~ Chapter 14 ~

They're at the gym the next afternoon. It's been four days since Illumi's attack, and they stayed awake talking in their hotel room so long the night before that they didn't get up until noon. The bandage Killua applied to Gon's forehead after removing the needle is already gone. While Gon's needle hadn't been embedded nearly as deeply nor for as long an amount of time as Killua's needle had, Gon still finds himself masking the slight twinge of pain he feels at the front of his skull from the ever-present image of the pulped and blue-bloodied Pitou, his mentor's scarred, strung-up silhouette, his own dark, muscular figure, swollen with corrosive Nen…

After making a very concentrated expression, Gon looks up from the hand weight he's lifting. They don't normally talk while at the gym, but whenever they do it's something interesting.

"Killua, leave the seventh of July open, okay?"

Killua blinks away from the dumbells he's holding. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" Gon shoots back with a half-chuckle. "Because that's when your birthday is, silly."

Killua stands still as he waits for more of an explanation. "So? We never made it a big deal before now."

"It's your first birthday after we reunited," Gon reasons, "and after everything that's happened, and how different things are now…" In reality, he just wants to use this as an excuse to thank Killua.

Oh no.

As Gon continues his weight-lifting routine with an absentminded, singsongy glow about him, Killua's insides churn in eustress. He wants to demand for further explanation, but something tells him it's better not to ask – and that Gon won't tell. It's most likely entirely intentional, Killua's excitement and dread on Gon's part.

Bastard.

Killua had felt this kind of anxiety before, one that makes him eager and afraid. He's constantly wondered What's Gon going to do next? from the moment they met during the Hunter Exam until now. It's a part of Gon he loves more with each passing day, his unpredictability and spontaneity, his ability not to be weighed down by the future, living entirely in the present, but… when Killua tried to do the same it usually ended badly.

Gon's eighteenth birthday was such an example, as it is something Killua tried to erase from his mind the moment he woke up the next day.

So many times when they were in the airship – or laying side-by-side in the grass – or walking together in the abandoned district of Jappon… there was something he was missing.

~ o=O=o ~

Killua hadn't expected flashbacks to afflict him with Gon so near. Sure, he'd awoken in a cold sweat more than a few times when it was him and Alluka, but that was different. Those nightmares were about the war, about rejection, about guilt and fear – fear that the person Killua had so much to thank for, whom he cherished with every particle of his being, who taught him how to live, whom, he thought, was the literal light of the sun, was actually… never meant to be.

Dead or simply untrue, Gon proved Killua's perfect image of him to be faulty – and Killua only had himself to blame for believing in something so unrealistic and childish. He felt he had been asking for it after all that occurred. Grief of that magnitude at the mere prospect of losing someone so important to him, and whether that loss was literal or figurative, hardly mattered. Something in him died that day.

He knows why he did it. Gon was the only person he had, but more than that, Gon was the only person he loved… and the only person he felt loved him. Gon not only made him feel wanted – their minds were usually so in-synch that Killua felt they were soulmates in every sense of the word. Whatever definition or opinion he had had for that word before meeting Gon was entirely irrelevant afterward. Gon made him forget the pain of his past. He helped him be a kid again, learn how to have fun again… Something he could never repay Gon for enough. But… Killua seemed to have gotten too attached to that innocent, perfect image of his best friend, the one where they're unstoppable, where Gon always brings him back to the present no matter what is going on in his head, where they have loads of rambunctious fun and they'll always remain friends.

He could only blame himself for that, in the end.

And so much more…

Having always felt this darkness and hidden it, Gon unleashed its full force in a moment. He'd given up all hope and decided to face his fate alone. Killua couldn't forgive Gon for almost leaving him alone… and he couldn't forgive himself for letting it get to that point.

He wishes Gon would have spoken to him about it before, that he could have asked, but it was a mutual lack of communication that led to it. He couldn't only blame his friend – or himself – for all that happened. It'd taken years for him to get to that point of reconciliation.

So, Killua had expected his guilt to transform into a different sort once he and Gon reunited: A faltering look between them, words left unsaid from back then, and the doubt they could ever be as they once were due to all that happened. Though he hadn't expected this…

Rather than the tangible pain of the Chimera Ant War… now, he dreamt of darkness. It was a vague but intense pain, one he'd always carried around with him yet only suddenly came to light. It was so unbearable that it made him question how real this pain could be if he'd never felt anything like it before – how his family treated him had been going on his entire life. It's just how life was; he never questioned it before; he didn't know other possibilities existed. At first he attributed it to some kind of weakness such as "going soft," having been taught to be more carefree by Gon and Alluka the last few years, but he knew in his heart that wasn't the case.

The thought began to scare him. How much did he lack, deep down inside…?

For the first month of traveling alone together with Gon, he woke up feeling nothing. Thick syrupyness ran through his veins and his lungs were dry cavities of smoke and sawdust. He felt heavy and betrayed by the world around him: by the woman in a red velvet dress confidently leading the conversation behind you in a restaurant, by the man at the counter of a convenience store who smiled and sincerely wished you a good day after your purchase. How long had they known it without telling you? How many people sensed what you were missing all this time and never said anything?

It was the feeling a smoker gets when they finally get lung cancer: that they had always been suffocated from the moment they started smoking, but they didn't know where to place this feeling or simply paid it no attention until it manifested in a way that could no longer be ignored. Killua had been smoking basically from the moment he was born, so the exact cause of his pain after all this time of feeling nothing or bearing with it was too absurd for him to believe.

Time went on and the dreams became more vivid. It was as though he couldn't wrap his head around concepts such as "safety" or "freedom," finally safe and free from the past with Gon at his side. He had been in danger for so long, living at his house under their watch, that he was still subconsciously waiting for the day the Zoldycks would return to drag him back to the darkness he once called his home. (And now Illumi had.)

Most often he had dreams that weren't memories. What mattered was the overall feeling that accompanied them: fragments of real life mixed in with the embellishment of his long-tormented mind, endured across more than a decade.

He still hasn't escaped them.

It was when Gon noticed and held him close that his mind slowed and he was brought back to the present, where he was safe and free. He was grateful for it – but even more than that… well…

They'd been traveling alone together again for less than a month. Killua didn't have a grand plan for Gon's birthday, so they spent the day sleeping in, going to lunch, looking at gift shops, and exploring the castle ruins on the mountain that rose on the edge of the city.

Gon chose each destination. It was blazing hot the entire day, but Killua knew Gon had wanted to come to this particular city for some time. The place was teeming with tourists who constantly visited from every corner of the world to see all the artistry. Maybe Killua had planned their stay here perfectly, estimating the trajectory of their adventures during Gon's birthday, but he couldn't be sure.

Sometime before dinner, Killua revealed his gifts to Gon: a card with an unknown phone number on it, which turned out to be Mito's – Killua had sent her a cellphone with reception on Whale Island, seeing how quiet Gon could get whenever he thought of Whale Island and Mito and Abe. (The first thing Mito did when she got a text from Gon was ask how it was going between him and Killua, knowing how badly Gon felt when they separated.) Killua's other gift to Gon had been the entire day, and whatever Gon picked from whichever gift shop he wanted – it turned out to be a fish keychain, blue and armored like the Lord of the Lake he'd pulled from Whale Island when he set off for the Hunter Exam (which he subsequently decided to also send to Mito).

Money was hardly an object to two Hunters whose licenses accounted for sixteen lifetimes of riches when put together – so it wasn't as though there were things Gon and Killua couldn't do or see most of the time that they had to save up for during the rest of the year. The only difficulty was whether their current location was near where they wanted to go, and Gon enjoyed a day of exploring the city with Killua at his side more than anything.

Dinner took place in their hotel room late at night. They'd returned pleasantly exhausted and ready for food and relaxation after hiking up the mountain to the castle in the summer heat, all they had seen that day imprinted in their minds, and decided to watch a movie. It was a thriller-drama packed with romance – something about the forbidden love of a woman and the monster who tried to ruin it all. To Killua's surprise, the movie also happened to be quite well-made and entertaining, as it was of course Gon who picked it out, and he tended to like sappier stuff than Killua ever imagined. So invested in the movie, Killua didn't notice Gon scoot closer. He had become familiar with Gon sitting close to him when it was time for relaxation that he hardly gave it much thought. However, euphoric from the day and having forgotten his hesitation – or simply insouciant to it – Gon leaned his head on Killua's shoulder.

When it first happened he'd jumped a little and his mind was momentarily occupied with the questions of "why" and "how," and Gon noticed how his Nen beat wildly with his breaths and how the white hairs at the base of his head stood on-end, but this soon faded as Killua was captured by the film again. Not wanting to interrupt the movie, he didn't say anything.

Killua perdured throughout the second half of the film and grew comfortable with it: Gon's warm thigh against his, his arms scrunched against his chest. It was nearing the climax when the audience gets to see whether the woman and the monster end up together or not and the villain shows up with a gun, when out of the corner of his eye Killua saw the arm that passed over his shoulders, and felt the one wrap around his front.

Suddenly grasping him tightly, Gon's arms hindered Killua's breathing. His overwhelmingly affectionate presence was subduing as he was practically on top of Killua on the bed. Killua tried not to panic with questions roiling in his mind of what this could mean?, what were Gon's intentions?, how was he feeling?, and how was Killua feeling about it…? It wouldn't stop.

The villain was shot and the credits rolled by. Gon still hadn't let go as he exclaimed, "Wow, I loved it!" and in fact snuggled closer to Killua, whispering, "I'm glad we watched it together."

"Y-yeah, me too," Killua stammered. He was going to say more but Gon showed no sign of letting go. His eyes were closed and he seemed already to be drifting to sleep. It was Gon's birthday, so Killua didn't feel he should bother him and ruin it, and also… Killua didn't exactly mind what was happening.

Why…?

The movie credits were long since over as Gon's breathing became more drawn out, and the longer they sat there in screen-lit darkness, embroiled in the dirty platters that had once held their dinner, Gon's warm body was hotter than an electric blanket on top of Killua. With Gon's hair in his face, Killua caught his arboreal scent; Gon's skin smelled of the moist and ancient stones in the castle dungeons they had visited that day, but there was also the unmistakably strong aroma of grass, flowering trees, and clear water. He wondered if he was hallucinating, on the edge of sleep himself, and draped an arm around Gon's back to bring his body closer. Gon sighed sleepily in content.

This brought Killua back to the present. He became fully aware of Gon's closeness and the ease of their situation. He couldn't stop thinking about what it could mean, about the heat building in his chest – but waved it off as a buildup of body warmth.

Perhaps Gon could feel Killua's anxiety in his Nen; perhaps the same thoughts suddenly entered Gon's mind; perhaps nothing had changed at all except that he was actually just tired. Killua didn't know. Not too long after, Gon stirred. "We should go to bed." He got up, and the warmth of his ghost lingered on Killua's skin.

Dirty platters clinked emptily as they collected the remains of what had been a sumptuous meal. After rolling the cart stacked with dishes to the outside of their room, shutting off the TV, and getting under the covers, there was only silence.

Gon fell asleep before Killua for once, his light snores seeming to echo in the room. The city of artists wasn't very loud at night, as it wasn't drug or crime-worthy. Killua heard only his thoughts.

He didn't know why Gon held him like that. They'd never done that before… and he definitely didn't hate it.

No, he definitely didn't hate it. But what did it mean to Gon?

Had he gotten uncomfortable the moment he pulled Gon closer, realizing that Killua was actually –?

Enjoying it…?

Enjoying it… He had been enjoying it. Closeness with another person wasn't something he was accustomed to… He was enjoying it? Really? Why…?

Had Gon stopped because he didn't want to send Killua the wrong message? They hadn't been that close in a long time, and the dreams hadn't become bad enough for Gon to notice yet, though something about it hadn't been as spontaneous as before. This feeling…

Was it friendship? Was it love…?

As if someone like me can tell the difference…

Friendship was already such a new concept to him. Even so it hurt not knowing whether Gon felt the same way: whether he felt that Killua was his sun, stars, or moon up above, as Killua did. Whether there was a clear break in Gon's life between before and after the Hunter Exam, as there was in Killua's; whether he was willing to risk it all on the chance they could be together forever; whether he was feeling things he had never felt before and didn't understand, only with Killua… Killua had no idea.

The image Killua used to have of Gon was childish, and he knew and accepted it now, but Killua couldn't get it out of his head… The vestiges of these feelings remained, with new questions to be answered.

Was it only him who felt this way, who felt this deeply about Gon because of all he had been through…?

Gon's suicidal desires to kill Pitou and get back Kite were enough for Killua to never leave him, but it wasn't just for a debt he had to pay. Would Gon ever understand these feelings? Had he ever felt them? What would it take for Killua to ask…?

Dawn's rosy fingers reached through the curtains by the time he had tuckered himself out with asking.

Could Gon ever feel the same way…? Or am I just… broken?

~ o=O=o ~

Killua couldn't bear the thought of Gon pulling another stunt like that. He still doesn't know what it meant.

Gon only has one day to plan before the seventh of July, and they lost almost everything in the airship crash, so it couldn't be that troublesome, whatever he has in mind. Thankfully their Hunter Licenses (and therefore all their money) remained in their pockets during the crash, so there's nothing to worry about there, but the kind of elaborate planning Killua knows Gon is capable of, given how flawless his and Palm's date had been –

Wait… why did I think of that?

…Gon is definitely acting the same way he did with her, playful and secretive, except without that solemn air to it all since he isn't being forced to –

W-w-wait a minute…?!

Waiting the next day is agony, but it passes much the same as the one before it while they regain their strength. They don't sleep in as long before lunch and again go to the gym before dinner, during which Killua brings up the last thing that's been bothering him about Illumi's appearance – besides, of course, his actual appearance.

"I just don't understand how I passed out in that situation," Killua says. "I've never passed out in a situation like that before because I've been physically trained not to."

"You were probably just shocked and tired," says Gon, knowing it's something he can completely imagine himself doing – not remembering the time he actually did do it in the dodgeball game against Razor.

"No, you don't get it!" Killua forcefully turns him around by one shoulder, away from the shelves – they're in the science section of a bookstore. "It wouldn't happen. So there has to be a reason."

"Okay, okay, calm down," Gon says, taking his arm for a moment to get him to release his scorching grip. The moment passes. "I believe you, but are you sure the situation didn't have anything to do with it?"

Killua ponders a moment as they walk through the aisles. "…I mean, it was right before I tried to activate Godspeed. I feel like that probably has something to do with it, but it wasn't like I was short on Nen or anything…" Was the surge in Nen too much for my body to take at that time? But I always monitor myself so that doesn't happen, and I obviously still had a lot of charge left given how I used it against the Needlemen… Does it have something to do with the way the airship was falling toward the ocean? No – how could that make a difference? If anything that should have increased the friction and static electricity in the air and helped me get started.

"…I also remember a sharp pain in my head," Killua murmurs after a while. "It was almost like –" He stops dead, halting in the aisle. Gon looks over at him. "Killua?"

Carefully, he looks over at Gon. "It was like Illumi's needle was still there…"

Instinctively, as he had done so many times over the last two years, he probes his forehead for the scar, and sighs, knowing removing the needle hadn't all been a dream.

Gon watches him in concern. Now he understands why Killua adjusted his bangs so often. "So you think it's an aftereffect of having the needle in you for so long?"

Killua shakes his head. "I'm not sure." They continue going through the aisles. How could the pain be so tangible, and yet not actually there…?

It's the seventh.

After sleeping in and eating a large brunch at the hotel, Gon gives him a few gifts: a gift card to go shopping for clothing together and, you guessed it, ChocoRobos. That isn't all.

"I also got you a keychain to match my fish one when we were traveling with everyone else – but I accidentally left it in Alluka's room when you ran away. I texted Alluka and she says she still has it, so I'll give it to you when we see her again."

"Ah, okay." He can't process all the attention Gon is giving him, so obviously trying to make him feel taken care of.

"Killua, do you want to see a movie in the theater later?"

"Uh, sure, I wanted to see the new drama by Gisney."

"Okay, but let's go shopping first!"

Killua turns to him, his eyebrows raised in incredulity. "What, right now?"

"Yeah."

"But you hate shopping for clothes."

"Yeah, but it's your birthday. We can use your new gift card." They walk out of the hotel and onto the street crammed with pedestrians and taxis, staying close so as not to be separated. "Besides," Gon practically yells over the horns blaring around them, "these United States of Sahelta shirts are embarrassing. If you want to buy more than what the gift card I gave you pays for, I'll get it for you. I'll pay for the movie later too."

"What, why?" Killua is so confused. "We both have more money than we'll ever know what to do with."

"I dunno, I just want to." He glances briefly into Killua's eyes as he subtly grins, chin higher than usual. Killua gets a sense of what he's trying to do, and says nothing in case he's wrong.

When they reach the closest clothing store, Gon immediately starts plucking hangers from the racks and holds the clothes against Killua to see how they look. If Gon likes what he sees, he thrusts the hanger at Killua to keep. If not, he smacks it back on the rack with a flourish and a huff before trotting over to the next rack.

"Be sure to show me after each one!" Gon calls as Killua disappears behind the curtain of a dressing room. Killua gives him a face but obliges, a little weirded out by how passionate Gon suddenly is about shopping. With each reveal, Gon "oo"s and "aa"s at each outfit he likes, and makes conflicted expressions in which his eyebrows curve downward and a hand flies to his chin in deep thought before saying it's not the best at those he doesn't.

Killua's never gone shopping with anyone else before – at least, not anyone who would have picked out things they thought he would like. His mother would have loved to put him in as many kimonos as Kalluto (and he's suddenly thankful his younger brother took on the role of "dress-up doll" since Alluka couldn't), and Illumi would have loved to make him wear something more elegant and assassin-like to suit to his abilities, akin to himself. He can't help but feel a certain humiliation from Gon's method – and also a buzzing warmth in his head.

"There's no theme to the things you pick out," Killua complains in the archway of the dressing room after the other started clapping at the dramatic pose he struck. His shoulders are raised, cheeks red. "I want something with more of an aesthetic to it when put together!"

"But you look good in anything, Killua," Gon sighs in exasperation, too quickly to realize what he just said. "Why not just buy all of it?"

Killua assumes Gon meant that purely for the sake of being truthful in their quest to restock on clothes – and also because Gon, being the modest dresser he is, has no idea what real style looks like. "What about you?" Killua questions, annoyed at how easily he's taking this. "You need clothes too."

"But it's your birthday –"

Killua bursts out of the curtains. "Exactly! It's my turn to pick clothes for you! And you have to wear them." There's a gleam in his eye as he takes Gon's shoulders. Killua grabs the most expensive, most colorful, and tightest clothing he can find, and Gon gets flustered when Killua presents them to the lady in the front of the dressing rooms.

To Gon's surprise, when he tries on the clothes Killua chose, he doesn't hate them – if they are pretentious and downright embarrassing at times. Just – a crop top?! Mesh shirts! He never would have guessed himself to be the type to wear this sort of thing, but he must admit it's comfortable and looks all right, even if he can hardly stand to look at himself in the mirror at first.

Killua is completely blunt on what he's wearing. "It looks terrible" to the fur coat and sunglasses. "What was I thinking?" to the goth sweatshirt and low-hanging pants, but also, "Wow, I wasn't expecting this to be your style!" to the crop top, mesh shirts, and booty shorts, and "It's perfect" to the low-cut disco shirt and high pants. Killua smiles proudly, urging Gon to buy whatever looks good without any hint of jealousy. He seems to be enjoying this more than Gon.

Every so often, Killua's fingers picked at the clothing to see if he could adjust it to look more suited to Gon's body, and Gon can't help the chills of warmth that shot up his spine at his friend's carefulness. Something so small and insignificant shouldn't mean so much… He knows it, but it still did.

They leave with two bags of new clothing, and then go to the movie, packed with laughs and snacks – Killua sneaks ChocoRobos into the theater.

At the end of it, they decide to eat in, since everywhere else is too loud to be able to hear each other talk, let alone think. They're in the hotel again with an empty cart while they munch on their desserts. For Gon, a sundae of assorted fruits, for Killua, a banana split with extra chocolate, whip cream, and sprinkles. "Did you like today?"

Killua nods, smiling wide as he finishes off the banana split and licks his lips. "Mhm!" He wipes the remaining food from his face with a napkin before remarking without really thinking, "Yeah, that was way better than what I was expecting. Man, I thought you were going to go overboard like you did with Palm, so I was really worried."

"Hahaha, I'm glad. And yeah, that day ended soo well…" Gon scratches his neck as he rolls eyes. "Wait… how do you know what Palm and I did on our date?"

Shit! It'd been Killua's secret for all this time – and that day became important to him in so many other ways that he hadn't even suspected Gon's and Palm's date would ever be relevant enough to tell the truth of that part of the day. Gon already knew about the needle, even if he didn't know when it happened, but it was vastly more embarrassing to admit that he'd been spying on his best friend the entire day during a date "to ensure his safety." That was the unabashed truth, but it still sounded like bullshit. What am I supposed to say here?! He didn't even flinch at the part of implying today was like a –!

"L-listen, you had no Nen s-so I wanted to make sure everything was fine – plus I didn't stay the entire time, it was more like we happened to be in the same area for parts of the day, and then you wouldn't believe the craziest thing happened –" Not wanting to bring up the needle and Rammot, Killua's about ready to come up with the best alibi story of his life when Gon interrupts.

"Oh, I remember feeling a familiar Nen aura the entire day," he says, lifting a finger in the air after thinking about it intently, hardly listening.

Killua nearly falls over.

"But so much happened after that that I forgot to bring it up."

"Just like that?!" Killua splutters. "You noticed and you 'forgot to bring it up'?!"

"Well yeah," Gon defends, recoiling from his best friend's relieved and rage-filled face. "Then you came back while I was writing those apology talismans to Palm and forcibly removed me from the room and Palm chased us down the street and you wouldn't stop scolding me for being naïve and I was just so happy to be out of the situation that I didn't mind hearing it." Killua tsks and turns the other way. Gon's eyes narrow and he leans in closer, their chests only a few centimeters apart. "So you were following us the entire day~?"

Killua's cheeks alight in his embarrassment as he leans away from Gon, avoiding looking into those curious amber eyes that he feels will carve the truth from his soul if they have to. "M-maybe."

"Why were you following us, Killua~?"

"For your safety, obviously!" Killua splutters in a frail attempt to save himself the humiliation. "Because you didn't have your Nen after being a dumbass in your fight against Knuckle! Like I said!"

"There, there, Killua." Gon pats his upper arm, speaking with a patronizing tone. Killua immediately smacks his arm back, almost hissing at the gesture. "I know you must have gotten lonely without me and just had to make sure we weren't having more fun than you were with your fake all-day-gym-workout story."

"Jeez, if you remember so much why pretend that you don't?!" Killua grumps, crossing his arms.

Gon laughs again, making Killua's face heat anew.

"ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH! I GET IT!"

"Okay, okay," Gon concedes, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Killua is surprised at how relieved he is to see Gon crying from something other than sadness. How long had it been since he'd seen that smile? Not the polite Gon smile, but… That smile, which soon fades, and then Killua is watching him look at the floor.

"What are we going to do about Illumi?" he asks quietly. Gon couldn't stop himself from asking it, both knowing the doom descending upon them.

"I don't know. It's only a matter of time before he realizes the needle he put in you isn't doing whatever he hoped it would. That's probably why he backed off without more of a fight."

"Yeah…"

He's still studying the floor, and Killua feels he should say something, apologize for dragging him into this mess. "Gon –"

The other boy smiles at him, and he's interrupted by an apology instead. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to bring it up on your birthday, but I ended up doing it anyway."

"It's fine," says Killua, surprised at how quickly Gon's mood changed. His own apology would be meaningless now. "I've been trying not to think of it either, but it's been hard."

"Yeah… What do you think he wanted the needle to do?"

"Well, based on how you were acting, my guess is that he was hoping to split us up 'by our own accord' via your needle." He looks to the side with a puff of air.

"Mm…"

"You can still feel it, can't you?"

Slowly, Gon nods. "Yeah. Is this how you've felt, all this time…?" He says it more to himself, unbelieving, terrified, trying to imagine a childhood of this kind of pain – in doing so, invalidating his own.

"It likely has different effects on different people," says Killua.

"That's not what I asked," says Gon, looking at him without feeling, trying not to be mad.

Killua waits a beat. "Yeah. It felt like that for a long time. And I think I'm still being controlled by it in a way, given how I passed out…"

"We're still heading toward Greed Island, right?"

Killua smiles at the mention of their dream to see Greed Island again. He almost forgot. "We don't really have anywhere else to go, do we?"

After another moment, Gon says, "Should we warn Bisky and the others about Illumi?"

"No. Getting into contact with them would probably just alert Illumi of their location and put them in danger. Who knows how he was able to trace my last phone. I don't want to risk it."

"Yeah…"

Killua recognizes the somber tone in Gon's voice. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I guess now I'm feeling a little guilty about leaving them behind unannounced. Is that weird?"

"You're the one who suggested it, idiot."

"I know. And I'm glad we did it. But… I wasn't expecting there to be so many difficulties along the way."

Killua has to remind himself that Gon isn't talking about him directly and blaming him. His "Me neither" is still stiffer than he would have liked.

Gon gets up to push the empty food cart outside. When he comes back, Killua is fiddling with the sheets, contemplative. He slumps down beneath the covers and Gon turns off the light. Hearing the blankets and mattress shifting beside him, when he opens his eyes, Killua sees Gon's face right next to him in the darkness.

Killua gives him a confused look in the dark, his heartbeat slow and unsteady.

"Good night."

Gon's casualty further confuses him, especially when there's a hand on his waist where his shirt has ruffled up. Gon is touching his exposed, pale skin.

He wants to ask Gon what he's doing, but his voice becomes lost somewhere on the way to his throat. That's all the farther it gets, anyway. Gon retracts his hand and moves closer, whispering something Killua can barely hear, so Killua puts his arms around him and they drift to sleep.

Gon, what are you doing? Do you know…? Is it possible you feel the same as me?

I've known I would write a "birthday chapter" after mentioning it in the very first chapter. Just ignoring it (like the series does) seemed as though I would be passing up a great chance. However with Gon's birthday already occurring, I felt I had to find a way to include both birthdays since I thought it would have been too Killua-centric not to have a flashback of Gon's birthday as well, even if this chapter overall was more Killua-centric because it was meant to be a parallel to chapter 13, with Killua's thoughts toward Gon, with chapter 13 being Gon's thoughts toward Killua. I digress. Perhaps I'm giving away too much or just stating the obvious. (That would mean I've done my job correctly~)

I'm once again posting this from my friend's phone as I am still in Spain, so I apologize for any weird formatting issues.

Anyway I hope you'll leave your thoughts, I love hearing your opinions on the chapter and/or story!