When I awoke again, the sun spoke of noon and shone into my eyes. I found myself alone on the hospital bed. I twisted myself off, and stretched like a cat in the warm sunbeams, a pleasant break from the soon-to-be-winter chill. The muscles were sore from strange sleeping positions, but a bit of movement made them right. I tied my robe on tighter, and decided against wandering through the school in sleeping clothes, leaving floo powder the only option. Besides, the clock on the wall said I only had an hour until my classes started. It never occurred to me to find out what had become of Severus, I assumed he had been moved to his own bedchamber.
"All right, class, pull out last week's star charts and a white pencil.
They were restless today, unfocused and chatty. Something had roused my seventh year Ravenclaw/Slytherins, and I had no intention of letting whatever it was ruin my lesson. I blackened the single window on my fourth story classroom, which was just off of the base of my tower, and the charmed the star projector to where the lesson began. It was not long later when I began to lose my patience.
"Malfoy, I don't know what's put you in such a good mood, but I suggest you stop using your telescope in such an inappropriate manner before I snap it over your head." I snapped. The little ferret removed the instrument from it's position, and left Ms Parkinson alone. She giggled ridiculously, and I rolled my eyes. The last minutes ticked away, and papers shuffled as the class carefully packed up.
"Two feet on Pluto's influence on it's astral surroundings, due Monday.
Several Ravenclaws were unsettled, and one actually cried out. The Slytherins chuckled amongst themselves.
"But Professor, Professor Snape has already assigned us Ravenclaws three and a half feet on healing potions! We won't have time to do your essay!" I stopped and started down at the boy blankly. Once shaken from my shock, I questioned him, trying not to sound too curious or emotional.
"Professor Snape taught class this morning?" The student furrowed his bushy blonde brows.
"Yes of course, Professor, why wouldn't he?" I thought quickly.
"Wait, you said only the Ravenclaws have a three and a half foot essay? What about the other houses?" His eyes darkened and I was satisfied that I has successfully distracted him.
"He said that since the Slytherins were doing so well in his class that they only needed to write one foot on healing potions." Bitter rumblings followed his statement from one side of the classroom, snickers form the other.
"Ladies and gentlemen of Ravenclaw, I'm certain that with your acknowledged superior intellect, this essay will be no problem." I winked at my former house, and watched them straighten with pride. The Slytherins looked somewhat less smug. Good, I wish I could kick them all in the nuts. Or maybe just Malfoy. They filed out with the magical bell. I, on the other hand, took out my wand, stroking the polished wood fondly with my thumb before launching a few spells to tidy the classroom, remove the cover for the window, and pack up the projector.
After that, I hit the stairs to the dungeon. If that man was out of bed and teaching classes less than twelve hours after being seconds away from being declared dead, than he was going directly against Poppy's orders, and common sense.
I found him in nothing but his sleeping shorts, standing barefoot in his empty workroom with a slickly wet knife in his right hand. Blood seeped over his elbow, dripping down to the floor. He shook violently as the blade passed over his skin again and again, catching the drifting, dusty dungeon sunlight. I bit back nauseous fear and horrified shock, and walked steadily towards him.
"He'll know I'm alive the moment he touches the Dark Mark of another Death Eater. He'll know I'm alive, Sophie, he'll know. And he'll know where I am. He'll know, Sophie, he'll know." He spoke madly, without turning, the blade still moving. I placed my hand on his knife hand, and tried to firmly guide it away from the wound. He fought me, and he was stronger by far.
"Stop this, Severus. It won't work, even Albus said there's no removing the Dark Mark. We'll live with the consequences. Just please stop hurting yourself.
There was no evidence he was listening. He mumbled "he'll know" a few more times. I moved so that I was fully facing him, my steps unsteady in the growing puddle on the floor. Slowly, I reached my other hand out and rested it just above the ruined flesh, my skin just barely touching the oozing mess. In his distracted state he made another gash, this time across the white skin of the top of my hand. It broke open immediately, welling up with thick red blood. I choked off a cry of pain, smothering it into silence, and did not budge, waiting for the next cut.
But this seemed to reach him. He halted the blade above my hand, watching with a growing look of surprised shame and horror replacing the mad fear.
"Oh Sophie." He whispered. My other hand gripping his now-stilled knife wrist, I pried the blade out of his fingers and it fell to the floor with a metallic clatter. I felt the blood under my other hand, his life source welling up between my fingers, mingled with the stream from my hand.
He fell to his knees, ashen. The sudden movement shook sense back into me after the shocking last few moments, really only a minute of time that had stretched to maximum fullness. I pulled out my wand and healed his arm. The skin was left red but whole, with the exact same Dark Mark as there had been to begin with. Severus only gasped slightly when it happened.
"I woke up screaming just now," he admitted, his face fallen into his hands. "Poppy forced me to bed when after she found me teaching. The nightmares, they're so much worse than they've ever been. I was ready to try anything to remove it, anything. In the dreams, I could feel evil pouring out of it, creeping into me.
Scourgify! I cleaned the blood on the floor, and then knelt beside him slowly, with a care for my hand which bled merrily all over my teaching robes. "Severus, open your eyes. You aren't dreaming anymore, this is all real." He lifted his head, eyes dark and stormy. My hand throbbed, and I fumbled a handkerchief out of my robe sleeve, and clumsily bound the still-bleeding wound up.
"There's no on chasing you right now, no evil filling you. You are apart from Voldemort for good now. You are no longer divided between sides, but are now one. You are a warrior, out in the free air, Severus Snape, no longer a shadow that slips in unseen and at all times dreads discovery.
I put my whole hand to his cheek, a rough stubble was beginning, and I smoothed back the tangled hair, tucked it behind his ear. I finally just hugged him, though my knees already hurt on the stone floor. His skin felt like ice, and when he shivered I realized again that he wore nothing but his sleeping shorts. I gently pulled him head from where it rested on my shoulder, and saw his lips were tinged blue.
"Severus, you must be freezing. Is there a fire lit in your rooms?" He shook his head no. For the house elves to have let a fire go out in a sleeping chamber in late November, he must have banished them. "Any of your rooms?" He shook his head again. I stood, and he followed heavily. Guiding him to an empty hearth, I found a small box of floo power. He began to slump against the stone, and I threw a handful of the sparkling green stuff in.
"Astronomy Tower!" I shouted, after we had struggled into the flames. A few spins and a flood of warmth washed over me as we reached my chambers. He staggered slightly and sat down on the hearth rug, staying as near to the fire as he could. I hurried over to the chest by my bed and pulled out and extra blanket, the one I sometimes took up onto the tower to stargaze under when I did not feel like using the formality of a telescope. I draped it over his bare back and shoulders, but not before noticing the shiny burn scars of a week ago still an angry red.
We sat silent on the rug, our backs resting against the side of the couch. I conjured tea, and we each held a cup. I absently noticed the pattern on the china I had made was the same as the cup Severus had used for the tea that knocked me out so Albus could send me to that island.
"How do you still have a couch after Filch's raids?" He rasped, breaking the stillness.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Just showed up one day, right back in it's old spot. Probably Albus trying to say thanks for helping." It fell quiet again. "Severus, what happened down there? From the beginning." I asked gently, putting my hand on his bare arm, under the blanket, below where I had found him just minutes ago trying to injure in some strange fit of madness. He took a slow sip.
"Have any biscuits?" He asked. I waved my wand again, and a generous plate of chocolate biscuits appeared. He ate one, dipping it in his tea so that the chocolate left a film you could see in the light. I barely noticed when I fell into my childhood habit of licking the chocolate off first, and breaking the rest of the biscuit into small pieces that I popped into my mouth. After that kind of healing we did last night, he should be ravenous.
"I woke up this morning, and you were again, using me as a pillow. Loathe as I was to move under such circumstances, nature forced me to get up, so I shifted you to the bed, and then went back to my chambers to shower and change. Poppy came by, inspected me far too closely, and I convinced her that I wouldn't leave my rooms, and that I would rest.
He ate another biscuit, this time a small piece of chocolate fell off of the biscuit, and melted slowly down the side of the cup. He was physically warming up, and his lips and face were returning to his normal colour.
"I, of course, consider my classroom as part of my rooms. The children showed up as usual, so when they came in I assigned them an essay, and rested while they wrote. This apparently wasn't good enough for Poppy, who burst in after the students left, and charmed me physically back into bed, even going so far as too remove my robes." He scowled at the fire.
"We're going to have words about that essay later, you realize, Severus." I matched scowl for scowl, but this one I aimed at him, until I gentled it with a smile. "And Poppy's right, when he healed you we took a great deal of strength out of your body, so you need to make that up. Go on, you haven't explained much yet." I squeezed his arm. Fine black hairs I hadn't really noticed before covered them, except for the smooth pale skin of the underneath.
"Like I said- in there. I had nightmares, and I knew I wasn't completely asleep, but I felt like I was under imperio for all the control I had over myself. I could barely feel the knife going through my skin, and I couldn't wake up. I was just so terrified that the Dark Lord would know, that he would know I was alive and that I would never be safe again. I didn't snap out of it until- oh Merlin- Sophie, let me see your hand." His eyes searched for mine, and I met them.
"I'm fine, and I don't blame you. Go ahead and take a peak." With this permission, I felt him move gently into my mind, and I concentrated on the memory of him cutting my hand.
"Wait, you haven't healed it yet?" He asked, concerned. He picked up my hand, with the handkerchief inelegantly covered in dried and fresh blood, and gently tried to pry open my clenched fingers. As they loosened, he peeled the ruined cloth off and inspected the wound. "I haven't got my wand. What is yours made of, maybe I can use it?
"Inflexible aged oak, thirteen and a half inches, with a core of unicorn hair. Will that do?" He inspected the wand carefully.
Scourgify!" His charm worked, and the blood on my robes disappeared, leaving the refreshingly sharp scent of rosemary. "Should do." He smiled a little, and aimed carefully at my hand. My wand was a little longer than most, and sometimes could be awkward in tight spaces. Ollivander had called it a battlefield wand, not a classroom wand. My thoughts blotted out his words, and it wasn't until a warmth replaced the aching pain that I realized he was done.
"Thank y-" I began, impressed by his neat work, leaving no marks and no evidence that there had ever been anything less than perfect skin. However, he stopped me with his fingers on my mouth.
"Don't you dare thank me. I caused that." He took his hand back from my face. "I should go back to bed, and this time I'll take a Draught of the Living Death to keep me there. And you have more classes this afternoon. Can I visit you later?
I shook my head, and for a flash he looked disappointed before it was replaced by a calm mask.
"You're not leaving your rooms for at least another day. I'll come visit you. Stay put." I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. "And I thought we already decided you're to stop hiding emotions from me." He smiled, a good look for him. It lit up his black eyes, giving them depth, and softened the harsh lines of his face.
"I promise I will take my potion and go to straight to bed." He stood and helped me up. The blanket fell off of his shoulders, and it struck me just how bare he was in only his shorts. I felt myself blushing, thinking again of where I had woken up this morning, face down on that chest. Forcing myself to look entirely at his face, and said my goodbye, and watched him floo back to his chambers.
Once he was gone, I pressed my hands to my flaming cheeks. Damn that man, he was far too. . . I didn't know. . . just too something . . . I thought again of just last night when he said he loved me, and shivered with delight. Severus Snape, I doubt you know what you're getting into.
I did in fact visit him as soon as my classes were over.
Albus had handed me a slip of folded parchment during dinner, the first I had attended in awhile. Cryptically, all it said was pain in the ass". I looked at him confused, and he gestured to the empty seat where a certain professor usually sat, fiercely frowning at the students who were trying to eat.
When I arrived at his chambers, I stood out side the entrance and said the words pain in the ass with a bit of doubt, and feeling a little silly. Nothing happened. Then a tiny groan caught my ear, and the hanging moved slightly. I tried my luck, and pressed the tapestry aside. There was a door, and it was open, and opened further beneath my touch.
I slipped in, and found the sitting room silent and dark. No fire was in the stone walled fire place.
"Lumos! I whispered. A pretty white glow poured out from my wand, and I used it to find Severus' sleeping chamber. Found a cupboard full of winter cloaks first, and then accidentally bumped my hip forcefully on a bookshelf in such a way that I was certain of a bruise later. Once I tried the door to his room, I thought that he may have warded it against intruders, but as I hadn't turned into any sort of creature, and my mind was still in tact, that he must have been too tired, or either just wasn't in the habit of warding his bedroom.
The sleeping chamber actually had a fire, but it gave off little light. I didn't need to worry too much about my soft footsteps on the hardwood, since Severus was making enough distressed noises from behind his bed curtains. I found an empty bottle on his bed stand, and held my wand up to it. Sleeping Aid: 4-6 hours. Do not ingest caffeine or pepper-up potion within time between taking potion and sleeping.
I put the bottle back down. He should be asleep for at least another two hours. I debated my options, biting my lip. Finally, I went to the foot end of the absolutely enormous four-poster bed, open the curtains, and sat down with my back against an ornately carved poster. I pulled the top feather blanket out from where it was tucked under the end of the mattress, and covered my knees, folding them up against my chest and rested my head on my folded arms. The bed was so big that even from where I sat, I was two and a half feet from where his feet ended. That should be within the range of decency.
I settled to watch him sleep, and was reassured by the fact that if he started having strange dreams, despite the potion, that I would be there to stop him from going a little crazy again.