Hello again. So it is extremely awkward writing a sex scene, I thought I would let you know. I hope you like the chapter, and feel free to give feedback. ALSO: The Joker will be more involved in the story in a few chapters, so please be patient with me.

14: The Spiritual Release

John was very patient with me at the range, and he would check that I was okay every once in a while. I admired his shooting, almost as good as my throwing, but he got this serious look whenever he aimed. I started out absolutely horrible; my stance was all wrong and I didn't have enough control over the gun itself. He would correct me and then I would fall out of it the second he stepped back, that made him laugh. After a couple of hours I had improved a lot; before I hadn't even hit the target, but by the end I was able to graze the outsides and get a few inches into it. I hadn't thought it would be as fun as it was, I expected all business. Just me trying to not be reliant on knives, but John made it fun. There was just something about the way he was, I couldn't put my finger on it. The Joker still popped up in my mind from time to time, but I pushed the thought away by kissing John. He never pulled away, always pulled me closer. This is how boys are supposed to treat girls. Like they matter, not like they could be disposed of any moment. I wondered if the Joker treated that other girl like that, or if he really just not want to be with me. More kissing, more touching. After we were done shooting we had some time to kill before dinner so went by his apartment; it was a small place, a bit messy, only a mile away from where I lived. All of the furniture just seemed so comfortable, just like him. He sat with me on the couch. "I should warn you about my family. They, well, I have never brought a guy to meet them, so they will probably make a big deal about it."

"Oh I see, bring me so I get hounded with questions instead of you," he acted mad. I shoved him a bit.

"No, that's just a bonus." I smiled. Something stirred in me that hadn't since the night the Joker came back into my life. I felt desire, and with that desire I remembered Mark. I hated how that happened, how that bastard still had a hold of me, how I can't just feel want. I began tearing up, and the second a tear started to fall there was John's hand, wiping it away.

"What's wrong?" It was pleasing having him care so much for me, even though we had spent such a short time together.

"I don't know if I should say."

"You can tell me," he smiled and held my hand. I smiled as a reflex. Then I spilt everything. The secret that had been in my life for so long, the one I hadn't breathed to a soul, not even my family.

"Well, it's just difficult because I want you, but there's this problem. I was raped after my senior prom, and I never told anyone about it until just now, but it's been with me forever. I, just, that was my only experience. It just makes it hard to be normal." He pulled me into a hug, when he released me I continued, "But I do. Want you. Like that." I felt flushed.

"I don't want you to rush into anything, and I don't want to hurt you."

I stared at him confused, "How would you hurt me?"

"You're injured, remember." He laughed.

"Oh yeah, that. You kind of make it easy to forget about that," I pulled his face in for a light kiss. "We can just be really careful," I smiled at him mischievously.

"You still shouldn't rush into it," he spoke, but I could hear in his voice that he wasn't fully sold on his own thought.

"I am not," I moved forward, pushing him back so he laid beneath me on the couch. Kissing him was effortless, courting him was effortless. How it should be. I sat up and removed my shirt, then my bra. It was almost like I couldn't get them off fast enough, like if I didn't remove them right then I would be trapped in them forever. He sat up to join me, kissing my neck. I remembered how the Joker kissed me there; his actions were purely lustful. John's were tender and caring. The two felt so different. The next thing I knew I was being hoisted up and carried into the bedroom. He gently set me on his bed and took off his shirt. He was slender, but muscular, I could have stared at him all day. He crawled on top of me and our lips connected again. I felt so happy, so free.

"Are you sure?" he spoke softly, as if talking too loud would deter me, but I was already gone. I wanted this now, I wanted him now.

"I am sure, are you sure?" He laughed a little and kissed my neck.

"I am very sure," he breathed. His kisses trailed down to my chest. I had never had a man kiss my chest before, I could feel the dopamine rush. He slid off my pants, then my underwear. I knew for a fact that I had never been naked in front of a man before, but I didn't care. He kissed my clitoris; that definitely has never happened before. I don't know what it was about that act, but it reassured me that this was the right thing to do. I was glad that I had gotten on birth control pills, even if they were originally for another man. Who cared about the Joker now, there was a loving man standing right before me. John slid off his pants and boxers. He was so attractive, I had to have him.

"Come here," I demanded. He obliged in an instant. Kissing him like this was wonderful. I could feel my juices flowing whenever his member rubbed me. He pulled back from me.

"Are you ready?" his voice and expression were compassionate.

"Yes, just be gentle," I softly smiled at him. We kept eye contact when it happened, when he passed through my threshold. It was painful, yes, but only at first and not even in a bad way. Once he was in as deep as he could go he stayed there for a while.

"You're beautiful," he said kissing my forehead.

"You're handsome," I replied, kissing his lips. Then we started moving together; it was relaxed and wonderful. I couldn't have been happier. The smell of his skin was so alluring. The taste of his kisses were sweet. The warmth of his body against mine made me feel so protected. I was happy to be with him, and he was happy to be with me, I could feel it. After a while I felt this rush, it was like all my body could focus on was his thrusts, then the release. I had never had an actual orgasm before, and I let out the strangest gasp when it happened.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" he looked at me with worry in his eyes.

"Fuck yeah, I'm okay," I kissed him passionately; I could feel the smile on his face. He resumed thrusting. A long while later I was about to have my second release when his pace quickened. I knew he was about to come as well. We both did one right after the other, it was so oddly spiritual, I hadn't expected that. Before he got off of me he kissed me once on the lips and once on the forehead. Then he lay at my side, and pulled me over to cuddle with him. We stayed like that until it was time to head to my parent's house for dinner.