A/N: So my motherboard lit itself on fire. That's my news for this week.

Rhys wasn't particularly hard to track down. He was breathing heavily from the cold air and the moon was full, illuminating the grove of trees where he'd stopped. His white robes were easy to pick out and Ulki sat on the ground next to him. Neither spoke. Rhys kept picking at the bits of dead grass near his hands. Ulki wasn't entirely sure what to do. He'd had girlfriends and boyfriends before, but not Rhys. The bishop with an emotional side and a fear of the bedroom.

Finally he stretched a wing out and draped it over Rhys' shoulders. "You will catch a chill if you are not careful."

"I'll be fine." The other man's voice was soft. Unhappy. It was expected, considering the shouting they had just done. It still hurt to hear it. Almost as badly as it had hurt to hear Rhys choking back tears as he fled.

"I am sorry."

That sent Rhys over the edge. He turned and Ulki could practically hear the fire in his eyes.

"You're sorry? That doesn't even begin to cover things! I've been with you for months, doing almost anything you've wanted to! You asked for a kiss and I gave it to you! You asked for my neck and I let you there, too. Your hands roam wherever they want when we're in bed together. I let you take my robes off. And now you're asking for my pants, too? That's—that's—"

"I am sorry," Ulki repeated. His hand found Rhys' on the ground and he let their fingers brush together. "I pushed you when you were not ready."

Rhys caught his hand gently. "You did. Please understand that I…it's not something I'm comfortable with yet. I've been through a lot and being n-naked with someone else…intimately…is s-something I c-can't do."

The man's heart was pounding. Ulki could hear it, hear his breathing, hear him swallowing and pulling in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. The hawk edged closer and touched Rhys' shoulder. The bishop turned and at once they both knew the effort to hold back had been wasted.

Ulki didn't say anything. He pulled Rhys close and enfolded them both in his wings. The bishop's hands clutched at his shirt as he choked back sobs. Ulki leaned down, rested his cheek in the coppery silk of Rhys' hair.

"I cannot understand unless you tell me," he murmured. "I want to understand."

"I'm scared," Rhys breathed. "People have attacked me before. I'm frail and easy to take control of. Relationships in particular scare me." He pulled in a deep breath and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I know that you wouldn't hurt me, Ulki. Not intentionally. But I'm still afraid."

"I understand." The hawk pressed a kiss against the bishop's forehead and gently began stroking the man's hair. "I love you. You know that, correct?"

Rhys nodded. Ulki kissed him. Tenderly, gently. A loving press of lips, warm hands, soft feathers. Nobody, upon seeing the hawk at first, would have dreamed he were this gentle. Sure, he pushed. That sort of thing happened in relationships sometimes. One person would want and the other would be unaware, perhaps shy. But Ulki had never demanded, never forced. Only suggested and smiled and promised that Rhys would never be hurt.

The words that broke their kiss were nearly unbearable.

"I was raped."

Ulki tensed. Rhys bit the inside of one cheek. His hands caught the hawk's and squeezed.

"I was fifteen," he murmured, settling against Ulki's chest. He could feel the hawk's heart pounding against his cheek. "Still training to become a priest. One of my fellow students said that he liked me. There's nothing in sacred texts about homosexual relationships, you know. Nothing forbidding such a union. We both knew that, so we started seeing each other.

"My mother was good about it; my father never found out. And it wasn't terribly obvious, either. Dinner now and again, a stolen kiss in church where only Ashera could see. His hands would wander when we were alone and he'd start undressing me without asking but whenever I told him to stop he would. He wouldn't necessarily be happy about it but he would stop.

"A few months later he decided he'd had enough of waiting." Rhys' grip tightened on Ulki's hands. "There was a sermon going on. The whole village was in the church and he dragged me out to the barn. Tore off my robes, tied my hands so I couldn't fight, gagged me so I couldn't call for help. Nobody would have heard anyways but he didn't want to take any chances."

"You told someone afterwards, didn't you?"

Rhys shook his head. "I didn't have to. You come into church stumbling and bleeding…someone notices and demands help at once. I don't remember what happened; I was unconscious for two days. But my mother told me that the village clerics treated me. One of them was a Spirit Charmer and she found out what had happened to me." He chuckled. "She was so angry that she went after him by herself. By the time my own mother found out and wanted a piece of him, there wasn't anything left."

Silence. Ulki's face was grim. The bishop leaned forward and hugged him.

"What's done is done," he murmured. "You can't go back and fix it. I know you would if you could, and that means the world to me."

The hawk's expression softened only slightly. "I need to meet this cleric one day and thank her."

"You can't," Rhys murmured. "She died in an attack years and years ago. Bandits, looking to rob a village of mages and priests." He made a face. "Stupid. Beyond stupid. It's well-known in that region of Crimea that we've got very little. Maybe they were just looking for something to do, maybe catch themselves a cleric or three." Rhys smiled. "We fought, though. A call went out to a nearby mercenary group but we still had to fight until they got there to help us. So the four swordsmen we had went on the front lines, all the mages behind them, and the healers scattered in between. We hardly lost anyone, but…Mati was one of them. She saved so many, and while she was giving life back one of them caught her off-guard." Rhys pulled in a deep breath to steady himself. "Cleaved her nearly completely in two. I'd never seen something like that happen so quickly. I tried to save her but…I wasn't strong enough." He chuckled. "Goodness, I just can't seem to stop talking."

"Send her a prayer for me," Ulki whispered. "I am thankful that she helped to save you. To prevent others from gaining the same painful experience. Please tell her."

Rhys smiled. "Stupid Ulki." He pressed a kiss to the other man's lips. "You just did. Praying, speaking to those who have passed on…it isn't formal. We have churches as a place for people with the same beliefs to be in one place and worship together. That's all. You thanked her yourself with what little you said."

Silence again. Longer this time. Ulki's arms around Rhys were far more relaxed; the bishop's breathing had slowed to its normal pace. The sounds of camp were far off, forgotten. Rhys finally broke the silence.

"I love you," he murmured. "Give me time. I know that it was years ago, but…it comes back. It's terrifying. I know you wouldn't. But that doesn't change that I'm scared."

"Take all the time you need. I can wait." Ulki sighed. "I do not want to wait. I want to be with you. Not sex. It is too soon for that. I want to hold you at night like I always do but with nothing between us. To do so with someone you love is truly a good feeling." Then the hawk smiled. "What do your sacred texts say about a union between laguz and beorc?"

Rhys smiled. "There's nothing forbidding a laguz and beorc from being together, sharing a home, a family. I think…that the Goddess wants us all to be equals, so she'll take the pair and give them an equal share of power. Laguz supposedly lose their ability to shift forms and the beorc gain strength, speed, life span. Enough for them to be together with each other and their children. The church states that this is to make each an abomination to their own race, and that the child will be marked, but it's not true. It's a rumour that Begnion started ages ago to justify the killing of the Branded and the slavery of the laguz. It's terrible that holy men who have read Ashera's word refuse to read the truth. Instead they modify texts to suit their own thoughts and needs."

"Religion is corrupt," Ulki murmured. "There will always be those who do as they please." He squeezed the bishop tightly and leaned in. "You are not one of those men. Ashera bless you, Rhys."

Rhys flushed as Ulki kissed him. Still gentle, still patient. The hawk's wings enfolded him and Rhys lay back against the cold earth, bringing Ulki with him.

"I love you," he breathed. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Always," Ulki replied.

Rhys didn't get a chance to ask what he meant by that; Ulki was kissing him again and pulling him close and the world dissolved into kisses and entangled limbs and body heat.

Neither of them regretted falling asleep, not even when Shinon stumbled across them the next morning and began spouting nonsense about holy men and gay sex. They were sure that he'd meant to drag them back to camp, but they'd stayed ten paces behind him, whispering sweet nothings and stealing kisses the entire way.