She watched the struggle play out on Jax's face as he looked at Erin and Michael and back at her, landing another blow to Jeremy's face when he started to struggle against him. Jeremy was laid out on the ground and Jax was on top of him. Jennifer was barely biting back her tears as she listened to her children sob. Despite the fight that had just ensued between the two of them, Jax didn't look too banged up, and he seemed invigorated, albeit conflicted. After a timeless time, Jax's mask of murderous anger was back on him, and he looked at Jennifer in a way that made her want to flinch.
"Get the kids out of here." He demanded. Jennifer knew there was no room for bargaining or talking, and she hardly formed a coherent thought as she pulled Erin and Michael with her through the front door to her truck. They all got in without a word to one another, and they stayed silent as Jennifer backed out of the driveway and started to make her way through Charming. And, because she could think of nowhere else to go, and she was shaking and in so much pain still, she made the short drive to Gemma's house and knocked on the door. She didn't know what she looked like, but after the beating she'd taken and all the crying she'd done in her makeup, she was sure that she looked downright scary. Judging by Gemma's wide-eyed look when she opened the door, Jennifer could assume her assessment was not far off.
"What the hell happened?!" Gemma half-shouted as the filed into her kitchen. Jennifer wanted to cry, she was shaking so hard and she felt like she was about to collapse. She settled for leaning on the kitchen counter with a despondent look in her eyes before telling the kids to go play in the living room. They looked at her with poorly concealed anxiety in their eyes, and Jennifer felt like a massive failure, because she didn't have it in her to comfort them right now. She needed a moment to regroup and try to deal with the physical pain she was in. Gemma seemed to sense what was happening and quickly produced ice cream from her freezer and ushered the children into the living room before turning on cable and giving them the remote. When she came back, she cornered Jen in the kitchen with her arms crossed across her chest and willed her to talk with determined look in her eyes akin to that of a pitbull.
Jennifer rubbed underneath her eyes, trying ineffectively to calm her nerves and wipe the makeup away that had was undoubtedly there. She hated that she couldn't stop shaking, hated the fierce, brutal feeling in her chest of unshed tears.
"It was Jeremy." She said, keeping her voice down as she looked towards the living room. Even though the kids had seen most of what had happened, she still wanted to lessen their exposure to it even if it was futile. When Gemma looked at her with confusion and impatience in her eyes, Jennifer continued. "My ex-husband, their dad. He's not so happy about me moving on." Her voiced was laced with a bitter contempt.
"What the fuck kind of guy beats up a pregnant girl in front of her children?"
Jennifer shrugged angrily, it wasn't like she had answers for his behavior. "He's a junkie. He's using again and he's clearly not right in the head."
Gemma paced. "Does Jax know?"
"Jax walked in when Jeremy was beating me. I think he wanted to kill me, Gemma. I've never seen him like this before. I've been smacked around plenty, but he definitely wanted blood tonight."
"Jesus!" Gemma scream whispered, and Jennifer was slightly taken aback by Gemma's concern for the situation. There had been plenty of tension between them, but all in all, they had gotten along where it counted. Jen thought idly that her and Gemma might have been friends in a different lifetime. They were similar in all the ways that mattered. But rank, status, and the presence of Jax between them had negated them from forming any solid relationship of trust so far.
Gemma calmed as she stared at her. "What did Jax do?"
"I'm not sure. But he had his knife out when I left. He just told us to get out of there."
"Good." Gemma answered smugly and nonchalantly, pulling a bottle of wine from the rack on her counter and opening it to pour herself a glass.
"Good? How is this good?! He almost killed Jeremy in front of his kids. Fuck, I can't believe they saw all of that!" Jennifer blundered, weary of what had transpired and how out of control it had all been, a pit of nausea forming in her stomach at the thought that Jax might have killed Jeremy by now.
Gemma stilled as she looked towards the dining room, and Jennifer followed her gaze to see Erin standing in the shadows. She wondered how much of the conversation she had heard. Erin looked so unlike herself, her tears finally dried, she had some strange look of anger in her eyes that Jennifer had never seen on her young, innocent daughter before.
"Grandma's right. I hope Jax kills him." Erin shocked them all as she spoke, and Jennifer propelled herself off her relaxed stance on the counter, completely floored by what had just come out of her daughter's mouth.
"Erin!" She admonished, but she stopped short of what she was saying as a look of frustration and reckless anger overtook her daughter's features, who was trying so hard to stay strong, even though tears were forming in her eyes again.
"It's true! He's a piece of shit!" Erin yelled, and Jennifer looked down at the floor and shook her head. She didn't even know what to say. How could she fault her daughter for her feelings after what she had seen? Yet, still, it all felt so wrong to let Erin let such deep anger burn inside of her for the man she was supposed to love and feel safe with.
Jennifer stalked towards her. "That may be true, but you don't talk about your father that way, or any of your elders! Now go into the living room and look after your brother." Jennifer watched like a bystander on the outside of her daughter's life as Erin locked eyes with Gemma in a moment of solidarity and agreement before Erin turned on her heel and left the room again. Once again, she felt like a massive piece of shit as her daughter walked away. Instead of comforting her, she had scolded her, even though she had every right to feel the way she did. She glanced back at Gemma, who had a hard, knowing look in her eyes as she took a large gulp of wine.
"She's not wrong."
"It doesn't matter! She shouldn't feel that way about her father, it's not healthy!"
"She doesn't need him." Gemma replied emphatically. "She has Jax, and you."
Jennifer looked at Gemma with hatred in her eyes as she added her on the end of a loaded sentence like an afterthought. She couldn't deal with all the confusion around her.
"I need to lay down. I really don't feel well." She turned and walked down the hallway, making her way to Jax's old bedroom, which she knew from the few times she had been to Gemma's house. She thought it incredibly odd and sick that Gemma kept her son's room in tact like some strange shrine to him as if he had died, even though he was a grown ass man. She closed the door behind her and locked it, hoping she could lock away the rest of the world while she was at it. Rifling through his old dresser drawer she found a white Samcro t shirt and a pair of basketball shorts before unceremoniously stepping into the shower. She needed to wash away all the grime and sweat and blood from what had happened if she could ever hope to sleep tonight. And she needed to sleep. Idly, she was scared for the well-being of her baby, but she didn't want to go to the hospital. She laid her hand on her stomach while her daughter kicked jauntily around, and Jennifer was glad she was safe inside of her stomach rather than out in the world where she couldn't protect her. After her shower, she checked on Erin and Michael who were asleep on the couch, blankets draped over them. Her heart constricted in her chest at how helpless she felt to protect them from what was happening, what had happened. She couldn't think of it though. If she thought about it, she would drive herself into insanity and despair, and she needed to keep pushing through. Their life had become so tumultuous, she felt like she was about to be swept under the current of the rising tide at any moment. She thought back to before she had met Jax, when she had been a single mom, camming and taking care of her babies. It all seemed so peaceful now that she looked back on it, even though at the time she thought she had been dealing with the worst that life could throw at her. She had been so foolishly wrong.
SOASOASOASOASOA
When she woke again, she felt someone climbing into bed with her, and she knew immediately who it was by his energy alone, debasing her of the idea that it was Erin or Michael.
"The kids?" She murmured in her sleep induced state, pushing her half-dried hair away from her face, the half-formed curls framing her like a halo.
"They're asleep, darlin. Don't worry. Go back to bed." Jax sounded tired as he stripped off his kutte, his hoodie and his white air force ones following shortly after. But Jennifer couldn't go back to sleep. There was no way. He climbed into the bed next to her, smaller than they were used to, and he pulled her body close to him, his hand wrapping possessively around her stomach as it always did these days.
She turned around to face him, and he opened one eye to look at her. Sensing that there was no hope of her going quietly back to sleep, he sighed as he rubbed his eyes and rolled over onto his back. Neither of them said a word for a while, but finally Jax spoke.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his question seeming to hold a deeper meaning, making sure the baby was okay and she didn't need to go to the hospital.
"I'm fine." She answered sadly, and Jax turned to look at her again, as though for the first time, checking her face for damage. He scanned her over quickly, rudely lifting the covers and pulling her shirt up over her stomach to check for bruises. She batted him away ineffectively, annoyed at the shameless disturbance he always seemed to cause her.
She stared up at him with an annoyed look on her face, but against her better judgement, she pulled him against her tightly, enveloping him in an unexpected hug. Jax was rigid at first, but quickly relaxed into her embrace, running his thumb lightly over the back of her neck and reciprocating her affection twofold. Jennifer was always so independent of him, it was rare for her to ever initiate anything between the two of them, unless she was doing so in a teasing, self-serving manner. The way she felt in his arms now, though, was anything but that. Her affection was honest, and it tore at his heart and lit a fire of hope and determination in him.
He could feel her shaking in his arms, and his t shirt was growing wet where she was quietly crying into it. He wanted to just hold her, to make her feel safe as long as he could, even though he had done a pathetic job at protecting her since he had known her. Even now, her pregnant with his kid, he had failed her. He had been wary of her ex-husband, and he had warned her off him, but it hadn't been enough. And now he hated himself for merely beating the shit out of Jeremy when he had got arrested for it. He should have killed him then and there, but he had wavered in his resolve, not wanting to risk Jennifer's fury aimed in his direction. Jeremy had been half-conscious when he had found him that night, a needle hanging out of his arm in a car in a parking lot. He should have put his foot down with Jennifer, should have forbade her from consorting with him ever again in any capacity. Would that have prevented it? It didn't matter, the whole situation was out of control, and it had risked all that was important to him. Jennifer and the kids. Even though Erin and Michael were nowhere close to his, he had become affectionate and accustomed to them in a way that had earned his loyalty. But he could never tell Jennifer that. She wouldn't understand it, she would have only defended Jeremy and his place in their life, accused him of trying to push him out. And tonight, when Erin had called him and told him what was happening, he had never felt so shocked and sick in his life. He silently thanked God that he had the foresight to have given a prepaid phone to Erin with his number programmed in shortly after they had all moved in together, in case he ever needed her. It had been more of a move of solidarity to try to earn Erin's trust, but it had served a larger purpose now. He had always pegged Erin as a smart girl, he could see the same tenacity and steel resolve in her eyes that he saw in the eyes of his lover. All he could feel was a silent thankfulness when he thought about it.
Jennifer didn't want to speak, but she had to say the words. If she didn't get them out to Jax, the only person who she could let her guard down with, she felt that she might burst. "He wanted to kill me. He was going to kill me." Jax's heart broke slightly at the tone of her voice, full of something he rarely heard from her, confusion and fear. She didn't have to say it for him to decipher her meaning- she didn't understand how he could have wanted to do that to her. "I'm so glad you came home. What would have happened to me if you didn't come home?" Jennifer pulled herself up slightly now, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand and looking down at him.
"You know I'll always come running when you need me." He stroked her cheek lightly, running his thumb along her lips as she keened into his touch.
Jennifer nodded her head. "I know that." She murmured, a look of reverence in her eyes. The look in her eyes shifted as she stared at him, a look of curiosity and defiance. "You love me, don't you?" She asked with a morbid sense of curiosity, as though she had just now realized his obvious, transparent devotion to her. For all her posturing and strength, he could hardly believe how blind she could be.
And yet, still, he didn't want to utter those words to her. He didn't even want to say them out loud to himself. He loved Jennifer, didn't he? He knew he would die for her. He knew he craved her presence, her touch, her affection. He wanted to be around her even when she infuriated him to the point where he didn't know if he wanted to kiss her or kill her most times. Her chill was cutting, her anger was vicious. But he couldn't get enough, to the point where he had sacrificed his freedom and so much more in order to keep her in his life. It was her unrelenting independence that endeared her to him the most. He respected it, although the deeper, animalistic side of him wanted nothing more than the satisfaction of taming her and bending her to his will.
Jax looked up at her, his face a blank, impassive canvas that she was searching for something. When she didn't see it, her lips pursed, and her brows drew together in frustration, although she didn't move an inch from her place next to him. In fact, she seemed to move imperceptibly closer, hooking her leg over him and rubbing it lightly against him.
"Isn't it enough that you catch every man's eye you come across? You know you've always had my attention." Jax answered, smirking at her as she peered at him, a steely determination in her eyes.
"No." She huffed out angrily. "It's not enough." Suddenly she shifted so that he was on top of him. She always played into his hand so gracefully; there was nothing he loved more than instigating her until she was single-minded enough to throw herself bodily into whatever it was that she was trying to achieve without looking around herself to notice what she was doing. And maybe, he just didn't want to utter those heavy three little words until he was sure that she loved him, too. And he still wasn't convinced of that. Her devotion and preoccupation were still tied up in someone else, he felt it on an elemental level. Unfortunately, killing Jeremy wouldn't blight him out of existence in her mind. She had to let go of him all on her own time.
Jennifer moved her hips on him, and he felt his cock twitch in appreciation. She wasn't the same girl she had been before pregnancy, there was no doubt about that. And he would be lying if he said he didn't prefer the former. But pregnancy hadn't much tamed his passion for her. She was still just as delicious and enticing as she had always been, although he sorely wished she was less hormonal. Her mood swung like a pendulum even before she had the burden of being pregnant. She grabbed his hand, pulling it up to her mouth and sucking on his finger suggestively, as thought she wished it were something else. Jax groaned as he watched her perfect pink lips wrapped around him, her tongue dancing around sensually and all the promise it held. Jax groaned, flipping them over that so that she was below him, and if it hadn't been so dark, he would have been able to see the look of satisfaction in her eyes.
"Tell me." She purred as Jax stripped his shirt off, making quick work of it as he tried to pull her panties off next. She slapped his hands away though, clutching her thighs together at an ineffective ploy to keep him away. Jax growled at, grabbing her wrists and pushing her hands away, not appreciating the way she was trying to keep him away from what he wanted.
"I love you. And that pussy, I love that pussy." He said, smiling as she bucked up against him as though his words alone made her wet.
"You love me." She parroted back to him, pulling him down to kiss him again, something about his mouth on her invoked lust in her, which was something she coveted as it was foreign to her. Usually nothing short of the act of fucking could stir the heat and passion in her.
She looked up at him as his gaze grew darker, and she knew the time for toying with him was over. He was ready to take her, and he would do so without any reservations or niceties. Jax pushed into her slowly, grabbing her ass and grinding into her like it was his favorite place to be in the whole word. She moaned loudly and was half tempted to cover her mouth for fear of Gemma hearing them but thought better of it. Jax didn't like her quiet. He liked to hear what he did to her.
"Oh yes, please." She begged as he moved on top of her, all thoughts of what had happened to her earlier in the night gone from her mind like a distant memory. All that existed now was him and her, the way he worshipped her with his body. She could feel Jax's satisfaction at her words. He loved when she begged for him. It seemed to satiate some internal need in him for her want and approval, something she had never understood until now, the knowledge that he loved her dawning on her tonight like a revelation.
She felt a strange sense of loyalty to him now that everything had changed, some innate desire to please him. "I love you." She murmured breathlessly, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers together. "I love you so much." Jax stilled imperceptibly at her words, but not for long as he fucked her with more force and fervor than before.
When it was all over, and they finally settled in to sleep, Jennifer dozed off in the warm glow of him as he peppered kisses on her neck and face smoothly and slowly. They could barely disentangle from each other, their hands grabbing and stroking all over as they drifted off to sleep. If the thought of whether Jeremy was alive anymore troubled her, it didn't tonight. All she could acknowledge was that her world shifted and it would never be the same again.