14.
The group stared at the rift, which continued to shimmer and sparkle.
Kate gasped. "What? That stinks!"
"Did something within hear our scheme?" asked Toadhead. "Perhaps it has grown in strength, and it thwarted our plan."
"I slapped those soldiers for nothing," growled Hellboy. "Ok, plan B."
Munir broke with his Bronx cheer. "Hey, Hellboy! How about those artifacts you were talking about? With the power? Maybe we could get one of them?"
Hellboy looked at Abe for a moment, then reached into his coat and withdrew a steel Schlitz Malt Liquor can. The top had been removed. Wadded within was a lime green Wonderbra. Hellboy tugged it loose.
"Who does that belong to!" spat Kate, glaring indignantly at Hellboy.
Hellboy shook the bra out and proffered it to Kate. "You. Sorry. It's still good." Kate was speechless. She looked at Abe, who was pointedly studying the dimensional rift. Then she snatched the bra out of Hellboy's hand and tucked it into a pocket. Hellboy reached into the malt liquor can and removed a small terra cotta figurine. It was a depiction of a scowling horrible gnome, with a huge head and protuberant belly.
Lord Toadhead picked it up. "It is the Great Chthon." he pronounced wonderingly.
"Will it work?" asked Hellboy.
Toadhead turned, took a step and dropped the figurine on the floor. As it cracked he stepped back.
Surging up from the ground came an enormous rocky humanoid, sand and rubble coursing down its sides. It had a huge misshapen head with a great maw. Glowing green eyes shone from its lump of a face. "FREE! I AM FINALLY FREE! AT LAST I AM FREE!" it bellowed earshatteringly. Abe looked at Hellboy, who quietly retrieved a second can of Schlitz Malt Liquor from his coat. He placed it gently on a nearby desktop, sliding it away to arm's length. Chthon raised his arms, bursting the roof in a shower of gravel. "NOW! NOW MORE AIR! NO MORE WATER! ONLY EARTH! ROCKS, DIRT, SAND AND EARTH!"
Hellboy grimaced at the noise. He looked at Kate, who was covering one of her ears with one hand and one of Munir's with the other. "These guys are always so happy when they're free. But it's not enough to eat at Arby's and get laid – no, its always the unspeakable horror thing first."
"Arby's and get laid works for me," noted Abe.
Kate turned to Lord Toadhead and indicated Chthon, who continued to rant. "Are you going to ask him to help with this rift?"
"What?" asked Toadhead. It was hard to hear over Chthon's loud exultations.
Then a green and orange sparkling tentacle snaked out of the dimensional rift and wrapped around Chthon's head. "EH?" he exclaimed. The Great Chthon was jerked off his feet and into the glowing hole. There was silence. The brilliant sparkling coruscations from the rift stopped too, and the Quonset hut was lit only by the rotating cherries on the fire truck, which Abe had left on. Stars could be seen through the hole in the roof.
"Toadhead?" asked Kate. "Is that what he's supposed to do?" She indicated Chthon, or what could be seen of him.
Toadhead said nothing, staring at the place where the rift had been. Hellboy walked over to the spot in the air. In its place was a wall of rock, hanging seemingly unsupported. "I think he plugged it up." He picked up a three ring binder and tapped on the wall of rock. "I think the Great Chthon is wedged in there good and tight."
Abe regarded the wall of rock. "What part of him is that?"
"Not his yaphole," said Hellboy. "Or we would still hear him yapping."
"I dont think Chthon meant to plug that hole," said Kate. "I think a sparkagator grabbed him and pulled him in, just like the bomb. Now he's stuck there by the pressure."
"The eyes," squeaked Munir, whose dustbuster was failing. "Did you see them glow? Radioactive. Like the bomb. And the smoke detectors."
"His eyes, huh?" Hellboy rubbed his own eyes. "That's rough. I actually feel sorry for old Chthon. Not that I want to spring him or anything."
The rock wall shifted. "We're not done," said Abe.
Hellboy nodded. "Yeah. Chthon got the hole plugged but now we have to seal it up. Lord Toadhead, any ideas? Lord Toadhead produced a fragment of clay tablet covered with cuneiform letters and consulted it closely, mumbling. Hellboy waited a moment as Toadhead continued to mumble. "Like that, is it? Well you did good with Chthon there."
Kate looked at Munir, who looked back at her. "Wait, I do have an idea," she said.
Hellboy nodded. "Got the same idea." He walked over to Lord Toadhead. "Say Toady, this thing you made- " he indicated the quiche of body parts in the corner. Those heads attached at the proper angle had been watching events. One hand held a styrofoam cup. It was trying to move on its castor wheel but having little success. "I'm sure its good for what its good for, but maybe if you put them back together they could help turn this off for good. Save the earth and all. I think they've learned their lesson. So what say?"
Toadhead looked over the quiche. "Yes. It can be done." He motioned to the gray root creatures, who moved forwards toward the quiche.
"You'll need this," said Kate. Munir rolled his eyes as Kate handed his head to a gray creature.
Within a few minutes, eight engineers were standing around in torn and bloody clothes, looking stunned. All seemed in reasonable shape, considering. Abe passed out white painters smocks and bottles of water he had collected from a vending machine.
"How do you guys feel?" asked Kate. "OK?"
Munir worked his jaw and felt his neck. "Yeah, I guess so. That was really weird."
"That sums it up," said Hellboy. He retrieved his brass castor wheel, wiped it off on his coattail and put it back in a pocket.
Abe pointed at a pillow-sized lump which remained among the burnt tubes and flat plates of the quiche. "There's some left."
One of the engineers was tightening his belt a few notches. "I think that's mine," he said. "But I'm good."
"I guess we could bring it to headquarters," said Kate. "In a bag. Unless you guys want it? " He looked at Lord Toadhead who made a dismissive gesture.
"Say, what happened to that Dustbuster?" asked Munir. It was not in evidence.
Hellboy clapped his hands twice. "Breaktime is over, boys" said Hellboy. "Time to shut this thing down." The engineers went to work, and soon the rock wall disappeared from view as what remained of the rift vanished.
"There goes Chthon," said Hellboy. "I hope he can sort things out over there." Hellboy turned to Lord Toadhead. "Well Toady, you can't judge a book by its cover. Of all people, I should know that. You turned out ok. We couldn't have saved the world without your help."
"It may be that if I had done things differently, we could have allied ourselves from the start," said Toadhead. "But I have never tried to save the world before. I did not know how."
"You're a beginner," said Hellboy. "These things take practice." He pulled out a hastily wrapped package. "Listen, I'm sorry I banged up your gold mask. Maybe you can try this. It's not as pretty, but it might get you by."
Toadhead opened it. Within were a respirator mask and fireman's helmet borrowed from the truck. He put them on. "Yes," he said. "These will do. They are better than my mask ever was." He handed the battered brass mask to Hellboy.
"Keep it, and remember that you have an ally under the earth." Then Toadhead moved down into the tunnel, the red fire helmet bobbing above the gray white root creatures crowded around him.
"That was nice of you, Hellboy" said Kate.
"Hellboy, buddies with a monster," observed Abe dryly.
"Hey, I hang out with you, don't I?" He gave the brass mask a quick spitshine. "And you," he grinned at Kate.
The engineers, having shut down the dimensional gate, sat around dejectedly. Abe walked over to them. In his hands was a glowing jewel. "Maybe you can use this."
Hellboy gaped. "That jewel! From that mummified whale head! Where the heck were you keeping that, Abe?"
Abe addressed the engineers. "You can change how hot it gets…like so." He showed them the trick. "It can get pretty hot. I'm not sure how hot. Too hot to hold. I don't know about all of Vegas but it should be good for something here. There's a lot of energy."
Munir took the jewel and held it in his palm, then closed his fist around it. "Toasty warm," he commented. Engineers crowded around. One attached a set of alligator clips hooked to some device, producing an appreciate murmur and a low whistle from the others.
Realization spread over ellboyHellboy's craggy visage. "Not necessarily, he says! Abraham! You..sly..dog!" he said, wagging his stone index finger at Abe.
Abe almost cracked a smile. "I might take you up on that turtleneck. It's chilly all of a sudden." He produced a set of keys and jingled them. "Who wants to take the fire truck back with me?"
Kate looked over the front grille, which was badly dented from Abe's grand entrance, and caked like a neglected barbecue with black gooey shoggoth bits. "You think they'll still want it?"
Hellboy swung up to ride on the outside, holding on to a bar with the Right Hand. "Maybe they'll sell it to us cheap. This truck is great." He noticed Munir watching from the group of engineers. "Yo Munir!" he called. "Come on! Arby's has got breakfast!"