The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer!

Chapter 14- A History Lesson

EPOV

I sat down in the chair across from Silas, waiting for him to speak first. I wanted to feel angry towards him. His presence had for some reason disrupted my life. But instead I felt peaceful, like things were happening exactly the way they were supposed to. His eyes were almost closed, his hair sweeping over his eyebrows. For once, he wasn't thinking about Ann.

I took the moment to search his mind, listening to every quiet thought he had. But there was nothing at all to suggest he had a hidden agenda. He was thinking about all the time he had spent alone, of all the people he had murdered, when all along he could have been living like us. His thoughts drifted through years, coming to the time when he was made into a vampire. The face of the female who had taken him down in the field behind his house came into focus and anger made everything in his mind blur red around the edges.

She had approached him once, offering herself to him. Her name was Vanessa, and she wanted a companion. She told him she had been a vampire for only a few decades, and she was getting lonely. But Silas was a good religious man, and refused to give up his family for a life of damnation. Vanessa and had left him and he thought it was over, but she came back only a few nights later and over powered him.

Even as a human Silas had been very attractive to women, and that was why she chose him. Not for anything but pure vanity he thought. He lost his wife and children because Vanessa felt like she deserved the best looking vampire she could find.

In the beginning he stayed with her, more out of fear then need. She had taught him what he needed to know to survive as a vampire, but he wasn't sure he could make it on his own. Vanessa had no respect for human life. When Silas was at his weakest mentally, as a new vampire, she taught him that humans were just food for the taking. Man, women, young and old, their life was not important. It hadn't taken more then a few years for Silas to leave her. He couldn't forget his own children and his beliefs in God when he was human. He couldn't live the lifestyle she was leading.

He was too scared to kill himself though. Once he was finally able to control his thirst completely and only feed off people he thought deserved it, he found Vanessa and killed her. His hate for what he was compelled him to kill her. He even felt guilt for that.

"She deserved it." I broke the silence myself, the hurt he was feeling about his life had taken over my feelings once again. I wanted him to know he wasn't a bad person.

"That may be true, but who was I to judge her?" Silas turned his eyes to me, now a dull dark pink instead of the blazing red from the other night. The animal blood already taking effect.

"You worry about the things you have done in your existence here on Earth, but do you really think it matters?" I had always questioned whether or not our souls stuck with us once we became vampires. I knew what Silas' answer would be, but I didn't want him to know how often I was reading his mind.

"Yes, I think it will always matter." He looked solemn.

"But you still want to do this to Ann? You want to damn her." I was glad the choice wasn't mine. He hesitated before answering.

"Yes.. and no. I can't imagine existing without her, but I know it goes against what God would want. That's why I won't do anything until she asks me to." The need to feel her next to me was excruciating suddenly. My skin itched with anticipation.

"But she isn't sure." I finished the thought for him.

"Ann thinks.. she thinks that she is cursed." I thought of Ann's sad face, I could understand why she would think that. Silas didn't have a chance to continue.

Bella and Jacob came out of the forest with Renesmee walking between them. My mouth twisted into a snarl. Silas gave me a sideways look.

"He is a odd choice for a nanny." He was curious about Jacob's presence in our lives, but he didn't object to it.

"Well, we didn't exactly choose him. He chose her." I knew it was more complicated then that, but I didn't care at the moment.

"Oh, I see." Silas was confused, but Jacob, Nessie and Bella were approaching and he could sense that it was a sore subject. Jacob and Nessie passed us by to go inside but Bella stopped in front of us.

"Where's Ann?" She asked Silas, not me.

"She went shopping with your Rose and Esme." He answered hesitantly. Bella seemed confrontational. I wanted to tell Silas she was mad at me, not him. Her eyes lost some of their fire and she sat down on the railing. Bella watched the grass bend in the wind. It had started to drizzle again. When she turned her face back to Silas her expression was soft.

"How old are you Silas?" She still hadn't acknowledged my presence.

"I am two hundred and eighty seven years old." He smiled, being around Ann made him feel young.

"You were alone for a long time then." I could hear the sympathy in her voice.

"Yes, but I'm not now. That's what matters." Silas looked back at the yard, his heart rising with the image of Ann.

"It's strange the way love comes when you stop looking for it, isn't it?" Bella was steering the conversation towards a certain point. She wanted to show me how much Silas loved Ann. Whether it was to remind me of how much I love her, or how much I would be hurting them if I interfered I wasn't sure.

"Yes it is strange. I was married once you know." Bella's eyes widened with the new information. "She was a good women. Her name was Ruth and she had the prettiest blonde hair you have ever seen." Bella smiled as Silas visibly lit up.

"Our parents had arranged our marriage when she was sixteen, but I was very lucky. She was a good wife, and a good mother. I could talk to her easily. Some of my friends had been married to women they couldn't stand." Silas laughed remembering some long lost buddy.

"I thought I loved her more than anything. Until I met Ann." This caught Bella off guard. "I did love Ruth, but not the way I do Ann. Now that I look back it was more the way you love a good friend."

"But you said you had children." Bella was grasping for something, to prove Silas' first love had been more important.

"Yes, we had a boy and a girl. Jonathan and Rebekah. They had my hair and Ruth's smile." Silas was torn in half with pain as he talked about his children. His love for them had been stronger then anything he had ever felt. It suddenly made sense to me why he was so willing to risk Ann's salvation. He had lost the people he loved once, he couldn't bear to lose another.

"Ruth was a wonderful mother, but the spark of true love just wasn't there." Silas didn't have the words to explain how differently he had loved the two women. Bella looked crushed. She excused herself to go inside and find Renesmee. I wanted to grab her and reassure her that she was my one true love that the spark was there when I thought about her. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. The distance between us had grown too wide in the past few months. I had lost my place with her and I didn't know how to get it back. Time was pulling us apart and I couldn't stop it.