She trusted him, no doubt of that.
But she wasn't sure if she trusted herself.
She was so used to being the strong one, the unemotional one, and so on and so forth that she didn't want to seem weak in front of him.
The truth is, she had been hurt. She fell in love at one time during her missions. She knew it was foolish, she knew it was basically an unwritten rule that agents are not allowed to do so, yet she did.
How did that saying go?
Oh yeah, love is blind.
And she let it blind her.
That's why she had been so resistant of Clint's advances and convinced herself that love was for children. It was so unprofessional.
Yet with Steve, her mind seemed to have been changed.
She knew he wouldn't care how weak she really was.
The problem? He would be there, and who knows what might happen.
The first time she had noticed him—really noticed him—was the day they were saving Manhattan.
When that thing had exploded, and he had shielded her, she had just seen him for a brief second before she turned and closed her eyes, and suddenly she felt the way she did when she was in love. She didn't know what made her feel like that; it just did.
And, unexpectedly, those feelings were back.
When she grabbed his hand, it was like Eve taking the forbidden fruit. She never realized how much she wanted him, and taking hold of him like that was giving in to this hidden temptation.
And now she felt she was ready to lose control.