AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally! Summer vacation! Let's celebrate with a cheesy interlude between Kyle and Jason!
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INTERLUDE - Kyle
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Kyle sighed as he pulled on his thin, wire-framed glasses, having taken his contacts out for the night. Everything around the house was so damn awkward ever since he and his father had exploded at each other, but he really felt like it wasn't all his fault. Things had even been uncomfortable for Jason, who apparently felt like he was caught in the middle of the fight.
His boyfriend was sitting at his computer, clicking about online, looking at sites full of all kinds of legal jargon that neither of them really understood.
He walked up behind Jason and put a hand on his shoulder. "You're going to give yourself a headache," he murmured, "Why don't you come lay down?"
Jason frowned and drummed his fingers against the desk for a minute before nodding. "Yeah… alright." He pushed the chair back and tossed himself onto Kyle's bed, bouncing for a minute.
Kyle laughed and sat down next to him, thinking Jason was so cute when he did little things like that that made him seem like a kid. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.
The honey-haired male's mind drifted to the sites still minimized on his computer screen. He was so afraid what not getting custody of Melissa would do to Jason. There was no doubt that his boyfriend cared more about his sister than anyone, and if she did end up hurt, Kyle was afraid Jason would end up in jail for killing their father or something.
He glanced at Jason's handsome face and saw that he was frowning with his own thoughts. He wondered if they were thinking the same thing, but Jason disproved it when he started to speak.
"I just wish you and your parents weren't fighting," he commented with a heavy sigh. "I can't help feeling like if I wasn't here things would be alright. Plus, it's so awkward because no body's really talking to each other." He leaned up on his elbows and looked at Kyle. "I mean, is all of this really because you mentioned changing colleges?"
Kyle shrugged. "I guess so. I know my dad loves me, but sometimes I feel like he's giving me choices then punishing me if I don't pick the choice he wanted me to make. Does that sound crazy?" He shook his head and hunched over so he and Jason would be closer to talk. "He just… doesn't understand that I'm not him."
"What do you mean?"
"I think he expects me to think like he does. To place importance on all of the same things he values."
"You don't?" Jason asked, sounding surprised. "But I thought people learned values and all that from their parents."
Kyle smiled. "Well, true. But… well, like in this situation education comes first and… you know 'us' comes second. Well, that's easy for him to say because he's not a part of this relationship. I get that college is important, but it's not like I'm going to stop going to school. I also don't think either of them understands that this isn't really about you."
Jason blinked and sat up fully, forcing Kyle to pull back or they would have whacked their heads together. "Alright, you're going to have to explain that one to me. I thought you were considering this mess so that you could help me if I get Missy. Am I wrong?"
"No…. But let's say I was dating someone else. If they were in this same situation, then I would be having the exact same thoughts. Probably not with so much certainty that I'm doing the right thing, but still." He weighed his words, wondering how to word this without getting into the same argument they had when Kyle had wanted to follow Jason to whatever school he was going to end up at a year ago. "I think we all want certain things and every decision like this really comes down to picking which choice we think will help us reach those goals easier."
"I guess I can see that. But I mean, you're talking about big things, right? It's not like 'oh, should I wear the blue shirt or the white one'."
He laughed and folded his hands in his lap. "Nothing that insignificant. But like whether or not to go to college, where, for what degree, whether or not to get a masters, whatever. It's all about what will help us get what we really want."
"So what is it that you 'really want'?" Jason asked. Kyle would have felt that his boyfriend was mocking him if the look in his eyes wasn't flat and serious. He meant what he had asked but was Kyle ready to tell him? Talking about goals and dreams and things like that… he and Jason talked about a lot of things, but they had never really been that open. Even he and Nelson had only talked about it a few times, in the dark in the moments before one or the other drifted off.
"I… I want the same things most people want," Kyle admitted. "The 'American dream'. I'm not out to change the world; I want a regular nine-to-five like everyone else. A house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a partner to live there with. I want them to legalize gay marriage so that someday… maybe…." He trailed off, not sure if they were anywhere near ready to have that conversation. "I mean, I want a family. To adopt kids and watch them grow up." He blushed and lowered his gaze to his hands. "I guess it sounds pretty cliché, but… I'm not exactly a complicated person."
"I guess I can see where that would be nice," Jason agreed, but he sounded like his mind was far away. "So you'd rather transfer home because…."
"Because I could really see the two of us as Melissa's new parents. You practically raised her anyway, so you're kind of like her father already. And we would be a little bit like a family if I was with you helping you look after her. Right?"
"I never thought about it that way. If I went and actually adopted Missy, she really would be my daughter."
"Do you feel like you're ready to have a seven-year-old daughter?" Kyle asked him carefully, not wanting to start a fight.
"Hell no!" Jason snapped, surprising him. "I'm not ready to have an any age kid; fuck, Kyle, I'm nineteen! But this is one of those situations where… I mean, whether I'm 'ready' or not, I have to do it. To be honest, I doubt I'll be ready for kids ever."
Kyle felt his heart sink to his knees. "You don't… want kids?" he asked, hoping that his voice didn't shake and give away how much the thought that they disagreed on something so critical hurt him.
"I guess it never really occurred to me to want them or not. I mean, we're kind of taught that having children is one of those things that you just do. It's like breathing or something – no consideration necessary. Like, okay, I know I'm not exactly a hard-core traditional Catholic. I'm all for gay rights – not sure I would call it 'marriage' but whatever – and condoms aren't an instrument of the devil. But I never thought about not having kids."
That answer didn't please Kyle at all, mostly because it wasn't an answer. "So… I mean… if we do stay together children wouldn't be out of the question?"
"I think I might like kids," Jason answered thoughtfully. "I mean, I doubt they'd be much fun when they're still young, but – you know – when they got older." He laughed softly. "They'd hate me if they wanted to play basketball because I'd be that parent having them up at four to practice. You could be the one who nags about their A-minuses."
"I'm not that bad," Kyle chided, listening to every shift and change in Jason's tone. "Can I ask… before, like… I don't know, back when you were with Debra… what did you want out of life?"
"Well… I'm with you, nothing complicated. I was never interested in going pro with basketball or anything, but I'd like to coach. I'm not the type that's 'oh, this area's up and coming', but I'd like a nice two-story in a fairly crime-free neighborhood. I don't… much see myself as the marrying type, but I've always been like that," he added quickly as Kyle's heart sank to his ankles. "I guess I'm a little bit afraid that I'll end up like my father. I would rather die than be him, but I'm not sure if I know how else a 'family' is supposed to work."
Kyle reached for Jason's forearm, paused, then rested his fingers on the warm skin. "Couldn't we… well, you and whoever you do end up with, try to figure it out for yourselves? I think everybody just tries to fix the mistakes that they saw their parents make and keep the good things. Admittedly, some people have a shakier base than others, but I know you, Jason. There's too much good in you for you to turn out like him."
Jason snorted. "That's probably one of the froofiest things you've ever said, you know that? And it was extremely vague."
"You've already proved that you love your family more than he did. And even when the two of us are ready to rip each other's organs out, you don't yell at me or throw things or try to hurt me. And even though I hate the fact that you drink, at least you don't get plastered. You're a hell of a lot more mature than your father."
"Well, I couldn't be less. Kyle, I've got to ask, do you really think you want to help me raise a kid? The two of us will fight all the time about how this or that should be done. And the midnight nightmares, the three a.m. stomach bugs, and all of those things that you've never really had to deal with. Plus, if we're living together you're going to be ready to kill me after the fifth times the laundry ends up near the basket. It will take an act of God to make me do dishes, and I don't cook."
"I'm not expecting perfect, Jason. Why does everyone treat me like some silly little kid? Okay, I'm an optimist. And a romantic. But trust me, first thing we'll do is get a comfortable couch so I don't have to hear you whining about your back hurting in the morning."
"Not funny!"
"Is so funny. But in all seriousness, I know what you're like. This summer and next will be a good opportunity to see if we can live peacefully in the same house. If by some mistake of society Missy does end up with your father, then I'll stay at Princeton but we'll know if things could possibly work… after school."
"You've always done this," Jason complained suddenly and Kyle jerked back, surprised. He pushed his glasses up his nose by the bridge and he could feel his bottom lip starting to tremble.
"Done what?" he demanded.
"I've told you, I don't do well thinking about the future. I like the thought of taking things day to day, just dealing with things as they come."
"Jason, if all you ever do is react, then you might be able to keep bad things out of your life but you won't be getting many good things unless you look for them. Do you expect to just wake up one morning and have everything figured out?"
"I would like to not have to have everything decided right now."
Kyle sighed and leaned against Jason's shoulder. "Meet me in the middle? Do we have anything decided?"
"Yeah. I want to raise Missy. I want to be with you. I want to finish school eventually. I know they're pretty vague goals."
He shook his head. "They're fine. You don't have to know today where or when or how things will happen. I mean, who can say what will happen in the future. But going into it without a battle plan is just reckless."
"God forbid I do something reckless. Coming out spur-of-the-moment to my drunk father, kissing my boyfriend breathless in front of an entire gym full of people, noooooooooo not a bit of that was reckless."
Kyle couldn't stop himself from laughing. Jason had a point. Maybe gung-ho and bustling along worked best for Jason; he just wish that it didn't make him so nervous!