Silence (Is The Loudest Noise)
He had sometimes imagined the end.
He had imagined Dean realizing that he was into girls after all and leaving him heartbroken. He had imagined one of them dying a bloody and painful death and the other one endlessly grieving because they genuinely loved each other.
But he had never imagined it ending like this.
There was no big fight, no accusations screamed with voices shaky from crying, no slammed doors or whispered I hate yous. There was just silence. Silence that had once been love.
When he came home from work, Dean used to ask him how his day was, smiling his amazingly beautiful smile when he told him about his annoying colleagues and his stupid boss.
Now, he just nodded silently.
When they watched TV in the evening, he used to rest his head on Dean's shoulder, sometimes playing with his soft, messy hair, being so caught by his face he missed half the movie.
Now, they sat on different sides of the couch, hands just centimetres from each other's, but none of them reaching out to touch.
Like most important events – like falling in love with him, for instance – it didn't happen all of the sudden. There was no first time the silence filled their apartment, no exact moment to pinpoint.
He remembered resting his head on his chest one moment, and then, the next moment, sleeping with their backs turned to each other, but he didn't remember turning away.
He remembered annoying the hell out of him with his endless talking one moment, and then, the next moment, sitting next to him silently, but he didn't remember having nothing to say anymore.
He remembered laughing about his stupid jokes on moment, and then, the next moment, not even smiling at his sarcasm, but he didn't remember when he stopped finding him funny.
Silence came creeping in, slowly, quietly, and when they finally noticed, it was too late.
Silence was already filling up the room, silence was already filling up their hearts, and there was nothing left to say. Everything said, everything done.
"I don't want to leave.", he whispered, his voice shaky. "Tell me you want me to stay."
But Dean didn't say anything. There was only silence, silence so loud it made his heart burst with pain.
He knew it then. He knew it was too late. He knew it was ending.
And he let go.