Another episode of "fun with flashbacks": This time, Mr. Wheeler's POV

A gentle summer breeze blew through the treetops as soft sounds of crickets and frogs announced the coming of darkness. Matthew Wheeler took advantage of the peaceful mood and drew in a few large breaths. He was on his way out to his stables to check on the groom, Bill Regan, and he was trying to psych himself up for what he knew would be an encounter with a very emotional young man. Bill's nephew Dan Mangan was battling cancer; today's treatments had been especially rough on both of them. Matthew wanted to be there for his friend who, truth be told, was more like a son to him than an employee.

As he neared the entrance to the barn, Matthew was surprised to hear the faint sound of a female's voice. He wondered if he should just come back later, but something in Bill's tone as he responded to the unseen woman made the older man want to listen. He stepped closer to the open doors at the front of the stable and tried to make out the conversation.

"…and I'm sure that was not his intention when he asked me to take her out to dinner. They're just kids. You have no idea how hard he's been working to keep everyone from being scared or worried about him…maybe…maybe he's trying to convince himself that everything will be okay…I don't know. But, you…you just can't jump to conclusions without even asking me…"

"I am asking you, Bill." The woman's voice was clearer now. Matthew recognized it as that of Joan Stinson, Bill's girlfriend. He slipped quietly around the edge of one of the great doors to stand in the shadows beside the first stall. In the dim light of the barn, he could make out the couple's figures standing just outside of Bill's office.

"And I'm telling you!" Bill was shouting now. "She's Dan's girlfriend, and she needed someone to talk to! It wasn't what it looked like!"

"Fine." Joan said, throwing up her hands and moving closer to Bill. "I'm just trying to understand…"

"Joan, she's hundreds of miles from home, they discussed some very grown up issues today that-really, it's unfair they should even have to worry about that stuff right now - and then she had a pretty big fight with her cousin. All the others had already eaten and Dan couldn't leave while he was hooked up to that machine. What else could I do? She was freaking out, so he asked me to get her out of there. Do you think I should have told him no? I would rather die than deny him anything right now!"

"Okay, I…I get it. Bill, I'm not mad. I just didn't know what I saw, alright? I trust you, and you know that…it's just…well…the conversation between the two of you looked to be pretty…intense." Joan was trying to console the hot-headed Regan, but she didn't seem to be making much progress.

"Danny could be dying, Joan, I'd say that's pretty intense!"

"I'm sorry. Let's forget the whole thing. I wish I'd never brought it up." She reached up and rubbed Bill's broad shoulders and tried to seek his eyes with hers. But Bill stubbornly turned his head away and stared at the floor while he tried to regain his composure.

"I didn't realize his illness was already so serious." Her voice was soft as she continued to hold the young man by the shoulders. "Bill, please let me help you get through this. We could take a weekend and get away for a little while. I know a charming bed and breakfast just outside of…"

Bill pulled away from her and stood apart for a moment with a look of disbelief on his face.

"I can't leave him, now! Are you kidding? He's going through chemotherapy. He needs me."

"He needs the doctors who know how to take care of him, and you can't be any use to him if you're falling apart, too." Joan persisted in reaching out and gently making contact with his shoulder again. "You said so yourself that he doesn't want you to see him like this. It's painful and humiliating; I know, my father also went through all of this with my grandmother, last year. Trust me. It would be good for the both of you if you would take some time for yourself."

Matthew decided he should probably interrupt the conversation before Bill had a chance to get angry with her again. He could certainly understand Joan's arguments, but after everything that had happened today, he knew Bill was in no mood to be reasoned with.

"Well, hello there, Miss Stinson," he called out as he pretended to be just joining them in the barn. "I didn't know you were here."

"She wasn't staying," Bill said quietly, giving Joan a hint, "She was just about to leave."

"Yes…yes I only came by for a moment." Matthew felt sorry for the dejected Joan as she stammered a bit and seemed unsure of what to say or do in her hasty exit. She briefly pecked her boyfriend's cheek with a kiss and waved a nervous goodbye to the two men before striding quickly out of the stable with an increasing blush across her face.

"I didn't mean to make her leave…" Matthew began.

"No, it's alright. She had somewhere else she needed to be." Regan lied.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Matthew hoped Bill would feel comfortable enough to get some things off his chest.

Regan immediately stepped into his office and began holding up papers, pointing at the desk calendar, and rapidly focusing his attention on all things business. "Well, Mr. Wheeler, I took care of setting those appointments for Jupiter and Lady to get their physicals, and that should get everyone updated. The weekly order for feed got processed late last week, so the mill sent us some extra buckets of oats this week, and – oh – did you think we should bring Spartan back here, since he isn't getting much exercise out there at Maypenny's with Dan not able to ride him?"

"Bill," Mathew said with a gentle sigh, "First of all, you can call me Matt, you know. Come on. After all we've been through in the last few years I think we're practically family now. And, second of all, I didn't come out here to talk about the horses. Honey said things were awful at the hospital today." He paused to give his friend time to consider letting his guard down. "Are you okay?"

Bill looked as if he were about to deny reality and gloss over his feelings, but after his conflict with Joan, the fight had gone out of him. He sat down at his desk with a defeated look and hung his head.

"No… Matt…I'm not. I knew this would be hard, but I had no idea…maybe Joan is right. Maybe I am falling apart." He was fighting back tears and gripping the edges of his chair.

Matthew thought it best to shoot straight and be completely honest with the young man.

"I'm sorry. I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but you know I'm willing to do whatever I can to help you and Dan." He sat down on the couch across from Regan to give him some space to cry without shame.

"You've done so much already. I can never repay you as it is." Regan whispered.

Again with the money thing, Matthew thought to himself. Why can't he just let me do this for him? Don't be so proud, Bill. Dan's in trouble, and I can at least help with the bills.

"To have Danny get well and see you smile again will be all the payment I ever need." He meant it. The twenty five year old groom and his eighteen year old nephew were very special to Matthew. He included them in his family Christmases and vacations. They were like sons to him. He had to make him see that this was about family, not charity.

"If being financially successful means that you can't help the people you love, then what's the point?" Matthew asked quietly.

That did it. Bill Regan broke. His sobs shook his large frame as he buried his face in folded arms over the desk in front of him.

"I…I'm …so…grateful…to…you. I…know…you…care…about us…thank you…I…thank you." The red-headed groom tried to get control of himself, but he just couldn't stop his emotions. "With… my sister gone …Dan's all the blood family I have left in the world. Oh God…how did he…how did he do this…when his mother was so sick? I wasn't there…for him. He didn't …didn't have someone like you to…to help him then. This whole thing…it makes…me feel … so helpless. I can't…stop it…I can't fix the problem. I'm responsible for him…but I don't know how to help him. It's…so humbling… " He gave in and sat weeping over the desk in abandon. He had been carrying too much for too long, and he couldn't keep it in any longer. The burden was greater than such a young man ought to bear alone.

Matthew chose to remain quiet and let Bill get it all out. He made no move to touch him; neither of the two men were big on "touchy feely" behavior. He just folded his hands, fought back the urge to weep himself, and made sure Bill had all the time he needed in order to say whatever he wanted to say. After some time, when the catharsis was over, Bill raised his watery, green eyes and choked out his thanks once again.

"Anytime, son. I mean it. You aren't alone in this. And neither is Dan." Matthew waited to see if Bill wanted to discuss his argument with Joan. When nothing was said for a long time, he decided to test the waters.

"So, Joan said you were falling apart, huh? What else did she say?" Matthew Wheeler was a very direct person; he just didn't know any other way to be. But he was afraid he had pushed too hard when Bill didn't respond right off. When Regan finally did speak, Matthew was surprised at the younger man's maturity and insight regarding the matter.

"I think she's feeling insecure in our relationship right now. I know it's gotta be hard for her with me being so distracted and all...maybe I should be more sensitive to her needs."

"Is she being sensitive to yours?" Matthew's question surprised Regan.

"Of course…at least…she's trying to. She wanted to take me away for a weekend and get my mind off things. Yeah, she's considering how I feel right now…"

"Considering how you feel and giving you what you need are two different things." Matthew interrupted gently.

"I…I don't even know what I need." Bill sighed and looked down at his freckled hands.

Matthew stood up and moved toward the door. He thought he should let the young man have some time alone to think, but not before he could leave him with some well-earned advice.

"Son, I learned a lot of things about relationships the hard way when Maddie and I were pushing our little girl off into the care of strangers all over the world. We had some trouble in our home, and I'm not proud to admit that I was mostly to blame. But now I know, it's really hard to stand up to the storms in your life if the person who is supposed to be the other half of yourself is always trying to help you run away from them."

He paused to let his words sink in.

"I enabled Maddie's depression, allowed her to keep Honey away from us both, and like a coward, I would retreat into my work as if everything was okay." Matthew could tell by the look on Bill's face that he was astonished at this confession.

"But it wasn't okay. I knew what we needed, and it wasn't until I stood firmly with my wife and daughter by my side that we were able to win the battle and become a family again. We never would have been able to give Jim the home he needed if I hadn't made the choice to face everything head on." Bill nodded his head to indicate he understood what Mr. Wheeler was trying to tell him.

"Now, don't get me wrong. I like Joan. She's a fine young lady, and I know you two go way back. I'm sure she'd be an excellent wife and mother someday. You just have to make sure that the woman you choose to make a lifelong commitment with is not just someone who will fight for you, but beside you, as well."

"You're…you're right, Mr. Whee…I mean…Matt. You've given me a lot to think about." Regan gave his employer an appreciative smile. The two men had been really seeing each other for the first time tonight. Matthew could tell Bill was feeling better. His work here was done…for now.

"Don't think too hard tonight, son. You just get yourself some rest and I'll make some time to be there with you and Dan tomorrow at the hospital, okay?"

"Yes sir. Thank you…for everything."

"You're most welcome, Bill. We're going to get through this. You'll see."

Well, hope you have some new questions, because I've got all the answers coming up – want to know about those "grown up" things Dan and Hallie had to discuss? What about the fight between Hallie and Trixie? Hee hee hee…stay tuned.