily available, and the air was filtered…

This place was truly a paradise.

Ahead of me was another sterile white room, a locked door with a chamber, glass walls separating me and whatever was inside. My heart was racing with anticipation. The voice over the intercom said my son was here, that I was going to be reunited with my child. Was this it?

Stepping gingerly into the room, I held my breath, leaning sideways just enough to see inside the chamber…

And there he was.

He appeared to be around the age of ten, red hair much like his father's, finely combed back. He was playing with something, wasn't aware I was there. I slid forward, breath caught in my throat as I raised a tentative hand to place it against the glass.

"Shaun?" I whispered, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, having to gently bite on my bottom lip to prevent it from quivering.

The child stood, slowly turning to glance at me. "Yes? I'm Shaun." His voice… Gods, it felt so good to hear it, to finally hear it after all this time. I couldn't stop the gasp that fled past my lips, the sob that caught in my throat. This was real. This was happening. All the time and hardships I had to endure to get to this point, the people I've killed, the lives I've ended… they meant something now. They had purpose.

And I just couldn't believe what was standing in front me. I mean, yes I believed it but… I never thought this day would come. "Shaun… is that really you?"

He was facing me now, freckles dotting his cheeks much like my own. The color of his eyes was somewhere between my bright blue and the dark grey of Nate's. But he looked confused. He didn't recognize me. "Who… who are you?" he questioned, head tilting to the side, gaze distrusting.

It didn't surprise me that he wouldn't know me by looks. He hadn't been even a year old when Kellog kidnapped him. "It's okay Shaun. It's me, your mother." I smiled, stepping as close to the glass as I could, voice trembling with emotion. He would identify my voice at least, right? All those times I had sung to him, or read him a story. They had to count for something.

But the words that he yelled next were not the ones I had expected. "Father! What's going on? What's happening?" he wasn't addressing me... he was terrified of me.

"No no, I'm your mom. I'm here, everything is alright, Shaun! I'm going to get you out of there, okay?" I tried to explain, my other palm now on the glass, gaze slanting towards the door to his cell. I had to get him out. Obviously he was being detained here like a prisoner. I didn't care if he recognized me, I wanted him out of this place, back home, with me, where he belonged.

"What's going on?" he cried, louder this time. "Father? Father?!" Frantic, panicked, voice rushed. His head whipped side to side, trying to find someone to protect him, protect him from me.

I saw a control panel inside of the chamber. "Shaun, just open the door. I'll get you out of here." Maybe he was drugged similar to how Danse had been, maybe he couldn't see me correctly, maybe my voice sounded off. That had to be it! Why else wouldn't he recognize me? He had to know I was his mother. Gods, everything was so wrong!

"I don't know you!" he screamed. "Go away!" He moved to an opposing wall of glass further from me, pressing against it anxiously. "Father! Help me! Someone is here to take me! Help!"

I couldn't breathe, it felt like all the air had been stolen from my lungs. I was dumbfounded. I had assumed that this would be so easy, that I could just walk in and centuries of separation could be avoided. "Shaun, please, calm down. I'll get you out of there." It didn't matter. I didn't care if he knew who I was or not, I was going to free my baby boy.

"She's trying to take me! Please!" Louder and louder he yelled, moving further and further away from me, scrambling to create additional distance.

I stifled a sob, pressing the back of my hand to my lips so hard that I almost drew blood. Looking back now, I should have recognized what was going on. I had seen synths before… I knew they were becoming more and more lifelike. I should have known. But I didn't want to realize what was going on, I wanted to live in blissful unawareness. I didn't want to acknowledge that the boy in front of me was a robot, a copy…

I had fallen to my knees in that white room, begged the boy to believe me… I had looked so pitiful.

The doors at the other end of the room opened, a man wearing a white lab coat entered. He was old, older than any of the other employees I had seen working here. He glanced at the boy. "Shaun… S9-23 Recall Code Cirrus."

I snapped my attention to Shaun watching his body slump, head bow, movements cease. My heart sunk into my stomach, my gut clenching, my tears stilling. "No…." I breathed.

The man who had entered the room continued, as if my reaction was meaningless to him, "Fascinating. But, disappointing. The child's responses were not at all like I had predicted." Predicted? This was a set-up? This was a LIE? Regret and grief quickly turned to anger and fury, rage rushed through my veins as I glared up at the man. His gaze turned to me. "He's a prototype, you understand? We're only just now beginning to explore the effects of stress and extreme emotional stimuli." Fuck you, fuck you! "Try to keep an open mind. I recognize that you are emotional and that your journey here has been fraught with challenges." You don't know me at all, you bastard! I'm nothing more than a tool to you, something you brought here so you could do a sick and twisted experiment. You are no better than VaultTec.

The man reached down, a soft hand on my arm gently pulling me to my feet. "Let's start anew. I'm Father, and welcome to the Institute."

I yanked my arm free, practically seething at him as I snarled, "Give me Shaun! Give me my Shaun, the real Shaun, right now!" My fingers curled into a tight fist, knuckles flaring white.

And he was so fucking calm, so surreal, so serine as he answered my demands. "I know… I know you've gone through such lengths to find him." It was as if he actually understood, but he didn't know anything about me.

And I was running out of patience. "I'll make this very simple for you. Where. Is. My. Son?"

"He is here, in the Institute. Closer than you may think." Oh, I wasn't in the mood for word games. "But… I need you to realize that this… situation…. Is far more complicated than you could have imagined." Again, with the assumptions. He had no CLUE what I was going through, what I had imagined. "You have traveled very far and suffered a great deal to find your son. Well, your tenacity and dedication have been rewarded."

Rewarded? I almost laughed at him. Rewarded?! By showing me a fake Shaun, a synth Shaun? By toying with my emotions like I was some sort of lab rat?

"Finally… after all this time," he pressed on. "It's me. I'm Shaun. I'm your son."

It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. No… No, it couldn't be. Not him. Anyone but him. I shook my head. "How… how is that even possible?" He was older than me, he had grey hair. And he was with them, the enemy, the Institute. There was no way my son would align himself with the like of these people.

"I am sure this is a lot to take in. In the Vault, you had no concept of the passing of time. You were released from your pod and you went searching for the son you thought you had lost. But then you learned that your son was no longer an infant, but a ten year old boy," he gestured to the synth next to us as indication. "You probably believed that only ten years had passed. Is it really so hard to believe that it was not ten, but sixty years? That is the reality. And here I am, raised by the Institute, and now its leader."

I stumbled back, having to grab the white table for support. Sixty years? SIXTY had passed since Nate had died and Shaun had been stolen? No… No way. But, even if he was telling the truth… I didn't understand the reasoning behind it all. "But why? Why take a child? Why specifically you?"

"Ah, now that's the question isn't it? 'Why me?' At the time, year 2227, the Institute had made great strides in synth production. But it was never enough… Scientific curiosity, and the goal for perfection, drove them ever onward. See, what they wanted was the perfect machine. So they followed the example thus far – the human being. Walking, talking, fully articulate… capable of anything." The way he spoke… like it was a lecture, like he had given this same speech countless times to others, and I was just another uneducated person to him. "The most logical start, of course, was human DNA. Plenty of that was available but it had all become corrupted. In this Wasteland, radiation had affected everyone. As a result, another source was necessary."

"So… they found you." I was beginning to put the pieces together, my anger subsiding in the slightest, still present just beyond a barrier of rigid control.

"Yes. Every synth you see today has been created from my DNA. I am their father, and through science we create a family. The synths, me… and you.'

"And… you've been down here? The whole time?"

"Yes I have…"

I was back in my bunk room, sprawled across my bed, eyes squeezed tightly closed. Danse was oblivious on the other bed, his quiet breathing indicating that he was sound asleep. I hadn't told him yet, he wasn't aware of what I had faced inside the walls of the Institute, at least not that Father was my Shaun. I had given a detailed report about what projects they were doing, I had inserted Ingram's tape into a terminal and gathered what information I could… but no one, no one knew who was behind it all.

I wash ashamed to admit that my baby was the cause of so much destruction.

After I discovered who Shaun was, I spent the next few minutes peppering him with questions. What the Institute was, what I had missed, Kellog, anything I could think of. I so desperately wanted to fill the gaps in the timeline. I wanted to know something about the man who had grown up as my son, who was so alien to me I couldn't even recognize him.

It ended with a proposal – that I join the Institute and help them.

What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? He was my son… he was everything I had been looking for these past months. I had spent so much time and effort finding him… No, he wasn't what I expected. Hell, I wasn't even sure he was what I wanted. But he was my son.

But my allegiance was with the Brotherhood of Steel, with Elder Maxson and Haylen and Ingram… and Danse. Joining the Institute likely meant dooming them, sending them to an early grave… and I couldn't do that either. I didn't agree with all of their ideals, they were flawed, just like any organization. But… I couldn't kill them.

I ended up telling Shaun that I wasn't sure, that I would weigh my options.

But I already knew what I had decided.

And that was why I couldn't sleep at night.

Danse stirred, rolling over on his side to face me, a hand sluggishly raising to rub his eyes. When it lowered he was looking at me, sleep heavy in his expression. "What are you doing up?" he questioned, concern thick in his voice.

"Can't sleep," I replied quietly, watching him out of the corner of my eye as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"You going to tell me what's going on?" He always knew… always knew when I was trying to hide something. It was a 'bonus' that came with getting closer, he knew me so much better than anyone else. It was almost unfair how good he was getting at it.

But that didn't make the information I had to share any easy to tell. I mothered the monster who ran the Institute… Though I didn't raise him, I was the reason he was here, why the Commonwealth was at threat day and night from synth invasion, why the civilians couldn't sleep safety, and parents constantly worried about their children. I may not have continued his upbringing, but I was the catalyst.

At the core of it all, I could pin the blame of the current situation on myself.

"You know," Danse murmured. "You talk in your sleep. You've always done it. You used to say Shaun's name, sometimes Nate's. I didn't know who they were… but I had an idea." He stood for a brief second before sitting on the edge of my bed, forcing me to roll over to face the wall so he could swing his legs up. "You stopped saying their names for some time… but you've started with Shaun's again. You haven't mentioned him in your reports, Maxson let me read them. But Kellog said he could be at the Institute." I remained silent, glaring at the bunk room wall. "What I'm saying is… that you can't really hide these things form me. And, while I won't make you tell me, I would appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me regardless."

We stayed like that for several minutes, neither of us uttering a word. Danse was good at that, damn him for it. Conversation wasn't his forte, so staying quiet was something that super fucking easy for him to do…. And he knew damn well that it would wear me down since I couldn't stand the silence. "I found Shaun."

Again, the bastard didn't speak, didn't move.

"But he wasn't what I thought he would be. Not at all."

Nothing from the peanut gallery. Damn it, if he would just say something.

"Danse…" I rolled over to look up at him… only to see that he was watching me with worry, with care, with a warmth I didn't know he had. He was right, he had a right to know. He deserved that much at the very least. And when my lips parted, it's like a waterfall poured out. "Danse… Shaun is Father. My baby boy is the leader of the Institute. I gave birth to that. I let it happen. It's my-"

"Stop." Danse shook his head scooting down in bed so he was lying next to me, effectively taking up every square inch of available space on this tiny ass twin sized cot. "Don't ever say this is your fault, Ashtyn. You had no idea this would happen. Hell, you didn't even live in a world where this was possible until after the bombs fell. You had no way to stop it. And you are definitely not the cause."

"It's not even just that…" I closed my eyes, not wanting to watch his gentle expression. "I just don't know if I can be part of the Brotherhood any more. I don't know what I'm going to do! How am I supposed to fight against him?"

Danse wrapped his fingers around my own, his hand much larger than mine and able to engulf it all entirely. "Did he ask you to join him?"

I nodded weakly, I couldn't lie to him.

"What did you say?"

"That I wasn't sure, I didn't know, that I wanted to weigh my options… but… I know. I know who I align with and it kills me."

"Who do you align with?" apprehension, anxiety, a touch of fear.

Did he… did he honestly believe I could go against him? After everything we had been through together, everything I have done not only for myself but for the Brotherhood, did he truly believe I could turn my back on them? "With the Brotherhood. But in doing so means I will one day have to kill my son. Elder Maxson will eventually discover our relation and he will use me as a weapon, likely thinking that Shaun wouldn't want to harm his own mother… and I just don't know if I can be a part of that."

He hesitated before replying, "Are you saying you don't want to be with the Brotherhood anymore?"

"I don't know! I don't know what I want!" I was frustrated and angry and lost and confused. I didn't know the answer to anything. Everything had been turned backwards in the span of a day. What I thought was right could now be wrong, and the wrong could be right. I had thought that I had received every curve ball the Commonwealth could possibly throw at me, little did I know that a twist as big as an atomic bomb had been waiting just around the corner. "I just hate this! I hate everything! I hate that I woke up and the world was like this! It's not fair. How much am I supposed to take? Haven't I lost enough already?"

Danse's hand squeezed around mine, grounding me, centering my focus. Sometimes that's all I needed. How he was able to figure that out, I'll never know. But he knew there was nothing he could say that would make this situation better. After a pause he finally responded, "We can always take a break, you know? Take a week off from the fighting while Maxson and Ingram dig apart the data on the holotape you got them?"

I blinked up at him. "A break?"

"Sure, we could go explore Diamond City, you can show me all of the people you've met. Sounds like you could use some fresh air away from this all."

"You mean… we go together? Don't they need you here?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "I'll make it work."

"What if, when it's over, what if I decide I don't want to come back?" I asked quietly, timidly. It was a very real possibility that I wouldn't want to be part of this anymore once I was given time away.

"Then… Then you don't have to." He didn't say he would stay with me, that he too would leave the force. But I knew he couldn't, and I wouldn't dare ask him to. The Brotherhood meant everything to him, he had given up his life to join them. But he would let me leave if I chose it.

I nestled against him then, enjoying the feel of his arm around me, listening to his heart beat, feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath. It comforted me, relaxed me, made me feel at ease.

"But… if you leave? I'd miss you. I mean, everyone would miss you. Especially Haylen. And Brandis too. And of course Ingram, she loves what you did with your Power Armor by the way… And then there is the scribes, Jeremy and Tim, they adore you and love it when you take them out on one of 'Ash's Great Adventures'. But we would all miss you, that's what I was trying to say." I chuckled, Danse was never good with words. "I'd get real pissed if they gave me an annoying bunk buddy too. So, I guess, if you wanted to stay, just to prevent that from happening, I would be thankful."

He always knew how to cheer me up. I laughed, smiling around my reply, "I'll think about it."

"Seriously though," Danse argued given me a mock stern expression.

"I know. I'd miss you too. With me gone, who would irritate you to no end? Or make really irrational and crazy decisions last minute. Or teach you how to bake cookies?"

"See? Solid evidence as to why you have to stay." But I could see the true worry behind his gaze. The thought of me leaving was uncomfortable for him, made him feel off balance. We had grown attached to each other, whether or not it was more than as friends, I wasn't certain. This wasn't the same as Nate and I had been… but it was sweet and I didn't want it to end either.

"I promise Danse. I'll really think about it."

"Good. For now though? Get some sleep, alright? You'll need it for tomorrow if we're going to head to the big Green City."

Danse began to sit up but I panicked, snapping my hands out to grasp onto his wrist. He arched a brow, glancing down at me. "You okay?"

"I…" I what? WHAT? Why did I stop him? Well no… I knew why, I just didn't want to admit it.

"You want me to stay?"

I bit my bottom lip and lowered my eyes. That was exactly it. It went against his fancy rulebook but… Having him next to me made me feel safe, less vulnerable… happier.

The scraping of metal on the floor of the Prydwen made my attention rocket up. Danse was pushing his cot next to mine, erasing the distance between the two of them. "My ass was hanging off of your bed just now, figured this would be easier." He grinned up at me, that spark in his eyes that was only reserved for me lighting my world up. "And now you don't have to be friends with the wall." He pushed his pillows closer to mine, crawling onto his cot and sinking below the covers.

"Better?"

"Yes." But I was beaming red, yanking the blanket up around my nose to hide my burning cheeks.

"Good." He reached up, turning off the lamp that lit up the room in a faint dim glow. "Good night, Ash."

I smiled, swallowing my girlish giggle. "Good night, Danse."