Chapter Fourteen- Not you,you. Wolf, you.

I didn't know where we were going as we ran hand in hand through the trees, the leaves, and the animals; part of me didn't care. I couldn't remember the last time we'd run like this, and it seemed like years since my shoulders felt so light. Two and a half years to be exact. I stopped paying attention to the path in front of me, aligning my senses with Jake and trusting my feet to follow his. Instead I turned to his face, his smug smile lighting up his tired features. My shocking revelation from invading his mind before hovered in my own thoughts, but I was careful not to project it to him. I knew that if I tried, I could reach inside him, inside his mind and find the answers to anything I'd ever wanted to ask him. Then I remembered how intrusive it felt.. To rummage around through his personal thoughts, without permission or regards for his privacy. I knew I couldn't, shouldn't do that to him. I knew he wouldn't object if I asked, but it still felt so forceful.

I didn't know we'd stopped running, didn't notice my feet halt and stand next to his. I only noticed when he turned and pulled me towards him that his face had changed. It was no longer the characteristically smug face I'd seen only too often but softer now, with wide cautious eyes scrutinizing me. I pulled my face forward to look down at the ground, replaying the last hour in my head.

"I'm not sure what just happened, really."

I could hear my voice threatening to crack as I said the words, but he smiled widely and pulling his hands to my chin, lifted my face toward his. "We kind of won didn't we?"

I felt my own lips pull apart, and the laughter that followed broke through my stress. "Yeah, I guess we kinda did huh?" Even if I didn't know what that meant for us, the smile on his face as he kissed my forehead reassured me.

"So what do you want to eat babe?" he said looking around us. "We ran pretty far, you could probably find something nice and carnivorous out here."

I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn't imagine any animal, carnivorous, exotic or otherwise, possibly being as satisfying as his own unique taste. "Actually I'm not all that thirsty." I could feel the burn in my throat intensify, punishing me for the lie.

"I don't care Ness, the doc said to hunt. So let's hunt." With that, he pulled his jean shorts off of his waist and I looked to the ground again. I knew it was silly to be embarrassed, but that didn't stop the blood from rushing to my cheeks. After a second I looked back up and facing me was the large, furry wolf I'd always known.

I felt his cold nose as he nuzzled his face into mine, and I could see it all again. The smoke billowing in the background, the large russet wolf clutching the neck of the beautiful green-eyed adversary, the sickening rip of the head becoming detached..... I stumbled backwards and squeezed my eyes shut, my head swam in the terrifying images until a loud whine brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes to look at the wolf, and took another step back. The deep black eyes blinked curiously at me, and he bent his head to the side. "I'm s-sorry Jake. Can we just go home?"

He took the final steps toward me, and phased fluently to match his stride. He wrapped one arm around my waist and caressed my face with the other. "What's wrong Babe?"

I pulled my head away from him but the arms around my waist held me secure. "Nothing Jake. I... I'm just tired. Can we go home?" He looked at me in confusion, before finally conceding. "Yeah, we'll go home." I ran ahead of him this time, focusing on each step in front of me rather than the hurt behind me.

When we got back to the house, I didn't bother looking for the key hidden above the door. I walked through the unlocked door straight up to the master bedroom, attempting to ignore the tension in Jake as he followed behind me. Mercifully he stopped at the kitchen, and I went ahead. When I reached my destination, I shut the door behind me. I pulled my clothes off and walked over to the bath, turning on and adjusting the water. I lay back on the cold porcelain letting the water pool around me and finally turning it off.

Why did Jake's wolf form freak me out so badly? Just because I'd never seen him in the act, doesn't mean I didn't know he'd destroyed vampires before... I don't know why I would have expected it to be any different either... I'd had combat training with Jaz and Em, and that's the same thing they'd taught me... I guess I'd just never thought of Jake as dangerous before, and that gut wrenching sound of vampire flesh being torn... I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it..

"Hey can I come in?" I heard the words following a light knocking, and the door opening up just enough for Jake to stick his face through. He was looking away from me, so I couldn't tell if this was going to be a fight or making up. "Yeah, you can come in."

He closed the door behind him quietly and traipsed lightly over to the bath, sitting Indian style next to it with his chin resting on the edge and his hands swirling through the hot water. I sat up and pulled my legs up to my chest, but didn't say anything. He sighed.

"Do you wanna tell me what that was about? Back there in the woods..."

"Whenever I figure it out, sure."

He sighed again. "You looked really freaked Ness. Was it... was it me?"

I closed my eyes in thought, and opened them again. "I don't think it was you, you. I think it was wolf, you. I'm not sure how to explain it exactly."

His eyes furrowed, and a frown cut across his perfect lips. "It's because I killed Roman." It wasn't a question.

"Not exactly. I just.... I wish I didn't have to see." I shuddered thinking of the sound. "Or hear." I wrapped my arms around my knees and wrapped my hands together, and stared at them intently. I felt Jake's hot arms wrap around me, and pull me through the water towards him. I laid my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent and wishing I had hunted.

"I'm sorry Jake. I've just never even thought about you killing anyone. I've never seen you like that." I looked up at him, and caught his hands in mine resting on my chest.

"Don't feel bad Babe," he said, pulling me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "it's my fault he was able to get to you in the first place. If I hadn't left you there, none of this would have happened."

I lifted my head up, taken aback. "Don't blame yourself. I should have been able to take care of him myself. I just... froze." I shrugged myself out of his embrace, and used his hand to steady myself as I stood up. I would have to hunt in the morning, I really was quite thirsty. And exhausted to, I realized as I stumbled my way out of the bath, only with Jake catching me did I keep from falling.

"I don't think that's true Ness," he said as I pulled a long nightshirt on. "I think you're just too damn decent to kill anyone. Even if they are evil."

I took his hand and followed behind him back to the bedroom, and crawled next to him onto the bed itself. I buried myself in him- with my face in his chest and his arms wrapped around my body. When I finally succumbed to sleep, all I could see was the venom blurred vision of the wolf, my wolf, triumphantly carrying the head of my once savior; but thankfully, all I could hear was the soft whispering hum of a quiet song being sung in my ear.