"Hey! Hey! Kyon! I found you!" Haruhi shouted as she ran down the hall, schoolbag in hand.

"What do you want?" Kyon bluntly asked. He wasn't up for dealing with Haruhi after a Brigade meeting was over.

"Thanks for taking such an interest," she huffed saucily, regaining her smile a split-second later. "I have some great news for you!"

Kyon tilted his head to the side, quirking an eyebrow. "Let me guess. You've managed to either grow respect for me and Miss Asahina, decided to use YOUR own money for future diner tabs, or have conquered your ridiculous fear of monkeys and bananas. Which is it?"

"EHH? I'M NOT SCARED OF THOSE LAME THINGS, KYON! And besides, you know how deeply afraid I am of chicken and rooster-shaped teapot covers! ...Those AND Oscar Wilde!" Haruhi cried goofily, shifting her looks from side to side.

"Err, sure... What is it you needed again?" Kyon asked.

Haruhi took out a huge stack of stapled papers from out of her bag and forced them into Kyon's face. "Remember that cool dating sim intro Yuki made? Well, I was so inspired by it that I created a novelized version of it! I even used our names for the characters! And I added in all these touches of drama, romance, comedy, sci-fi, horror, angst, and tragedy into it! It's totally awesome! But I want you to proof-read it for me. Read through as much of it as you can tonight for some feedback! See you tomorrow for the results!" And with that, Haruhi flounced out of Kyon's sight.

"But... But... But..." Kyon dropped the stack of eight light-novels' worth of papers to the floor and began to pick them all up, scowling. "Fifty chapters? Oh, brother..."

The Next Day...

"Well, Kyon? What did you think of my genius writing? Pretty impressive, huh?" Haruhi asked her menial tasks boy in homeroom.

Rather than snark at Haruhi or ignore her like he always did, Kyon actually gave her a friendly look and said, "To tell you the truth, Haruhi... I really enjoyed the story. I only managed to get to chapter ten of it, but until then I had trouble putting it down. The characterizations were spot-on, the plotting was well-paced, the humor was even with the amount of dark undertones, that one twist had me surprised, and the angst was heaped on enough to the point where it didn't even feel forced or corny. That's a lot of talent in making several different genres fit in well together. You have a lot of potential to be a great novelist one day, Haruhi."

So pleased was Haruhi, that she even had the grace to blush somewhat. "T-Thanks for saying all that, Kyon... Anyways, that's just the printed copy. I'm going to change everyone's names later on in the revised version though. I actually have a saved copy on our hard-drive. In fact, I even have a draft for a second story! Maybe even upload them on one of those websites you hear about these days... Fanfiction dot something... " the tsundere murmured, a spark in her eye.

"Someone's been busy," Kyon said with a smile. "Hey, you don't think I could se-"

Haruhi thrust the papers into Kyon's chest before he could even finish. "I thought you would never ask!"

Kyon beamed and began to eagerly leaf through the papers... before his blood ran as cold as a penguin's foot.

"...WHAT IN THE UNHOLY FUCK!" Kyon screeched, stabbing his index finger at the biggest paragraph of the third page. "HARUHI, WHY THE FUCKING HELL ARE FUJIWARA AND KOIZUMI FRENCH-KISSING EACH OTHER TO FORM A SACRED BOND BEFORE GOING TO RESCUE ME FROM ARAKAWA'S ANCIENT WEDDING CEREMONY IN HIS DARK CASTLE? AND WHY IS KUNIKIDA PREGNANT WITH NAKAGAWA'S BABY AFTER CHEATING ON TANIGUCHI!"

Haruhi's face reddened as she clasped both sides of her face and squealed out, "BECAUSE IT SWITCHES INTO A STEAMY YAOI AND MPREG FIC~! JUST WAIT UNTIL THE BIG ORGY SCENE COMES UP~!"

Understandably, Kyon ran out of class and spent the rest of the day locked in his bathroom, curled up like a frightened pillbug in the tub.

A/N: Let's face it, that Haruhi-chan dating sim opening was awesome... then got creepy when it stated there was a path if you had an old person fetish. Yech...

Blame Unencyclopedia for the Oscar Wilde gag.