Unscathed
Chapter 14:
Kate watches from the island as Alexis stares at the front door, her backpack held listlessly in one hand, her other curled up to her mouth, chewing on her nail. Her school uniform hangs too large still over her frame, her hair braided back. She looks young, even from behind.
She told herself she would keep her distance, but it's been ten minutes now, and if Alexis doesn't actually leave soon, she'll miss the final. Castle's practically vibrating next to her, her hand on his thigh the only thing keeping him from moving, from wrapping his baby up and calling the school to get her out of this.
Kate sighs softly and pats his thigh before getting up. She glances at him and sees such gratefulness shining back that she smiles. But now is not the time to comfort Big Castle.
"Alexis?" she asks softly, approaching the girl and touching her shoulder as she moves around to see her face.
Alexis looks at her, determination and defeat warring in her eyes. "I can't open the door," she mumbles. "What time is it?"
"Seven thirty," Kate says gently.
"I need to go," Alexis says, her free hand curled into a fist. "I need to leave."
"Do you want some help?"
Alexis huffs. "You wanna take my test for me?"
Kate chuckles. "No, but I could drive over with you."
"Really?" The kid's eyes go wide, full of hope, and Kate nods. She should have suggested this sooner.
"Give me two minutes to get changed, and I'll drive you over. Castle, keys?" she adds as she hurries back toward his room.
She throws on a pair of jeans and a light sweater, grabs her jacket and her bag. She jogs back into the foyer and smiles as Castle passes her the keys to his car and the copy of Flowers for Your Grave she was reading last night.
He kisses her briefly, then grabs Alexis and smacks a kiss to her head. Alexis groans but hugs him back. Kate takes her moment to sling Alexis' backpack over her own shoulder and open the door. Alexis stares at the hallway for a moment before walking out with her. Kate wraps her arm around the teen's shoulders and presses the button for the elevator.
"Okay?" she asks.
Alexis nods. "I, um. Thanks," she whispers.
Kate smiles and squeezes her shoulders. "No problem."
Alexis is calmer as they drive to the school. She gives Kate directions and fiddles with the bracelet she's wearing, eyes hidden beneath large sunglasses. Kate has her own pair. At least they match.
She pulls up to the school, watches as a few other straggling plaid-skirted students scurry up the large front steps. Alexis stays stock still, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.
"You got this, Alexis."
"I really don't," Alexis says, turning to look at her, her face tight. "I really, really don't."
Kate considers her. She gets it. She entirely gets it—the fear that creeps up the girl's back at the idea of heading into something so normal. Knows the feeling of wrong, impossible, unnatural that seeps up under her skin when faced with this place she used to command. She's trying to command herself, how can she command something else, let alone walk in with her head held high, when it's taking everything just to sit in the car and not cry?
Kate thinks how much easier that first walk into the precinct would have been with Castle there telling her jokes.
"Want me to come in with you?"
Alexis' eyes lighten before she blinks and looks away. "I—I should be able to do this on my own."
"Says who?" Alexis swings back and looks at her hopefully. "We'll tell them your dad is feeling over protective and insisted I accompany you. You can roll your eyes and pout about it."
"Okay, yeah," Alexis agrees, smiling. It's brittle, but Kate can see her confidence rebuilding.
Kate checks the street sign then motions for Alexis to get out of the car. She steps out herself and walks around, holding out Alexis' bag to her. Alexis takes it with a smile and together they start up the steps. Alexis is tense beside her, but she's got her jaw set.
Kate follows her into the school and through the front entrance. Alexis pulls out her ID as they approach the desk that separates them from the large, mahogany staircase and marble hall that leads down to the classrooms, she supposes.
"Alexis Castle," Alexis tells the matronly woman manning the front desk.
"And Detective Beckett," Kate adds. "Accompanying her."
The woman blinks at them, then takes Alexis in. "Oh, of course dear. You can head right to the auditorium. Here's a pass, Detective."
Kate takes the slip and sticks it to the lapel of her jacket, smiling at the round-faced woman as she follows Alexis down the hall. It would be more fun to just flash her badge each time she's asked about her intentions, but that would probably draw more attention to Alexis than the kid needs.
"This is some school," Kate says quietly as they wander down yet another mahogany-walled passage. Even the lockers look more expensive than hers were. Alexis glances at her and shrugs.
"Dad says a few of his were worse."
Kate laughs, the sound bouncing around the hall. "I can believe it. By the way, good for you for sticking with just the one."
Alexis snorts. "I can't imagine what I'd need to do to get kicked out."
"I'm sure your dad could give you suggestions. But you've made it this far, may as well graduate now."
Alexis nods and offers her a smile as they come up on a corner, the sound of students chattering quietly flowing around them. Alexis hesitates just before the turn and Kate reaches out, squeezes her elbow.
"We'll get ice cream after."
Alexis laughs fully at that and turns to look at her. "Thank you."
With that, she steps around the bend. Kate follows, watching with resignation as the students slowly stop talking, all of them staring at Alexis. The hall is filled with maybe twenty-five students. It's a small school. Everyone's heard about the famous novelist's daughter who was kidnapped and held captive for three weeks. If it didn't reach them through the rumor mill, the papers and television coverage would have done it.
Silence reigns for a moment before a girl pushes through the crowd, practically flinging herself onto Alexis, with a shrieked "Alexis!"
Kate reaches out, steadying Alexis as she stumbles back under the girl's weight.
"Hi Paige," she hears Alexis mumble.
Paige pulls back and looks at her, a war of relief and indignation on her face that Kate knows well. It's how Lanie looked at her the first time they saw each other after last summer.
"I was so worried about you," Paige says, scanning over Alexis' face. "You're thinner."
"Yeah," Alexis manages. She glances back at Kate and Paige's eyes follow.
"Oh, um. Hi," the girl says.
"Hi. I'm Detective Beckett," Kate greets.
"The detective your dad follows," Paige confirms with Alexis. "Hi, I'm Paige."
"Nice to meet you," Kate says with a smile as she notices the doors to the auditorium opening.
Paige turns at the sound and practically drags Alexis toward the door, whispering to her rapidly. Kate follows, trying to stay in Alexis' line of sight as the girl grows more and more tense.
Kate's almost glad when the woman she assumes teaches history walks out of the auditorium. Kate's not sure Alexis can take more interrogation just yet—not with half of the students still sneaking looks at her.
"All right. Your last final of high school," the woman announces. The students cheer quietly. "You're seated in alphabetical order. Go in and drop your bags along the wall. You'll need only a pen and a few number two pencils." She gestures toward the doors and everyone begins trekking inside.
Kate watches as Alexis glances around, finally finding her at the back of the throng. She hadn't been planning to, but Kate thinks perhaps she should try and sit in the auditorium. Paige keeps grabbing Alexis' attention, but Kate can tell the separation is making the teen uneasy.
So she'll sit and read for a few hours in the auditorium. There are worse ways to spend a Thursday morning. She begins to head through the doors only to find her path blocked. The teacher steps in front of her with a raised eyebrow.
"Excuse me," the woman says, ushering the last few kids through. Kate can't even see Alexis now. "Who are you?"
"I'm—" Kate begins.
"She's my stepmother," Alexis says, appearing behind the teacher. "And a Detective. My dad, um, demanded she come with me. The principal okayed it."
Kate stares at Alexis, trying to decide which is the bigger lie—that she's actually the kid's stepmother, or that Castle called the principal.
That Castle called the principal, clearly—why bother calling when you can just show up?
"Alexis," the teacher says, smiling at her. "Oh," she adds, glancing at Kate, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Of course, dear. Of course. You can have a seat in the back, Mrs. Castle."
Kate grimaces at the name as the woman turns away. Alexis smirks at Kate, then adopts a concerned, almost wounded look as she thanks her teacher. There is more Castle in this girl than Kate previously thought. Actually, maybe there's more Martha in her than she realized.
Kate takes a seat in the back row of the orchestra, watching as Alexis hurries down to join Paige at the front of the audience. She glances back at Kate and smiles. Kate nods at her and pulls out her book, feigning interest in it as she listens to the teacher explain the test.
Two hours, five essay prompts, and fifty multiple choice questions. Oh, and the short response section, can't forget that.
Kate shakes her head. It's no wonder Alexis was studying every moment of the day for this. It sounds awful. Alexis is generally so put together, helping Lanie at the morgue, taking care of her father in equal measure to his taking care of her, having a social life. Hell, she kept a boyfriend while she was in high school.
Kate's pretty sure high school wasn't this intense when she went through it. She couldn't have gotten into Stanford this year. Alexis got into all of her schools.
Kate smiles at the thought, oddly proud. She was happy when Castle told her initially. Now she's really proud of the kid. She feels—well, she supposes she wouldn't know, but maybe she has an inkling of what it must be like to be Castle—how it must feel to know he had a hand in raising the amazing teenager that is his daughter.
"Mrs. Castle?"
Kate startles and finds the teacher looming over her. "Oh, hello," she whispers.
"Can I speak with you in the hall?"
Kate glances toward Alexis, but the teen is bent over her test, her hand flying a mile a minute. She should be fine, if just for a moment.
Kate nods and follows the teacher out of her row, surprised when the woman detours around one of the side aisles, leading her to a side door with a window…where Alexis can see them. She likes this woman.
"So," the teacher says as she shuts the door. "I'm sorry, I'm Ms. Henley."
"Kate Beckett," Kate replies automatically, wincing as Ms. Henley raises an eyebrow. "Castle. It's new."
The woman nods. "I—well, I didn't know you and Richard were involved, but I remember your face. You were on the news, abducted with her."
Kate nods and glances automatically into the auditorium, needing the confirmation herself. "I was, yes."
"We were all," Ms. Henley begins, watching as Kate turns back to meet her eyes. "I'm very glad she's okay."
Kate smiles tightly. "Me too."
She notices the way the woman's eyes trail over her cheek. "I told Alexis she could skip this," Ms. Henley says. It's the first Kate's heard of it. "But she insisted on taking it."
Kate smiles and raises a shoulder. "Normalcy, you know?"
Ms. Henley nods slowly. "Of course. I just—I don't know how receptive she'd be, but if she needs any help with her speech, I'm available."
"Oh," Kate lets out. "That's very kind of you. I'll tell her."
"Thank you," the woman says, looking perhaps a bit more comfortable. "How is Richard? I—he's a sweet man. I imagine this must have been very difficult for him."
Kate nods. "It was. But he's doing well. We all are. It's—it's a struggle, but we'll get through it."
"I'm glad she has you. I heard—well, I read what you did, how badly injured you were."
"You did?" Kate lets out. She really should have asked Castle what had been in the news. She just let it wash over her, pretends now that no one knows. But of course there was coverage.
"I don't know that I could have done what you did," the woman admits. "They said Alexis—well, no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't."
Kate shakes her head. "It's fine. And you'll do more than you think you can when someone you care about is in danger."
Ms. Henley nods. "But she's doing well? Really?"
"She's getting there," Kate says, looking back and finding Alexis staring at her. She smiles at the teen, watches some tension drain from her thin shoulders. "She'll be fine."
"Well, I'm glad," the woman says. "I should probably—" she points into the auditorium.
"Of course. Nice to meet you," Kate says.
"You as well. And congratulations. You'll pass that along to Richard as well?"
"I will," Kate says with a smile.
She most certainly won't, but it's a nice sentiment. Somehow, she feels like telling him Alexis' history teacher offers her best on their imaginary wedding would just…fall flat.
Or he'd drop to one knee immediately.
(…)
Kate stands at the back entrance as the students exhaustedly file out of the auditorium, each one looking more drained and exulted than the last. They're all so excited, but too tired to show it.
Alexis walks out at the back of the group. Paige has her hand around the girl's arm like a vice, firing questions at her. Alexis' eyes light up as she spots Kate, pleading silently with her.
"How'd it go?" Kate asks when Paige takes a breath, halfway through—'and just what happened to you there? They said there was a basement?'
"It was long," Alexis says, smiling faintly as Paige nods. "I'm tired."
"Me too," Kate agrees. "In fact, I think I need a nap. Paige, would you mind if I stole Alexis? I'm still kind of unsteady on my feet, and I need to get back before I collapse."
Paige's eyes go wide and she nods, pushing Alexis toward Kate. "But call me," Paige instructs, giving Alexis a hard look.
"I will," Alexis promises. "I'm sorry."
"No no," Paige says quickly. "Just…call, okay? I've been worried."
"I know. I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay," Paige agrees. "Nice to meet you, Detective."
"You too," Kate says with a yawn.
Paige waves a bit then hurries down another hall. Alexis quickly wraps her arm around Kate's waist and walks them back toward the entrance, head down.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," Alexis mumbles as Kate slings her arm over the kid's shoulders. Some of her classmates have lingered, standing in the hallway to stare as they walk past. "Just…need some air."
Alexis relaxes as they hit the street, her face losing its careful mask of ease. She looks tired and pale and anxious. Kate had thought maybe they should go out to lunch, but one look at the teen proves that Alexis needs somewhere quiet—somewhere where no one will ask about the abduction.
"Hey," Kate says softly as they approach Castle's car. "I need some more clothes. Do you mind stopping back at my place on the way home?"
Alexis meets her eyes briefly and offers her a tight smile. "Sure."
Kate nods and gives her a squeeze before disengaging and jogging around to the driver's side as Alexis gets in. She considers the teenager as they buckle in, watches the way Alexis is practically collapsing into herself.
Kate tugs her phone out of her pocket and tosses it onto Alexis' lap. "Order food to meet us there. I've got a Grubhub account programmed in."
Alexis nods and begins looking through the options as Kate pulls out into traffic. It's a quiet drive. Kate opens her mouth a few times, but each glance at Alexis proves that it's best to sit with silence. She needs to decompress, and as much as Kate loves Castle, he'll want to cheer her up. Kate figures what the kid needs is just a few hours of true quiet, a change of scenery, and some good food.
She parks Castle's car in the space where she used to keep her bike. It's up at her father's cabin right now. She was supposed to go up with him for Memorial Day, grab it and ride it back. Maybe Alexis and Castle would enjoy—oh, no, they wouldn't.
There's no way she's taking Alexis Castle to a cabin in the middle of the woods. Not for a good long time. If ever.
"Come on," she says quietly, guiding Alexis out of the car and into the garage elevator. "What did you pick?" she asks, gesturing to her phone, still held limply in Alexis' hand.
"Chinese," Alexis replies, leaning against her. "I'm tired."
"Yeah," Kate agrees as the elevator doors open and they traipse down the hall to her apartment. "You can nap if you want."
"You don't mind?"
"Not at all," Kate assures her as she opens the door, letting Alexis step in ahead of her.
Alexis stands still in her entryway, staring around as Kate drops her keys on the side table by the door and wanders into the kitchen. She's surprised it doesn't smell. She spots a post-it on the counter—a smiley face and Lanie's name. Lanie must have taken out her trash, and tidied, Kate realizes as she does a sweep of the place with her eyes.
It didn't look this nice the last time she was here. Lanie straightened up her living room, cleaned her kitchen and maybe even dusted. Well, that or Castle had someone come to clean.
Kate shakes her head and walks over, gently taking her phone from Alexis to send Lanie a quick message. When she finishes, Alexis is still standing there, just looking.
There's a knock at the door and they both startle. Kate squeezes Alexis' arm and gets their food. When she comes back to the kitchen, Alexis has wandered into the living room, her hands hanging at her sides.
"Lunch," Kate calls out.
Alexis jerks and looks over at her. "Um," she starts.
Kate shakes her head. "Food helps." She brings the bag over and plops it onto her coffee table, deciding that what they need is to eat straight from the carton. She sits down on the floor and beckons for Alexis to join her.
She passes the teen her carton of shrimp fried rice and opens the egg rolls. Alexis sits slowly, her fingers fumbling with the carton. But finally, she manages, and Kate eats silently, waiting until the girl regains some color, her posture improving with the protein.
"I bottomed out," Alexis admits.
"You got overwhelmed," Kate corrects gently. "It happens."
"It was just school," Alexis argues around a full mouth.
Kate fights against a smile, the indignation on the teen's face so like her father's familiar expression. "School, with people staring at you and asking questions."
"Paige is always chatty," Alexis mumbles.
"How do you think you did on the test?" Kate deflects.
"Good." Alexis half smiles. "It was easy."
"That's great," Kate enthuses. "See? Same you."
Alexis rolls her eyes and bites into an egg roll. "Hardly."
"So you jump a little more, and being around people is exhausting. That'll pass. You made it through the test. You're—hey wait a sec," Kate says, jumping up to scurry into her kitchen.
She really should have gotten them ice cream or something. Castle would have.
Oh, crap, she needs to call Castle.
She pulls out her phone, waving Alexis away as the girl goes to rise. "Be right back," Kate promises, holding the phone up to her ear.
"Kate?"
"Hey, Castle," Kate says quickly, watching as Alexis' eyes go wide.
Yeah, they kind of blew it.
"Where are you guys? The test was finished over an hour ago."
"I'm sorry," Kate interjects. "We went back to my apartment. I need some more clothes, and Alexis was in a post-test coma, so I ordered food. I meant to text you."
"Jeez," he grunts on the other end. "I was halfway to—okay. Yeah. When do you think you'll be back?"
"I'm sorry," she repeats, feeling terrible.
It didn't even occur to her. So normal, to go back to her place—she forgot for just a moment that everything had changed.
"I way overreacted," he huffs.
"How bad?" she asks as she opens her fridge, smiling as she spots a bottle of sparkling cider, left over from Easter with her father.
"Um, I should call Javi back."
"Shit," Kate mumbles. "Rick, I'm—"
"It's fine," he says, his voice still tight. "I'll wait a little longer next time."
"I'll text you," she promises.
"Okay. Call when you're on your way back. Dinner?"
"Let's have brinner," she suggests, smiling when he laughs.
"You're a good girlfriend. Okay, I should—I should call Javi before he comes banging down the door."
He clicks off before she can process girlfriend, leaving her standing in her kitchen, a bottle of sparkling cider in one hand, her phone in the other as Alexis just stares at her.
"Oops?" Alexis offers.
"Yeah," Kate agrees, shuffling back into the living room as she works the top off the bottle. She slumps down next to Alexis and passes her the cider. "Happy end of high school."
Alexis laughs loudly and takes the bottle. "Getting me drunk?"
"Hey," Kate protests, giggling. Alexis takes a hefty swig. The girl frowns as she swallows. "No alcohol until you graduate."
Alexis smirks and passes the bottle back, watching as Kate takes her own sip. "If you were a good stepmom, you'd buy me booze."
"You can have a stepmom, or a disgraced cop, not both," Kate says sardonically, letting her head fall back to the couch.
"Dad okay?"
Kate nods and places the bottle between them, rolling her neck to look at Alexis. "We freaked him out."
"I didn't think," Alexis says softly.
"No, my fault. I didn't take you straight home."
"We're at your apartment," Alexis protests. "It's not like you took me to Paris."
That jogs something in her memory. That's actually happened to Alexis. Her mother picked her up from school and took her to Paris for lunch. And didn't tell Castle.
In comparison, this isn't that bad.
"I like your place," Alexis says as Kate searches for something to say.
"Thanks."
"It suits you," she continues.
"Your dad said the same," Kate agrees. "It's nice. I—sometimes I think I liked my old place more. I didn't get much time here before…"
"I get it," Alexis says, reaching out to take another egg roll. "Do you get lonely, living alone?"
Kate nods and takes a swig of the cider. "But, I never made much of an effort not to be lonely, to be fair. Living alone can be nice."
"Dad keeps offering to pay for a single dorm room," Alexis says with a shrug. "I don't know though. I thought I definitely wanted a roommate, but now," she stares down at her lap.
"It's still over three months away, you know," Kate says, reaching out to nudge the kid's knee, bringing her gaze back up. "You're going to get more comfortable."
"Having Paige touch me—I—I've know her since preschool. And it just felt—"
"Wrong?"
"Yeah," Alexis says, scooting closer to lean her head against Kate's shoulder. "We used to lie around in her bed together and watch cartoons. And now just having her hugging me…I don't know."
"Three weeks is a long time, Alexis," she admits. She's spent their recovery telling herself the opposite, trying to convince herself that things shouldn't be as foreign as they are, but she knows it's not true.
"It was a really long time, wasn't it?" Alexis asks, meeting her eyes. "We were down there alone for a long time."
"We were," Kate agrees. "And it's not—well, for me it's not about being upset by being touched it's just…foreign. It still feels a little foreign."
"Yes," Alexis says quickly, her face lighting up. "Exactly. And dad—it's different, but even sometimes with him, or Gram, I just don't…expect it."
Kate smiles and wraps her arm around Alexis' shoulder, that contact known and comforting. "It'll pass," she promises.
"Did—after your shooting, was it like this?" Alexis as softly, snuggling into Kate's side.
"It shouldn't have been," Kate admits. "I—it was strange, coming back from my dad's cabin. I was alone there for almost a month after my dad went back to work. I didn't have to be."
"Was—did Lanie…" Alexis trails off.
"Punch me?" Alexis laughs at that. "She wanted to. It took us a few weeks to be hugging again anyway," she tells the girl. "But yeah, I—it was weird, and uncomfortable, and I felt silly for being jumpy at someone's touch. But it went away, I promise you that."
"Good," Alexis says quietly. "How long?"
Kate sighs and rubs Alexis' arm. "A while. Take it slow. Get a coffee or something on a day when you're feeling good."
"I'm going to have to hug people and take pictures at graduation," Alexis says slowly. "By then?"
"I don't know, kid," Kate admits. "Everyone's different. If it's hard, your dad will be there."
"And you, right?" Alexis says immediately, pulling back to look at her. "You're coming, aren't you?"
Kate smiles. She didn't want to assume. "Of course. Save me a seat, I'll be there," she promises.
Alexis nods and yawns. Kate stands up, offering her hands to the teen. "Take a catnap while I pack, okay? Then we'll go."
Alexis shakes her head and starts gathering the Chinese. "Fridge or home?" she asks.
Kate stares at the food then glances around. She doesn't quite know when she'll be back. And while it's clean, and welcoming, and nice to see, she's not quite sure she's eager to come back either.
"Bring 'em with. I'm sure your dad will be hungry."
"Okay," Alexis says, smiling brightly.
Kate watches her for a moment before heading for her room. She sighs as she walks in, noting the fine coating of dust on her dresser, her bedspread. Someone made her bed, at least. That was kind.
She ducks into her closet and pulls out her carry-on, shoving pairs of pants and simple blouses in without much thought. She grabs a few pairs of lower heels. She should practice walking in them if she wants to get back to them at the precinct. Then again, the height difference puts Castle at the perfect level for…just about everything.
She shakes her head, laughing at herself, and grabs a few of the toiletries Lanie forgot—lotions and her favorite eyeliner in particular. She walks over to her armoire and considers the top drawer. She pulls it open and stares down at her admittedly luxurious array of lingerie.
She runs her fingertips over the white lace teddy she bought with Lanie a few months ago. She has one in lavender as well. All of her good underwear, her fancy bras, her favorites, are here. Should she bring them back? Will she wear them?
She bends closer and the scar along her side pulls, setting off a seeming chain reaction all across her back.
She sighs and stands up straight. There's no point. But she'll bring the lavender one, and a few of the nicer thongs. She may as well feel like there's something worth seeing on her body.
Even if she can't let Castle touch her.
She slams the drawer shut and tosses the lingerie into her bag before falling to sit on the edge of her bed, an arm wrapped across her abdomen. She wants—she wants herself back. She hears the creak of the floorboards out in the living room.
She wants normal back, for both of them.
The only way they'll get there is time. She's so sick of waiting.
She roughly zips the bag closed and hoists it off the bed, rolling it out into the living room. She looks around, but Alexis isn't there. She hears the floor shift again and walks into her office.
Alexis stands in front of her window, staring up at her murder board. Kate takes a deep breath. She hadn't even considered…
"You were nineteen?"
Kate steps up and stands at Alexis' shoulder. She looks down at the girl, watches the way her eyes track over the pictures, the note cards.
"Yeah," Kate manages.
"And, your dad? Did he," Alexis pauses and glances at Kate. "Did anyone take care of you?"
Kate shakes her head. "He did, in the beginning. By the time it wasn't numb anymore, he was…gone. But I managed."
Alexis turns and throws her arms around Kate's torso, her face pressing into her collarbone. Kate wraps her arms around the teen, stroking her hand down her braid. She turns her cheek and looks at the picture of her mother, bloodied and lifeless in the alley.
"I'm sorry," Alexis whispers.
Kate turns away from the picture and kisses the crown of Alexis' head. "Thank you."