"Fireside Diaries"
Story Written by Freedom Fighter
So, here's why this episode was delayed a few weeks. It's a perfect fit for Valentine's Day, even though this takes place in March. Anyway, here's Ginger's second solo entry in the series!
Disclaimer: The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.
Entry #240 - Written by Ginger
So, in the past, I've gone on and on about the most handsome boy at school. Baljeet. Ohhhhhh...
But, for some reason, every time I approach him and try to express my feelings for him, he either ignores me or just walks away! I wonder, is that what boys do when they're ten? Let a girl swoon over him and then pass it off as if it was nothing? And does that even apply to Baljeet, who isn't even that old yet!
I've got to find a way to get him to notice me! But how? HOW?
Ginger was going for a walk by herself downtown, on a blustery March afternoon. Dressed in a her winter coat, a bonnet, and gloves, she rubbed her arms with her hands as she tried to stay warm.
I wanted to take a walk to clear my head, but all I could think about was how cold I was! It's been seven weeks since you said six weeks of winter left, groundhog!
Ginger decided to seek temporary refuge from the winds, so she stepped into a greeting card store. She wandered over to the 'His Birthday' card section, where she spotted a beautiful blonde woman in her 30s squinting as she tried to check out the cards. Ginger, being a Fireside Girl, knew it was her duty to help someone in need. But she was beat to the punch by one of the store's employees, an adult male about the same age as the woman.
"Need some help, miss?" the man asked.
"Certainly, cute stuff!" she replied. "I want to buy a birthday card for my sister-in-law! Perhaps you could help?"
"Mmmmm..." he said, smirking. "Allow me..."
The woman giggled as she was led off to the correct section.
"Hmmm..." murmured Ginger, having witnessed the entire scene.
Suddenly, Ginger heard voices coming from the checkout area. She made her way over there and saw a college-age couple by the register.
"Yeah!" exclaimed the girl. "I never knew you could use quarters for something other than scratching off lottery tickets!"
"Babe," said her boyfriend, "stick with me, and I'll show you what else quarters are good for, eh?"
"Eeee! Sounds cool!"
The two headed for the exit with their purchase. Again, Ginger was intrigued by their actions.
"Hmmm..."
Ginger made her way outside. Suddenly, across the street, she spotted Jeremy and Candace walking together, heading for parts unknown. Ginger ran to a nearby parking meter and slumped down behind it, then watched the couple. She did not have to wait long, as Candace tripped over her own feet...
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
...and was about to land face-first on the pavement when her descent was stopped by Jeremy, who had reached out with his arms to catch her.
"Whoa! Candace, you okay?"
Candace cooed, "I'll always be okay with you around, Jeremy!"
Ginger's eyes lit up.
It hit me like a ton of bricks! I suddenly got the idea I was looking for!
"That's it! The secret key! Boys like dumb girls!"
-
Entry #240 [FSD204] - Dumb and in Love (02.13.12)
-
The next day, at Danville Elementary...
The hallways were filled with students, each depositing their coats, or jackets, and their backpacks in their lockers while gathering everything they would need for their morning classes. Ginger was at hers, doing the same, when she sensed Baljeet nearby. She spun around, and at that exact moment, Baljeet walked right past her. He did not notice her, as he was currently engaged in a conversation with Phineas and Ferb.
On a normal day, I'd get sad anytime Baljeet passed me in the hall without recognizing me! But today...
Ginger reached into her backpack and pulled out a black and yellow book, which was titled 'Being a Dummy for... Um... Non-Dummies: A Reference for Singles!' She opened it, quickly skimmed through it, and then tossed it over her head and into her locker.
"Okay!" she exclaimed. "Operation: Win a Cute Boy's Heart, is a GO!"
Ginger started skipping towards Baljeet, humming a tune as she did.
Step One: To make someone fall for you, fall for them! Literally!
Baljeet had his head in his locker, so he did not notice Ginger heading his way. Ginger continued skipping along until she was two steps away. She then, purposely, tripped over her own feet...
"WHOAAAA!"
Baljeet pulled his head out, closed his locker door, and was then met by Ginger, who was falling face-first towards him. Naturally, Baljeet was far from the quickest person when it came to split-second reactions, so instead of him catching Ginger, as one might expect, he just screamed...
"AAAAAHHHH!"
...and was taken down to the ground, along with Ginger and all of their belongings. Some laughter could be heard coming from a few of the kids nearby, but Ginger was more concerned to the pain coming from her left knee, which was the first part of her body to hit the hard, marble floor. Oh, and Baljeet's well-being, too.
Addendum to Step One: Make sure target will actually catch you.
"What the hey?" Baljeet asked.
Make sure after the fall to say something like, "Oops, did I do that?
"Sorry," Ginger apologized. "My fault."
Ugh! No! Wrong, Ginger, wrong!
"You should really be more careful," Baljeet told her as he got back up. "Somebody could get hurt! Most possibly, me!"
Ginger saw that Baljeet was a tad miffed. She then felt her knee throb again, which in turn helped her remember...
Step Two: Think about the person who gets the lowest grades in your class, and talk just like them! If that person happens to you, then this should be simple! Just like you!
Ginger started by getting Baljeet's attention with her sweetest voice...
"Oh, Baljeet..."
He looked up from picking up his binders from the floor. Ginger then continued, as her voice developed a menacing tone...
"...you best pick up my books if you know what's good for ya! Boy!"
Baljeet raised an eyebrow, confused.
"Um, Ginger?"
"Yes?"
"Impressionism is not your thing. You sound nothing like Buford."
Baljeet went back to his task, while Ginger prepared to move on to the next step in her plan.
Step Three: Find the one thing your target's really, really good at, and pretend to be interested in it. Unless you're already good at said thing, too, in which case... fake NOT being good!
"Baljeet, I need your help!"
"With what, I may ask?"
"I need you to tutor me in math. Yeah, math!"
Again, Baljeet was confused.
"I find that difficult to believe since both you and I are on the mathletes team!"
Ginger began to sweat. She had to think of something quick, or she could lose him for good.
"The one with... with... with..."
She scanned the hallway for something to use as her answer. The first thing she spotted was a stop sign hanging on the wall...
"Sign..."
...and then a boy walking by with a field trip permission slip in hand, signed by both his parents...
"Co-sign..."
...and, lastly, a circular navigational compass, which has been spray painted on a nearby locker.
"...and compass!"
Baljeet thought for a second, as Ginger twiddled her thumbs nervously.
"Wait!" Baljeet spoke up. "Sine, cosine, compass? You mean... trigonometry?"
Ginger grinned and nodded. "Yeah... that!"
"Hmmm... perhaps a little advanced for primary school. Nevertheless, anything for a fellow mathlete!"
"Really?"
"Oh, yes! We shall talk over, say, lunch? See you then!"
With that, Baljeet got the last of his things and trotted off to class. Ginger just stood there and waited until he had stepped into his classroom and out of sight before finally reacting.
"I... I did it! I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH BALJEET! WOOHOO!"
Suddenly, the school bell rang. Ginger quickly gathered her things off the floor and ran for class herself.
At lunch...
Ginger emerged from the lunch line, grabbing some utensils before she headed off to find a seat. Or Baljeet's, to be more precise, so she could claim an open seat next to him.
"Aha!" she exclaimed upon finally spotting him.
She began making her way towards him. Along the way, she passed by Isabella, Gretchen, and Adyson, whom Ginger normally ate lunch with. The former two did not seem to notice, as Isabella was too busy ogling Phineas - who was a few seats down - while Gretchen had her head buried in a book. Adyson, though, saw Ginger kept walking, and that set off alarm bells in her head.
"Ginger! Ginger!"
Adyson called out Ginger's name twice, but she did not respond. She snapped her fingers, which instantly got her friends' attention, and all Adyson had to do was point at the empty seat next to her and then Ginger for them to realize something was up.
They all started watching Ginger, who had finally reached Baljeet. Buford, unfortunately, was sitting in the seat to Baljeet's left, eating both of their lunches. But the seat to Baljeet's right was empty. Ginger smiled.
Step Four: Pretend to not understand everything your target tells you about the thing they are good at. The more time they spend trying to get you to understand it, the more time you spend with them!
"And so," Baljeet explained, "the square of the hypotenuse is always equal to the sum of the square of the adjacent side and the square of the side opposite!"
Ginger gasped. "Oh!"
"You see?"
"Actually, no. Why you talkin' about squares? It's a triangle, silly!"
"You use squares to permutate how long each side of the triangle is!"
"Not square! Triangle!"
"I do not mean literal square! I mean square as in multiplying the actual length of a side by itself!"
"You obviously don't know your math, Baljeet, because that is a triangle! Triangle! Not square!"
As Ginger continued her back-and-forth argument with Baljeet, she did not notice that Isabella, Gretchen, and Adyson had moved a few seats closer and were trying to eavesdrop. Gretchen kept scratching her head in confusion while Isabella and Adyson kept looking at each other, dumbfounded by the words coming out of their friend's mouth.
After school...
"Baljeet!"
Ginger called out to Baljeet, who was just about to board the bus home. She ran up to him, and without thinking, grabbed his hand with one of hers.
"I really, really want to understand trigo... trigo... trigo..."
"Trigonometry?"
"Yeah, that! Please!"
"But at lunch, it seemed it was all too much for you!"
"I... I... I..."
Step Five: In the event you realize your target may be losing interest, lie your way back into favor! Whatever doesn't hurt them...
"...it was too loud in the cafeteria!" Ginger exclaimed. "I can't really think with a lot of noise around."
"I see. You are just like me, then. I suppose we should just find a quieter place for me to teach you."
Step Six: If you still have their interest, you have one foot in the door! Now get the other... by convincing them to invite you to their house.
"Ooh, I have an idea, Baljeet! Why don't we go to your house?"
"You know, that is not a bad idea! I strive to keep my living quarters free of sound whenever I am working on school assignments at home!"
"So I can come over?"
"Yes. Yes, you may."
Baljeet got onto the bus. Ginger smiled once more.
"First lunch," she thought to herself, "and now I'm going to his house? This is going better than I thought!"
Ginger climbed aboard and, seeing Baljeet's seat empty, ran for it. Again, along the way, she passed by her friends, ignoring them in exchange for getting to sit next to her crush on the way home. This time, though, none of the girls let this go by unnoticed, as they all peeked over their seats to see Ginger spurn them for a boy.
Even if it was just Baljeet.
Later...
Ginger was walking alongside Baljeet, on the way to his house.
"I apologize beforehand if my room is a little unclean," Baljeet told Ginger. "I was not expecting company, you see."
Not too far behind the pair, though, a large bush with six legs was tailing them. They were completely oblivious to it, although those in the bush were doing a good job of blending in with the scenery. The three who were hiding in the shrubbery waited until Baljeet and Ginger turned a corner, disappearing on the other side of a picket fence, before revealing themselves.
"I'm not sure we should be doing this, Chief," Gretchen said aloud, as she was the first to pop out of the bush. "We shouldn't be spying on her."
"I'm with Gretch," stated Adyson, the second to appear. "We kinda knew Ginger's had a crush on Baljeet for awhile! Sure, she's acting like she's lost a few brain cells. But love makes people do dumb things! Case in point, you, like, three times a day with Phineas!"
Isabella popped up, with a glare on her face directed at Adyson.
"Strong words coming from someone who's never been in love!"
There was a short period of silence after that statement, as no one could think of what to say next. Finally, Adyson spoke up...
"Sorry. That was uncalled for on my part."
Isabella relaxed, as her angry glare turned into a sad frown.
"Don't worry about it. It's just that, well, I've been trying to spend time with Phineas recently, but it seems he's always busy! All I'm asking for is half an hour, maybe two, of him and me just being together. Either him helping me with something, or me just watching him work. That's not too much to ask for on a daily basis, right?"
Isabella looked at her friends for an answer. But again she had rendered both of them speechless. After a minute, it was Isabella doing the apologizing.
"Sorry. This isn't about me. This is about Ginger, acting dumb and uncharacteristic of herself, just to win a boy's heart! As Fireside Girls, it is our civic duty to ensure one of her own does not have to dumb herself down in order to get a boy to notice her! Besides, this gets my mind off the 'not being with Phineas' thing. So, are you with me?"
Gretchen and Adyson thought about it for a minute.
"You know I'll do anything for you, Chief!"
"I suppose, since there's nothing better to do."
"Then, girls, let's go save Ginger! From herself!"
The three ducked their heads back into the bush, and they started walking again.
Baljeet opened the front door of his house for Ginger, and motioned for her to go in first. She complied.
"Mother! I have returned!" shouted Baljeet, closing the door behind him. "And I have a guest!"
"Would you like to me bring you and your friend some snacks?" she bellowed from the kitchen.
"That will not be necessary! We will just be studying!"
"Well, let me know if you need anything!"
Baljeet led Ginger to his room.
I couldn't believe it! I was with Baljeet! I was in his house! I was in his room! His room!
"Please pardon the inadequate shape of my room," apologized Baljeet. "I did not have time to tidy up before school today."
Ginger looked around the room, which to her surprise, was not messy at all. It was immaculate. The carpet was clean, there was nothing on the floor that was not supposed to be there, the bed had been neatly made, and all of the books in his mini-library had been alphabetized and were free of dust. Contrary to what Baljeet had said, Ginger could not find anything wrong with the room.
She then saw that Baljeet was now over by his lamp. With a protractor in hand, he adjusted the lampshade so that it was titled further up by three-quarters of a degree.
"There! Perfect! Okay, Ginger, are you ready to learn in earnest about the astounding ins-and-outs of trigonometry?"
Step Seven: Repeat Steps One through Four as needed to get the desired effect.
"Oh, that! With the triangles and those things between the triangles... heh heh."
"What?"
"I meant... math is dumb!"
"WHAT?"
"Oops. I mean... I mean..."
Ginger started running towards Baljeet, and then she purposely tripped. This time, though, she did it too soon, and thus she ended up crashing onto the ground without banging into Baljeet in the process.
"Do you have the mad cow disease?" Baljeet asked, starting to believe something was wrong with Ginger.
"Um..."
Ginger hesitated to respond, and that spurred Baljeet to action.
"I need to look something up. So I will be back. Eventually."
With that, Baljeet bolted out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"That didn't go as bad as I thought!" proclaimed Ginger.
She pushed herself up off the carpet and back to her feet.
"I thought he was going to figure out what I was up to! Whew!"
Suddenly, Ginger began to hear noises.
"What is she doing?"
"Acting like a fool, that's what!"
"I've never seen anyone be that desperate over a cute boy!"
"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"
But they were not coming from in the house, but outside of it. To be more precise, they were coming from just outside Baljeet's bedroom window.
"Just because you're jealous that there's not a cute boy you can pine after..."
"Jealous, Izzy? You know I could get any boy I wanted. If I wanted."
"Oh, that's a load of..."
"Girls!" a third voice suddenly popped in. "She's coming!"
Ginger opened the window and peeked her head out. There was a strange bush a few feet away which she had remembered was not there when she got to the house. It was still at the moment, but Ginger smirked, knowing of a way to draw something, or someone, out of it.
"What's that, Phineas? You want to give Isabella a promise ring?"
Like clockwork, Isabella popped right out of the bush.
"I accept, Phineas, I accept!" she declared.
Seconds later, Isabella realized her mistake as she saw Ginger staring at her, with her arms crossed over her chest. Adyson then decided to stand up, snickering and pointing at Isabella.
"Ha ha! You fell for that one!"
"Ahem!"
Ginger coughed to get Adyson's attention... to which the brunette responded, "Aw, nuts!"
On the other side of Isabella, Gretchen rose up out of the bush as well. She shrugged her shoulders and said aloud...
"Eh... it was inevitable."
"What are you girls spying on me? Can't you see what I'm trying to do?"
"You're acting like a fool!" shouted Adyson.
"What Adyson means," spoke up Isabella, "is that we saw you do things to impress Baljeet that, well, don't seem like things you'd normally do."
"How do you know all of this isn't my normal behavior?"
"It's been nine months since there was a day in which I hadn't seen you at all. I'm pretty sure that's enough."
But Ginger was determined to prove that her actions today were her normal behavior, even if it meant climbing out a bedroom window to do so.
"Ginger," Gretchen called out, in warning.
"Not now."
Ginger waved off Gretchen's counsel as she lifted one foot over the windowsill and out of the house. As she motioned to swing her other foot over, her forward momentum sent her falling...
"AIYEEEEEEE..."
Ginger hit the ground head-first, and blacked out.
Ginger slowly opened her eyes, and was greeted by the sight of the girls gathered around her. She sat up, and suddenly a small bag of ice fell off of her head and into her lap.
"Don't get up yet," Isabella advised. "You took a pretty nasty hit to the head there."
"Wha?"
Ginger tried to remember what she had been doing, and noticed she was in a reclined lawn chair in Isabella's backyard.
"At least Adyson got her Concussion First-Aid Patch!"
"Finally!"
Ginger reached up with her arms and found that Adyson had wrapped the top of her head with gauze. That ended up jogging her memory.
"You guys! And Baljeet's house! And the fall!"
"Don't worry," Isabella said, putting an assuring hand on Ginger's shoulder. "We didn't tell Baljeet what you were up to. He just believes that you're under some temporary mental disability. We told him it wasn't serious, and we'd help get you back on your feet. He wished you well."
Ginger nodded in understanding, but in reality, the only sentence that stuck her was the last one.
"He wishes me well," Ginger thought aloud. "Ahhhhh..."
Step I-Forgot-What-Number-I-Was-On: If you've gone so far as to hurt yourself, stop and consider other possibilities to win your love's heart. And seek medical attention.
Suddenly, Ginger remembered something else...
"Oh, no! I was going to ask Baljeet to help me do my math homework!"
"Trigonometry?" queried Isabella.
"No, advanced long division! Girls?"
"Alright!" Isabella looked at her fellow troop members gleefully. "Who wants to earn their Numeric Tutor Patch?"
The trio pulled up some chairs from the patio, and they gathered around Ginger to help her with her homework.
And that, dear readers, is how to win a cute boy's heart! If you've actually used this to successfully to snag your dreamboat, please tell me!
I could really use the advice.
End Entry
Author's Notes:
Aw, Ginger. Maybe one day. And don't worry, folks, as this is far from the only installment this season with romantic hijinks.
Next week - Isn't Milly a little young to be learning about THAT?