A/N: I recently re-watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" which inspired the narrative style of this particular scene. Hope you like it, but even if you don't please let me know (or how else will I know if my experiment was a failure or a success?).

If Only

Starbase 11, 2281.63, 0748 hours. It all started with Claude—or perhaps it started with Sadie. With these things it's difficult to say.

Claude was descended from a long line of French mime performers and had been traveling with the DeGenico Intergalactic Carnival for the last five years; only recently he'd become very disenchanted with his work. You see, the carnival usually stayed on a starbase like this for 2-3 months but when they were planetside they were in a new city every week and all the loneliness and travel were beginning to wear on him, especially so over the last six months.

Until he spotted Sadie.

She was a lovely young woman, tall and lithe like himself, with dark wavy hair that bounced when she walked and a smile that could melt butter. He'd been attracted to her from the start but didn't think of pursuing it further because he knew he'd soon be moving on…but then he realized she'd been visiting him daily to watch him perform. Sometimes she'd come by in the morning, more often she'd visit in the afternoon, and very rarely she'd show up in the evening. Mostly she'd come by herself but once in awhile some friends or co-workers would tag along. That's how he discovered her name and that she worked in one of the shops on the base.

You see, they'd never actually spoken.

Until today. Claude decided the night before that today would be the day he'd make himself known to Sadie. He knew which moves he'd perform (first he'd mimic her movements for a few minutes and then, when she caught onto him, he'd break out 'the box') and how he'd slip her the note (through a crack in the foot of the box—he was nothing if not clever) but what he hadn't done was actually write the note. Claude realized this on his way out the door and so turned back, spent five minutes at his desk pouring out his hopes and desires on a small card, then tucked it into his jacket pocket and left the room.

Starbase 11, DeGenico Carnival Grounds, 2281.63, 0935 hours. Ja-ree, the circus manager, was taking his usual pre-opening stroll through the grounds. Mac, the caricaturist, was setting up her easel and markers over there on his left; on his right the Wulthan twins, Coi and Roi, had their hands full (all eight of them) with torches to be lit for their fire juggling routine. Everything looked to be in order but Ja-ree felt something was missing and it wasn't until he took another three steps away that he realized Claude wasn't at his post.

Now his mime was nothing if not punctual, and there had literally been times when Ja-ree spotted Claude in his usual pose (bent to the side, arm waving mechanically) before he reached his usual spot and so had to pull out his watch to re-set it—but today was not one of those days.

It was all very unlike him.

Just then Unta, their groundskeeper and handyman, ambled past with his broom and pan. Ja-ree flagged him over.

"Have you seen Claude?"

"No, Boss."

He cupped his chin and frowned. "I wonder if he's sick?" Unta shuffled from side to side but said nothing. "Did you see him last night? Did he look ill to you?"

"He looked fine to me last time I saw him, Boss."

"Hmm.

Ja-ree took one last look over his shoulder at the empty spot where his mime usually stood than turned back to his employee. "Well I'll give him a call in a minute and see where he's at. So, Unta, what do you think about this starbase, hmm? Pretty great, isn't it?"

Unta shrugged. "Nice as the last place, Boss."

The manager spluttered. "Nice as the last place? Nice as the last place? Maybe we need to get your eyes checked, Unta; this is leagues better than that dusty city on Incora! Why I'll have you know…"

Starbase 11, DeGenico Carnival Grounds, 2281.63, 0950 hours. Unta Hyta was a simple man who liked simple things. For instance, he liked that he had no hair on his head because it meant he didn't have to fuss about with it. He liked that his uniform consisted of a pair of coveralls so he didn't need to worry about choosing his clothing. He liked that people mistook his large size for brute strength and angry demeanor and so generally steered clear of him (when in reality he was just big boned and shy).

But most importantly Unta liked his job—and he liked doing it well and on-time.

His work day went as follows once they set-up camp.

7 am — 9 am = check the rides.

9 am — 10 am = sweep up/clean the grounds.

10 am — 10:15 am = coffee break.

10:15 am — 10:30 am = stock the ticket booth.

10:30 am — 12:00 pm = assist the food vendors with prep before the lunch rush.

12:00 pm — 12:30 pm = lunch break

12:30 pm — 1:30 pm = sweep up/clean/spot check the grounds again.

1:30 pm — 2:00 pm = check balloon man's helium tanks and/or re-stock.

2:00 pm — 2:15 pm = ride the carousel.

2:15 pm — 4:30 pm = assist with set-up in main tent for evening performance.

4:30 pm — 6:00 pm = check/clean the livestock.

6:00 pm — 7:00 pm = dinner break.

7:00 pm — 9:30 pm = nap.

9:30 pm — 11:45 pm = assist with break down/clean up of main tent after evening performance.

11:45 pm — 12:30 am = power down all rides/spot check the grounds.

Once he was through with all that Unta went home to bed. He liked his life and he liked his routines, but today his schedule was being thrown off by his extremely chatty boss.

He'd recognized right away that Ja-ree was a gregarious person; he had to be in his position as manager, but Unta wasn't—and he especially didn't see the point in speaking unless he was being spoken to. Once Ja-ree got going there was almost no stopping him. Kalinda, the acrobatic horseback rider, once remarked that their boss had a special kind of verbal ADHD: great if you're in a bind (like that time in that Ferengi town where the townspeople tried to bill them for use of the land after they'd used it for a week and were getting ready to leave) but not so great if you had a schedule to keep.

Which Unta did; a very important schedule to keep.

And now he was fifteen minutes behind.

He held his tongue as his boss jabbered on and on, all the while looking for a means of escape; after all, he didn't want to come off as rude and risk losing his job. Then he spotted his out.

"—and there was a contract signed and everything! Can you believe it? My own sister set me up! Thank goodness it wasn't legal or I'd have had to go through with the marriage she'd arranged with that awful Brunhilda but still! I mean I was just…"

"Boss? Claude's here," he said, pointing over Ja-ree's shoulder as the mime came strolling over toward his usual spot in full costume and make-up.

"What?" The manager whipped around, caught sight of Claude giving him his trademark wave, and smiled. "Why so he is! Good, good; I'm going to go have a few words with him…"

Unta made sure to steer clear of his boss as he carried on with his duties. He was late throughout the rest of the day.

Starbase 11, DeGenico Carnival Grounds, 2281.63, 1221 hours. Seven year old Patty Lovell had her parents wrapped around her little finger for the foreseeable future—and she was loving every minute of it.

Of course this wasn't always the case. Back home there were rules and if she was bad there were consequences, only they weren't home and they wouldn't be back there for years. You see, her parents were offered prestigious positions at a science station on the edge of space which they accepted almost without thinking. Patty was so upset about leaving her home, her friends, even her dog (poor Mitzy!) behind, and her parents felt so guilty, that now they caved to her every whim.

Which was how she ended up at the carnival eating a strawberry ice cream cone for lunch.

It was warm on the starbase today and the ice cream tasted so good—so when she got a little too enthusiastic gobbling it up and caused it to topple to the ground Patty was so stunned she didn't know what to do. A full five seconds went by where she stared dumbfounded at the melting food before she began to pout and, shortly thereafter, to wail.

"What's the mat—oh dear. Richard! Richard!" her mother called out, flagging down her father. "Patty's dropped her ice cream. There there, Sweetie, it'll be alright. We'll go get you a new one."

The tears instantly went away at the promise while her mom chucked the ruined treat and her dad led the charge back to the ice cream stand for a new one. Oh yes, she was going to milk their guilt for all it was worth.

Starbase 11, DeGenico Carnival Grounds, 2281.63, 1236 hours. Se'tak was constantly surprised by his relationship with Tabitha. It had taken a little while—they stumbled a bit getting through those first few awkward dates figuring out what it meant to go from friend to boyfriend and girlfriend—but now he hardly remembered what life was like without her around. He visited Stores with her whenever they got in a new shipment of clothing, they ate together at most meals whether they were alone or not—even their class schedules and after-school activities were almost entirely in-sync. Their relationship was sweeter and slower than the brief one he'd had with Meruka and, truth be told, he liked it better this way. It took him almost a month to work up the courage for their first real kiss and the moment was all the greater for it.

Yes, he realized she was ruining all his man-cred but the way she looked at him, held his hand and kissed him made him not even care.

Today they'd gotten permission from their parents to visit the carnival and decided to hit it up right when it opened. So far they'd been on a handful of rides and played a few games; Se'tak even won a prize at the laser tag shooting booth, giving the life-sized stuffed sehlat puppy to Tabitha. She was still trying to think of a name for it when she spotted the fried pickle stand and made a bee-line for it, thrusting the prize back into his arms.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed as he caught up to her after making her purchase. "This is delicious! Tak, here, you have to try some!" Tabby thrust the stick of food up to his mouth without even waiting for a reply. "I haven't had a friend pickle like this since the last time I was in Georgia!" Se'tak took the proffered bite and a little juice dribbled down his chin, which Tabby quickly licked and kissed away.

"Mmm," he agreed, eyes closing dreamily at the sensation of her lips, "It is good." She beamed up at him making his own smile widen. Movement beyond her shoulder drew his attention away and he stared down the main avenue of the carnival. "So, what do you want to do next? Another ride? Or maybe get some lunch?" He saw another poster similar to the one she'd spied earlier near the ticket booth. "How about that old fashioned fortune teller, do you want to go see her?"

"I don't know! I just—" she threw her arms up in the air and started twirling, the half-eaten stick of food in one hand. "I just feel like I can't sit still, you know? And I want to see everything!" Before he could answer she ran ahead a few meters.

Perhaps it was the replicated sunlight, or the fact that they were off-ship and unsupervised, or just that they were together—but something was making them both feel positively giddy.

And that was when disaster struck.

Se'tak saw her spin on her heel, most likely to turn around and tease him, but what Tabitha didn't know was that there was a small puddle of something slick right under her feet. Instead of staying on the ground her momentum carried her up into the air. Tabby pirouetted graceful as any dancer and for a split second he thought she'd land on her feet unscathed, but it was not to be. Her right foot curved inward and cracked as it connected with the ground and her face contorted in pain as she howled while continuing to fall, her arm ending up bent awkwardly underneath her.

Now, the incident could've been prevented if only Claude had written his love letter to Sadie the previous evening, or if Ja-ree hadn't noticed his absence and chatted up Unta. Maybe the whole scenario would've been avoided if Unta was a little bit more flexible or if Patty hadn't dropped her ice cream…

If, if, if.

Se'tak hesitated for the space of a breath, frozen by shock, before racing over to Tabby's side. She lay in the fetal position crying and panting, the pain overwhelming her and making it difficult to speak let alone form a coherent thought.

"TABBY!" Tears streamed down her face as she tried to look up at him but all she could manage was a whimper. Se'tak sank to his knees beside her head, wanting to comfort her but not knowing how. A small crowd of gawkers began to form around them but no one stepped forward to help and their nearness made him feel claustrophobic. "Step back!" They did as he commanded and by that time he had enough presence of mind to whip out his personal comm. and call the ship for a medic. After snapping it shut Se'tak reached out to brush back a bit of hair from Tabitha's face and she winced.

He hated seeing her in so much pain; if only there was something he could do, some way to take all her hurt away…

The thought hit him like a slap in the face. He could help take away her pain…it was risky but he could do it. Sa-mekh had done it for Mama, and T had done it for him and Selas a few times growing up, but this was different. Tabitha wasn't family and he wasn't the most disciplined person when it came to maintaining a mind meld. He only ever managed the most superficial of melds and only if the other person was willing; Tabby was so out of it now she probably wouldn't know what she was agreeing to even if he asked. But Se'tak wanted to alleviate her suffering and so without fully thinking through the consequences brought his fingers up to her temple. "My mind to your mind…my thoughts to your thoughts…"

PAIN! Her mind was a swirl of angry red with fresh bursts constantly shooting off like fireworks. The sensation was so intense Se'tak momentarily forgot how to breathe; when he could function again he quickly went to work erecting the strongest shields he knew how to trying to hold all the red in.

As he worked a small white circle emerged and Tabby's voice quietly echoed down through it. "Se'tak? Is that you?"

"Yep." This was a lot harder than he'd anticipated, and somewhat distantly he felt his physical self break out in a cold sweat.

Tabby's voice grew closer. "Is this a meld?"

"Yep."

"Oh." Her head popped up through the white hole; it reminded him of Alice in Wonderland and he almost laughed. "We've never done one like this before."

"Uh huh." He was really struggling here; he'd never had to do anything this hard in his whole life!

"So what happened to all the—oh!" Tabitha emerged from the white circle completely and saw the Herculean effort he was undertaking. "Oh Se'tak…"

Not that he didn't appreciate her gratitude but the more she tried to talk to him the more he could feel himself starting to come undone. "Not now, Tabs."

"Ok." Tabitha stood beside him and looked on quietly, her eyes wide. "Thank you."

"You're wel—" Se'tak's thought cut out mid-stream as a swirl of inky purple/black invaded their shared headspace. He didn't know what it was or how to stop it and they both started to panic. The black enveloped her completely as she reached for him and yanked her away roughly.

"SE'TAK!"

"TABBY!" He abandoned his hold on her pain and reached for her but it was no use; the black clouded everything around him leaving him alone in her head. The darkness swirled around him too and he felt himself go a little groggy before being roughly jerked back into the real world.

Se'tak was flat on his ass on the ground panting and sweating with his uncle looming over him. "Just what in the damn hell did you think you were doing, Son?!"

"Tabby…"

Uncle Leonard looked over with a pained expression to his daughter lying unconscious on a nearby backboard surrounded by two nurses. "She's sedated for the time being; I need to see what's broken once we're back on ship, but that still doesn't explain what you were just doin' in her head!"

Se'tak stared sheepishly at the ground. "I was only trying to help…"

"Well don't!" his uncle grumbled. "I've told you and your father I don't know how many times to stay out!" He got up to his feet and stood beside his daughter, tapping the comm on his lapel. "Five to beam up."

Aunt Chris came out of Sickbay to give him the news. Tabby had fractured her ankle and broken her arm; the ankle was easy enough to treat with the osteo regen but the arm was a bit more precarious. There were multiple breaks and Uncle Len wanted to treat his daughter the old-fashioned way, meaning a plaster cast and lots of painkillers and rest. Once she relayed all of that to him his aunt suggested he go home and wait—she'd call him later when Tabby woke up and could have visitors.

Not knowing what else to do Se'tak followed her advice and trudged back to his family's quarters, replaying the accident over and over in his head, including the role his uncle played in it's aftermath.

He palmed the door open and a blast of warm air hit him in the face. Down the hall he heard Mama humming to herself while in the living room Sa-mekh sat in his armchair reading from a PADD. "Sa-mekh."

He looked up from the PADD with one eyebrow already hitching upward. "Ha, sa-fu?"

"I want to try working again on my mental exercises—for real this time."

Sa-mekh studied him closely and set aside his reading on the end table, gesturing for him to sit. "What has happened?"

"What makes you think—" but Se'tak stopped himself short; he could see that Sa-mekh wasn't buying it. Shoulders sagging forward he said dejectedly, "Tabby was hurt today at the carnival. She fell and it was bad. I…I tried to help, and I think I did, but…"

"You should not have done as you did; your mind melds are too undisciplined."

"I know, ok! That's why I want to try training again, so if this ever happens in the future I'll be prepared." As an afterthought he quietly added, "And I don't think I did any damage like you and Uncle Leonard seem to think."

"Indeed. You may not think that but you do not know that conclusively; mind melds, no matter how good your intentions, are never to be entered into lightly and you may still have caused Tabitha harm." Se'tak's head shot up and his eyes went wide; he hadn't thought of that and began to fret for his still unconscious girlfriend. Sa-mekh eased his fears a moment later, saying, "However, I am inclined to agree with you that there will be no lasting damage given the brevity of your previous melds."

His sa-mekh paused again, considering something, and he watched him closely. "Now sa-fu, before we embark on this journey once more, I must reiterate that such training will neither be easy for you to learn nor appealing for you to study; you must also be sure to devote ample time to practice or our lessons will not prove beneficial. Should you desire to conclude your studies prematurely as you have done in the past I will not be induced into beginning again a third time. Do you understand what I have said and agree to these terms?"

"Ha, Sa-mekh."

"Very well then." Sa-mekh picked up his PADD and resumed his reading, leaving Se'tak sitting there stunned.

"Uh, Sa-mekh…"

"Yes?" he replied without looking up from his journal.

"Aren't we going to, you know, get started? Like right now?"

"No, we are not. You must use this afternoon and evening to collect your thoughts. We will begin tomorrow."

"Oh. Ok." His sa-mekh's plan was (unsurprisingly) logical and so he rose and headed to his room to clear his mind and wait word on Tabby.