Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... J. K. Rowling does
A/N: Sorry this chapter has taken so long, but I was having issues with my computer, and when I re-booted, I lost my latest chapter. So now I have to rewrite it, and as fast as possible. Hope everyone enjoys this latest installment!
Chapter 13: Say My Name
Harry woke fairly early, having a few tasks to complete before he had to supervise the trip to Hogsmeade that morning. He was glad he had talked to Draco the night before, having forgot this little fact in his mind. He desperately wished to speak to Lupin, and hoped that he hadn't left the school yet.
As he proceeded to get dressed, he realized that he had spent the night as his 'true' self, Sita, and that the Bloody Baron had seen him, and still recognized him as Harry. And while it perplexed him, he made a mental note to speak to the Baron about not revealing what he had seen until it was safe for everyone involved. Meaning his father, Snape.
Harry pulled out the Marauders Map, and looked over it to see where Lupin might be, again hoping that he hadn't left yet. So he was surprised to see the little dot labeled Lupin was in his father's lab, pacing back and forth. He changed back into his male form, making sure everything was back to 'normal', before he grabbed his things and left his quarters, making certain the wards were in place. He didn't like the thought of anyone in his rooms without him being there, having very little trust in most people.
As he made his way to his fathers lab, he had a thought as to how he might be able to cheer up Lupin. He could show him the room where he got the book in the first place. Harry smiled to himself, knowing that Lupin would react to the room much the same as Hermione had. He reached his fathers lab, and was surprised to find the door closed, meaning that it was locked. He couldn't hear anything coming from the other side, so he assumed that the room had been warded to prevent anyone who might be trying to eavesdrop from hearing something that they shouldn't hear. Harry shook his head and smiled a small smile, knowing that his father had always been paranoid about spies, and not realizing the irony in that statement at that moment.
He proceeded to knock on the door, wanting to apologize to Lupin, but received no response. He knocked again, louder this time, before the door was nearly ripped off of its hinges, by Lupin, none-the -less.
When he spotted Harry, his demeanor changed immediately. "Hey Harry!" He exclaimed, excited. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you for a while. How about we go to Hagrid's for a spot of tea later. I'd love to hear what your doing with the Defense classes this year."
Again, Harry felt the guilt of not being able to help his father's (meaning James) friend out of a problem that he had never asked for. At the same time, he felt taken aback at the change in Lupin's demeanor. He decided not to press the issue, which did not go unnoticed by his father, as he let the emotions momentarily cloud over his features, making him look like Severus for a moment.
Snape momentarily wondered why Harry was able to confront some people, but not others, when Harry decided to bring up the Archive Room again, offering to show it to Lupin, not giving him time to contemplate the issue any further. Lupin brightened immediately, leading Harry to believe that Dumbledore had already mentioned it to him.
"Okay. Now, you'll have to let me into the room all the way so I can close the door," Harry explained to the werewolf. Lupin gave him an odd look then, wondering out loud how that was going to help get them into the room. Harry and Snape couldn't hold their laughter back at that. It was one of the first times Harry had ever heard his dad truly laugh. A deep, warm, throaty sound he didn't expect to come from Snape, and he decided it was a nice sound, and became determined to make it happen as often as he could humanly make possible.
Meanwhile, he had a room to show Lupin, as a small consolation for the potion not working, and proceeded to explain to him what he was doing. "I can access this room from anywhere in Hogwarts. I just have to think about where I want to be, and the door will appear for me, through any ordinary door." When he saw that Lupin was still confused, he just sighed, and told him to watch closely. He stood back expectantly, and waited for Harry to proceed. And while Severus had seen Harry do this a few times already, it was as if he were watching him perform this small miracle again.
Harry stood in front of the door, with a deep look of intense concentration on his face, determination sweeping off him into the room in waves. Severus had never paid much attention to Harry when he was actually trying to accomplish something, but he felt he was pretty certain that his son/daughter had never shown this level of determination or power. He secretly decided to speak to Dumbledore later about it, while Harry was supervising the Hogsmeade trip.
All to soon, Harry appeared to have finished concentrating on what he was doing, and smiled as he opened his eye's, which were bright with triumph. "I've never had to work so hard at summoning the entrance before!" He exclaimed breathlessly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Hogwarts is trying to test me!" The thought made Harry excited and determined to rise to her previous challenge. That of finding a way to wake her from her sleep.
Harry quickly explained to Lupin that the challenge had been the initial reason for why he had been shown the door in the first place. He even told him about the 'pranks', for lack of a better word, and how they had been the castle's way of trying to get his attention quietly, and to also let him know about his parentage and the fact that he was actually born as a girl. And since neither him, nor Dumbledore had caught on, the castle had subsequently abducted him to this room. Harry opened the door just as he finished telling Lupin the background to how he had come across this vast room, filled floor to ceiling with all different sorts of books, comfortable looking furniture to sit on while researching, tables for notes that might be taken, and even a small potions lab for potions that needed absolute silence.
He left Lupin to explore while he showed his dad the potions lab. "I'm not sure if this was here before and we just missed it, but, I figured you might be able to make the best use of it, seeing how you are a potions master after all." Harry smirked at Snape then, looking quite a lot like him at the moment. Snape wondered if the charms Lily had created to make Harry look like James were beginning to wear off, or if the change in his son was due to the fact that he was actually paying attention to him now. He knew he was also going to have a chat, as soon as possible, with Harry's friends. It was something that he was not looking forward to at all.
Severus smiled at his son, knowing that this was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him, and grabbed him into a tight hug. "Thank you Harry, my child. This is one of the nicest things I could ever ask for, let alone receive." He couldn't say any more, since the words seemed to have stuck to his throat, so he opted for letting him go and searching the room, his new, secret potions lab. And it made Severus happy, ecstatic even, to know that Voldemort would never know of its existence.
As he began to search the room and take in its inventory, he realized that there were ingredients here that hadn't been seen in centuries, or at all. At first he wondered how they were being preserved, but after reading a few more labels, decided that it didn't matter at the moment, and decided to go find some potions books in the library section.
At the same time, Harry was searching the vast library for Lupin, when he finally spotted him by the history section. As he started to head over to him, the figure of Lupin started to dissipate slowly, until he finally disappeared when Harry reached the spot he was standing in only moments before. Harry knew that it was Hogwarts again, trying to tell him something, so he figured it had something to do with this section of books that the 'Lupin apparition' had been standing in front of, and decided to look through them, hoping to find something interesting.
It didn't take too long before he came across a book labeled 'Hogwarts, A History: Unabridged' when he realized that this could be the book he needed to awaken Hogwarts. He smiled to himself, realizing that the castle trusted him, and him alone with this information, since he appeared to have some sort of connection with the school herself. He then wandlessly conjured a comfortable chair to sit in, and began to read from the beginning.
Once Severus and Lupin had finished their searching for books they wished to read, and copying them, as per Harry's request, they realized what time it was, and wondered why Harry had not come to find them sooner. It was nearly lunch time, which was the only reason the two of them had stopped looking through the library. They were now famished, having not eaten any breakfast yet, and figured that Harry must be hungry as well, if not famished like they were.
"Where do you suppose he could have gone off to?" Lupin asked Severus, knowing that he had been in the room at least once before, therefore giving him a very small advantage in this situation. "I don't know, Wolf." Severus growled back to him. "If I knew, I would be there beside him right now, not having this inane conversation with you, now would I? We need to find him. He may have accidentally hurt himself! That could be why he never came to find us!" Severus had begun to work himself into a panic, realizing for the first time that he really truly cared for his son's well-being after all, and that he hadn't just been forcing, or faking it.
Lupin had to slap him in the face to get his attention, since he had worked himself into a frenzied worry about his child. It was the only thing he could do, since shouting his name hadn't done any good, nor did shaking him, and hard at that. Severus slowly came back to reality before he snapped into action. "You look through the charms, defense, and dark arts section, and I'll take potions, history, and transfiguration sections. Now go!" he commanded to Lupin, who spun around to begin his search, when Severus added one more thing before they were out of hearing range of each other. "And if you ever slap me again, you'll be pulling back a bloody stump!" At least Lupin knew that Snape was back to himself, if only for the time being.
Severus didn't know why, but he decided to look for Harry in the history section first, even though he had mentioned something about studying to become an animagi, and possibly teaching it to the DA, if he was successful. So it surprised him when he found Harry in the last row of the history section, curled up on a chair, reading a history book, appearing to be completely engrossed by it, not paying attention to his surroundings. His suspicions were confirmed when he had to summon the book away from Harry, in order to get his attention.
Harry sat up, blinked around a few times, and finally turned around to see his father looking at him. He appeared to be relieved, worried, annoyed, and amused, all at the same time, which made Harry wonder what had happened. "What's wrong, dad?" He asked Severus, concerned. Severus just sighed. "Have you not looked at your watch lately?" He asked his son. Harry looked down then, which told Severus that he had not. He sighed again, while Harry stood up, cursing. "Shit! I never even realized what time it was. Why didn't someone come looking for me earlier?" He demanded. "We never realized what time it was either. Your usually very prompt when it comes to getting people out of here, so I figured that you would come get us when you were ready to leave, like you usually do." Severus explained to his son. "And I thought I told you to watch your language." He added before smirking.
Harry flushed with embarrassment, knowing that he had sworn again in front of his father, and also with the fact that he had worried his father. He wasn't used to people worrying about him, and he wasn't sure what to expect next. He was used to what the Dursley's did to his when he disappeared and didn't get his chores finished, but here at Hogwarts, he didn't have any chores, and therefore never gave a thought to spending time alone like he did. His friends never even seemed to notice that he was absent from their presence more often than not. And if they did notice, they just attributed it to him needing to research something that made him curious, or something that might aid him in defeating Voldemort. He had yet to tell them that he actually needed to kill Voldemort in order to defeat him, and subsequently to survive. It was still a lot for him to process, so he kept it to himself.
"I'm sorry, father," Harry said quietly, saddened that he had disappointed his father. "For both worrying you and for cursing. Both were entirely unnecessary, and I plan on never doing it again." He spoke to Severus as he had grown used to speaking with those who became disappointed with him. Namely his 'family'. The tone was that of someone who was expecting the worst . This time, Severus decided it was time to confront his son on the matter.
"Harry," he began quietly, "why do you feel that it's necessary to apologize to me when you obviously don't mean a word you just said?" Severus tried to make the tone of his voice as comforting as he could, but it didn't seem to help in the slightest. Especially when Harry began to hyperventilate, and began to have a panic attack. Severus didn't understand what could have brought it on, but focused his immediate attention on trying to calm Harry down, before he completely freaked out.
Severus didn't understand what was going on in his son's head at that moment. The lesson of not lying had been beaten into him a long time ago by his uncle, as well as the fact that he was a 'freak', and even though Severus had not exactly said he was lying, he had implied it. He was, at the moment, reliving one of the worst beatings that he had received yet, just over the past summer. The memory was still as vivid as the first time he could remember ever being beaten for anything in his life. And as the memories played out in his head, he curled himself into the fetal position, worrying his father even further. He had given up on trying to soothe his 'son', and began to call him by the name he had been given when she was born.
"Sita," he called out quietly at first, building in volume after time. After a few moments, he had to shout the name before he got a response. At once, Harry's eyes flew open in recognition of the sound of his voice, and he flinched away from the potions master, and scurried against one of the bookshelves. "I didn't do anything wrong, I swear!" He began to plead before Severus cut him off. "I never said you did, my child. Now, I want you to take a few breaths. Deep breaths. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. That's a good boy," Severus had managed to calm him down enough to sit down beside him and rub small circles in his back, attempting to calm him. The motion seemed alien to his son at first, since he flinched at the first touch, but after Severus' continued vigilance, he appeared to warm up to the comfort of the motion.
All of a sudden, Harry threw himself into his fathers arms, surprising the potions master into silence. He was unsure of what to make of the sudden change in his son. It almost seemed like he was an emotionally crippled child at the moment. Nothing like what he had always believed about the boy in the past. Harry was sobbing heavily into his robes, sounding very much like a child of three instead of a sixteen year old boy or girl. Severus hugged him tightly, vowing to learn more about both the person his son, and his daughter were, seeing as they both were appearing to be different in personality. At least from the few times he had seen his daughter.
He let Harry cry himself out before attempting to speak to him again. "Now, my child," he began again, "all I wanted to know, was why you said something that you didn't mean? I'm not going to punish you, if thats what you think will happen. I also want to know why you would thin such a thing might occur." He asked his son again, more precise this time in his wording.
"Such a thing might occur," Harry snapped at him suddenly, pulling away from him then, "because I'm a 'freak'. Just like my uncle and aunt said I was. I had to learn to speak to them without any emotion. If I did, they always took it as a sign of not being 'appreciative' of everything they offered me." Harry sneered then, looking very disturbing to Severus, as well as Lupin, who had come within hearing range and sight, due to his werewolf senses, and decided to stay hidden, and continue to observe the teen that he felt, in a way, was his cub.
Both Severus and Lupin wanted to growl with that small revelation into Harry's 'home' life, but decided to stay quiet since the teen didn't seem to be done his rant. When Severus asked what it was that he was offered form his 'family', he was shocked by Harry's maniacal laugh. "What did they offer?" He nearly screeched. "They offered me a beating any time my chores weren't done! Or any time food wasn't made, exactly to their request! And as for clothes, all I ever had were my cousins rags! I wasn't even allowed to wear his hand-me-downs! And to top it all off," Harry was nearly hyperventilating again at this point, "I was locked in my cupboard any time anything 'freaky' happened!"
Lupin finally decided to emerge from where he had been hiding, making sure Harry could see him approaching, so as not to startle him into a complete panic. Both he and Severus felt sickened by what they had just heard, knowing that no one should ever be treated like that by anyone who was supposed to love them. And family were supposed to take care of each other, and it seemed like Harry's 'family' had done the exact opposite, and more. To what extent, they could never be sure, but Severus was sure that this was the reason that Harry had never been able to master occlumency. He had always been too focused on hiding this truth from others, that he had spent all of his energy on those barriers. And it seemed like those barriers were weakening.
The two adults were not sure on how to proceed, but they did their best, considering the circumstances they were in. Harry eyed the two of them warily, calming down in Lupin's presence almost immediately, which disturbed Severus. He had never trusted the wolf after he had nearly bitten, and consequently, infected him. But he supposed that he could learn to tolerate his presence, if only for the sake of his child. Lupin had, after all, saved Harry's life a few times, which made him not so bad of a guy after all, Severus decided. He nodded to his former colleague. "Hello Remus." He addressed him by his first name, for the sake of his son's recognition. "Hello, Severus, I see Sita is a little upset. Might I offer my services?" Lupin asked Severus, and more importantly, Harry/Sita. "Okay." Harry/Sita whispered in defeat, having spent all of his/her energy fighting with Severus earlier. Severus just nodded, grateful at the moment for someone who might have at least some idea of handling children.
Lupin sat down beside Harry/Sita. "Child," he began quietly, much like Severus had, "what would you be preferred to be called, Harry, or Sita?" Lupin asked simply. Harry/Sita looked at him like he was an alien. "What do you mean? I'm 'Harry Potter, the-boy-who-freaking-lived'! I can't be known as anything else!" After he broke down again, and began to cry, Lupin attempted to calm him by humming a lullaby his mother used to sing to him. When Harry calmed down again, Lupin explained to him that he did have a choice in the matter of what people called him. Just as any one could choose a nick-name for themselves, Harry could choose between his two names. That seemed to get through to Harry, and he contemplated his choices for a moment. "Sita," he finally said, declaring the name he wished to be called. "Call me Sita. I never really liked the name Harry anyway." He added with a small smile.
Lupin and Severus smiled back at him, knowing that some dark times lay ahead of the child. Namely justice for the way his 'family' had treated him all those years. At that moment, Severus decided that no matter what, Harry could never go back to that house ever again, and told his son so. "I'm never going to let you set foot in that house ever again, Sita," he said to his child, "and I swear justice for you for their wrong-doings." Tears welled up in Sita's eyes, and he clung to his father again, desperate for any positive attention.
"Now, I think it's time to rejoin the rest of the world, and get something to eat. I'm famished!" Lupin said, doing a very good impression of Ron at that moment. Sita couldn't help himself, and laughed at his antics. Both men smiled, knowing that they had barely diverted a crisis, and that Sita was very fragile and could snap at any moment. They needed to have a long chat with Dumbledore, that was certain.
"Why don't we go to my quarters for some peace and quiet?" Severus suggested. Sita instantly brightened at the thought of not having to deal with a lot of people at the moment, and nodded his head in agreement. "Sounds like a plan, dad!" He exclaimed as he jumped up. He then held out his arm to help his dad up, which Severus took, not wanting to hurt his sons feelings.
Sita quickly copied the book he had been reading before making sure the other two had already done the same. "Well," he said to them, "let's go then!" He didn't feel like explaining to anyone why he had disappeared, along with Severus and Lupin, so he asked them if it would be okay to say that they just lost track of time while looking for potions ingredients. Even though it was a very unlikely situation, they agreed, knowing that Sita didn't feel like talking to anyone about what had just transpired at the moment.
They made their way to the door of the room, and Sita had a sudden idea. "Give me a moment, guys. I want to try something quickly." They nodded to him to show him that they were okay with waiting for a moment, and stood back to give him room for whatever it was that he wanted to do.
Sita stood in front of the door, and concentrated on the other side of it containing his father's quarters. After he felt satisfied that he had concentrated on where he wanted to be, he opened the door to reveal an entrance to a room with pictures that looked like Severus, and gestured for them to go ahead of him.
They went in first, and Sita followed behind, closing the door behind him, only to find that his dad seemed to be surprised at his surroundings. "Sita, Lupin," he said hesitantly. "Were not in Hogwarts anymore. How did you get us here, Sita?" He asked his son, neglecting to say where here was.
When Lupin and Sita's jaws dropped in surprise, Severus knew that they had no idea where they now were.
End of chapter. Please review!
A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long... I was having issues with my computer, but that's fixed now... I think... I hope... l o l. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope to have the next one out soon! Thanks for reading and reviewing!