I just couldn't stay away from this story. Thanks so much to BonanzaRocks, venusgirl, and KToon for your reviews! Always makes me happy to know people still care about this story!

Warnings: Drug use. And general weirdness.

Aggressive, stinging pain inundated his senses, preventing him from zeroing in on what exactly hurt. Everything, his mind bluntly informed him. Clearly, he had been healed of his fatal injuries, but everything else hurt just as much as the initial affliction. Opening his eyes offered no clues. He was immersed in absolute darkness. He struggled to move and realized he was tied to a chair. He weakly attempted to wiggle out of his bindings but he knew it was useless. Between his unhealed wounds, the physical agony of hunger driving stakes into his stomach, the insidious tension of withdrawal stretching out his nerves, and the ever-strengthening grip of heartbreak crushing around his soul, he couldn't bear to do anything but sit there in the dark, too dehydrated to spare the water for tears.

For what could have been minutes or hours, he sat in the pitch black, his mind becoming numb to the regrettable act of existing.

When he heard a distant door slide open, he nearly jumped out of his skin. A faint click resounded in the empty space around him and the annoying buzz of a fluorescent light filled his ears. It was tilted away from him and did little to illuminate his body, but he could see the silhouettes of bars against the minutely flickering light. The sound of scuffling footsteps became louder, and then the sound of some struggling, someone who had been gagged. A set of firm footsteps lead the other. The pair stopped to the left of Sam but he could not see anything to inform him as to their identity. The hair on the back of his neck sprung up but he had no time to ponder its significance; Tim's loud voice was echoing through the room, followed by many footsteps.

"Yeah, I'm showing you right now. You're all so impatient! Here, gather in front of me. What's in there can't get you, you'll be fine. Don't worry."

Sam watched as Tim assembled at least seven people in front of him. By the looks of their clothes, they were hunters. Cold started to well up in his gut.

Tim puffed up his chest and raised his arms, clearly enjoying the attention. "As I'm sure many of you are aware, the Apocalypse is upon us. That's not an exaggeration. Heaven and Hell are literally at war and humans are caught in the middle. How did this come about, you may ask? Why now? Well, let me introduce you the source of all our troubles… A hunter, no less, one of our own! Sam Winchester!"

He hit something with his boot and flicked the spotlight on, leaving Sam to blink stupidly at several horrified faces. One person gasped, another asked "What?!"

"I know, I know," Tim continued. "Sammy Winchester. Renowned hunter, son of John Winchester, brother of Dean Winchester. Or so we've been lead to believe." He scanned the gathered faces, trying to judge his audience. "I can see what you're thinking, why do I have a hunter locked up in a cage? But he's not just a hunter… He's a monster. Sure, he looks normal, but as I'll show you, he is anything but!"

He looked to the side and nodded. Reggie opened the cage and pushed in a young redheaded woman, also in handcuffs. She looked to be about seventeen, with sassy bright lipstick which contrasted sharply with her pale, freckled skin.

The other hunters looked confused but Sam already knew what was happening. The intoxicating scent of her blood was igniting his hunger. He bit his lip to suppress the shudder that ached to roll through his body. Reggie stood behind Sam and cut the rope tying him to the chair. His first impulse was to spring up out of his seat but he held himself down, unwilling to move any closer to the demon.

"C'mon, Sammy, I know you want a taste. It's been a couple of days, I'm sure you need it."

"What's going on?" a hunter questioned.

Tim looked to Reggie, who raised a small bucket over the girl's head. As he tipped it over, the rising steam and the pained grunts revealed her to be a demon, and not just any demon. The cloud drifted away and blood red eyes stared out. The hunters took a step back, afraid. Despite himself, his heart rate accelerated and Sam stood up, foot poised to move closer. He fought his impulse and forced his body back into the chair. "No," he whispered.

"No?" Tim repeated. "Maybe I just need to whet your appetite." Tim looked back towards the hunters. "See, Sam likes to pretend he's human, but one whiff and you'll see what a beast he is."

Tim tilted his head and Reggie got the message. He brought his knife up and quickly sliced a deep cut on the girl's exposed upper arm. Reggie brought the blade over to Sam and walked around him, dangling the knife in his face. The scent was crisp and tantalizing, masking the rank body odor and palpable fear. Then elbows locked around his neck and the blade was pulled towards him, the blood smearing across his lips. Groans of disgust filled his ears but they were quickly drowned out by the furious tempo of his heart. His breathing sped up and he swallowed compulsively as he fought his bloodlust, which was making his feet itch and beg for movement. He stood up in an attempt to escape but he was warring to control the direction of his body. A push from behind propelled him forward and then he was braced against her, their heads inches apart. He was now practically panting over her, his lungs filling with her decadent aroma.

"Do you worst," she growled through her gag and raised the injured shoulder towards him.

Unable to turn down his need or the challenge, he embraced the demon, her warm body pressing into his, and sealed his mouth around the cut. The demon moaned as he dragged his tongue against the pulsing heat. Tantric electricity spread from his mouth to his gut, to his fingertips and the balls of his feet, to right behind his eyeballs, and to his semi-hard length. He hastily sucked at the wound, eager to draw every drop from this luscious, egotistical bitch. In the back of his mind, something cried out, trying to warn him, but he ignored it, instead choosing to seize upon the singing energy pouring into his body. Greedily, he inhaled her blood, unable to deny that this was the best he had ever felt.

Vaguely, he heard a harsh voice and then the source of his ecstasy was being pulled away. He let out a growl as his hands scrambled for purchase but he was denied, strong hands holding him back. As her body slipped from his grasp and he stood tall, he was suddenly aware of all the eyes watching him, horror and revulsion painted on the faces he might once have considered allies. They didn't seem real, but he couldn't figure out why. He tilted his head as he observed them, absent-mindedly licking the residual blood off his lips.

"Pull her, freak," Tim hissed and Sam spun to face him, his vision blurring slightly as the demon's power flared through his body. That's never happened before… Maybe because she's a crossroads demon? he postulated before trying to focus. He blinked against the bright light, his brain slow to register the gun discretely pressed into his side. "Pull her now and I'll let the meatsuit go," Tim murmured.

"Why this time?" Sam asked, though his voice sounded oddly distant.

A sly smile spread on Tim's face. "She taste a little different than usual?"

Sam's face pinched in confusion. "Yeah, but she's a crossroads de—"

"Yeah, a crossroads demon who's been dosed with a special lil something I mixed up." Tim raised a small vial of cloudy pale yellow liquid.

It required more energy than he thought necessary to move his eyes to the vial and back to Tim. "What is that?" His voice sounded even farther away.

"Little bit of this, little bit of that. Mostly heroin and meth, little bit of coke, LSD, some ketamine, whatever we could get our hands on, really. Means she won't remember a thing. As for you… thought it would be a fun experiment."

"You… you drugged me?" he gasped, his heart starting to beat too fast. He tried to step back but he couldn't find his feet. Could you lose your feet? Was that a thing?

"Drugged her, but, seeing as you had a nice, deep drink… I'm guessing you're starting to feel it by now. It's for a good cause. Can't have you hurting the customers, right? Now, you're wasting time. We have Narcan and fluids but we gotta give it to her soon or else she's toast. Pull the fucking demon, freak."

The words slowly percolated into Sam's brain and he wanted to resist on principle, but he knew he had to comply. He gathered his will and turned his body to the young woman. Reggie stood behind her, holding her up.

Sam told his arm to raise and he swore he could feel the neural impulse go from his brain, down his spine, through the efferent motor neurons to the neuromuscular junctions, and finally to his individual muscle fibers. The spark of energy jolted his arm up. He dragged his eyes to the demon, his teeth toying with his lip. God, he would do anything for another taste of her delicio—no! He had to exorcise the demon and save the girl!

He put weights on his eyes and darkness swept across his consciousness as he fixated on the mutinous force writhing around his soul. He plunged his ego into its fiery abyss and a scream fled his throat as his gift suddenly expanded beyond his control and flew out his fingertips.

He opened his eyes in time to see the demon's eyes flash red before the light above him exploded. Pieces of glass rained down like angry butterflies, suddenly illuminated by several flashlight beams cutting through the darkness like roving spotlights. His usually focused energy started to splinter, wisps of black smoke pulling along spears of radiant bluish light from the vessel's body. This was wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! He imagined a door slamming shut and was able to withdraw his powers.

The demon looked up at him, red eyes caught in a bright beam. "Out of your league, huh, Sammy?" the demon taunted, even though she seemed to be barely holding on.

"Time's a-wasting," Tim added.

Pressure inundated his mind, like leaden blankets pushing him underwater. Unwilling to drown, not here, not now, he forced his hand up again. He closed his eyes as he called upon the molten presence residing deep in his being and braced himself for its steep ascent. However, to his shock and horror, bright sprays of lava burst forth and splashed themselves across his soul, igniting a thousand tiny fires.

Laughter, he could hear laughter, distorted, mocking, loud, right in his head, echoing between his ears. Laughing, she was laughing at him, laughing because he was weak, because he was a failure. He opened his eyes to glare at her and all he could see was a blonde with big eyes and a pretty mouth in a white dress – "You turned yourself into a freak, a monster, and now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable."

NO! his mind screamed, No, it wasn't for nothing! I turned myself into a monster to save the world but they tricked me! They lied, they all lied!

His anger and betrayal fanned the flames like a burst of pure oxygen. He channeled the explosion towards the offensive demon and grinned as the smoke began to gather in her body, preparing to escape. He pushed himself further, determined to banish this stain forever. Her chest heaved with unnatural light, bringing her closer to his outstretched arm. Whether she fell towards him or he stepped forward to her, the result was the same: his large hand closed around her pale neck and fuck, did it feel good! Warm, pulsing flesh vibrating with energy. Light streamed out of those too-big eyes and he knew she was finished, and he rejoiced. God, I've done it, I've killed Lilith! I've stopped the Apocalypse!

The bright light extinguished and heavy weight slumped into Sam's grasp. A triumphant smile on his face, he looked down, recoiling when bright orange hair filled his vision. He instantly opened his hand and the body dropped, momentarily resting on its knees before falling backwards where she remained motionless. The girl's eyes were still open and blood leaked from her tear ducts and nose.

"What did you do?!" Reggie exclaimed, shocked. "You killed her!"

Sam blinked and looked up to Reggie, then back at the girl. It wasn't Lilith, but he had been so sure! What the fuck is happening?! his mind cried, but only a bewildering rush of colors, sounds, and sensations answered him.

Hands grabbed his shoulders and he was slammed down into the chair. Tim stepped around him and turned to the hunters.

"Now, you all know what you just saw. This freak drank demon blood from a living girl and was able to not only exorcise, but kill, a demon with only his mind. Usually he spares the host, but I guess he wasn't feeling generous today. A few of you might think this is a pretty nifty trick. Sure, we've all met psychics and witches on hunts and sometimes we let 'em go. But Sammy here, well, he's kinda special. His power was given to him by a demon when he was six months old and it certainly wasn't to help humanity. Using these powers, he broke the first and the last seals on Lucifer's prison cell, allowing Lucifer to rise from Hell and start the Apocalypse! Isn't that right, Sam?"

All eyes turned to him, shining orbs dancing in his vision, and he hung his head before nodding in affirmation. Faces which had been wrenched with terror and disbelief only moments before began shifting to anger and hatred.

"Why'd you do it?" someone called out.

"He claims he was trying to help, trying to stop the Apocalypse. But I don't believe that for a second, and I'll tell you why. You know how demons need a meatsuit?" Most of the crowd nodded. "According to Sam, so do angels. But Lucifer isn't any ordinary angel, he's an archangel. Big and powerful and strong. He needs a special meatsuit, a true vessel, crafted just for him. And Sam here, with his demonic powers and psychic mumbo-jumbo, is Lucifer's true vessel, perfect for Satan himself. Right Sam?"

Sam nodded again but Tim grabbed his hair and pulled his head up. "Say it."

He glanced among the hardened faces and saw no sympathy. Tears leaked from his eyes as he forced his tongue to cooperate. "I did it. I broke the seals, let Lucifer free, and now he needs me to end the world. I was made for Lucifer to possess so he could ruin everything."

Gasps again spread throughout the group but Tim kept talking.

"Thing is, Lucifer isn't at full power unless he has Sam. He can do this and that, but there's no full-on Armageddon without Sam here. Together, they will be pretty much unstoppable. Little Sammy here is after one hell of a power trip, huh?"

"Then why don't we just kill him?!" another voice shouted. Others murmured in agreement.

Tim smiled ruefully. "We've tried. Several times. Freak says Lucifer won't let him die. So I figured we should use him to kill demons and monsters, and when we have some free time, why not blow off some steam?"

A man stepped forward, his dirty baseball cap obscuring part of his bearded face. "My mom got attacked by demons a month ago when they were looking for me. They tore her to shreds! Are you saying this motherfucker is responsible for letting all those sons of bitches out?!"

Tim nodded. "He may not have opened the gates of Hell himself, but his actions have led to this mess. The world might end and it will be his fault!"

The man gripped the bars of the cage. "Let me in there so I can have a swing at him!"

Tim held up a hand and the man bristled, emitting a low growl. "It's alright, Justin, I'm gonna let ya. But I wanna also open up the invitation to all of you. We can't kill him, but we can make him suffer, make him pay for his sins. He deserves it and he knows it."

"What about Dean Winchester?" a woman asked. "Aren't they pretty much inseparable? Don't want him tracking me down!"

Memories of Dean began trickling into Sam's mind and the rate increased until it was a violent torrent eating away at his sanity. Everything inside was moving too fast and everything outside was moving too slow.

Tim looked down at Sam and smirked. "They definitely used to be. But when we found him, he was alone and miserable. I think Dean deserted him the moment he found out what a disgusting monster he is. I mean, can you blame him? It's probably still best Dean doesn't find out, wouldn't want him spoiling all the fun by locking him up somewhere secluded. We're planning to make this little Freak Fight Club available to any hunter who wants it. He has a lot of debts to pay back… So, spread the word and be my guest…" Tim graciously swept his arm out like an emcee introducing the main act.

Reggie opened the door as Justin jogged around and stepped in, his angry face focused on Sam. He bent over in front of Sam so that their eyes were level. Hate blazed in his glare, seeming to crawl out of his eyes and poison his face. Flames reached out toward Sam and he had to look away. "Fucking coward!" Justin hissed and took a swing. The powerful blow knocked Sam out of his seat and onto the floor. A steel-toed boot sank into his recently healed rib and he yelped with pain, drowning out the man's verbal assault.

Quickly, much too quickly, others joined in, all screaming their hate at him. He tried to curl up into a tiny ball with his hands over his head, but strong arms ripped his limbs out and held him down. Pain burst all around him like dazzling fireworks. So many hands and feet grabbing and kicking, pulling him apart, pulling him to pieces. Screams and shouts and grunts. Their voices crashed and melded until they were all Dean, yelling their righteous vitriol, saturating his psyche with ruinous, malignant venom.

"Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak!"

"If I didn't know you, I'd want to hunt you."

"You were the one that I depended on the most. And you let me down in ways that I can't even..."

"Do we even know how far off the reservation, how far from normal, you are?"

"Monster, Sam. It means you're a monster."

"I just don't... I don't think that we can ever be what we were. You know? I just don't think I can trust you."

"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back."

"Sam, you're lying to yourself."

"You got any other fantastic excuses? Hmm?"

"Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means— It means you're a monster.

"We're not stronger when we're together, Sam. I think we're weaker. We're better off apart."

"I tried so hard to pretend that we were brothers. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me."

"You were always a monster. And you only feel right when you're sucking down more poison and more evil."

"We should just pick a hemisphere. Stay away from each other for good."

"This is about as far away from strong as you can get. Try weak. Try desperate. Pathetic."

"You're a monster, Sam – a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back."

"The Sam I knew, he's gone."

As if taking a cue from Dean's harsh words, the defiant resistance that had held on for so long inside him crumbled and submitted to the myriad levels of abuse terrorizing his existence. Fighting any of it was pointless now. Besides saying 'no' to Lucifer, nothing else mattered. Not his body, not his life, not his freedom. Despite their words to the contrary, he was sure Dean and Bobby hated him. Tim was right. There was nothing redeemable about him. His continued survival was an affront to the universe. His foundation had eroded away and he was now adrift, at the mercy of his fragile mind. Beneath the chaotic din of unbridled hate, Sam didn't even notice the hairline crack that spiderwebbed its way across his psyche.

He didn't know why yet, maybe it was the drugs, the pain, or all the kicks to his head, but reality was slipping away from him, receding like the Impala's tail lights down an empty road.

He told himself he should care, that he should fight harder, but if he were to be honest with himself, truly honest, this was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He didn't have to be him anymore.

Sam Winchester could be forgotten.

*Yes, I know they gave him a mix of stimulants and depressants, but they're assholes like that.

PSA: Narcan would only work for opioids such as heroin, morphine, and prescription pain-killers; there are no antidotes for the others. Check in your area for Narcan training so you can learn how to safely administer the antidote as well as get a dose. I'm going to a free training in two days offered by a local non-profit organization.

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