A/N: Holy Jumping Jelly Beans. I know, it's been months. I'm sorry? Wait is that even good enough? Ugh. Well real life does get in the way. Schooling, family and everything else that comes with being human. I won't bore you with the details of my life. Just know that I write when I need an escape, and this does help a great deal. I have MANY chapters written are at the very least, partially written. So this story is not going stop anytime soon. I hope an extra long chapter is a good enough 'i'm sorry' for the time being. But as always, please Read and Review. And I do hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: Just a fan story. Nothing more
Chapter 14: First Move
Steam is filling the bathroom. The Soldier has yet to enter the shower, he wipes the glass of the mirror and stares at his reflection. Gripping the countertop of the sink he takes in a deep breath and dips his head when he lets it out.
Nope. Bucky shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. Nope. You're mistaken. Confusion, that's what you saw in her eyes and nothing more. Liar. Don't let something like that happen again, because next time you might not be as strong. Jackass.
But the way she gripped his shirt. The way her breathing picked up...Stop. Shower. Then a drink. Yup. Solid plan.
Depression. Shame. Anxiety. Good God, what has he become. Please don't let this sulking crap become a habit.
He just can't seem to help it.
It'll end at some point. Right? The Soldier lets out a shaky breath. Right.
Doing everything and anything he can to keep his mind from revisiting those thoughts, those memories. The Soldier sits in the workshop, mindlessly cleaning his tools, again. He already fed the horses and let them out, went over the Chevy and now, he's back to this. Cleaning, organizing, keeping his hands occupied.
When Bucky's busy he doesn't think about the torture that he was forced to endure over all those years. Those memories, most of them are still slowly flooding back. With them comes the nightmares as usual. Sights, tastes, smells. Fears, training, pain. The feeling of being defenceless, lost and terrified. But then the overwhelming anger and frustration settles in when he starts to realize what's been done to him. What they've made him into. What they've taken away. And then it's right back to that horrible feeling of despair and dread. Then confusion and helplessness when he's forced to lie back and begin to freeze.
It always ended with him being cold.
This is the pay off, he reminds himself. You wanted to remember.
But he'd happily relive all of those horrible moments, those horror filled dreams, if it meant he could forget the rest. The screams, and cries filled with panic that were not his own, but of others, some innocent, others not so much. To erase the look in his victim's eyes from his mind. Their pleas for mercy, the stench of blood, the sights and the sounds that the human body can produce when all life is forced from it like an empty shell.
But in the end, it's what he deserves isn't it? To remember. It was his hands. His logic and quick thinking that made him so proficient.
The Soldier shakes his form, willing himself to recall anything less grim. He needs to think of something else or he's going to be ill.
Weapon specks. How many lights are on Charlotte's consol. Maybe he should build Jake a dog house.
Footsteps are closing in from behind him. Chrissy. Bucky doesn't need to look back to know that it's her. She's checking in on him again, entering his quiet little space, but he doesn't acknowledge her. Fingers push the hair away from his tired eyes. How long has it been since he slept? Four maybe five days.
The woman makes a noise of discontent when he looks up at her, solemn, dark, tired and drained. "Sweety. You need to sleep. I know that's asking a lot. And I know it's something that's hard for you to do right now."
Bucky shakes his head and sucks some air in between his teeth. "Tried." He's being honest. "Can't."
Shoulders slump forward as he clears his throat, places the wrench back in it's spot and grabs the next tool. Gently, Chrissy takes the item from his hands and puts it back. Bucky's gaze drops to the floor. Embarrassed that he can't explain or understand what his issue is entirely.
"I know. You don't know what to do or what's going on with yourself lately. And that's ok. The way you're feeling, is normal. Nothing's wrong with you. Just human. It'll take time and a lot of effort. But it'll get better."
"I'm so tired, but can't sleep." He admits, voice hoarse. "Drained, but always have this need to be doing something. Anything…" He trails off as he places his face in his hands. Every time he shuts his eyes, he sees their faces, hears their screams. All of them. Going to see the Professor is not something he regrets, but it sure did stir up a lot things.
Regrets. He only has one big one really. Surviving that fall.
"Alright. How about you just try to relax, that's good too. We can go inside and be lazy. Just watch garbage on tv and I'll even put together a few things incase you get hungry." She sees him nod and that has her smiling. "Ok. Good. Come on." Chrissy tugs at Bucky's arm and gets him to follow her back into the home. He removes his coat and boots. His body drops to the couch with force and he leans his head back.
"K gimme like ten minutes. You find something to watch."
It's late. The Soldier has his head resting on Chrissy's lap as she continues to smooth back his hair. "You should head to bed." He looks up at her after hearing her yawn.
"Nope. I'm good." She covers yet another yawn with the crook of her elbow.
"Chrissy...I don't want you running yourself ragged because of me. I'm fine."
"So am I." She scoffs.
Bucky sighs, but returns his attention back to the TV. Fingers are still in his hair or rubbing his back. After the credits roll Chrissy notices that the man is actually asleep. Finally. She tucks a pillow under his head and removes herself from the sofa. Deciding to let the Soldier get some well needed rest, she covers him with a blanket and heads outside.
It's cold. November in Northern Canada is rarely anything other than chilly this time of year. The sun sets much faster and there's little daylight left to do anything. After making sure that all of the animals are comfortable and inside for the night, Chrissy shuts the barn doors and heads back into the home. To her surprise, Bucky is still sound asleep on the couch. Good.
So she makes a simple lasagna and some bread. That should kill some time.
What the hell? Where is he? The Soldier surveys his surroundings with blurred vision. What day is it? A mission. What was it? Why is he lying on a sofa? Maybe he was injured and passed out here. Slowly he sits up and examines his body. Hiking up his shirt quickly he sees nothing. Running hands through his hair, he checks his fingers and finds no blood. No wounds. Why isn't he in uniform?
Think. What's the last thing you remember? A bunch of random images as he tries to remember something, anything. He has this incredible feeling of urgency to return back to base. Only, where is that? The Soldier shakes his head lightly. Cold, it's somewhere cold. Right?
A noise, glass breaking. The Soldier quickly rises to his feet without making a sound. Fingers twitch when they don't find the weapon that's usually strapped to his thigh. His tongue darts out to lick dry lips as he quietly makes his way towards the sound he heard.
A woman's on her hands and knees, silently cursing as she picks up a broken dish. "Sorry if I woke you. I'm not that great at being stealthy." She doesn't even glance his way. Somehow she seems to sense his presence. "Was trying to do the dishes quietly. Didn't go as planned."
Alright, she seems to know him. The Soldier takes a cautious step into the kitchen. Eyes forever scanning every inch, searching for threats or signs of something not quite right. Maybe this woman is assigned to him. She should have orders for him then. Maybe even tell him why he's here. So like the perfect Soldier that he is, he awaits for instructions, commands, anything. Only, he doesn't receive any, she completely ignores him and continues to pick up the mess.
The woman hisses in pain and drops the dish. "Ah shit. Ow ow ow." Blood runs down her right palm and drips onto the floor. His instincts tell him to help her, but his training tells him to stay put. Could be a trick or a test. "Wow I'm a cluts today." She sighs and grabs a towel from the counter and wraps it around her hand.
When the woman turns around, she notices how rigid and silent he's being. "Bucky?" Is she speaking to him? There's worry in her voice, but she doesn't seem frightened. "Hey sweety. You ok?"
The man doesn't answer but he does advance on her quickly. Tired of this charade, he grabs her wrist with his prosthetic. "What's going on? Why am I here? Who the hell are you? What are my orders? Where's the commanding officers?"
"Woah." Her eyes grow wide. "You don't have any orders…"
"Impossible." He pushes her against the wall roughly. "Who are you? Don't make me repeat myself."
"My name is Christine Meilleur. You call me Chrissy." He's squeezing her wrist and his other hand is braced against the wall. "Ow. Your name is James Barnes. But your friends call you Bucky."
"What?" Name, he doesn't remember having one. Only a rank. Soldier, that's what they call him, or the Asset. People have names. Pets have names. He does not. This woman, she's causing him to think too much, to dwell on things of no importance and it's making his head hurt. Aggravated, the Asset pulls her away from the wall and then pushes her back into it with a bit of force, causing the woman to hiss in pain. "Tell me what's going on or…"
"We're friends. You've been staying here for months. Sometimes you forget things, people, but it's ok."
"Stop it." He warns in a low growl. His grip on her wrist tightens.
"Ow. Bucky. You'd never hurt me."
"Stop calling me that." The Soldier stares down at his metallic hand, there's blood soaking the towel and slowly making its way into the grooves of his fingers. Brow furrowed, he squints and then looks down at her face. "I…" Something about her does seems familiar. Eyes are filled with panic as he surveys his surroundings. "I don't remember. What did you do to me?"
"Nothing. It's ok. You're safe here." The woman reaches up and places her hand on the side of his face. A shaky breath leaves him as he allows himself a second to shuts his eyes.
"That's it. Deep breaths. It's alright."
When Bucky opens his eyes after a few minutes she can see the amount of apprehension in them. Torn in between wanting to push himself away and bolting out the door and the concern for her well being. The man pulls her into a tight hug, the regard for her safety overweighing anything else.
"Oh God. I'm so sorry." Arms squeeze tight around her shoulders. "Are you ok? God I'm so so sorry. I would never..." A hand cradles the back of her neck as he holds her close. "I can leave. If you want me to, I'm gone. Jesus Chrissy. Are you ok?"
"Shhh. I'm fine." Her one arm wraps around him while her injured hand is placed close to her chest.
"I slammed you into the wall." Frantic, he looks at her eyes and examines the back of her head with his fingers. What if he gave her another concussion? "How's your head? Want me to call Stevens? Oh God."
"You didn't slam me into anything. Bucky please calm down. I can survive a bit of roughhousing."
"Roughhousing? That's what you call that? I should…" Bucky spots the blood on his and her hand. Knees begin to shake. "Did I do this?" He asks hesitantly, eyes feeling moist. Chrissy shakes her head and he's filled with relief. "Let's patch this up."
Gently he removes the shard of glass and wraps her hand with great care. Washing his hands in the sink, he stares at the water as it goes down the drain.
"Thanks. That feels much better. " Chrissy snickers and rests her chin on the back of his shoulder. "You ok?"
The Soldier shakes his head as he leans forward. "No." Scumbag. Low life. Weren't things with him supposed to be getting better now? "I'm sorry. I know I keep saying it, but I don't know what else to say and I really mean it."
"Wasn't your fault. We just found a new hiccup to work on." An arm snakes around to his abdomen as she rests the side of her face on his back. She feels him laugh when he pats her hand.
"A hiccup. Right." The man turns around and exhales. "If I would of…" His gaze falls to the floor. "God I can't even put it into words...I'm a danger to be around. To you."
Chrissy goes back to picking up the broken glass. "I'm alive. I understand your worry. I really do. But as long as I remain calm and don't show any fear. You'd never make a move to hurt me. Not a threat, not a concern."
She tosses the broken dish into the garbage and smiles. "The only one who's any danger to me is myself." She chuckles while holding out her injured hand. "I'll do more damage to myself than you'll ever do."
Bucky smiles, takes a few steps closer and places a quick kiss on her forehead. "Well. Maybe you should be more careful. I'd like to have you around a little longer."
"I'll try my best."
That skirt, he hates it. Not because Chrissy looks bad in it, nope, that's not it at all. She's dressed professionally for this meeting. This is important to her and what she does. Every move she makes, every word she speaks, thought out, calculated and respectful. But the Soldier is observant and doesn't miss the way a few of the other men look at her or the hesitation in their stance when they lock eyes with him. They see it, a warning. Back off. They usually become visibly uncomfortable and this causes him to grin. That's right. Who's the big bad wolf? Not you idiots that's for sure.
Chrissy removes her red jacket and takes a seat at the large wooden table. "Good afternoon gentlemen." She smiles politely and hands them each a folder. "Here's my year end report and financial statements. Also, you'll find notes on Charlotte's upgrades and performance."
Ross hands the folder to his assistant. "Perfect. As usual." His eyes drift to the Soldier at Chrissy's side who hasn't taken a seat. With an open hand he gestures to the other chair. "Please, Sergeant Barnes, you're welcome to take a seat."
Gliding his tongue over his teeth, the Soldier shrugs. "I prefer to stand thanks." His eyes drift over the man before him and then to every other person, object and possible exit in this room. Take a seat? And what, leave himself vulnerable to attack? I think not.
"As you wish." Ross brings his attention back to the woman. "I don't see anything here regarding Barnes." He folds his hands together over the table.
Chrissy's posture is still relaxed, still professional. "As you know, when I first started with Shield, I had certain terms. Keeping records on anyone staying at my farm or anything remotely close to that sort of thing was and still is out of the question. It was made clear from the beginning that when someone showed up at my door seeking aid, or if the company placed anyone in my care, that I would not be handing over any type of files or information on that individual. I refuse to participate in anything that would destroy the trust and confidence that I've built with these people."
"That might have been the case back then. But this is an entirely different situation…" Ross begins.
"I'm sorry , but no matter what the situation is...is frankly none of my concern. My contract clearly states these facts that I've agreed to. And I have the right to pull from the program if I feel that these standards are no longer meeting my expectations." Chrissy's stern. Really, Bucky's impressed, these bigwigs don't mean shit to this gal.
"Mrs. Meilleur, the contract was signed by you and your husband at that time and he's unfortunately no longer with us." Ross informs, as if she didn't know this. As if trying to find some sort of loophole.
"It's Ms. Meilleur. And I'm still here, still breathing. That means the contract still stands. Now, if you have a problem with any of this, you can take it up with and my lawyer. By the way, he's also Tony's attorney." These people don't intimidate her, not one bit. "I'm not changing anything. I will continue to do things the way I've always done them and you will not convince me otherwise."
"We could decide to cut the funding for this program on our end. That is within the parameters of the agreement." The man is trying to use persuasive tactics, but they won't work and somehow he just knows this.
"Go ahead. Do you honestly assume I haven't managed my money in a way where I wouldn't have a stash somewhere after all these years." Chrissy shrugs her shoulders. "See how long keeps funding any of your little projects after something like that. , we both know I won't give in. I'm stubborn like that."
"Ms. Meilleur…" Ross tries to start a new edge.
Clearing her throat, Chrissy's smile fades. "And don't even think about threatening to enter my home and remove someone against their will. I won't stand for it and neither would Steve." The woman raises a brow. "And if you honestly think Sergeant Barnes here would go quietly…"
"Ms. Meilleur, you have to understand what kind of liability a man like Sergeant Barnes represents. We took a risk when we …" Ross's eyes never meet those of the man in question.
"Alright." She cuts him mid sentence, clearly annoyed. "Let's get a few things straight. You didn't exactly take any risks. You sent him on missions, who was at risk then? Hmmm? Who's lives were at stake?"
Ross sits back in his chair and doesn't answer.
"Out of all the places James Barnes could have went to, he chose my home. This safe house. And then he helped your people whenever he could. Most of the times he was practically forced. Regardless, he cooperated each time. So don't lecture me about risks. The only liability in any of this was if any of those missions failed. End of story."
Chrissy lets a small breath leave her, still aggravated. "Do you honestly think I believe you have any real concerns when it comes to my well being? To James's safety or sanity? To the lives of the people on the Avengers? If you do, then you are clearly delusional. I understand perfectly what it is people like you want. What people in charge always want. False pretences and misguided notions of security. So do not take me for some fool. Do not offer James fictitious freedom either, he's not your property."
The frustrated man sighs and then accepts the forms from his assistant. "You've made your point." Ross signs a few documents and hands them over to Chrissy. "At least we can be reassured that we know where Sergeant Barnes is and that we have his full cooperation when he's fully capable. We will continue to fund the program and we will assist in anything that will aid Sergeant Barnes. In return, the Sergeant's records will remain closed and wiped for the time being and he has the liberty to either relocate to the Avengers facility or remain here. Does this sound satisfactory to you?"
"It does." Chrissy nods, and takes the paperwork off of the table. "Now, if that's everything."
"It is." Ross waves her off.
With a curt nod, Chrissy rises from her chair and leaves the room, Bucky not far from her side. "Let's get out of here." The woman huffs quietly.
He can't help but be amazed by her confidence. Everything they were tossing at her, she tossed right back with more sass. All for him. Crazy stubborn woman.
They've been on the road for thirty minutes. Chrissy is going over the paperwork and sending copies of it to Tony and his lawyer. Bucky's driving, eyes constantly on the rearview and side mirrors. They're being followed, have been for a while. He's not concerned, Shield agents, who are really doing a piss poor job of tailing them. Maybe they want to be seen. Doesn't matter, it's annoying him regardless.
The muscles in his jaw flex. "We're being followed."
"I know." This info doesn't even faze her as she continues to file through the papers. "They always do that after these type of meetings. Guess they think it's intimidating or something. Connor never worried about it. So I never did either. They usually follow up to the property line and then keep going."
Eyes constantly check the road and side mirrors as the Soldier continues to grip the steering wheel. He's not worried or concerned, just vigilant as usual and a bit annoyed with this little show of harassment.
"You didn't have to do that. Really they should be concerned and should want follow ups and reports."
"Yes I did." Chrissy continues sorting and rereading the paperwork. "I signed a contract. It's an official agreement."
"It's like Ross said. I'm a completely different case." His eyes shift and he glances over in her direction.
"Doesn't matter." Chrissy shuts the folder and brings her attention to her friend. "Every case, every person that has come to me has been different. It doesn't matter how...sever, or how liable the situation is, my contract states the same for everyone. I'm not about to let them treat you any different just because they have more interest in you. End of story."
Bucky allows a slight grin to appear, one he hopes she doesn't notice. His eyes dart over to her quickly, stupid skirt. He shifts uneasy and continues to steer the vehicle home.
She's been in her office for a few hours, that's weird. When he enters the room, she's still typing away and scanning documents. Stark's face is on one of the screens that Bucky passes.
"Hey Barnes." The Iron man acknowledges. "Keeping busy?"
"As usual. You still slacking?" Bucky's joking, with this man? Yup this day has gone from odd to twilight zone weird.
"When I have the time. Chris says Ross gave you guys a hard time today. That man tends to be rather unpleasant." Tony sighs, God he hopes this doesn't mean more headaches for him in the future. "She also said something about you wanting Steve and I to pay you two a visit." Tony lifts a brow.
"Yeah." The Soldier clears his throat and shifts his weight back and forth from each leg. "Would like to go over any recent progress and information on your current project." Bucky looks towards the screen from under a tired brow. He can see Stark rubbing his chin, deep in thought. "And...I have a few things I'd like to discuss." Bucky's eyes lower. Chrissy squeezes his hand and he lets out a nervous breath. They need to know.
Intrigued, Tony raises a brow and nods. "Alright." The man claps his hands together and then rubs them quickly. "Chris. If Barnes is in here looking around, pretending to be interested in this...means you've been in here a while. Call it a night. We'll head there tomorrow. I'll bring Rogers and probably drag Clint along as well."
Stretching, Chrissy agrees. "Yeah, solid plan ." She snickers and covers her yawn with a closed fist.
"Lemme know if Ross or anyone else gives you a hard time." Tony winks and this causes Chris to laugh lightly.
"I will. Get some sleep...ok?" She knows that's asking a lot.
"Yeah...probably not." Tony waves goodbye and signs off.
A warm hand on her shoulder as she looks up. "Come on, it's late." A thin line as his lips are pressed together. She pats Bucky's hand and leaves the office.
Reaching her room, Chrissy begins looking through the drawers of her dresser and end tables. "Hmmmm."
Bucky's well aware that he's staring, she thinks it's because of what he's got on his mind. Logan. Ross. He's not even really paying attention to what she's doing. Stupid skirt. Stupid tired brain.
"I can't find my migraine meds." She states, hands resting on her hips.
Shaking himself from the daze, Bucky licks his lips. "Uhm, I think it's on the counter, in the bathroom."
"You alright?" Chrissy grabs his hand and smiles. "You seemed a bit distracted today."
Adjusting his posture the Soldier wipes a hand over his face. "I'm fine. Just tired I guess."
Unconvinced, her fingers tighten their grasp. "Right...and?"
"And?" He snickers. "I don't know."
"I see." Chrissy tries to offer a polite smile, but knows he can see through it. The brain is a tricky area and it has her worried. Tony's project could be beneficial or it could be other things. "Are you worried about telling them about Logan?"
The Soldier rotates his shoulders and nods. "Yeah...a little. But, I need to." A soft exhale leaves him, nervous and anxious. "I...they need to know." A small side grin, trying to convince himself that this is the right course.
"It's up to you. If you want to wait a little longer..."
"Nope." He shakes his head. "The longer I wait, the more unsure I become."
"I know you're the one that pulled the trigger. But it still wasn't your fault."
Bucky licks his lips and rolls his eyes. Adjusting his posture, he decides to leave her room and head for his own. "No, it was my fault." He stops halfway down the hall and turns around. "Logan told me to own what I am, what I was. And that's what I'm doing." He sighs and rolls his shoulders. "I get it. You want to see the good in everyone. In me. And maybe it's there. But there's also a shit ton of bad Chrissy."
"I know." She admits without hesitating. "But that's not you. Not really. Just like it's not Logan. It's a small part of you."
"I killed them. Without giving it a second thought. Call it blindly following orders or whatever. But I did it. And I've done a lot worse. You have no idea. And what's worse, I'm really good at it. That's why it's always had to me. I'm a proficient weapon. Period. So yeah, it's my fault."
Without noticing, Chrissy's suddenly near him, gripping his right hand again. "There's good reason for Tony not to trust me. To not want me near you. I'm not like the other people you've helped in the past."
Bucky doesn't pity himself or feel sorry for himself. He's honest and living with the facts. Just like the Wolverine told him to. And if he's being honest with himself now, he's finding some sort of peace this way. Still having a hard time digesting everything that he's done, but the more he admits and accepts, the more he can live with himself.
"With everything I'm remembering. The Avengers...they need to know."
"Alright." Chrissy smiles warmly, support and friendship. But deep down, she's worried and he knows it. Of what SHIELD might decide to do with him. "You're not running. And that alone says a lot about you. You're facing this head on."
"Yeah...I'm just, not ready to face or tell Logan. Not yet. But I will." A promise he made to himself in the late hours of a sleepless night.
"I can understand that."
The tension is thick. The fire cracks and sends a few sparks into the cool air. Barnes is still looking at the beer in between both his hands. The man lets out a long breath, shoulders slump forward. Obviously he probably feels better having that out in the air, but the guy's scared. With good reason. Chrissy's still gripping his forearm, her silent way of offering support.
Tony rubs a hand over his face and shakes his head. He's not the one that's going to break the news, this is Caps buddy, his mess as far as Stark is concerned. But the Captain just continues staring into the fire. Maybe he's trying to find the right words, maybe he's hoping that someone else will say something. But at the last second, Rogers makes eye contact with Tony and he sees it, the look of failure. Steve feels as though he's let another one of his friends down. As though this is his fault. Jesus Cap.
"Buck. I'm sorry." Rogers starts and this has Tony taking a deep breath and shaking his head. The Captain looks in the Ironman's direction and Tony rolls his eyes, clearly not agreeing with the other man's train of thought. "Tony, he needs to know."
"Fine. I'm not sticking around for this. If you need me I'll be in the shop." Stark doesn't miss the look of confusion that Chrissy tosses his way as he quickly leaves the area.
Raising a brow in his friend's direction, Bucky places the beer on the ground and rubs his hands together. "What was that about?"
Steve clears his throat and looks to Clint, who shrugs his shoulders and nods, encouraging the other man to continue. "We've...we've known about this for a while."
"What?" Bucky's trying to remain calm. There has to be a reason for this. Let him explain. "How long?"
"Buck." Steve raises his hands and tries to smooth out the situation.
"How long Steve?"
"Since before you came here." Bucky rises from his seat, and Steve can feel his muscles unintentionally flinching, reading for a fight.
"How much more? How much more do you know? Is there more I'm missing?" The man before him doesn't answer and this aggravates him to know end. "Steve!"
"We know a lot, but not everything. And we thought it would be best for you to gain it back on your own. Banner said there was a chance that if we tossed everything at your feet right away that we could send you into some kind of shock. It might have been too much."
"What the hell?! You think that's what I'm worried about?!" Bucky glances over his shoulder to the woman still sitting on the bench. "What about the triggers? Is there more that can set me off?" He demands.
"As far as we know, no."
"Have I done worse than what I know?" Bucky sees Steve shuffle his feet and rise from his seat.
"Maybe we should take a walk. Talk about this more." That's a yes.
Bucky allows himself to fall back into his spot. Every time he seems to take a few steps forward, there always seems to be something to push him back. And now, he doesn't know what he wants to do, maybe Steve's right, let it come back on it's own.
"Steve, don't you think this is something you could have at least told him you knew? Gave him the option to hear more if he wanted?" Chrissy is just as floored. It's not like Steve to keep important information like this from people he cares about.
"We...I was under strict orders to…" Steve tries to explain.
"He thought he was doing the right thing. We all thought it was the right thing to do. Keep it hush hush until Barnes showed signs of progress or seemed ready." Clint adds in and finishes his beer. "No one's out to sabotage your progress kid. Specially not Rogers. Now you know why Tony's so tense."
"I can't believe you let me come here." Bucky looks up at Steve. This man knows how much he cares for this woman. And how now he could never bring himself to leave her side. Had Steve said something from the beginning, maybe Bucky would have never showed up at her door step. Chrissy's in far more danger than he ever thought. Both with him here or with him gone. When Bucky feels Chrissy grip his arm he stands. "I'll be back later." He smiles bleakly in her direction, knowing that she understands and heads off towards the field.
"Buck!" Steve tries to get his friend's attention.
"He'll be back when everyone's asleep. He'll be fine. I'll talk to him later. " Chrissy sighs and pulls her jacket in closer. "Bucky just needs time. He'll come around and see that you were just trying to help and protect him."
The house is quiet, but the backlight is on and Chrissy is still sitting by the fire. Looks like everyone else settled in for the night. As Bucky shifts in the shadows by the workshop, Chrissy smiles.
"You ready to head in?" She asks while tossing more wood into the pit. "I'm good for a little longer if you want to get anything of your chest."
The Soldier quietly makes his way next to her and takes a seat.
"You know Steve was only trying to help. Trying to protect you in his own way."
"Yeah. I know. But he's being reckless lately and that has me a bit concerned. I get it. I'm the same way when it comes to him. Don't think straight sometimes." He admits and grips her knee. "I think I'm just pissed that everyone else seems to know more about me than I do. And the fact that I'm more of a risk than what I thought…"
Chrissy leans against his shoulder and shivers. It's getting colder the closer they get to December. "Steve said he'd tell you everything they know. Not everything was in the files they gave you access to. Do you think that's something you'd like to go over?"
"No. I had time to think. Maybe Banner was right. Maybe it's best for it to come back to me on it's own." The panic attacks. The loss of sleep do to nightmares. Does he really need to add to that now? "At least for the time being."
"So you're ok?" Chrissy adjusts her posture and waits for his answer. The man smiles in her direction and nods.
"Yeah. I'm ok." He pushes his hair back and shakes his head. It's been a messed up day.
The woman kisses his cheek and hugs him tightly. "Alright. Well I'm gonna head in. Did you need anything?"
"Nope."
"Oh and by the way, I'm giving you a trim tomorrow."
Bucky's laughing out loud as she makes her way into the house. "The hell you are!"
As the Soldier sits by the fire, he feels as though there is a set of eyes on him. He looks up at the house and expects to see Steve looming in the window, but to his surprise he doesn't. Blue eyes search his surroundings. The fields, the forest maybe the road. Nothing. You're losing it Barnes. Paranoid much.
"Do you really need both pieces?" Tony holds the paper work of both properties in front of him. Mind and eyes scanning, calculating the acreage and whether or not this is a good decision. "I'm not saying that I disagree. The more land you have, the less likely it is for some outsider to stumble across what you got going on here. Not to mention, we can set up perimeters, just like the farm."
"That's the idea." Chrissy takes a deep inhale. As they sit in the realtor's office, papers and files spread out across the desk, Chrissy takes a moment to let it sink in. She looks over her shoulder, through the window looking into the waiting area, she spots Bucky. He's leaning against the wall, laughing and conversing with Steve. Clint's pouring himself another cup of coffee.
"Alright. Everything is in order." The balding real estate agent takes a seat before them smiling. "Since everything was filled out weeks ago and your offer was accepted, the property is yours . So you're welcome to visit it and begin any kind of building projects you desire."
"Thanks again Rob, you're a lifesaver." Chrissy reaches over the desk to shake his outstretched hand.
"As usual Chrissy, you let me know if there's anything else I can do."
The Chevy is parked down at the end of the rough dirt driveway. The group of friends begin to survey the land that's directly east of Chrissy's farm. The other piece of land is directly west. Basically, she's now the proud owner of three quarters of the large lake and the land that surrounds it. With a light covering of snow it doesn't look like much now, but in her eyes it's gorgeous.
"I'm going to have to upgrade Charlotte and plot out markers. I want it all secured. I won't risk you wandering out here and something happening." Tony rubs his index over a tired brow. "It'll take some time. Well, who am I kidding. I can get it done in two weeks, maybe one if I skip sleep." He snorts out as he tries not to get his dress shoes covered in the wet muck and snow covered dirt.
"You know you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. But really. I don't see the need for you to be worrying about something like this right now." Chrissy loops her arm in Tony's as they continue to walk through the overgrown trail. She has a hard time not laughing when he stumbles on random rocks and loose branches that are scattered on the ground. Seriously, it's not that bad, she's in high heels and managing just fine.
"Really?" Tony's eyes drift to the three men before them. "Alright, so it's clear you won't listen to me about...Barnes. Whatever. But there are always going to be people looking for ways to...to find a weakness when it comes to us and what we do. And then there's the people after him. They'll always be be looking for him. Maybe they'll never stop." Tony knows he doesn't have to explain.
"I know. And being associated with you fellahs has always had its risks as wells." Chrissy smiles up at him sadly. "You do what you have to to feel better. I won't stop you." The woman pats his arm and he nods in her direction.
Clint's taking in the fresh air as he looks over the lake. "Here's a good spot." He smirks and glances over his shoulder. "What you think Chris?"
Wincing in the light of the sun, she shades her eyes with the palm of her hand looks over the lake that's slowly starting to freeze. "I think you're right."
This spot's perfect, it'll be fairly easy to get to and from both her home and the road and it's far enough in that most people wouldn't even know that there's building here. The perfect spot for a large log home.
"Isn't Frank's place just a few miles away." Rogers points a thumb over his shoulder.
"Yeah. It's actually closer than the farm..." Barnes is looking in the same direction as Chrissy. "Hey...you guys expecting company?" The Soldier finally gets a good look at what has caught his attention. "Stark, are those yours?" His eyes never leave the silver gleam of the eight objects heading their way.
Eyes widen with urgence. "I got nothing in the area."
"Move!" The Captain orders. Clint is beside Rogers as they quickly make their way up the path.
"Friday tell me you got something…" Just as Tony starts issuing commands to the watch on his wrist a familiar sound is heard.
The high pitch buzz of a missile heading their way. Something hits the ground causing it to rumble and then it explodes. Bucky grabs Chrissy by the shoulders and brings her down to the ground with him. Shielding their heads with his arms as rocks, tree limbs and debris are scattered through the air.
Another explosion and more rock and matter is sent flying through the air. Bucky continues to shield his friend with his frame. When the noise dies down, he scans the area quickly.
"The others." Chrissy is pushing on his chest, trying to get the man to move.
Just as Barnes is helping the woman up, he hears a crack in the woods to his left. His head turns sharply towards the direction of the noise, but he's not fast enough. A silver robot, looking a lot like Ironman steps forward. The robot takes a swing at Bucky, and he's able to block the blow with his prosthetic. Shit. He hears another crack behind him and realizes his mistake. There's a blow to his back and he's forced back down onto his knees. Crouching over Chrissy once more.
Knowing full well that Bucky is always armed, the woman pulls the handgun out from the back his pants and lets off a few shots towards one of their opponents. The Soldier tries to stand once more, but he's hit once again in the lower back. He grunts out more in frustration than in pain, but again and again he's hit. The only reason he hasn't had the chance to fight back is because if he moves, their blows will miss him but hit her. And unlike him, Chrissy wouldn't survive the assault.
"Back off you cheap knock offs!" Tony blasts the two wannabees with his high powered gauntlet. "Get up. Get up. We don't have much time. That stunned them at most."
"Get her out of here." Bucky guides Chrissy over towards the Ironman.
"What? We can't leave you here!" Chrissy marches forward only to be stopped in her tracks by a strong arm around her midsection. "Tony! We can't…"
"Sorry Chris, but the man's right. Gotta get you outta here so he can focus…" They are both tossed into the bushes. The back draft from the detonation nearby sends them crashing into the dirt. "Yup. Move. Move." Stark forces himself to stand.
To her horror, Chrissy can see that Tony's arm has caught fire. Quickly she removes her jacket and uses it to snuff out the flames. "Jesus. You ok?"
"Yeah. Fine. Just keep moving."
A high pitch noise. Tony knows that sound better than his own voice. He pushes Chrissy to the side as the beam hits a boulder to his left, sending him and debris a good ten feet away. Ears ringing, he looks up to see that Barnes and Rogers are basically back to back, fighting as many of these tin assholes as they can. Clint is firing a few rounds in the direction of one of the Robots near Tony's side.
"Barton!" Their eyes meet and Tony glances in Chrissy's direction. The other man nods and lifts the woman to her feet. When another robot approaches, Chrissy takes a second to let go of a few more rounds.
"Franks!" Clint shouts over the noise of the lasers and gunshots.
Chrissy's pacing while rubbing her exposed arms, the small tattered business shirt doing nothing to keep her warm. Frank's out back getting more wood for the woodstove. So Clint and Chrissy continue waiting patiently in the old log home.
"I can see them." Barton squints as he stares out the window. For some reason it seems darker out than it usually does. "Cap's limping…" He opens the door and makes his way outside towards the other men.
Standing outside, she can see Clint lift Steve's arm over his shoulders, relieving Bucky of at least one of the men. Tony is out cold over the Soldier's left shoulder. Moving out of the way to let the men inside, Chrissy opens the door as wide as it can go.
As they make their way into the home, Steve drops one of the robots heads onto the coffee table. "Tony will want to look at it." Clint's now looking over Rogers who's sitting on an old wooden chair, and Chrissy is helping Bucky deposit Tony onto the small sofa.
"What happened to him?"
"Got slammed into a big tree." Bucky checks the back of the other man's neck and head gently. "He's just out. Probably has a concussion…" He offers a weary smile, knowing that Chrissy can relate.
"And you?" Her hands are pushing his hair back, examining his face and skull. Her eyes scan every inch, looking for blood or anything else. She finds nothing of great concern. Just a bit of dried blood and dirt.
A metallic hand grips her forearm. "I'm alright. Go check on Steve. I'll make sure Stark is comfortable."
After tending to the Captain, Chrissy takes a seat near Tony. She sighs heavily as she rakes her fingers through her knotted hair. Frank grips her shoulder gently. "I'm sorry Frank. We shouldn't have come here."
"That's all right my friend. What are neighbours for hmm?" Frank claps his hands together. "You can rest here. I know it's not much." He winks. "But whatever you need, Franky get for you alright?"
Chrissy grips the old man's hand and nods her thanks. "That's really generous but we really should…"
"Non. None of that Miss Chrissy." Frank pats her arm thoughtfully and heads towards the stairs. "Come. I have two rooms up here. You are welcome to use them." He offers.
"I'll stay down here." Barton places himself on the extra couch and stares out the window. Barnes nod in his direction and then quickly places a handgun in Clint's hand. "Thanks man."
Bucky lifts his shirt to reveal the other firearm tucked in his pants. "No extra clips though…" He informs.
"Just have to make every shot count if it's needed." Clint really hopes that it doesn't come to that.
The Soldier heads up the stairs with the others. He sees Frank trying to convince Steve to take his room. The Captain is trying not to offend the old man, but he also doesn't want to displace the old guy from his own bed.
"Really it's ok. I'm not tired. Just looking for the washroom." Steve heads to the bathroom across the hall.
Frank spots Bucky next. "Miss Chrissy is in my daughter's old room. Should be enough room for you in there chum." The old man winks and places a blanket in the Soldier's arms. "Your friend, downstairs. He says he gonna stay up…" A quizzical look.
"Yeah." Bucky clears his throat, not comfortable under Frank's gaze for some odd reason. "We all don't sleep much."
"Alright big fella. You let ol'Frank know if you need anythin. I was trying to find some clothing for the little Miss, but it looks like I got rid of all of the girly clothing in this house when the Misses passed."
"Oh...well thanks anyways." A polite smile and another nod. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the extra blankets." Bucky turns on his heel and quietly makes his way to the last room down the hall.
"He likes company." Chrissy snickers as she removes bobby-pins from her hair. "Even if it's in the middle of the night and they show up in distress…"
Bucky places the blankets at the end of the bed and takes a seat. Exhausted, he lets himself fall onto his back. The mattress is extremely soft and his body sinks into the bed a little too easily. It feels weird, this place smells odd and this room is really girly. Flower wallpaper, pink lamp shade, soft yellow bedding.
"When did his daughter leave?" Light conversation. Why does he feel so awkward?
"Well she's in her forties now, so probably a long time ago." Chrissy looks up at the ceiling and sighs.
"Frank said that he tried finding you some clothes." Bucky tries not to laugh. When he looks over at his friend, he notices that he can see a bunch of tears in her shirt, revealing parts of her bra and a lot of her skin.
Chrissy is shaking her head, a smile spreading on her lips. "He's such a nice guy."
"Here." Bucky sits up, pulls off his button up shirt and holds it out in front of her. "It's not exactly clean, but it's better than what you have on."
"Oh. Thanks." A smile of gratitude. Chrissy begins undoing what's left of her shirt. "Uhm. I know there's not much left to the imagination…"
Bucky shakes his head and turns quickly. "Sorry. Tired." He can feel a blush spreading up his neck.
Chrissy slips on the large garment. "Thanks again." She rubs her arms, trying to warm up once more. "All set." She informs as she makes herself comfortable. "Do you think it's safe for us to be here? For Frank to have us here?"
"No." Bucky clears his throat. "But we don't have any other options as of right now." His elbows are resting on his knees as he stares out the window.
"I'm gonna sit with Tony for a bit. You really should get some rest." Chrissy lets out a tired exhale and heads for the door.
Sitting beside Tony as he lies on the sofa, Chrissy sighs hoping that he'll wake soon.
"Go, get some rest." Steve places a hand on her shoulder. "I'll watch over him." Chrissy looks up at him, eyes tired and shoulders slumped. "Buck's asleep. I'm restless." Steve's lips form a tired grin. "Clint's wandering around outside keeping watch."
A small kiss is placed on Tony's forehead and Chrissy heads for the bedroom. She finds the Soldier there, lying on his side in a the very old small bed. Dear Lord he looks drained. Pants caked in dirt, shirt torn and dried blood on his temple. She sighs and crawls in bed beside him, resting her head on his right upper arm. Instinctively he wraps his other arm around her. At least he's warm, she shivers and tries to get as close as possible.
"You ok?" A gruff voice.
"Cold." She hears him exhale. Bucky pulls a comforter over her frame and tucks her head under his chin.
"Better?" Chrissy nods and covers yawn. "Sleep. You've been awake for two days."
"So, you've been awake longer than that."
"I'm used to it. You're not." He feels a quick peck being placed on his jaw. "Sleep." He reminds sternly.
"Are you sure that you're alright? I saw the beating you took and…"
"I'm fine. Had worse." He tries to reassure, but he's just so tired. "Just...Shhh." He laughs lightly. "Tired."
"Ok."
Tony's groaning as he begins to sip up. He sees Cap staring at him, a smirk playing on his lips. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he notices their unfamiliar surroundings. This tin man isn't in Kansas or even Oz for that matter. Rubbing the back of his neck he stands very carefully, Tony tries to stretches the muscles in his left shoulder.
"How you feeling?" Steve asks while rubbing his hands together.
Seriously, did he just ask that? "Like I could Riverdance." He lifts his brow annoyed.
"So who do think was behind that?" Steve lifts a brow. He knows that Tony is failing to mention something.
"Hammer. Has to be." Tony sighs. How that dim witted asshole managed to get his hands on Tony's design is beyond him. Obviously he had some sort of help. "Where's everybody at?"
"Clint's outside, watching the perimeter. Chrissy's finally asleep." Rogers points to the room with his thumb. "Made her get some rest...she'd been with you for hours." Studying his friend as he roams around the small living room, Steve is trying to hide the fact that he's concerned. "You took quite the hit. Tony are you sure you're…"
"Oh can it. I'll be fine." He huffs as he stares out the window. "So are we hiding out or are we heading back to the farm? Seriously, why are we here it's not exactly safe."
"Yeah. We needed somewhere to bring you that was close by."
"Fine." Tony clears his throat. "So how many did we take out?"
"All of them. They weren't built all that well. Thinking that was done on purpose."
"Right. Recon mission." Tony sighs. He knows it's really a message. One he understands loud and clear. "Tell me you that you managed to salvage something."
The Captain nods and places the robotic head onto the table. "Don't think it matters if it has any sort of tracking device. If they really wanted us, they'd be here." Steve pushes the thing closer towards Tony. "Thought you'd want to take a look at it."
"Aww and I didn't get you anything." Stark picks up the piece or charred and broken equipment and sighs. "It's a piss poor replica."
"It really is." Steve agrees with an amused tone.
Home sweet home. Freshly showered and in clean pjs, Chrissy sits at the edge of her bed. Flipping through the paperwork for her new properties she tries to calculate how long it'll probably take Tony to set up everything. After yesterday, it's clear that he was right. The entirety of all of her property needs to be secure and monitored.
There's a knock at her door as Steve clears his throat and enters her room. "Chris. Can I come in?"
"Course you can."
"How you doing?" The Captain pockets his hands.
Taking in a deep breath, she allows a small thin smile to appear. "I'm good. Really. Just feel like I'm wide awake. Adrenaline maybe?"
Lifting a brow in her direction the Captain clears his throat. "Ok. But you know I'm here for you. If there's anything bothering you."
"I'm fine Steve. Really. Seen and been through worse."
The man nods. "But this was close to home." He reminds. A place where she's meant to feel safe.
"Look. This is the sort of thing that I've always been prepared for. It's expected I guess with this line of work. I'm not doing back flips because of it. But I'm not terrified to be in my home or alone if that's what you're trying to get at."
"It is." Steve snickers.
Chrissy licks her lips and goes back to her math equation. "Smooth." She manages to suppresses a laugh.
"Hey I tried."
When the massive man doesn't make a move to leave, Chrissy looks up from her notes once more. "Is there something bothering you?" She asks, now a little more curious as to what has him so quiet.
"I don't know." He admits. Steve takes a seat at the edge of the bed and rubs his knees. "Buck's not saying much." Steve's worried. Maybe this is the thing to finally push his friend out the door and into hiding again. "I know that he might see this recent attack as something he brought on. Like it might be his fault in some way." Putting the people he cares about in danger, for Bucky that's his greatest fear come to realization.
"Did you try talking to him?"
The Captain nods. "Yeah. Tried to reassure him that this is something that comes with the territory and that we all know the risks. That it was probably something that would have happened eventually, regardless of him being around."
Chrissy sighs. "And?"
"And? Nothing. He didn't answer me. Nothing. Just kind of brushed passed me and headed for the workshop." Rubbing his tired eyes with the palms of his hands, the Captain grunts out a bit of frustration.
Chrissy grips his shoulder and offers a reassuring smile. "Bucky's not going anywhere. And I know that having a...conversation, regarding these kind of topics with him can be a bit, well challenging. He's not exactly an open book."
"How do you deal with this? I wouldn't have the first clue of where to start." He feels like he's failing his friend all over again.
"Well." Chrissy tucks a bit of hair behind her ear and laughs lightly. "Patience. Lots of it. And time. Not to mention, you need to have faith that the person will figure out things on their own sometimes. Part of the process."
The woman places all of her notes on the end table and then pats Jake on the head. "In the end, it's all up to the individual. With Bucky, he needs time to go over what happened on his own. He's still learning to understand how things make him feel. I'm sure he blames himself to a certain degree. With you approaching him, I'm sure he'll come to realize it's as you said. He's a smart guy, just not very vocal all the time."
"You've got to be kidding me." Tony pushes himself away from the steel table. "I knew it!"
"What?" Barnes raises a brow in the other man's direction.
"This…" Stark gestures with his hands over the remnants of the robotic head. "It's all Hammer tech. I'd recognize this botched up patch job anywhere." He shakes his head in disgust. "And that's not the worse part. Turn that over." The Ironman points to a piece of bent mental.
The Soldier visibly becomes uncomfortable. Metallic thumb traces the pattern of a symbol he knows all too well.
"Yeah. Looks like Justin made some friends while being stuck the big house." Tony sighs. "Sorry."
"For?" Barnes continues to stare at the metal garbage in his hand.
"The only reason they went to Hammer is because they know he wants to get his hands on my tech. Can make it work. Poorly. But…"
Bucky tosses the scraps aside. "Well it didn't work."
"Right. But it provided you with answers you didn't want or confirmed your suspicions." Tony adds and the other man nods.
Barnes is chewing his lip when he pockets his hands and brings his shoulders inward.
"You're not thinking of doing something stupid are you?" Tony asks and is rewarded with a sly grin. "Come on. You can't be that thick headed. They did this on purpose. They sent in cheap replica toys that they knew we would beat. Doesn't that strike you as odd?"
"They're just pointing out the obvious and calling us out." The Soldier shrugs his shoulders.
"Wait what? What do you mean us?"
"Dunno. You tell me." The Soldier stares at the other man intently.
The Ironman shifts and tries to think. "They wants us both caught off guard. Why?"
"Tactics, diversions. Easier to apprehend a target when they're not paying attention to the bigger picture. Specially…"
"When you want them alive." Tony concludes. Wait, something dawns on him. "Barf."
"What?" The Soldier regards the other man with slight disgust. That's the last thing on his to do list. Vomiting, yeah he does enough of that.
"No. I don't want you to…" Tony inhales, annoyed with both himself and Barnes. Pinching the bridge of his nose he laughs. "It's the name of the project…"
"Oh. You're in serious need of a better name."
"Yeah. Yeah. I know." Stark takes a seat and looks over the plans for Barf on his screen.
"But I get what you mean. Easier to…deal with me." Bucky sighs. "Having you tweak it to their needs."
"Yeah." Tony rubs his chin. "I need to think."
"Yeah same here."