"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." -Bo Derek
Chapter 14
Shiro did not get paid enough for this. In fact, he didn't get paid at all. He did his job for free.
Waking up the rest of the paladins every morning at seven a.m. sharp for morning breakfast and training regimens after?
Free.
Making sure Coran and Lance didn't poison them with their food experiments?
Free.
But also necessary.
Checking up on his teammates and see how they were doing?
Also free.
Giving Keith and Lance "The Talk?"
Not something he wanted to do. In fact, he really really didn't want to. But it was a necessary evil that must be done as soon as possible because the looks the red and blue paladin kept giving each other spoke volumes.
When Shiro had pulled them both aside and sat them down on the kitchen table and told them what he wanted to talk about, it did not go well.
Keith looked absolutely horrified.
Shiro was partly horrified himself as well.
He didn't want to do this either.
It was awkward for both parties.
And no one was comfortable.
As soon as the words left his mouth, Pidge and Hunk had all but bolted from the kitchen so fast it astounded him.
Now if they could run like that during training, that would be great.
Coran had started laughing and had run off to get some educational videos that he had stashed somewhere.
Allura turned a little red and discreetly left the room with her mice.
And Lance…
The second the words left his mouth, a wide grin spread across her features and she looked ready to make someone's life miserable.
In this case, it was Shiro's life.
The black paladin wasn't going to lie. As soon as he saw that devilish smirk, he'd wanted to bolt from the table and hide in his room.
Don't get him wrong; Shiro liked Lance.
He really did.
And she made Keith happy, which made her all the more likeable in his opinion.
Shiro hadn't seen Keith this happy since the day his friend got chosen to play Peter Pan in his school play and gotten to fly around the room via wires.
But among all the other paladins, Lance was…eccentric.
Not that it was a bad trait.
Honest.
But it did make him want to pull at his hair in frustration sometimes.
Not to mention the fact that Lance loved to endlessly tease him.
Shiro had yet to forgive her about his whistle.
He'd found that whistle on one of the first planets that they'd saved during one of their missions and he had treasured that thing as if it were his child.
It made him feel important, like a true leader (or coach) and it made getting the attention of the other paladins much easier.
Lance had refused to tell him about its whereabouts.
In truth, giving Keith and Lance 'The Talk' might have secretly been a way to get back at the blue paladin, Keith being an unfortunate sacrifice, but now it looked like the tables had turned.
His unease only grew when Lance took out a notepad and pencil and leaned back on her chair to get comfortable.
"What's that for?" Shiro asked her with a frown as he took a seat across from the red and blue paladin.
Lance gave him a sweet smile that had him break out into a nervous sweat before replying, "There's just so much information you know. I don't want to miss a thing."
That was bullshit.
Shiro had learned early on that when Lance smiled like that it only meant trouble.
Beside her, Keith smashed his head onto the table and let out a whine before throwing Shiro an angry glare.
"I already know all about sex Shiro! I got the talk back in middle school, I don't need a reminder." The red paladin cast him pleading eyes and Shiro almost, almost, gave in. He'd always been weak when it came to Keith.
The two had known each other since they were young. Both of their parents had known each other for years and eventually Keith and Shiro had become friends. Shiro liked to think of Keith as the little brother he always wanted but never got. After Keith's dad died, Shiro had been looking after him like his own son. The both of them entered the Garrison together to become pilots and even though Keith's only friend in the whole place was him, he'd been proud of Keith.
Now, not only was Keith the red paladin of Voltron, the Galaxy's greatest defender, but had also gotten engaged?
Shiro couldn't be any prouder.
This was Keith; the kid who thought hitting people in the face with a ball was how you made friends only to be disappointed when he was later avoided like the plague. He'd come a long way since those awkward teenage years.
Shiro shook his head at his friend, "This is just a reminder, and for all you know Lance doesn't know a thing about sex."
Someone snorted.
Shiro turned to regard the blue paladin and almost bristled at the 'poor you' look she was giving him.
The black paladin arched a brow, "Something to say Lance?"
Lance dedicatedly cleared her throat and shook her head, a Cheshire smile aimed at him, "Nope. Go on, tell us all about sex Shiro."
Keith groaned.
Shiro straightened in his chair. Right. Best to get this over with. He reached a hand under the table and took out a pickle and a box of condoms.
Keith's groan got louder.
Lance leaned forward, her blue eyes impossibly wide. Almost innocent.
It didn't fool the black paladin for a minute.
Shiro cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice clear, "Now then, when a man and a woman get certain urges-"
"They start bumping uglies!" Lance shouted from her seat with a wide smile.
Keith choked on his own spit.
"Lance."
"Yes, Shiro?"
"Please let me finish."
Lance nodded her head and leaned forward, her hands under her chin and beckoned for him to continue.
"Anyway, when a man a woman get certain urges, they decide to have sex. The way that happens is for the male to put his penis in the woman's vagina."
Lance nodded sagely and started writing down notes on her notepad.
Keith leaned in to take a closer look and snorted.
Shiro felt his eye twitch.
"Okay," Lance said as she placed her pencil beside her, "Go on."
Shiro picked up the pickle and took a condom from the box and began to demonstrate how to put it on. Demonstrating how to do this would end this conversation and so Shiro was eager to get it over with. What should have taken no less than five minutes lasted a whole hour.
Keith looked like he stopped breathing at some point and Shiro had to double check his pulse just to be sure his friend was still alive.
Lance was a force to be reckoned with.
She just kept asking question after question that had both males in the room turning red. Shiro had no idea what the blue paladin was writing in her notepad but she hadn't stopped since he began his talk.
Shiro answered to the best of his ability, he wasn't going to back down and let the blue paladin win.
Lance smiled wider, had she read his mind he idly wondered, and began to ask about certain scenarios.
Eventually, she started talking about positions and Shiro almost fled to the safety of his room once again when she asked him what his favorite positions were.
Keith was looking up at the ceiling with a dull gaze; probably praying to every deity there was for the table to swallow him whole.
When it was finally over, Lance got up and stretched her hands high in the air; a satisfied smirk on her face as she looked over both males slumped over the table.
"That was very educational, Shiro. I learned so much today."
And then she patted him on the head and Shiro felt like crying.
She'd so won the battle and she knew it.
Lance ripped off the piece of paper she was writing on, folded it in two, and tucked it under his arms before she pecked Keith on the cheek and started to leave the room.
"I'm going to go hang out with Hunk, see you both later!" And then she was gone.
Slowly, Shiro got up from his slumped position and curiously opened the paper only to bristle.
Lance had drawn a picture of both he and Keith slumped over their chairs with Lance herself standing triumphantly on the table, flashing a piece sign in victory. On the bottom she'd scribbled down something else and Shiro squinted as he tried to read what she wrote.
'Nice try Shiro. This was fun, anytime you want to challenge me to something just let me know! I might just give you that whistle back!- Love, Lance.
That little vixen had won.
"Your fiancé is terrible." Shiro blurted out.
Keith snorted and slowly sat up, his blue-gray eyes looking at him in amusement, "You're just mad she turned the tables on you."
Shiro got to his feet and tucked the drawn picture in his back pocket, it was a good drawing, and started heading to his room.
"Let me know when we arrive at our destination," he said with a tired sigh. Keith gave him a last wave before Shiro disappeared into his room.
As soon as he was inside, he took off his clothes until he was just in his black boxers, took out the secret stash of coco puffs that he'd hidden from the others, opened it up and laid on his bed and started eating.
He was going to get the blue paladin back for this he swore silently, just you wait Lance.
"Ladies and gentleman, we've arrived at our destination!" Coran announced over the speakers a few hours later. Within minutes the rest of the team had arrived at the bridge where Coran had brought up a screen with various pictures.
Shiro shot Lance an angry glare that only had her smirking before he made his way to the front to get a better look at the screen.
One of the pictures had a younger version of the castle advisor with somewhat longer hair while he grinned at the camera, a few stalls behind him.
The other three pictures had some aliens with four arms looking quite devious.
"Coran," Allura said with a huff, "You're not suggesting going into one of those disgusting swap moons. The last time you went, those space pirates took you for everything you had!"
"Space pirates?" Pidge asked with a grin.
Lance shared a look with Keith, "Did we see any space pirates on our last trip?"
Keith shook his head beside her, "Not that I saw."
"Shame," Lance with a pout. Hunk patted her shoulder.
Coran's eye twitched at the interruption and cleared his throat to get their attention again, "Anyway, the Unilu were traders and pirates that roamed the galaxies and dealt in black market goods."
The castle advisor brought up a few items on the screen as examples before continuing, "Of course, you have to bargain with an Unilu. And boy did they know how to bargain!"
"So we need to stop by and find some Teleduv lenses for the ship?" Hunk asked curiously.
Coran nodded, "While Shiro is busy bonding with the black lion, the rest of us will go down the swamp moon and look for the Teleduv lenses."
Lance leaned close to Allura and grinned, "So while you guys go look for the lenses, I'll take Allura shopping for something sparkly."
Coran cut between them and cast the blue paladin a glare, "This isn't shopping! I can't allow Allura anywhere near those filthy, lowballing Unilu hoodlums!" he finished with a cross of his hands over his chest.
Allura turned pleading eyes to Coran, "But I'd love something sparkly."
Coran turned away, "Look, you're the only one who can operate the castle and besides you should be resting."
Lance turned pleading eyes to Coran, "Oh please, can she go? I promise I'll protect her."
Allura saddled next to Lance and gave Coran her best puppy dog eyes, "Oh please Coran? Lance will watch over me!"
Coran seemed to consider it and after a while he sighed and nodded. "Fine, but make sure to stick close to Lady Lance."
Allura squealed and wrapped Coran in a hug, "Oh thank you!"
Lance turned her blue eyes to Shiro and slowly smiled.
Shiro almost took a step back. Almost.
The Amazon princess clasped her hands behind her back and leaned in close to the black paladin, "And just to make sure nothing happens to our fearless leader, I'll have my pets keep watch over him."
Shiro paled.
Pidge scrunched up her face, "How will a griffon, a cow, and a two-headed snake keep him safe?"
Lance tapped the green paladin's nose and expertly dodged the punch aimed in her direction, "You mean Nyx who can shoot lightning bolts, Kaltenecker that can fly-"
Keith whipped his head around to look at his fiancée so fast he was surprised he didn't get whiplash, "She can fly?"
Hunk frowned at him and gave him a nod. "Uh, yeah. Lance and I go flying on her sometimes."
Pidge turned accusing eyes at the yellow and blue paladins, "Why wasn't I invited to this?"
Hunk shrugged, "You were busy?"
Pidge huffed and crossed her arms over her green shirt.
"Anyway," Lance said with a glare, "We also have Nagini and Nagg who are not only poisonous but can grow at any size they want."
"What, what?" Shiro screeched.
Lance winked at Shiro and shot him with a finger gun. Keith stood next to her trying not to laugh. He wore a red jacket over his black shirt, his black hair partly mused as if someone had run their hands over it repeatedly, probably Lance.
A hand clamped down on his shoulder and Shiro jumped in place, "So don't worry Shiro, you'll be in good hands."
The smile she gave him was innocent, but to Shiro's eyes it looked like Armageddon had come early.
Hunk whispered to Pidge, "Are Shiro's legs shaking?"
Pidge snickered and whispered back, "Big time."
Hunk smiled a little, "Awesome."
Coran stomped his foot on the ground repeatedly and the others fell silent. "Now then, we must ready a pod for this mission. We need to find the scaultrite lenses, and just get out."
Lance started running ahead, "Shotgun!"
Hunk screeched and started running after her, "What? No, you have to be in the pod bay to call shotgun!"
"Since when?"
"Since forever! That's shotgun etiquette. I wrote the book."
About fifteen minutes later, the rest of team Voltron was squished inside one of the small pods heading for the swamp moon. Lance and Coran were at the front seats while the rest of the team members were grumbling at the back at the lack of space they had.
Hunk had a pout on his face and was glaring at the wall in front of him. Keith and Allura were squished together and looking uncomfortable.
Pidge looked ready to strangle someone where she sat squished next to Hunk.
"Hello? Back passengers?"" Coran said through the speakers, "Can you hear me?"
"Oh, its so comfy up here!" Lance said with a laugh, "Extra leg room, heated seats, oh man!"
"Stupid Lance. Stupid Shotgun." Hunk mumbled under his breath.
Keith snorted and smiled.
"Oh, its not too bad," Allura said with a wince as she tried to move her arm to her lap, only to elbow Keith in the face in the process.
Keith let out a whine and glared at her and Pidge just snorted.
"You were saying?" the green paladin said sarcastically.
"Now, these swap moons are very dangerous environments. So be on your toes." Coran continued through the speakers, "No weapons or communication devices of any kind! Also, I've brought along some disguises."
Everyone's eyes shot up at that and they looked at each other with a wince.
"Uh, Coran?" came Pidge's muffled voice through the gas mask she was wearing, "These Unilu swap meets look an awful lot like a regular mall."
Coran tapped his chin and turned to look at them with his one eye. An eye patch covered his other eye, his normally smoothed orange hair was spiked up and he was wearing a black and gray trench coat. "It does seem to be a little cleaner than I last remembered."
He cast an eye over the rest of them and appraised their outfits.
Hunk had shoulder blades with spikes on it, his face covered by hockey mask, and wearing kneepads with spikes on them as well.
Pidge had a gas mask covering her whole face and a bandana wrapped around her head, covering her brown hair. She was wearing shorts while her legs were wrapped in bandages.
Keith was wearing half a mask that covered his eyes, a brown cloak and spiky shoulder pads.
Lance and Allura had been given some fake glasses and some black cloaks covering their whole bodies. An orange bandana was wrapped around their head, obscuring their hair from everyone.
"Still, be vigilant. The Unilu are cutthroat wheeler-dealers. So keep your hands on your coin satchels."
Hunk lifted his hands and turned his body around to look at the satchels attached to his hips, "Uh, my satchels are empty."
"Good, "Coran said.
Keith let out a dramatic sigh, "Let's just get this over with."
"Yes, right." Coran said with a nod, "Everyone, fan out and search the area for any Teleduv lenses." He turned his head and pointed at an object in the distance, "We'll meet by the giant ticking clock here in one verga. And princess, stay close to Lady Lance!"
Allura nodded her head and Coran stepped away and made his way to the farthest stores in the mall. As soon as he was gone, the four paladins plus Allura shared a glance and slowly began to rid themselves of their disguises and dumped them into the closest trashcan.
Keith turned to Lance to ask her if she wanted to look together when Pidge made her way over and clutched the blue paladin's left hand and cast him a glare.
"Oh, no," Pidge said as she adjusted her glasses, "You had her all to yourself for the last few hours, its' my turn to hang out with Lance."
Keith frowned and opened his mouth to protest only for Allura to saddle up to Lance and clutch his fiancé's right hand in her own. The Altean princess cast him an apologetic smile and clung tighter, "Coran said I should stick close to Lance, so that's what I plan to do."
Lance looked at both girls clutching her arms with a grimace and turned apologetic eyes to Keith. "Sorry Keith looks like I have my hands full. I'll see you guys later."
Keith sighed and tucked a stray hair from his fiancé's face behind her ear before giving her a small smile, "Stay out of trouble," he mumbled.
Lance gave him a grin but promised nothing before Pidge and Allura started herding her in a random direction.
Hunk and he shared a look before shrugging and started heading together to a random location.
About fifteen minutes later, the women of team Voltron had found no sign of any Teleduv lenses whatsoever. Pidge was starting to get irritated, they hadn't found what they came for yet and she desperately wanted to go to the bathroom.
Only problem was that she didn't read alien and didn't know which room to go into. The aliens coming out were no help either. What sex was a slug anyway? In the end she just decided to hold it in.
Lance and Allura kept stopping whenever they saw something shiny and weren't even trying to look for the Teleduv lenses.
Pidge looked around with narrowed eyes and started searching for her companions when she spotted a familiar brunette doing finger guns at a couple of alien girls who giggled. Pidge rolled her eyes and marched over there in a huff.
"Can I interest you in the latest Earth fashions? I have a new selection since you're last visit." An alien with light gray skin who was wearing some rapper clothes, an area fifty-one hat, and some bling on his neck and shoulders asked as he looked over at the Amazon princess with a leer.
Pidge picked up her pace until she was right beside her friend and started pulling on her red long sleeve, "Lance, come on! We have to get back at the ticking clock in a forty-five minutes."
Lance gave her a smile and gestured at the store, "But Pidge, wait, look at all this crazy Earth stuff this alien is selling!"
Pidge scoffed as she looked inside the store, "We're suppose to be looking for the Teleduv lenses, and you're looking into the one store we know for certain won't have-" Pidge's eyes widened and she let out a gasp, "Oh, my gosh! Is that the Killbot Plasm one? The first journey into to the depths of the demon sphere?" Pidge's brown eyes grew even brighter as she let out another gasp and picked up another box as Lance looked at her in amusement, "Oh! Mercury Gameflux Two! With the original power glove that gives you infinite lives if you touch the index finger to the pinky!" Pidge hugged the box to her chest and gave it a squeeze, "We have to get this! How much is this?" she asked the alien.
"Twelve hundred GAC." The alien said blandly.
Pidge scrunched her brows together and turned to Lance, "Is that a lot?"
Lance crossed a hand over her chest and tapped her chin with her free hand, "Well, compared to what we have, which is none. Yes, it's a lot."
Pidge muttered a curse, "What happened to the money we won from that bet?"
Lance gave her a weird look; "I bought some customized shirts for everyone. They should be ready in half an hour."
Pidge felt like pulling at her hair and took hold of the Amazon's hand and started dragging her away, "We have to find some money! Come on!" she looked back at the alien watching them in boredom and shot a finger at him, "Don't sell that game!"
"By the way," Lance said as she let Pidge drag her, "Where's Allura?"
Pidge stopped in her tracks so suddenly that Lance bumped into her. Pidge rolled her eyes and shot her a look, "I thought you were suppose to be watching her!"
Lance huffed and took her arm back from Pidge's death grip, "Relax. I can smell her. She's close."
The two paladins walked from store to store, Lance stopping and sniffing the air a few times before nodding to herself and making a beeline to a store that was selling jewelry. The Altean princess was inside, her face plastered to one of the glass cases looking over at a golden necklace with such longing, it made Pidge roll her eyes.
"Come on Allura," Pidge said as she started tugging the Altean princess's white and purple dress, "We have to find some money. There's a game I want to get."
The Altean princess's pointy ears perked up at the word 'money' and she looked at her with a wide smile, "Yes. I agree. We should find some money because I'm not leaving this place without that necklace!"
Pidge made a face, "Where do we find money though?"
Allura tapped her chin in thought before sighing, "I am not sure. Lance, what do-"
Lance was nowhere inside the store. Pidge sighed deeply and rested both hands against her cheeks, dragging the skin down and let out an exasperated sigh. Is this how her mom felt whenever Pidge disappeared from her sight whenever they entered a store?
The green paladin took hold of Allura's hand lest she disappear on them again, and started marching them both outside the stall to look for Lance who had disappeared.
Again.
Weren't these two the adults in this situation?
Pidge should not be looking after them. It should be the other way around.
Fortunately, the Amazon princess had not gotten very far. She was standing a few feet away, her arms crossed over her red long sleeved shirt before tucking both hands in the inside back pockets of her black jeans.
Pidge marched over to her in a brisk walk; Allura almost tripped on her lilac heels, and punched her in the back. Lance didn't even flinch. Curse her thick skin.
"Lance!" Pidge practically screamed at her, "What are you doing? We need to find some money fast!"
Lance didn't even budge, only continued to stare.
The green paladin followed her gaze and frowned, what was so interesting about a dirty looking bar? The place looked like trouble and the occupants inside looked even worse. Some of the aliens looked like they were ready to throw a punch if someone so much as talked to them.
Others were playing what looked like pool and others were playing in a corner playing darts.
Pidge didn't see what was so interesting about that.
"Hey Pidge," Lance said, a mischievous grin starting to form on her lips, "Ever heard of a hustle?"
And just like that, Pidge remembered why she loved the blue paladin so much.
How had it come to this Keith thought with a frown. He gave the chain wrapped around his ankle another experimental tug and growled when it didn't come off.
This wouldn't have happened if Hunk hadn't felt the need to taste every dish they had on this goddamn stink fess that called itself a restaurant.
Honestly, Keith had thought the dishes on display were free samples as well so he had kept quiet as his friend sampled everything in sight.
Unfortunately, just as they were about to leave an older looking Galra with a scowl on his face and a dirty apron wrapped around his waist had come up to them with a bill demanding they pay for the food they ate.
Hunk had apologized and admitted that he thought they were just free samples only for Sal, the owner, to narrow his eyes at them before taking hold of both the yellow and red paladins collars and dragging them to the kitchen inside his restaurant where he chained them both to the nailed down stations inside to pay off what they owe.
Keith pouted, he hadn't even done anything.
Hunk let out a sigh where he was standing in his own station still washing dishes, "Already tried that dude. Doesn't want to come off."
Keith threw his hands up in frustration and dropped the plate he had been washing onto the ground in the process. The plate smashed onto the floor with a deafening crack and both paladins winced as a purple-headed Galra popped his head in, took a look at the smashed plate, and glowered at both paladins.
"You just added to your sentence," Sal grumbled before disappearing back outside.
"You can't do this to us you asshole!" Keith screamed at the owner of Vrepit Sal's only for his scream to be ignored.
Keith kicked the robot chef at the front in frustration.
Hunk turned to look at the elderly blue lady with the long beard who was washing dishes on the ground with a bucket, "So, how long have you been working here?"
The elderly lady looked up at him, her hands slightly trembling as she continued to do her job, "Sal brought me here when I was a little girl."
Hunk and Keith looked at each other with wide eyes. "Oh boy," Hunk mumbled nervously. "Are you sure Lance can't come and help us out?"
Keith sighed and leaned back on the sink before crossing his ankles, the chain rattling at the movement, "Already tried. Whatever she's doing, it's keeping her busy. Mostly she's laughing too much in her head to even notice my voice." Keith frowned and looked to the side as he tried to hide a smile, "Probably causing some trouble."
Hunk grinned as he wiped his hands with a yellow rag, "Lance? Oh most definitely. But remember, Pidge and Allura are with her too."
Keith paled as his eyes grew impossibly wide, "Oh my god. Pidge and Lance together? They're probably destroying public property."
Hunks own eyes grew wide and he turned a little green, "Oh my god, you're so right. Those two combined only means trouble." The yellow paladin suddenly gripped Keith's shoulders and shook him, "We have to get out of here! Who knows what those two are destroying!"
"Maybe Allura will keep them in line?"
Hunk looked at him like he was an idiot, "Dude, Coran's not with her to tell her what to do. Her only companions are Lance and Pidge, and trust me, those two can rope anyone into doing whatever they want."
Keith could not deny that fact.
Allura had probably already been converted.
Poor thing.
Keith gripped the yellow paladins hands and gently pried them off his shoulders before heaving out a sigh, "Okay, but how do we get out of here? I still say we should just battle our way out of here, I don't mind punching a few aliens here and there."
Hunk looked at the red paladin like he'd lost his mind and Keith bristled and huffed, "Well, what's your idea then?"
Hunk tapped his chin and looked at the sponge he was using to wash dishes, "Maybe we can scrub our way out of here?"
Keith gave him a droll stare and Hunk's cheeks turned red, "Well it was just a thought," he mumbled under his breath.
The robot chef at the front started shooting out lightning and twitching before it collapsed on the floor with a thud, smoke coming out of it.
Sal leaned in to check what that noise had been only to let out an annoyed shout at the crumbled chef on the floor. "Oh great, now who will be my sustenance preparer?"
Hunk perked up and spoke, "Un-cuff us Sal. We got this."
Sal let out a snarky laugh as he looked them over, "You two?"
"Trust me. I'm an enthusiastic gourmand with an incredible palate and my friend here knows how to follow my exact orders." He gestured to the robot on the floor with a grimace, "Also, your robot is dead on the floor."
Sal rubbed the small purple beard on his chin, "Hmm. That last part is true."
With another annoyed grumble, the Galra owner un-cuffed both paladins before cuffing them to the crumpled robot on the floor to Keith's annoyance, "All right, work."
Hunk cracked his knuckles and patted an uncomfortable looking Keith on the back, "We got this buddy." A blue machine on the wall popped out a new order and Hunk took the scrap of paper with a grin, "Ok, now watch this!" the yellow paladin frowned and Keith leaned in to get a closer look only to make a face at the scribbles written there in another language, "I can't read this." He turned to Keith and the red paladin shook his head. Hunk shrugged his shoulders and tossed the note to the side, "Oh well, we'll improvise!"
Keith quickly gathered the knives and some spices that his friend pointed to and hastily passed them to him.
The red paladin watched in amazement as Hunk quickly chopped a few vegetables, fried some weird looking meat and tossed it into the air expertly, before cutting the meat in small portions and placing it on the plate that Keith passed him.
Sal leaned in to peer at the completed dish with a scowl as Hunk began to sprinkle something on the dish, "Do you smell how the tanginess of tuber masture really brings out the charred flavor of the palmogoren fillet?"
Sal still looked dubious but straightened up from his slouch and lifted his hand to pull at the pull chain attached to the ceiling to call in the order only for Hunk to smack his hand away. "No, no we won't be using that," thank god Keith silently thought, that thing released a loud horn like noise that was really irritating, "Let's just say, number forty-four your order is up."
A petite blue alien lady with pink ears glanced up from her seat before smiling and making her way to the front to pick up her meal and taking it back to her seat. "Enjoy your meal!" Hunk yelled at her.
All three males curiously looked on as the blue alien lady cut the meat in a smaller portion before picking it up with a fork and placing it in her mouth.
The alien let out a moan and brought her hands to her cheeks before smiling widely.
Sal looked on in astonishment and pointed a purple-fingered claw at her, "What did you do to her face? It's cracking."
Keith snorted and rolled his eyes.
Hunk jabbed him on the ribs before answering, "She's smiling! She's enjoying her meal."
And then Sal did one of the strangest things Keith had ever seen; he smiled. The Galra gave Hunk the next order and the yellow paladin grinned before pulling Keith close to him. "Okay buddy, let's provide some sustenance!"
"Man, you ladies suck." An alien male with green skin and three eyes said as it slung an arm around Lance's shoulder and pulled her close. The green paladin bristled and cut between them before Lance punched the shit out of this guy. Not that she could blame her; the little sleaze ball kept eyeing the Amazon princess with a look that had the green paladin on edge.
The green alien male backed away and threw a glare at Pidge as she stood protectively beside Lance but made no other move besides that.
Allura was leaned over the pool table, her tongue sticking out in concentration as she hit the balls with one of the cues she was holding and let out a disappointed sigh when none of the balls went inside the holes.
"Looks like we're winning ladies," a red snake-like humanoid alien said, its yellow eyes looking them over with a grin.
Lance grinned, as if she were waiting for an opportunity to play her trump card, which she had. "Let's do double or nothing." She pointed at the green skinned alien and then at Pidge with a grin, "You versus her."
Pidge looked up sharply, "Lance, I've never played this before. Are you sure?"
The blue paladin gave her a secret look and Pidge furrowed her brows as she tried to decipher the meaning behind the look her friend was giving her. Lance clamped a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, "You'll be fine Pidge. Trust me."
Pidge still looked dubious but she picked up a pool cue as the red snake alien, Ulavi, racked the balls. The third alien that looked more like an oversized orange slug with an eye patch broke the balls and Pidge watched as the balls ricochet off each other and rolled to a stop.
Across the table, Allura gave her a thumps up, Lance smiling encouragingly beside her, and suddenly Pidge understood the Amazon's plan.
The green paladin grinned and circled the table before leaning forward with her cue and struck. Three striped balls flew across the table in different directions, far away from the holes before they mysteriously rolled to the closest hole and sunk.
The three males' eyes bugged out of their heads.
"Was that okay?" Pidge asked innocently.
Ulavi rubbed his eyes, "Yeah," he croaked. "That's fine."
Lance was grinning, the proud grin of a woman who'd gotten exactly what she wanted while Allura was trying to muffle her laughter with her hand. Lance must have clued her in on the plan.
The game continued for the next few minutes, Pidge's shots mysteriously making their way into the holes thanks to Lance turning them in the right direction with her powers. Every now and then, Lance let some of the green paladins shots miss their marks as to not arouse suspicion.
In the end, Pidge pocketed ninety-five GAC, which wasn't nearly enough for what they needed so Lance suggested they play darts.
The males, wanting to win back their money, agreed immediately.
Not surprisingly, Lance dominated the game and pocketed another ninety GAC.
By then, most of the bar occupants had wandered over and had challenged them to various other games.
Allura and Lance wholeheartedly agreed, a couple of drinks in their hands, and Pidge grinned viciously as they kept winning game after game. They didn't even have to cheat on some.
Ulavi made a rumbling noise deep in his throat but challenged them to another game.
They only had ten minutes left until they had to meet back with the others back at the ticking clock and get the game and necklace that Allura and Pidge wanted.
Pidge turned in her stool so she could get a better view of her friends who were playing a board game with six other aliens a few tables away. There was a crowd surrounding them, some of them taking bets on the side to see who won in the end. Pidge took a drink of her cold milk, she'd asked for a cold one and they'd given her milk, Lance almost bust a gut when she saw what they'd given the green paladin to drink.
Apparently you had to be a certain height in order to order any kind of alcohol. Pidge was off by a few inches! It didn't help that Lance and Allura refused to share their own drinks with her as well. The Amazon princess had gotten a blue drink with smoke coming out and it smelled really sweet. Allura got some red drink that had her staggering; it smelled of pineapple and lemonade.
The sound of numerous gasps had the green paladin making her way over to the gathered crowd to see what the big fuzz was about.
All eyes were on Lance; mixtures of horror and surprise aimed her way. All eight players had a few cards in their hands, another deck with facedown cards sitting next to them. Pidge turned to Lance to see her with a mischievous grin on her lips; two rolls of dice in one hand while the other hand carried her five cards.
"You're not serious!" Ulavi said, his cards trembling in his grip, "If you play Chitzoni there's a fifty-fifty chance that he'll attack all the opposing armies and bring you victory in one fell swoop sure, but if you roll an eight or lower, he'll turn on you instead and obliterate your army."
An octopus looking alien slammed one of its tentacles on the table, his red eyes raking over Lance with a leer, "She's bluffing!"
From across the table, a buff alien that looked a lot like a magickarp on steroids shook his head back and forth, "She wouldn't dare…"
The other aliens in the gathered crowd-about a dozen of them-smirked and snickered at the discomfort the other players were feeling.
Allura just watched their friend, a stunned expression on her face, and watched in silence.
Perhaps she knew the rules to this game Pidge thought.
Lance looked she was enjoying the attention, it looked like she was trying her best not to start laughing maniacally and freak everyone out. Instead, the blue paladin leaned forward and shot them all a broad smile, "That's just a risk I'm willing to take."
The gathered crowd gasped and the other players in the table started shaking in their seats.
Ulavi licked his mouth and narrowed his yellow eyes at her, "Do it then. If you dare."
Lance's smile turned wicked and she raised a fisted hand in the air before opening her palm and dropping the two rolls of dice on the table.
The only sound heard was the melancholy song playing through the speakers, as the crowd grew quiet.
Everyone surged forward and watched with a burning look as the dice continued to roll. Some of the other players looked like they were praying, Allura had a death grip on her drink, Pidge tightened her grip on her glass of milk before deciding to chug it down in one go.
The dice rolled one, twice, and stopped.
Everyone leaned forward and Lance started laughing like an evil villain from a Disney movie as the players threw down their cards with a curse.
Some of them even started crying in their seats.
Allura let out a sigh of relief and gave a still laughing Lance a tight hug. Pidge let out a whoop of joy and ran to her friends' side.
"So how much did we win?" the green paladin breathlessly asked when she made it to their side.
Lance looked back at Ulavi who was staring at his deck like it had offended him and gave him a sly smirk, "Tell her. How much did I win?"
The red alien gritted his teeth and mumbled something under his breath that Pidge couldn't hear.
"I'm sorry," Lance said, not looking sorry at all, "What was that?"
Ulavi slammed his hands on the table before rising to his feet and shouting, "Eighteen thousand GAC!"
Pidge's eyes almost bugged out of her head as she stared in shock. Holy Shit.
Someone suddenly slammed into her and Pidge lost her grip on her now empty glass of milk and gave a shout only to stop midway as the glass stopped its decent and hovered in the air a few inches away from smashing into the floor.
"Here you go Pidge," Lance said as she returned her glass to her with her powers.
The crowd gasped.
Ulavi shot to his feet again and pointed an accusing finger at the blue paladin, "You cheated!"
Lance blanched and the color seemed to drain from her face. Oh crap.
This wasn't good.
This wasn't good at all.
The rest of the players shot to their feet as well and began to surround Pidge and her friends as they threw shouted insults at them.
The three women from Voltron shared a look before nodding. Time to go.
Lance shot to her feet, gripped the edge off the table and threw it at the crowd.
"Run!" she shouted.
Pidge didn't need to be told twice.
A fight soon broke out, the other patrons of the bar wisely taking cover, while the bartender tried to stop all the nonsense. Pidge could have sworn she saw him take out a shotgun and aimed it anyone who came close to him.
In the chaos, Lance managed to swipe the bag of money from the floor and pulled Pidge and Allura to the closest exit.
Someone grabbed hold of Pidge's collar and the green paladin let out a yelp as she was ripped away from her friends. Lance and Allura stopped in their tracks, dodged the punches and chairs aimed their way, and punched the tentacle alien holding onto Pidge so hard she swore she heard something snap.
Despite the chaos, Lance was laughing her head off. The Amazon princess looked like she was having a grand time slamming bottles onto people heads, knocking a few aliens with a stool, at some point she even grabbed Ulavi and swung him around like a sword.
The phrase 'Hit a motherfucker with another motherfucker' came up in her head when she saw her friends throwing bodies around.
Pidge couldn't help but laugh alongside her; Allura was punching anyone who came within three feet of them but she was laughing hard too.
Man, Pidge thought with a sly grin, if Lance ever had a bachelorette party she hoped it went just like this.
At one point, someone slammed a chair over the Amazon's head and everyone gasped.
Lance just turned around and glared before throwing out a punch that sent the alien through a few walls.
Pidge winced. Best to not tell Keith that.
Finally finding the exit, all three women surged forward and closed the door on the still furious crowd and took a few deep breaths.
The crowd was still pounding their fists at the door but Lance seemed to have no trouble keeping it close with one hand.
Her short brown hair looked like a rats nest, her red long sleeve shirt had a few cuts but she wasn't even sweating. She was still smiling widely as he gripped the bag of coins in her hands.
Allura's long silver hair looked no better, her dress had been cut to make running away easier and her bare tan legs were showing but she too looked giddy with excitement.
Pidge straightened up her askew glasses and winced when she saw that the sleeve of her yellow and green shirt had been ripped. Her short brown hair felt a little wet but she'd had a great time.
"So," Lance said with a smile, "Shall we go finish our shopping?"
Pidge seriously loved the blue paladin she thought with a grin.
"I said over medium!" Hunk shouted as he shoved a piece of meat to Sal's face and shook it, "Does this look over medium to you?"
Sal was standing ram rod straight, his eyes looking up at the ceiling to avoid the angry glare that the yellow paladin was directing at him, "No chef."
Hunk threw the meat onto the floor and Keith let out a laugh before Hunk's black eyes zeroed in on him. Oh crap.
"If it ain't perfect, it's not coming out of this kitchen! Keith, on your feet and get to work!"
Keith straightened up and gave the yellow paladin a salute before rushing to get the plates and spices for his friend. The blue bearded alien lady was going back and forth with piles of dirty dishes in her hands.
Sal was rushing back and forth and taking orders from the huge crowd they'd gathered. Keith felt a spark of amusement from Lance and he tried to zoom in and get a visual to find out what the fuck had her in such a good mood before Hunks eyes met his again and Keith surged forward to place the finished items on the plate.
Sal had un-cuffed both of them quite a while ago but Hunk refused to leave just yet.
The yellow paladin gave the finished products an assessing eye before declaring that they were good to go.
"Sauce me!" Hunk yelled and Sal appeared beside him in a flash, a yellow bottle in his hands that he handed over to Hunk.
"Now you're getting it!" Hunk yelled as he threw the bottle behind his back and easily caught it without looking back before he smeared a good portion on the plates before him. "Bon appetite!"
The crowd let out a round of applause at the show and Keith silently clapped along. Was cooking always this fun? No wonder Lance and Hunk liked to do it together. That also explained all the laughing those two did whenever they were in the kitchen by themselves.
Perhaps he and Lance could try cooking something together sometime…
A fat blue alien male with dark blue ears seated on one of those scooters old people use to get to their destinations, this one hovered, appeared and got in the yellow paladins face as he narrowed his eyes at him, "I got you pirates!" he declared as he cast a glare at Keith as well, "Where are your friends?"
Oh crap.
A mall cop.
Hunk let out a yelp and stumbled back before turning to Sal, "Don't forget what I thought you! Those are the fundamentals of cooking!"
And then he leaped forward so high he stepped on the blue aliens face before he was on his feet and running.
Keith let out a startled laugh and stepped on the mall cop as he was getting to his feet and tried to catch up to the yellow paladin.
The mall cop let out a yelp and tried to get on his feet.
Time to find the others and get the fuck out of here.
"Look!" Keith shouted as he pointed ahead, "There are the girls!"
Hunk turned to look ahead of them and sure enough all three women from their team were there coming out of a store with bags of merchandise in their hands.
"How come it looks like they got in a fight?" Hunk yelled to him as they began to get closer. Keith narrowed his eyes, he didn't know but he was going to find out.
The sound of shouting had both paladins turning their heads to see about a dozen burly aliens with bruises all over their bodies come running. One of the aliens looked around before pointing an orange finger at Lance and the girls.
"There they are!" he screamed.
The crowd surged forward and Lance laughed as she put both hands on her hips. "You'll never take us alive!"
And then Pidge gripped the Amazon's wrist and started dragging her away, Allura hot on their heels as the crowd began to chase after them.
Hunk and he shared a look before picking up speed and catching up to his fiancé who was still laughing, and the rest of their friends.
"What did you guys do?" Hunk yelled in accusation once he caught up to Allura.
The Altean princess gave a small shrug and refused to say anything.
Suspicious.
Keith picked up his pace before he took one of the bags that Lance was holding and intertwining his hand with her now free hand.
"What did you do?" the red paladin asked as they turned a corner in an attempt to lose the crowd.
Lance sent him a pout that didn't fool him for a minute, "What makes you think I did anything?"
Keith opened his mouth to answer but someone shouted over him.
"It's the brunette! She cheated!"
Keith gave his fiancée a droll stare and Lance's lips twitched.
Pidge let out a shout of laughter where she was running on Lance's other side. The green paladin was gripping two boxes to her chest, one of her sleeves in tatters.
Allura's dress was cut showing her bare legs and Lance looked no better.
"Get back here you pirates!"
Lance turned around to see a blue alien in a flying scooter yelling after them and shot Keith a grin.
"What did you guys do?"
Keith shut his mouth with an audible click.
"Guys!" Allura shouted frantically, "It's a dead end!"
The rest of the paladins turned to look ahead of them only to see that she was right. The escalators were in the opposite direction, right where the crowd of burly aliens with bruises on them was waiting for them.
Lance grinned and surged forward as she pulled Keith along.
"Everyone jump!" she shouted.
"What?" they screeched.
"Trust me, I won't let us fall!" Lance shouted over her shoulder.
The other four shared a look before picking up there pace and jumped over the railing with a shout.
The crowd of burly aliens slid to a stop and threw them a vulgar gesture that had them grinning.
Lance spread her arms out wide and was laughing up a storm as the rest of her teammates screamed.
"Lance!" Keith screamed as he shook the arm he was gripping in his own hand.
Hunk covered his eyes as they neared the ground and screamed.
Allura put her hands around her dress and followed his example.
Pidge gripped the boxes in her hands tightly before shooting a glare at the blue paladin.
"Lance!" Pidge screamed as she tried to maneuver in the air to get closer to her and Keith. "Do something!"
They were almost about to be turned into pancakes when a force suddenly slowed their descent and they landed on their feet.
Hunk kissed the ground and mumbled a small thank you to the heavens.
Allura let out a warning shout that had them all turning to see the mall cop hot on their heels.
With a scream, they resumed their running.
"Hey look!" Pidge screamed breathlessly, "It's Coran!"
Sure enough, the Altean advisor was just coming out of a store, a bag cradled to his chest when he finally spotted them.
"Dude!" Hunk shouted at him, "We have to go!"
Allura gripped his hand when he stretched it towards her and all six of them picked up their pace as they shoved aliens to the ground in their haste to get away.
"Look!" Keith shouted as he pointed ahead, "There's the exit!"
As one they all neared the gate and looked back to see the mall cop slid to a stop in his scooter.
"That's right you pirates! And don't let me catch you in my jurisdiction again!"
"We got the lenses!" Coran shouted once they made it back to the castle of lions.
"Where's Shiro?" Keith asked as he looked around.
The doors to the bridge opened up and in came Shiro with Nyx, Kaltenecker and Nagini and Nagg hot on his heels.
The black paladin threw a smirk at Lance before reaching down and cradling Nagini and Nagg to his chest.
Lance narrowed her eyes and huffed.
Keith let out a laugh before turning to his long time friend, "So did you find a way to bond with your lion?"
"Yes," Shiro said as he rubbed Nagini on the head, "And we should get moving. We're headed for the blade of Marmora headquarters."
"I'll plot a course!" Coran announced and quickly left.
"By the way," Shiro said as he looked over the women in the team, "What happened to you guys? You look like you got into a fight."
Lance smiled at him so wide her white teeth showed, Allura and Pidge quickly placed their hands over the Amazons mouth to keep her from talking.
"Nothing." Pidge and Allura said.
Shiro gave them a droll stare before pinching his nose and letting out a long-suffering sigh, "Was it illegal?"
The women shared a look, silently having a conversation with each other before finally shaking their heads.
Keith leaned in close and took out a piece of…wood? From his fiancé's hair and raised a brow at her.
Lance blinked her eyes innocently and took the piece in her hands, "Now how did that get in there?"
Allura and Pidge covered their mouths to hide their snickers.
Shiro opened his mouth to question them again before the Amazon shoved a black shirt at him. Shiro caught it with one hand before spreading it wide and let out a scowl. "Really Lance?" he turned the shirt over and everyone laughed at the words 'Space Dad' written there.
"It suits you." Lance said with a smile.
Shiro looked up at the heavens as if asking what he did to deserve such teasing from the blue paladin. Lance handed the rest of the team a shirt and everyone laughed at the words written there.
Keith's shirt said 'Mullet.'
Pidge's shirt said 'Tech Expert.'
Hunk's shirt said 'Best Bro.'
Allura's shirt said 'Princess.'
Coran's shirt said 'Best Uncle.'
And Lance's shirt said 'Sharpshooter.'
"I guess we better put the rest of the bags away," Allura said as she gripped the golden necklace around her neck with a smile.
"While you're doing that, I'm gonna hook up the game Lance and I bought!" Pidge said as she looked around in excitement.
"Yeah!" Lance exclaimed with a fist in the air, "Let's get this baby set up!"
Pidge took out the cables and looked around the room to see where they could plug the game in, "Where can we…How do…"
Pidge and Lance's eye twitched.
There was nowhere for them to set up their game.
Pidge let out a blood-curling scream, "No!"
Reviews are more than welcome! They make me happy and trust me y'all want me to be happy.
Makes me write faster ;)